slow, highly selective & private writing sideblog. penned by gemz. follows will come from here.
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@builtthiscage
slow, highly selective & private writing sideblog. penned by gemz. follows will come from here.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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taking a time-out from here for a while due to lack of muse here. willing to give discord writing a go if anyone wants to do anything over there and is good with slow replies ( but i can’t promise i’ll be any good at keeping up)
thumbs along his bottom lip , taking her in from the other side of the room before he stands to make his way over . locks the door behind as he comes close enough to feel the warmth radiating off her body , “take it off .” if she didn’t want to tell him then he’ll just have to see it for himself , an order that came with no room for error . he wouldn’t take no for an answer , not when he needed it to confirm his suspicions . part of him wanted her to be free of marks , to keep his hands clean tonight , but he knew that was far from the case, especially when she didn’t put up much of a fight to begin with . “now .”
the door clicks shut and she closes her eyes for a moment. breathes in. any other night and she'd protest, but she doesn't. instead she lets her heels fall to the ground, and slips out of the thin material covering her body. she isn't sure what he'll see. still half in a checked-out state. until quiet anger kicks in. " what are you going to do, make a scene ? " a humourless laugh escapes. her gaze finally flickering over him. " you're no better. " was she foolish for hoping he would be ? all those months of growing closer, and as she stands before him now she still feels like nothing. " you're no fucking better. " despite better judgment, she shoves her hands against his chest, a weak attempt to move him. repeats the actions, the words, over and over until hot tears are spilling out before she can contain them.
“why does it have to be all or nothing with you ?” frustration claws at her , knowing he was going to say the very thing that kept her away to begin with . doesn’t understand why it can never be just sex but always something more , something she can’t give him or anyone else . or maybe , just maybe it was the fear that she could , that she may be content with him and no one else , but then there’s the reservations about the what-ifs . what if she couldn’t handle it and ruined things before they had the chance to begin ?
" because what you think you want isn't realistic. " they aren't just two people with mutual attraction. they've been friends, shared conversation long before sharing a bed. care was already in place before they crossed any kind of line. " why is it so fucking bad that i want more than half of you ? " it's scary, he knows. a reason why he's avoided feelings for several years. this had caught him off guard too. " i love you, " he admits, quiet, a whisper against the lips he longs to kiss. " if you don't wanna hear it, too bad. i'm done pretending. the only one with a choice to make is you. "
no , they weren’t done yet . “come in ,” doesn’t know what he expects to see when she does , majority of the women who cross paths with the man who paid a hefty amount to keep his sins under wrapped often leaving battered and broken . he convinced himself it had to be this way , but he couldn’t run the business if all the escorts couldn’t finish their job . money was easy to make , women replaceable when there were plenty of them who needed a place to stay and mouths to feed that weren’t their own , but there were limits to things . and this was something he could control . he leans back in his chair , “what did he do to you ?”
reluctantly, she steps into the office. lingers by the door. still refusing to let her gaze find his. her shoulders shrug before her arms are wrapping around her own frame. " nothing i didn't agree to. " it isn't like her to be so quiet. lotte was vocal, tough. but she's also human. some nights she simply wants to go home, rest, forget that this is who she is. tonight everything feels vastly overwhelming. she isn't sure if it's the job, or anger towards herself for thinking anyone could ever view her as more than a that. a shaky breath is breathed out, and she's clenching her fists in an attempt to keep it all in. despite herself, her eyes beging to gloss over. " can i go now ? " she asks again, through clenched teeth. she'll be damned if anyone sees her cry.

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“won’t be able to utter a word if he does ,” turns around to lean back against his desk , watching after her . knows anderson very well , a man with low regard for anyone else — especially the women . some days he could be their best friend , others a nightmare come to life. that was the worst part : never knowing what might come first . but she chose this occupation , he didn’t force her into it . it was a job at the end of it all and like any other , there were both good and bad days . you couldn’t take it personally , and in his case , he couldn’t get involved past signing them a client and processing the cash .
his words echo in her mind for the next hour. the one thing she chooses to escape into her mind. when it's over, she catches glimpse of herself in the mirror, but nothing quite registers. she wanders back down the stairs with her heels in her hand, dress ruined, mascara smudged under her eyes. numb. she knocks once before cracking the office door open, keeps her gaze on the ground. doesn't look in renzo's direction. " am i done ? " voice is low, strained. " can i go home now ? "
“this is about you and me ,” femme held no kind of flame , did nothing to enlist jealousy from her . rogue was less than bothered by other people , knowing where she stood in a crowd full . what she wanted was to prove a point , to herself or to him , she wasn’t sure . only knew that being this close to him again felt good . “her aside , you really want to stand there and tell me you didn’t bring her here just to lie to yourself ?” shakes her head , “if it came down to making a decision , she wouldn’t be an option .” nobody else would , either .
