i love the last one

The year is 2031. Riverdale is finally over. The new edgy reboot of a wholesome cartoon series is Charles, a gritty retelling of Charlie Brown. Charlie is played by a now-27-year-old Finn Wolfhard. Linus’ “blankie” is where he stashes his drugs. Sally has dissociative identity disorder and the writers’ only research was watching Split ten times while high. Lucy’s father is in the mafia. Snoopy dies in episode one. The showrunners only made one good decision, and it’s that Schroeder is gay now.

this feels exactly like trying to have a conversation with a neurotypical except I am both of them at the same time

Translation: My kids all like hiding now. I have one kid here… Where’s the rest? *baby voice* Where’s all the children? Where’s all the babies? Everyone’s coming out of their hiding places, guys! Oh fuck! Look at this! Look at these beautiful children!