â meet kenji bakugou yln!! the baby of yn yln and bakugou katsuki. no, theyâre not married⌠or in a relationship⌠yeah, you know theyâve never dated! it was just a one night stand and she still had the baby. i heard heâs a good father too⌠wait look, are you sure like theyâre not dating?
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âHe is quiet like the thunder under skin. and I am soft like rain that doesn't know its drowning.â
Sukuna Itadori was never meant to be a good man. From the moment you were born, he saw something divine in youâsomething sacred, and when the world threatened that light, he did what monsters do: he destroyed it. With blood on his hands and your sisterâs life gone, Sukuna went to prison willingly, unflinching. Because in his mind, protecting you was worth any sentence.
Years later, heâs home. Older, quieter, sanity trying to claw its way out, as insanity was sunken deep withinâbut still deeply, terrifyingly obsessed.
His love is not gentle. It is not soft. It is raw, feral, and absolute. He follows you from room to room. Sleeps with a hand on your body just to be sure youâre still breathing. Smothers you with devotion disguised as routine. And when his mind slips, when the darkness flares, itâs only you who can bring him back.
He worships you like a God.
And if the world ever tries to take you againâ
He wonât just kill for you.
Heâll burn everything to the ground.â
cw ; mdni ⢠18+ only. contains explicit sexual themes and content. use of alcohol. hurt/trauma. smut . anxiety. murder. death. TW. PTSD. mental health. obsessive compulsive disorder
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Chapters
chapter one || cedarwood & blood
chapter two || venom & honey
chapter three || lingering eyes
chapter four || humiliation
chapter five || I almost stayed
chapter six || dino trap
chapter seven || sweet treat & truths
chapter eight || new routines
chapter nine || mania
chapter ten || jelly fish
chapter eleven || girl or boy
chapter twelve || guardian
chapter thirteen || the end & the beginning
Side Stories
chapter one || jungle panther princess
chapter two || mourning anniversary
chapter three || do fish dream?
chapter four || hard conversations
chapter five || scattered
chapter six || mundane complaints
chapter seven || queen of no crumbs
chapter eight || who do you pray to?
chapter nine || key to life
chapter ten || when the strongest breaks
chapter eleven || rainaâs antagonism
chapter twelve || matrimony
chapter thirteen || birthday boy
if i had to read a single fic for the rest of my life, it would be this one. truly, i donât have the words to describe how much i love every single aspect of this fic <3
synopsis | toji fushiguro owns zenin east, a world renowned gym you join to quiet your mind. what you don't expect is toji himself to become the calm you were after all along.
warnings - [mdni] mentions of anxiety + medication | age gap (13yrs) | angsty but soft
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âś
you truly didnât know what you were doing here.Â
the mere sight of the building before you caused you to twitch with nerves, the sign above intimidating.Â
zenin eastÂ
matte black lettering on smoked glass, something cleaner and more subtle than youâd expected.Â
from what youâd gathered with the pictures youâd found online, the inside would be nothing of the sort.Â
it looked extremely gruff, even old school with itâs high ceilings and all-black interior, pictures of mohammad ali and arnold schwarzenegger lining the upper walls of the gym.Â
it didnât seem that way on the outside. it looked like a high-end gym celebrities would go to, not the kind youâd find during late night spirals googling best gyms near me with shaky hands.Â
your fingers tightened around your phone.Â
you looked down once more at the glaring screen, the online pictures and ratings of the gym staring back at you. dozens upon dozens of reviews. words like elite, unreal and legendary thrown around like everyone who steps inside gets rebuilt from the inside out.Â
you swallowed. you hoped youâd get that rush of emotions, you hoped whatever was inside would quiet the continuous noise in your mind.Â
your stomach began doing that thing again, all tight, fluttery and wrong. like your body wasnât sure if it was about to throw up, cry or run back home and pretend youâd never had the audacity to try.Â
this is what you despised most about the never-ending uneasiness that lived within you, something medication couldnât even fix.Â
you could barely even perform simple tasks without your mind convincing you of the overarching and worst case scenarios until you were retreating once again.Â
and even though your heart was beating out of your chest, you forced yourself to stay where you were.Â
this would help. you were convinced.Â
this would help quiet the string of draining thoughts in your mind, ease that apprehensiveness youâd learn to live with like an unwelcome roommate.Â
so there you stood. in your soft black yoga pants, tank top and ballet wrap top. a combination of clothing items you were regretting deeply, noting just how out of place you looked even before entering the gym.Â
