Hilal had taken the night shift again. It had been 2 weeks since that night, 14 days and 14 nights she had to wake up and sleep with that burden in her heart, feeling like she has lost a part of her forever. Maybe more than one part. The night shifts were God sent she thought to herself, those small hours of the night proving to be the worst part when, not even her sleep wanted to offer her any comfort and the nightmares came and she had to wake up in tears and cold sweat to the harsh truth that the nightmares were her reality. She would get out of bed, get to her desk and look at her pen and papers till the first rays of sun would come through the window, her paper still empty, her pen untouched. What could she write after all. Among other things she had managed to betray her pen too. The hand that was supposed to hold this pen and talk about fair fights, had held and fired a gun aiming it, as she later realised, to her own heart, the wound still bleeding. Hilal shook her head to clear her mind. Wasn't she here for exactly that reason, to not be thinking about all these? Thinking was forbidden, because if she gave into it, they would have to sedate her, like her mom did that night when her brother had forcibly taken her away from there,away from him and brought her home, telling everyone that she had just witnessed something shocking before leaving again. The agonizing pain she had felt that night, the same pain she would have to learn to live with for the rest of her life, had paralyzed her whole body, burning every fiber of her being, his last look to her a constant image in her mind, tormenting her. They had watched her in silence unable to comfort her, till her mother thankfully decided to put her out of her misery and sedated her. No one heard what really had happened that fateful night at the post office. He had lied, saying that he had been ambushed by some rebels but he hadn't managed to identify them. Or at least that's what Ali Kemal have told her, because she hadnât seen or heard from the man himself since then. He hadn't even come to the hospital, choosing the military doctor they had at the headquarters. A bitter laugh escaped her that moment. 'And what if he had come here, like you would have the courage to face him' she berated herself. It was obvious he was avoiding her and she hadnât done anything against it. She was actually glad because she would prefer to die than having him look at her again betrayed and devastated. Her hand went reflexively to her heart, rubbing the spot to futilely sooth the pain. Why was she still thinking? She should get back to work and stop dwelling on these. She was fixing the medicine cabinet when a greek soldier came in. "Nurse, you need to come with me, we need your help" he said the second he saw her, out of breath like he has being running till there. Hilal startled looked at him, not really sure what to do. "What is the matter soldier if I may ask? What's the reason of this urgency?" For some reason she was afraid of his answer. "I'm coming from the mansion, Ms. Lucy is alone there and isn't feeling well. We couldn't move her. You need to come." She felt like he had dropped freezing water over her head. She had to go to the mansion? Not a chance. She had to find a way out of this. "Let me search for a more experienced nurse" she offered making her way to the main area before the soldier jumped in front of her. "We don't have time. Take whatever you need and let's go. We will have to get there on foot." Hilal wanted to hide in a corner and cry. There was no escaping this. She nodded resigned to her fate and went to take the necessary medicine, praying the whole way that she will come out of this unscathed. "Are you sure there's no one else in the house?" she asked him on the way trying not to fall behind. "Yes everyone is at a dinner party at the other side of the city. I didn't have time to go there. It looked serious." he answered, his face getting a little paler towards the end. He had been right. She had high fever and a great difficulty in breathing,barely conscious to realize she was there. Hilal was feeling so out of her depth but tried everything her mother had teached her hoping she would at least be able to make her feel more comfortable. After a couple of hours she had succeed to help her breathe easier and she had been able to keep her fever under control. As Ms. Lucy was now asleep, Hilal took the bowl with the water going downstairs in search for a refill. When she came closer to the bottom of the stairs the deafening silence of the mansion gave its place to the etheral sound of the piano coming from the living room. She froze on the last step, not wanting to make any sound, her heart beating faster. Have they returned already? Could it be him? She hadnât heard anyone coming upstairs. Then the melody played filled her ears and gave her a clear, harrowing answer. It was him, playing the waltz they danced together. Immediately her breath caught in her throat, her heart ready to get out of her chest, her hands trembling so much she almost dropped the bowl. Silently she took the last step coming closer to the entrance of the living room,her back on the wall, placing the bowl on the side table. She tried to take a breath fighting with herself, not knowing if she should look inside or not. He was so close, a wall between them, just a couple of meters, not more than 5 steps but at the same time it was like an ocean was separating them. 