" you mean the you and me you like to pretend meant nothing ? " he retorts, holding her gaze. she's right — no one comes close to her. that's why he isn't entertaining anyone in a serious manner. femme in attendance tonight knows where he stands. " i'm not lying to myself. " he knows exactly how he feels and who he feels it for. " i'm not selling her any dream, either. she knows what this is. " he lowers his head, brings himself to her eye-level. " if you want honesty, i don't think you're ready for the truth. if i laid it all out for you right now, i think you'd run out the door. "
doesn’t deny it , amusement curling around the corners of his mouth . “trouble ,” a statement , something he often found himself getting involved in without even trying . something the two of them have in common , “must be your lucky day then .” he was just as bored , his friends weren’t there yet while none of the girls managed to capture his attention . other than her . “what did you have in mind ?”
she isn't sure what it is, but she sees part of herself in him. likes that he never judges, always indulges her. carmen doesn't find herself interested enough in most people to know them for very long. but he's someone she wouldn't mind sticking around. her lips purse, cigarette discarded before she reaches out, her hands against his chest. " i have to think ? " it's almost a whine, big brown eyes glancing up at him as her arms circle around his neck. " what if i don't want to think ? "
shakes his head with a scowl though it's practically for show, hadn't truly mastered the art of hiding the amusement he'd get from their interactions, even as time continued to pass between them. allows her words to pass him by, mumbling an agreeing sound as eyes trail back to her own. " we're going together so, you could say that " shoulder rises in a shrug, corners twisting up to match her own — a devious road he was about to go down. and, of course, she proves him right only a second after. brows shoot up, not bothering with how his smile spreads, enjoying how quick they've fallen into their usual banter. " then your friend is going to be really upset " and dead, if it came down to it being true. though, he doubted it, for his own peace of mind if anything. " and you should be, too. if they're making you walk your way to a bootycall "
tongue clicks against the roof of her mouth as she shakes her head playfully. " your wife might have something to say about that. exchanging vows typically makes you a we with that person. " carmen has somewhat accepted the fact he's married, but that doesn't mean she'll be quick to let him forget it. thinks the more she digs, the sooner he might snap. tell her the truth. whatever that is. " no one makes me do anything, you should know that by now. " of course, there's no booty call. there's just her, bored, seeking . . . who knows what. she was going stir crazy sitting at home. couldn't stand to be cooped up a moment longer. " haven't you heard ? it's good to stretch your legs before prolonged physical activity. " the further they get into the city, the louder music becomes. she follows the sound. gaze drifting across to him far more than it should. " so, what's the deal, hernandez ? did you instal a tracker on me, or have you just been watching me from afar this entire time ? " how terrible it is, that the idea of either makes her a little giddy.
he looks away from her , focusing on his papers . anything to avoid the tension that seems to be clawing up the space between them . he grew up in this industry , took over with augustus for their fathers who built this club from the ground up . it wasn't for the weak and it wasn't for the merciful , "mild ." but anyone knew , one wrong move and his mood could switch within seconds , landing the women he was with in a very difficult situation . "so make sure to be a good girl for me when you see him ."
mild. she laughs under her breath. doubts that will last. still, rather her than one of the other girls. " oh, i will. i'll be so polite. say please enough that he'll think it's me that wants it. " sarcasm weaves into her tone, and behind the smile she pushes forward, there's a slight grimace. it should be done there, she should already be gone. attempts to bite her tongue but it comes out anyway. " and when he chokes me out for good, i'll be sure to thank him for it. " her humour is dark, and she almost wishes she could take it back. but part of her is convinced that's her fate. her steps hurry toward the door then, before she says anything else she shouldn't.