you looked like you belonged in a pilates studio that reeked of eucalyptus and sage, not in front of a building that looked like it could swallow you whole.Â
with a small sigh, you took a step forward, eyes straining to see inside, just a bit. just enough to decide whether you wanted to run.Â
but the glass was tinted enough that you couldnât really see inside, only vague shapes and movement meeting your eyes.Â
a shadow passes, something heavy hitting something else, a thud, then another, muffled through the walls.Â
your heart skitters. you can leave.Â
the thought came easy, familiar. a relief.Â
but youâre so tired of relief being the only thing you reached for. so you inhaled shakily but deliberate and pushed through the door.Â
the door opened with a quiet hydraulic rush, sounds meeting your ears instantly, talking and grunting and thudding.Â
the warmth hits you first, not cozy but hot. a heat that only came with moving bodies and continuous movement.Â
the air smelled like clean rubber mats, metal and the faint bite of antiseptic, indicating that even with the slew of bodies, the place did seem clean.Â
a low rap song was playing through the speakers, a tune you didnât recognize but didnât mind. you liked loud music because it quieted whatever thoughts your overworking brain mustered up.Â
as you allowed the door to shut, fully stepping inside and looking around, you gulped gently.Â
fuck, you really were out of place.Â
the gym consisted of mostly men but the few women that were scattered about were badasses.Â
muscled everything, holding weights you couldnât even mentally lift or continuously punching a bag till some sand dribbled out.Â
you felt your body go rigid, not from fear exactly, but hyper-awareness.Â
like every part of you was suddenly aware of itself. your breathing, your posture, the way your wrap ties across your waist. the overall softness of you against the ruggedness of the gym.Â
a couple of heads turn, you could feel them.Â
you inhale shakily before forcing your feet forward towards the front desk where it seemed much safer.Â
the girl behind the desk looked up slowly. she looked a bit older than you, late twenties maybe, with her dark hair slicked back and makeup heavy but suiting her sharp features. her expression was already bored before youâd even spoken.Â
âcan i help you?â she questioned, tone clipped as her eyes assessed you from head to toe till you were squirming a bit.Â
you cleared your throat and smiled softly, âhi! um, i was wondering if i could join the gym? for like weights and boxing orâŚstuff,â you swallowed once when she simply raised her brows, âyou know, training in generalâŚâ
âthis isnât a walk-in gym, honey,â the term of endearment felt like a slap to the face rather than a method of reassurance, âweâre referral only."Â
your cheeks heat instantly, gut twisting as you felt the embarrassment wash over you.Â
fuck, thatâs why people kept raving about how private and luxurious it is.Â
how stupid could you be?Â
âoh!â you blinked, âiâ-iâm sorry, i didnât realize.â
the girl simply smiled sharply, âyeah.â
a beat passed as your throat tightens, anxiety creeping up like a fog, quiet but suffocating.Â
you nodded quickly, âmy bad. thank you anyways.âÂ
you turn to leave before the humiliation could bloom into something worse, but just as you went to turn around and sprint back to the door, a voice pulled you back.Â
âis there a problem?âÂ
you turned back around immediately, as if the deep voice itself beckoned you forward, something tangible and pacifying.
the voice sounded older, worn in. like itâs been dragged through smoke and gravel yet still remained steady.Â
your lips parted as you looked up at the man standing just by the lobby threshold, having just come from the main gym area.Â
âno, mr.fushiguro,â the girl stated, smiling slowly, polite and voice softening in a way that made your stomach churn, âshe wanted to join but i told her thatâs not how it works.â
but you could barely hear her as your eyes met the man.Â
he was big.Â
not gym-big like the guys lifting in the back, butâŚnaturally big. broad. he was tall and looked strong but not in an overly muscular way, though he was not lacking in that area.Â
he had shaggy black hair and eyes that were equally as dark, broad shoulders stretching out the back compression tee that clung to him, and you could swear you could see the outline of his abs through the shirt. grey sweats sat low on his hips, wraps half-undone around his hands.Â
his dark strands were slightly damp with exertion and his face-
you froze for a half a second because your mind wasnât sure where to land. sharp cheekbones, heavy-lidded eyes that looked tired in a way that could be cruel if he wanted it to be. Â
and he had a scar. a scar that cut straight through his lips and down, faint but undeniable, darker than the skin beneath it.Â
intimidating is the first word that comes to mind.Â
attractive is the second, uninvited and it made you want to swallow yourself whole.Â
but fuck, he really truly was.Â
and it didnât help that his gaze wouldnât leave you either, low and heavy as he took you in fully.