'Well, not an ocean' she scoffed to herself 'Just the Aegean.' Maybe she should have taken a step back then, and go back up but the temptation was too big and she had missed him. She couldnât describe how much she had missed him and everything involving him. Just a little peek wouldn't hurt anyone she thought. If she was quiet he wouldn't even notice her. With a deep sigh turned around and bent her neck to look inside. In the dim light of the candles she could make out his silhouette across the room, almost with his back to her, wearing his light blue uniform, his hair falling a little on his forehead, his head bent down with eyes closed, focused on the music. His back straight, his long slender fingers gliding gracefully over the keys, carefully like he didn't want to hurt them. He was looking so peaceful and the view of him was giving her peace too. After two weeks she was finally able to breathe again.  The piece was coming to an end and Hilal went back to the night they danced, remembering how, when it was over, her heart ached with the loss of his hand on hers. If she had been honest with herself then, they wouldn't be here today. Maybe he wasn't sharing the same feelings like her but they had trusted each other, they had a unique bond and she had broken it. To her surprise he didn't stop playing but began the piece again. And again. And again. And again. And with every new time his face was becoming more somber, his playing a little harsher, his moves a lot more aggressive till he started pressing the keys together, punching them with his fists, the noise he was making feeling like a whip to her soul. Tears were running down her face, the pain she was feeling so severe, she turned around and collapsed on the floor her knees up, her back on the wall. She couldnât listen anymore, her hands closing her ears, praying to God he would stop this torture. He did after a while, and she wished she could say that silence filled the room but instead the distressing sound of his sobs reached her ears and she wanted to scream. What had she done? Her hands now covering her mouth, her lips pressed together, her whole body shaking from the effort to keep her own sobs quiet. She needed to get out of there. A loud crash from inside made her jump, a scared cry escaping her, making it clear that the night had just began.  "Who is there?" she heared him call and despite her panic, she busked in the sound of his voice and his broken accent. She heared his steps coming closer, then stopping, and she realised that this confrontation was inevitable. Maybe it was for the best. They would have to face each other sooner or later. She stood up on shaky legs, fixing her nurse uniform and wiping her tear stained face, a futile attempt to look more presentable. "I said who is there? Is it you Ms...." he didn't finish his question as she entered the living room. He still had his back to her, bent down on the floor picking up the pieces from the glass he had thrown. How did he know it was her? Very slowly he stood up but didn't turn to her, just went back to the piano placing the pile of glass on top of it, the sound of their heavy breathing echoing in the room. He kept standing there not making a move, not uttering a word. She should make the first move she thought or she could leave, he was giving her a choice. "I didn't know you played the piano" she said then and regretted it the next second. What was she thinking? Freezing tenison covered the air and if possible his posture became even straighter. "How long have you been here?" he responded in a tone so unfamiliar to her, she struggled to be certain it came from him. What was she expecting really? "I...too long" she said deciding to be honest. If there was a chance for them to get somewhere they had to be honest. He nodded, both of them saying nothing for a while. "Will you keep standing there with your back to me? Won't you look at me?" she asked him pleadingly but it was met with a merciless laugh from him that felt like a slap to her face. "Why would I do that? If you are here to finish the job, now you can really stab me in the back. It's all yours" he finished mirthlessly. And all the pain she had gone through all these days felt like nothing in comparison of what he made her feel now. Death would be better than this. But she deserved it, didn't she? She wouldn't give up. Now that they were both here, she would do anything, whatever the outcome. "Leon...please" his name left her lips in a whisper hoping she at least would get a reaction out of him. Resigned he sat on the piano bench but didn't turn around. "Why are you here at this hour? If it's not to kill me, what do you want?" How could she ever explain to him why she did it. And even if she did explain, he wouldn't understand. He wasn't like her. So she decided to pretend she didn't hear that part and answered his other question. "Ms. Lucy isn't well. A soldier came to the hospital and brought me here to help. He said she was all alone. She's better now." Leon nodded, showing he was listening to her. She should be happy she was at least getting that from him. "So if we were here you wouldn't have come?" he asked evenly, his harsh tone never changing. "No I wouldn't" she said honestly without hesitation. She thought she heared him mumble something but it wasn't clear. "Why? Why wouldn't you come?" he continued then and Hilal realised this interrogation would never end. "Do you really have to ask or do you enjoy torturing me?" she responded her voice getting a little higher. And maybe that was what she must