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she's done playing this game of tit for tat , hell bent now on proving a point . so she'll kick her heels off and approach him , getting closer and closer until her chest brushes against his , fingertips reaching to run through the hair mapped across the back of his neck . leans in close , brushing her lips against his , exhaling a soft breath , body memorized from the many times he had her bent over a surface in his apartment , "tell me it's bullshit then ."
he isn't expecting it, and his composure almost slips. it takes everything in him not to kiss her, reach out and hold her in the way he desires. but he can't help but think this is less about it meaning something, and more about winning. " it is bullshit. " his voice drops, a whisper against her mouth, tone strained with the weight of his need for her. he reaches out, tilts her chin upward. " you wouldn't be doing this if she wasn't here. "
"you have nice legs ," admits with a shrug of his shoulders , never the kind to hold his tongue . "would look better wrapped around my head if i'm bein' honest , but you seem to have other plans tonight ," blowing smoke out to the side of him once she takes the cigarette in her possession , he shoves his hands into the pockets of denim hung low , "so what're you up to tonight , nancy drew ?"
" i have nice everything. " call it confidence or vanity, she doesn't really care. confidence has never been something lacked. " no. no other plans. i was just bored. thought i'd look for some trouble. " there's a glint behind her eyes as she blinks up at him, takes another drag. smoke lingering between them as she grins. " imagine my surprise when you show up. "
" i don't really care if she's your girlfriend or not, she's still annoying me " though, the small assurance does take away a bit of the unease she's felt under her skin the entire night. " she's awful looking anyway, of course you wouldn't date her"
" she isn't doing anything to annoy you. " he points out. is only really guilty of showing up here with him. still, despite the way he hides it, he can't help but to be amused buy the reaction. " not really the dating type. but i would fuck her. " intends to try and pull more jealously out of her.
disregards her statement altogether , not there to entertain her theory . in any case , he had to remind her that she worked for him , not the other way around . "anderson wants to see you upstairs ."
stares at him for a moment. blank, empty. despite it being her job, each time she does this, a little more of her soul seems to detach. " okay, " shoulders shrug. cigarette returns to her lips and she takes a long drag, flicks it to the ground a second later, and crushes it out beneath a stiletto heel. " what kind of mood is he in ? " the question comes as she fixes her appearance, smoothing out her hair before adjusting her bust, shortening her dress. the last time she'd been alone with anderson, she'd had to wear heavier make up for weeks.
"because this isn't some kind of attempt to get a reaction out of me ?" one she seems to be handing over to him on a silver platter which bothered her . "see , i'd give you the courtesy of minding my business if only you did the same ."
" that ego of yours is really running wild, huh ? " his expression remains impassive, gives nothing away. he's always been good at that. tells himself he's moving on, but in reality part of him will always remain here. with her. with the version of them they used to be. " you made your stance clear. i'm out, just like you wanted. this isn't about you. "

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laugh almost draws out with his exhale, but he manages to stop it, corners twisting upwards as he forces himself to take a step back. " that's a really weird kink to have in our line of work " notes, shaking his head before sliding to her side, keeping with her pace. " wouldn't be following you if you just told me where we are going "
her shoulders shrug. " i can't help it that everything involving me is hot. " the second he falls into step beside her, she keeps her gaze forward, attempting to appear unaffected by his presence. of course, there's a pulse of excitement coursing through her veins — there always is where noah is concerned. " oh, we're a we now ? i must have missed that memo. " the smirk that slowly begins to form heavily implies she's in the mood to make life difficult for him. something he should be more than used to by now. " what if i said i was on my way to make a booty call ? " she finally glances over at him, awaiting any sign of a reaction. " are you planning on joining in for a little three-way action, or would you rather just watch ? "
"you're lookin' a little too suspicious for me not to ," corner of his mouth lifts , biting into ash as he gestures towards her with his chin , cupping the end of his cigarette in order for him to light it .
" me ? " she feigns innocence, though a smirk quickly tugs at the corner of her mouth. " i'm innocent. and that's a terrible excuse. " with a purposeful step closer, she plucks the freshly lit cigarette from his mouth and brings it to her own, taking a slow drag. " you can admit that you're obsessed with me. " her head tilts as she exhales. " most people are. "