ânot how this works?â his voice, deep and gravelly, sounded once more and you physically felt your heart thudding.Â
the receptionist squirmed then and you couldnât help the satisfaction at seeing her nerves this time.Â
âum, yeah. you know, referral only? thatâs the policyâŚâ she laughed breathily but the man didnât acknowledge her, eyes shifting to you once again.Â
âwell, i made the policy, soâŚâ and his eyes trailed down to your glossy lips for half a second, you thought youâd imagined it, âi can make an exception.â
his mouth twitched, not quite a smile but something that made you equally nervous.Â
he took a step forward, then another and suddenly, he was close enough that you could smell him. soap, sweat and something faintly like smoke.Â
and you didnât know why you felt like you had to speak before he did, âi didnât know about the whole referral thing. sorry.âÂ
âmm,â he hummed, eyes narrowing just a bit, âdid you google highest rated gyms and choose the first one?âÂ
your lips parted then your heart thudded at the smirk that painted his features, eyes half-lidded as they gazed down at you. heat crawled up your neck.Â
âis it that obvious?â you murmured softly, eyes glancing down as you shifted before looking back up as a small chuckle left him, low and dark. you could tell it was rare and that had your hands tightening as they gripped the fabric of your yoga pants.Â
his chuckle trailed off, your words earning you a real smirk this time, small and brief like it slipped out by accident.Â
the receptionist looked like she was about to combust.Â
he gestures his chin toward the gym, âcmon.â
you stare, âwhat?â
âiâll show you around,â he states lowly with a shrug, as if you werenât just told this gym requires a bloodline to enter.Â
your hands clenched a bit, âi donât wanna, like, intrude. itâs fine, i can just find someplace el-â
âyou already intruded, might as well get somethinâ out of it.â he cuts you off gruffly, almost lazy.Â
your lips part. youâre not sure whether to laugh or panic but he starts walking before you can decide.Â
without thinking, you follow.Â
and you can tell this man doesnât do favors or shift the policy based on the burning stare of the receptionist. but heâs doing it anyway.Â
ânameâs toji.â he stated as he lead you through the main area of the gym, eyes briefly looking down at you and fuck, was the size difference plainly obvious.Â
you replied softly with your own name and could see his scar twitch. you didnât read too deep into it.Â
people shift out of his way without him saying a word. a couple of guys straighten like theyâve been caught slacking, some man calls out coach and toji merely nodded in reply.Â
you trail half a step behind him, trying not to look out of place as your wide eyes assessed the area.Â
the entire gym was dark and blacked out, but not in a tacky way. there was a large boxing ring in the middle of the floor, with a few punching bags scattered around. a large powerlifting area was placed on the side along with floor to ceiling windows, allowing natural light in.Â
as you'd seen online, pictures lined the second floor walls, the staircase leading up to a strength training area filled with every machine you could think of.Â
as your eyes squinted to take in the pictures, you could see pictures of current known boxers and martial artists you couldnât name but recognized, along with some legends you knew.Â
and you could see that the current boxersâ pictures were taken in the very ring beside you.Â
you could also see a few photos of toji himself, clearly after a fight, bloody lip but grin splitting his face so attractively.Â
this gym was insane.Â
he kept glancing at you, more accurately, staring, as he led you through the gym, motioning towards each different section and explaining the contents loosely.Â
âso what are you here for?â toji questioned lowly as you stopped by the main gym area where youâd started ten minutes ago.Â
you shifted a bit, âum, i just wanna train.â
toji paused for a moment, eyes assessing you as his lips twitched. your brows furrowed a bit at his apparent amusement, suddenly offended by the stupidly attractive man.Â
âyou look like you could fall over if i open a window.â he smirked as you scoffed instantly, arms folding over your chest as you looked up at him, âhave you ever lifted?âÂ
and he knew the answer was no.Â
âno.â you said it anyways and his smirk widened.Â
âcardio bunny?â he questioned and you shifted once more.Â
ânot really.â you stated and it was somewhat true. you walked a lot. like, a lot. it helped with your anxiety but you werenât running or anything of that sort.Â
âlet me guess,â his arms folded, mirroring you, âyou like to spend your mornings in those little stretching classes.âÂ
you assumed he meant pilates and his assumption was correct. itâs not like you were obsessed with it but it gave you structure, allowed every morning to start the same.Â
plus, it made you feel good. so who was he to judge?
