Bie

"If you TRULY love someone, you'll never cheat on them" This is true, trust me. I've been cheated on, I cheated on someone and someone cheated for me, I know its true. I've been cheated on, I cheated on someone and someone cheated for me, I know its true.

They say say that when you love someone, you care for them, it will hurt you if they get hurt, you’ll never replace them because they will always be enough for you. When you cheat, you defy the substance of love.

2013, I’ve been cheated on by my first boyfriend.  JB, was everything to me. He was still in touch with his ex-girlfriend while we were together. I had no idea that they we’re still talking and seeing each other. They eventually got back together and he left me dead. After that it made sense to me. That was why I loved him more. That was why he didn't care for me the way I cared for him. That’s why he doesn’t bother to fix every argument or even say and feel sorry about it. It was because he didn't TRULY love me. It came right of his mouth “I feel like I never really unloved my ex. Your company made me distracted about my feelings for her. The love for her was always there”. I regretted him so much.  But now we’re still good friends. We even became co-workers. And just so everybody knows, my salary was 50% higher than that mofo. LOL. We we’re lowkey bros before we had a thing, the friendly relationship is still good. Although I do not trust him.

2016, I cheated on someone.  Alex came when I was so heart broken with my 2nd boyfriend. He was an Angel sent by God to heal my heart and my being. He was so dear, he’d been nothing but a good soul to me but I cheated on him with Chriz. But I never regretted anything. I cheated because I was lured by Chriz’s charisma. He made me feel that I’m a princess and that adventure awaits. His love made me feel alive in a life that inhabits incredible things. I realized  that I cheated because I wasn’t TRULY in love with Alex. I was just infatuated because he helped me get through my break up. And I felt something with Criz that made me love life in general. They both came for a reason; for Alex to heal me and for Chriz to make me feel fucking happy. Alex is not with the love of his life. I already sent my apologies to him way before. No hard feelings are hidden. As for Chriz, he cheats on his girl. But that’s another story. LOL

2018, some cheated for me.  Before high school graduation, Gean and I had an affair while he was still in a toxic relationship with his girl. They were on a verge of a breakup back then. Although it’s still fresh, I really don’t know how to tell the story as of the moment. He cheated on his girlfriend because he fell out of love for her. When he was with me I felt that he was so damn happy. I felt it. Long story short, they eventually got back together but they’re relationship was still toxic. Gean admitted that the reason why he’s still holding on to her is not because he loves her but because of his promises to her. He cheated on her for me because he felt something with me that he did not feel with his girl during those times. If he TRULY loves her, he will never find greater traits in another girl.  Both of them are in an on-again-off-again type of toxic relationship. I don’t know what will happen to them next. But I wish them the best.

I know you know me. You knew me long before. You knew my name, my face, my smile. But you haven’t met my devils inside. And I’m afraid to introduce them to you.

I love you, you know I do. And Darling, as a part of my life I want you to holistically know me. Opening up the soul is more critical than opening up the body. I’m afraid of what you might see inside me.

You saw my tears. But those were just perspiration of my eyes. You saw my frowns. But I wasn’t actually sad. You saw my wounds. But you don’t know its back story. You saw me happy. But honestly I was not. I’m afraid for you to see the real me.

I’m afraid to show you my depressions because you might not handle me. I’m afraid you might see the frightful me and let your love go. I’m afraid if I show you my scars, you might just turn into one.

We are humans. We don’t know when will our days end. So what if my time has come to an end?

When I die, this is what I want my family/guardians to do: If I die from an untimely death on scenarios like accidents, sickness, etc., I want my family to give me a decent funeral. I want all my friends, family and all the people who meant the world to me to have a last glance of the person who once loved them. I want them to pray for me as I breathlessly and lifelessly lay with my eyes closed inside that cold coffin saying thanks for everything in return. I want you people to know that I owed my life to you. Upon that untimely death, I want my organs to be donated to people who are in need of them. I want to help people even on the point that I am no longer breathing. After my wake, I want to be cremated. Put my remains in an elegant jar that has the design that screams my personality before my untimely death in order for me to not be forgotten by those who I loved. If I untimely die, do not worry. Just be positive and look at the bright side. I am now resting. My time has come to an end, accept everything. I’ll accept tears, pain, hollow feelings from you guys but not for long. If I die from an untimely death, this is what I wish for everyone to do for me.

But if I die from suicide, do not give me a decent funeral. In fact, don’t give me a funeral at all. I don’t want people to visit me and feel sorry for what has happen. You bastards haven’t even had anything to do to stop me from ending my fucked up life. Don’t even give me respect as I didn’t even gave myself any. Don’t regret anything or apologize to my cold, rotten, dead body. It won’t even make any difference, I already killed myself! Do not feel bad for anything or everything that had happen. It is on me. I chose to kill myself, I disrespected myself too, I made a sin, It is my own decision, so don’t feel pity. If you are mad or irritated at what I did, do so! I won’t care, I’m already dead! Upon my death due suicide, sell my organs in order for my family/guardians to have funds for my expenses. I even have savings, use that too. After you sell my organs, cremate me. I won’t care where you put my ashes. If I die by ending my own life, don’t try to open my private accounts. Leave it as it is. Dispose my phone. Don’t try unlocking it. I want everything to stay the same way as I left it. Or else I will be pissed. I had enough with all of the judgment. If I die from suicide, I want everyone to do and not do all these.

B is For Bathilda, Crazy Ass Snake Lady.

C is For Cho, And Her Sweet Salty Tears.

D is For Dobby, Free And Fabulous.

E is For Errol, Barely Alive.

F Is For Fred, Dead Dead Dead.

G is For George, He’s Holy.

H Is For Hagrid, Flawless Hairy Man Beast

I is For Ickle Diddykins, Fat And Sassy

J is For James And Lily, Making World Saving Babies Since

1980

K is For Kreacher, Sexbomb

L is For Luna, Cooler Than You

M is For Malfoy, Tells His Father Important Things

N is For Neville, Fearless Snake Killing Motherfucker

O is For Olympe, Big Boned

P is For Peter, Cheese Eating Bastard

Q is For Quirrell, p-p-p-poor Stuttering Little Shit

R Is For Remus, Friendly Neighbourhood Werewolf

S is For Snape, Personally Victimized By Shampoo

T is For Trelawney, Completely Sane

U is For Umbridge, Toad In Pink

V is For Voldemort, He’s Okay Once You Get To Know Him

W is For Wood, Likes Quidditch A Little Bit

X is For Xeonphilius, Dancing Queen

Y is For Yaxley, Creep With The Rainy Office

Z is For Zabini, Good At Posing

In my 16 years of existence, 8 years of living in someone else's house, and 3 years of heaving the capability of falling in-love, I discovered that its always my fault. Even when I'm right, I'm wrong.

In every argument, I forgive. In every fight I step down. In every misunderstanding, I’m the first to understand. If something went wrong, I forget.

I always swallow my pride (as if I have any) for the guy I love. For us to not fight, for us to make up, for us not to have a problem. I always step my foot down and apologize.

I sacrifice anything. Brake every rule. Lose Myself. I tend to tho every bit of stupidity foe a guy who have my heart in his clutch. 

This is me. I’m willing to be stupid just for the person I love. No matter how painful it is. That’s how much I love.