getting healthier, the bumble way

I was thinking I would treat my homecoming from England as a fresh start. Focus quite clearly on eating less, and making the choice to *not eat* consciously as a gift to my future self. I've made mainly good choices so far today, but with jet lag messing up my appetite, I am sorely tempted to hit the stash of English treats I brought home for gifts. Dammit this is hard work.

Tomorrow we'll be having another family ski day. Today I walked the children to school. Half hour each way, walking briskly. Yesterday I walked a lot in Toronto, then in the evening went to a Pilates class and rocked it. Wednesday I had an osteopath appointment Tuesday I volunteered in both children's classes with lots of getting up & down & bending Monday both children were off school and we took it easy mainly but also went for a skateboard/walk Sunday I did my yoga/Pilates class in the morning & skied in the afternoon

I discovered these. The marinade is vinegary so they're kind of pickled. Also there's hot pepper seeds and mustard seeds so they're spicy (at least to this soft mouth). They're very very tasty.

Baked beans & cheese. Would be amazing on top of any kind of potato, or indeed on buttery toast. But I'm hoping to still get the comfort feeling without the carbs....

Saturday morning I had a massage. Pretty deep and I felt amazing afterwards. Friends over for dinner on Saturday. They brought chocolate caramel cake because she had wanted to learn how to make caramel. It was amazing. Plus I made a crustless quiche with roasted onions (and much cheese) and baked lots of veg while the oven was on. Sat still too long at the table chatting after eating though. Sunday morning I got to my fav yoga/Pilates class. Only one other person there. I always feel bad for the teacher & studio when it's a small group, but I *love* it for me. After an early lunch (spaghetti squash, roast tomatoes & aubergine, with tempeh) I took the children to meet some friends for a walk in the misty woods to a waterfall. Driving ~40 mins each way plus 2h of walking carefully left my back a little tense so I rested in the evening. Still a bit stiff this morning, but very pleased I have an osteopath appointment in a couple of hours.

We eat out at least once per week. Not fancy places, but places where there's food the children will enjoy and that we don't have to cook or clear up. Problem is that I often make very unhealthy menu choices. Tonight I asked for one of my favourite dishes, a mushroom parm, but asked for just half of it on the plate and half packed to go. I had plenty to eat, and dinner for tomorrow is all taken care of (at least for me).

I did not have time for breakfast this morning. I was busy all morning, then on a conference call. It's now almost 1:30 and I'm *ravenous*. I am incredibly tempted to demolish the chips and cookies left from last night's discussion, but I found a baked sweet potato in the freezer so I'm zapping that (and posting instead of snacking while it heats up). I'm also pleased to report that last night I opted to leave all of the food in the kitchen while we sat in the living room for our discussion. People brought plates through. It meant *much* less distracted eating.

Today I ate breakfast. It means I'm not being a crabby-ass this morning. And I have managed to resist snacks. Yay.

Freezing rain and sleet is definitely not self-control weather. I want to eat allllllll of the foods.

Hard times for me are when I’m around tempting food and don’t need to eat. For example making the children’s lunches in the evening. Usually I do it after they’re in bed. Last night I did it straight after dinner while bumblepapa was overseeing bedtime. It worked well: I didn’t snack while I was preparing it all, and it meant I had an uninterrupted evening to follow.

Just scrolled through my archives. Nothing bloody changes. I keep writing good words and not following through. Ugh. I must do better than this. Daily updates: food, activity, and feelings report. Posting here when I'm in danger of making bad choices (like now!!). Getting hold of things to make exercise pleasant: skates are my target for now, really hope my physio says yes.....

I've spent most of the last year trying to lose weight by eating less. With limited success. I find that I don't dislike enough the way I look and feel to quit eating the types of foods that I enjoy. And then I had the back trouble, which stopped me from doing so much for do long. (And my uk trip). But I have realised I'm going to focus on what my body *can* do. Dammit, I'm strong. I can run & cycle & turn cartwheels & throw my children in the air & carry them both. So I asked my mentor if we could take a different approach: to focus on getting fitter overall & strengthening my core. And rather than watching numbers going down (or not) on the scale, we are going to watch the numbers rise on the number of reps I can do or the weight I can lift or the time I can hold tension for. For sure I will still be delighted if I can drop a large chunk of weight. But it is no longer my goal to lose something of myself, but to gain something. Abilities, power, stamina... and physical pride.