âwhat if i do?â you huffed gently, suddenly not so intrigued by the man before you, but annoyed.Â
toji smirked with a shrug, ânothinâ wrong with that, yâlook good. but everyone needs a little muscle. itâs important.â
you tried not to blush at his passing compliment, simply shrugging gently as he lead you through the other side.Â
he showed you the lockers, showers, the private room for personal one on one sessions and the sauna.Â
finally, he led you to the main boxing ring.Â
it sat under focused overhead lights like a stage.Â
the ropes were taut, canvas clean and a heavy bag hanging nearby, swinging slightly.Â
you stared at it, chest tightening.Â
and toji watches you watch it, a glint in his eye and something pressing on his chest.Â
âyou wanna box, kid?âÂ
you swallow, âi donât know.âÂ
he tilted his head, âso, no?âÂ
you blink, âno, i just donât know. i donât really know what iâm looking for.â
toji hummed once, âi mean, boxing is great for letting out some steam. seriously, itâs proven.âÂ
and you hated the way he said it like he could see right through you. but you nodded nonetheless.Â
âiâll be your referral.â he stated surely, eyes never leaving yours, âthisâll do you good.âÂ
and something in toji didnât want to admit that he was being selfish. he wanted you here. you intrigued him.
he wanted to see you again, fucking enamored with you the second he spotted you outside the establishment, staring like you were about to enter a haunted house.Â
the glass was tinted. you couldnât see him but god, did he see you.Â
âś
toji had been mid-round when he caught sight of you.
hands wrapped knuckles aching in that familiar way that always seemed to ground him, rendering his mind mercifully quiet in a way that was rare for him.Â
he could see you from his peripheral, could sense the slow movements, hesitation and reluctance dripping from you.Â
his eyes had lifted without thinking and there you were.Â
standing just outside the entrance, weight shifting like you were deciding whether to flee. you looked so soft.Â
in all black but not in the sharp way the gym breathed, but your clothing was smooth and pliant, the kind meant to stretch and not brace for impact.Â
too fucking pretty for a place like this.
his first thought had been irritating, sheâs lost.Â
his second was worse, sheâll leave.Â
and the third settled low in his gut, instant and out of character. he didnât want you to.Â
and then you walked in. and he walked away mid-round, towards where you were like a siren singing him closer.Â
he hadnât planned to intervene when tracy was being a bitch, he never did. people always came and went, asked stupid questions, begged for exceptions. he never budged.Â
but he did, for you.Â
and god, he shouldnât.Â
you looked soft, gentle, young.Â
much younger than him, at least by a decade.Â
but fuck, you were so pretty. and by the trembling of your hands and the way you were quick to apologize, he could tell you were looking for something.Â
maybe someone.Â
so he walked up to you.Â
âś
the gym opened at six.Â
toji was always there by five thirty, ready to open up and get everything in place before the members began arriving.Â
but lately, you were beating him there.Â
for the past month, heâd arrive some mornings to open up and find you already seated on the steps outside, wired headphones in and your blush pink water bottle in hand.Â
in the beginning, you apologized and said you just liked to walk so youâd get there early but that you could wait.Â
obviously, toji wouldnât let you wait.Â
so youâd come in, watch him set everything up, sometimes help when you could.Â
other nights, youâd slip in an hour before closing, hair damp from the rain and eyes exhausted but determined.Â
heâd learned it just depended on your lab and lecture times.Â
but six days a week, you wouldnât miss a single session.Â
not once. and toji noticed it all.Â
he noticed you.Â
he caught himself watching you from across the floor more times than he liked, not leering but assessing.Â
he trained you some days, even though you told him he didnât have to, god, he wanted to.Â
you liked strength training now, obsessed with leg days.Â
and fuck, was he just as obsessed.Â
âi hope all this goes to my ass.âÂ
the first time you complained mid-set of hip thrusts, huffing as toji barked out a laugh so abrupt and out of place, you blinked up at him with a soft smile of your own.Â
âwhat?â you questioned, head tilting so prettily, his knees almost buckled.Â
ânothin',â he muttered, leaning down to add two more plates to the barbell, âletâs go.â
heâd also learned that you were an anxious little thing, something that was somewhat clear the moment youâd entered the gym a month ago.Â
