professional tooth fairy

can you put that thing on a leash?

We’re always like “we’re gonna dress like sci-fi people in the future” and then the next generation is always like yasss jeans

MY FINGERS BARELY EVEN TOUCHED YOUR STUPID FUCKING AD STOP REDIRECTING ME TO THE APP STORE

so truly genuinely we need to get more funding towards freaks and perverts to make weird horny movies and tv and art i would rather watch someone’s barely disguised fetish with an interesting point of view than another soulless corporate shell with boring beautiful actors and nothing to say

being a kid and hearing adults say stuff like "woah 2011 was 4 years ago haha" didn't really convey the fucking horror of a youtube video crossing my recommended labelled "9 years ago" and it's from 2017. that's not true. 9 years ago is 2010 or something. don't lie.

Hey! Mario was just wondering. Could you'a put a vending machine here? In the middle of this crowded intersection?

fucked that you can’t fix other people especially when you really care about them. Oh so im just supposed to be there for you while you suffer. like a useless cunt gargoyle

you can just take it from their cart. its not their possession if they haven't bought it yet

if i were thrift shopping and you put your hands into my cart to take a unique handpicked item i was intending to purchase i would break your legs