have done from the beginning because he turned finally and looked at her. And he took her breath away. Oh she had missed him! She made a step closer taking in every detail of him, trying to memorize every inch of him in case she would never be able to be this close to him again. His scent reached her nostrils and she wondered how she had survived all these days without it. This was the air she needed to breathe every day. However she wasn't the only one affected from this face to face. His hard expression had faltered, a stunted one taking its place, his brown pools diving into her blue ones without blinking. She wasn't sure if he was even breathing. The need to touch him was overwhelming her but she guessed she would overstep her limits. She was still appreciating the fact he had yet to kick her out. Their moment didn't last long, his hard mask coming back up a lot faster than she had hoped, averting his eyes. She sighed deeply, shaking her head. This was getting nowhere. "Why are you so calm? Don't you want to yell and scream at me, demanding to know why I did it? I would if I was in your place." she offered, giving him a chance to get everything out. "There's nothing to talk about. I know why you did it. I'm nothing more than an enemy to you." he paused, his eyes coming back to look at her for a few seconds before he continued. "I just was stupid enough to  believe that we were passed that point, ignoring all the times you had warned me. But trust me I got the message loud and clear. I have a scar to prove it." The tears she was keeping at bay since she entered the room came back with a vengeance, every attempt to wipe them off in vain. Yet still he went on "Why are you crying? You obviously were thinking like me,you said so yourself, you wouldn't come here if you knew I would be home." What could see say to that? He was right, she would never have come by her own volition. "I...I knew you didn't want to see me and I wasn't brave enough to come and face you. What I did.." he stopped her, suddenly getting up from the bench, the space between them growing. "But you were brave enough to pull the trigger. You have always been brave to do what you thought was right no matter the cost. Isn't it so? You said you would shoot me and you did. It's done. I moved on. You should too." She didnât expect this type of reaction. Not only he didn't even bother to fight with her, even his voice didn't pick up, even and uninterested the whole time. A bad feeling started spreading inside her, cold sweat covering her hands. She was missing something. "So you aren't angry with me? You don't blame me? How is it possible?" she questioned, really struggling to understand. He looked at her curiously and it made her felt even more uncomfortable. "I don't get you. You want me to be angry with you? Why do you even care what I feel for you? People only care about the feelings of those who mean something to them, are important to them. I am nothing to you. You shoot to kill me, remember? I am just standing here by sheer luck. It was a great lesson for me, what you did. Thank you for that." Hilal was shaking her head right and left, denying to accept anything that has just left his mouth. She should admit defeat. It was over. She might have not killed him physically but her Leon was definitely dead. By her hand. "I...I'm so sorry Leon. Not that it'll change anything. Just know I am. You are right. I'm going to leave, I promise I won't bother you again. Good night!" she finished, turning her back, wiping her tears off her face when she heared him whisper her name for the first time that night, for the first time since days. She hurriedly went back but she was met again with his back. "Leon..." she prompted him to continue. After taking a deep breath he turned around, his hard façade slightly cracked, his tone more smooth and gentle "I...since you are here, I think you should know that I'm leaving Izmir." She stared in disbelief, her heart squeezing. She hadnât heared right. No. She was willing to watch him,love him from afar. What was he saying? "Wh..what? H..how?" she managed to stutter, praying to God he wasn't serious. But he was. "I'm going to back to Athens. Smyrni didn't sit well with me" And both of them knew he meant her. "And what about the military, will you give up your uniform?" she asked, trying maybe to find a silver lining in this new nightmare but her hopes were crushed the next second. "No. Why would I do that? There is no reason out there for me to consider giving it up." She nodded resigned, mumbling to herself about his lack of reasons. "When do you leave?" "Soon,in 5 days. My father helped finding a spot open." Hilal realised he wasn't just leaving, he was running away. What he didn't know was that he was taking her heart with him. She knew she wouldn't be able to face him one more minute without breaking into tears,pleading him not to go so she decided it was time to really go. "I don't know what they say in such occasions. Good luck. Stay safe." she shook her head to stop her blubbering. "Goodbye Hilal" his voice his usual warm whisper, the final stab in her heart. "Goodbye Leon" she said and run outside the room, outside the house, trying to breathe in the fresh air of the night but her lungs weren't cooperating. She was running in the streets of Izmir with no destination when her brother appeared suddenly in front of her and she almost fell on her face. "Hilal, what's wrong? Why are you running? You cried?" he questioned holding her face with his hand to take a better look. She hurriedly wiped her face, trying to think of something to say. "Did something happen at home? Why aren't you at the hospital?" She had no answers, so she just gave into the pain, hugging her brother tightly and crying over his shoulder. He didn't say anything just hold her there, not knowing what else to do. When she calmed down, he took her with him to the tavern, aware that she couldnât go home in this state. She was sitting there staring into space when she felt her brother's hand on her shoulder squeezing.  She smiled weakly at him. He sat down to chair next to her taking a serious expression that didn't really much his features. "Look Hilal, I haven't been a good big brother to you, I'm rarely at home, I don't know what's happening with your lives.." Hilal interrupted him, not letting him continue "Abi you are wrong. Aren't you helping us get back our land? Is there anything more important than that?" Ali Kemal shook his head. "There are other things important too Hilal. About those things I'm talking. The ones that had you running around, crying your eyes out." She squirmed in her seat, not liking where this was going, turning her eyes to the table and scratching a nonexistent stain on it. "He is coming here almost every night this passed week, drinks into a stupor till the morning and then I have to carry him out to a carriage" he said then and her hand froze over the table. She gazed up at him hesitantly, trying to deduce how much he knew. "What are you talking about abi?" He gave her a look that meant there was no reason to play stupid with him. "I saw the both of you that night. I might be lost in my head most of the time but I'm not dense." "It's not like that. We..." Ali Kemal cut her words "Okay, so all these.." he said pointing her face "is just what? Remorse for shooting someone? You haven't been yourself since that night and you want me to believe you don't have feelings for him?" Hilal was too exhausted to contradict him. "I was at the mansion tonight" she told him then and he sat straighter, looking at her alerted. She shook her head to calm him down. "Their guest, Ms. Lucy wasn't feeling well and I had to go." "And you saw him there. That's why the tears" he said knowingly,wiping some with his fingers off her face. Hilal gave him a shy smile. "He wasn't supposed to be there, that's why I went" She swallowed hard before uttering the thing her brain still denied to conceive. "He is leaving, going back to Athens." Ali Kemal didn't look as surprised as she expected. "What can I say, I feel the guy." Hilal stunned peered up at him. "How can you say that abi?" He shrugged, trying to find a way to explain it. "The woman you love shoots you to death because you belong to the opposite side, clearly showing you she will never see you as anything else than enemy...if you survive her bullets of course. What did you expect him to do?" But Hilal has stopped listening after his first words. "What do you mean the woman he loves? There's no such thing!" she claimed definitively. Her brother however gave her an incredulous look. "Why do you think he's leaving then? You are more dense than me sometimes Hilal, you don't see what's in front of youâ. She thought about it for a while and although it did make sense, she couldnât be sure. Leon was a polite, fair person by nature, all the kindness he showed her could be explained this way. But then she remembered how he was beating the piano keys earlier and her hope was reborn before dying again cause even if he loved her after what she has done, it was over. âIt doesnât matter anymore. Even if what you say was true, after what happened, all those feelings are now gone.â But her brother was insisting,shaking his head in disagreement. âSomeone who writers poems about your eyes will never stop loving you whatever you do. Love doesnât go away so easy. You know it,I know itâ What was he talking about? The struggle to understand was causing her a headache.âWhat poems?â she asked,wondering if they were talking about the same thing. Ali Kemal after mumbling a curse grabed her hand and pulled her up. âWhere are we going?â she yelled aghast as he was walking fast towards the door. âHome!â he yelled back not saying anything else. When they arrived he took her immediately to her and Yildizâs room trying to be as quiet as possible,shaking Yildiz to wake her up. Hilal was watching everything happening around her, not uderstanding anything. âAli Kemal, Hilal? Whatâs wrong? â Yildiz opened her eyes slightly ,not really awake. âStand up,where is the Lieutenantâs letter,Iâm sure you kept it somewhere.â Her sister opened her eyes wide,looking at her for a long while and then back at her brother. âWhat do you want with it?â she questioned him and Hilal was starting to get impatient. What was in that letter? When had Leon sent a letter to her sister and why did she need to see it? She really didnât want to. âI want to give it to its real owner,can you get out of bed now?â her brotherâs voice was gruff. Why was he so upset? Her sister went to the closet and after searching for a while she came back with a pile of paper pieces,grabbing her plam and putting them inside forcefully before going back to bed,pulling the covers over her. Hilal looked at her hand strangely. âYou need to read this. And then do whatever you want. A drunk man once told me, you need to love the people around you to be able to love your country,because your country is those people. Or something like that.â he said before leaving,winking at her. Hilal sat down at the desk and in the dim candle-light tried to put the pieces in an order that made scene before she began reading. She had reached the middle and she couldnât realise why her brother wanted her so much to read his love letter to her sister. This was making no sense. But then she got to the last couple of sentences and everything became glaringly obvious. This was a letter dedicated to her, her eyes, or at least her brother thought so and she prayed from the bottom of her heart he was right. She reread it a few more times with renewed hope while the sun started rising. Should she go question him? Did this letter even matter to him at this point? But then, the possibility of preventing his leaving came to her and she decided to risk it. She had nothing to lose anymore. Still in her uniform,she went to change her clothes, planning in her head how she should approach the subject with him, telling her heart to be strong for whatever happens before leaving her house again. This couldnât wait. She went back to the mansion but this time she came inside from the back etrance through the hamam, not wanting any of the soldiers outside to see her, going siltently up the stairs to his room. She knocked on his door first yet thinking he would be asleep at this hour to answer but to her surprise he called out. This is it she thought to herself. After drying her hands on her coat she opened the door and came in. He was sitting at the edge of the bed before he saw her and stood with a start, his hair disheveled, his shirt open on the front and she reflexively turned around. âHilal...what..are you doing here?â he stuttered, not a hint from his hard tone left in his voice. âWe need to talk. Did you fix your shirt, I want to look at youâ she told him and after a few seconds he said she could turn around. And she did. And she forgot everything she had planned to say. He shook his head inquisitively asking why she was here. Where should she begin from? â Um...I..i found out last night..I..â this wasnât going well she realized and he looked impatient. âDo you love me? Still?â the words leaving her mouth with ease and huge amount of hope, gazing into his hazel eyes, pleading him in her mind to say yes. âHow do you know I loved you before?â he asked, obviously trying to deflect her question. âMy brother knew about your letter to my sister, she gave it to me. I am the owner of those eyes, right? I was at least? Did I misunderstood everything?â she wondered with teary eyes. He put his hand on his forehead, getting his hair out of the way, looking at her good and then started walking around the room, clearly not certain how much he wanted to divulge. âThe letter was about you,yes. But itâs not important anymore. After all I loved the wrong person cause she almost was my death.â Hilal felt like he had slapped her, going a step back to find some support on the wall. â So you donât feel like that anymore?â she asked in a whisper getting herself ready for his response. âWhy do you care Hilal? What will it change? Why do you want so much to know if the man you shot loves you or not? You Shot Me.â his voice was getting louder and angrier with every sentence. She couldnât hold back her tears but she wouldnât give up. With her loud voice she hit back.âYou donât even bother to ask why I did it. You think you know the reason but you donât! You donât understand what my heart is going through since the day we met. You are a greek occupier and you made my heart skip for the first time. You are a greek occupier and you were also my first kiss. You are a greek occupier and you have saved my life more times than I can count. You protected me, you made me feel special, unique. You made me feel like myself. Like you saw who I really was. You are greek occupier and you didnât just occupy my land but you occupied my heart and my soul and my whole existence!â she took a much needed breath and continued in a calmer tone âI might not have been able to save my land but I could save my heart. I was wrong. Because that night it wasnât you I shot but me, and my wound hasnât healed yet like yours, itâs still bleeding and will keep bleeding if you leave. Do you still love me?â He was standing at the opposite corner of the room, his eyes closed,his whole face looking so serene and she waited. And waited. And waited.âLeon...?â He opened his eyes then and a gasp left mouth because they were smilling at her, shining with unshed tears, warm and loving. He made a few steps towards her and she met him in the middle. His hands went to her face immediately, enveloping it,his thumbs wiping away stray tears. She smiled up at him and asked one more time âDo you still love me?â He nodded vehemently before succeeding to find his voice âI would never be able to stop loving you. Do you really mean all the things you said?â She nodded her head too inside his hands laughing shyly at him. âI do although I donât know what that means for us. But I do. I love you Leon.â A few tears escaped his eyes as his face came closer to hers, his hot breath caressing her face, his full lips almost touching hers, looking straight into her eyes. And she couldnât resist anymore. A tiny nod of her head was he needed to make him close the gap and they kissed with passion and with longing, their hearts becoming one again, his hands still smooth on her cheeks, hers going around to the nape of his neck,holding him close. And after 2 weeks,14 days and 14 nights, her wound was getting healed.