heâd found out that the anxiety often made your appetite shit, you could barely stomach food. heâd changed that quick. toji had even started bringing you food himself, watching as you ate every last bite before leaving.Â
he explained to you how you werenât going to grow an ass without fueling properly.Â
boxing came in waves, when your head was too loud and school chewed you raw, toji ushered you into the ring where heâd let you get your frustrations out.Â
the first time heâd touched you, hands firm on your hips as he repositioned you, both of you froze. his palms burned like theyâd learned something they shouldnât, ignited, really.Â
heâd stepped back immediately, âyou good?âÂ
you nodded too fast, breathless, âyeah. sorry.â
toji despised it when you apologized. it made something in him go sharp and protective.Â
walking you home happened naturally.Â
you never asked and he never offered, it just started.Â
especially when youâd come in at night, heâd never let you walk back home alone, in step beside you like some sort of bodyguard.Â
heâd learned your class schedule without asking, purely from your repeated patterns.Â
he noted which alleyways made you tense, which topics of conversation made you ramble and which you avoided.Â
everything about you made him ache with need.Â
the way your eyes flickered up to his scar when he smirked. the way his gaze lingered too long when you stretched.Â
in the pauses that occurred when you stood far too close.Â
he had to remind himself, way too often, that you were only twenty two. you were off limits. get it the fuck together.Â
but every morning you showed up, every night you trusted him to get you home safe, every time you smiled up at him, all soft and unguardedâŚ
something inside toji fushiguro shifted itâs weight and settled.Â
possessive, unwilling and already gone for you.Â
he hated how much he wanted you to keep coming back. because he knew himself.Â
when toji wanted something, he wasnât very good at letting it go.Â
âś
it had been two months since you joined the gym and there was one main thing youâd discovered.Â
toji fushiguro was absolutely infuriating.Â
you werenât a brazen girl, youâve never even had a boyfriend before. which is why these feelings you harbored for the older man were making you feel crazy.Â
you were different around him, even you could tell.Â
the voices in your head quieted, your shoulders went lax and your hands were steady.Â
he made you feel safe.Â
you didnât know if it was because he was so much bigger than you, as well as many years older but it didnât matter.Â
because you loved being around him.Â
and you made it pretty obvious. no, you didnât throw yourself at him, your constant trepidation would never allow you to. however, for the better part of two months, youâd made small advances towards the man that should have clued him into your feelings. except, each attempt was met with him brushing you off.Â
it was absolutely infuriating because you truly believed toji felt for you as well. you could almost guarantee it.Â
alas, he held you at arms length.Â
the gym was always quieter in the mornings. certainly not empty, but quieter. settled.Â
the music was lower than usual, bodies fewer and the air less aggressive somehow. you loved coming in the mornings, much preferring it to the chaos of late nights.Â
you were just finishing your set of cable kickbacks when you felt it again. that subtle awareness.Â
not loud or leering, but present.Â
toji was leaning against the post by the ring, arms crossed and watching without seeming like he was watching.Â
you pretended not to notice as you took a sip of your water, eyes darting anywhere but at him.Â
yes, you were different around him, less anxious but he still made you a bit nervous.Â
you were in a snug pair of shorts that stopped right where your ass begun, halter top tight as it accentuated your waist.Â
you counted your reps slowly, pushing until your breathing grew labored and when you counted to eight, your leg was burning and trembling, barely able to push the weight once more so you stopped and stood, brushing your hair from your face.Â
and you could feel him. closer now, no longer downstairs by the ring but right behind you.Â
you tossed your hair over one shoulder as you glanced back at him.Â
âwas that till failure? was it enough?â you questioned, head tilting as your doe eyes watched him walk closer.Â
he was in a tight compression top and maroon colored loose shorts. he looked good.Â
in this light, you could see the the small dusting of grey hairs where his ears were, subtle and only just blooming, but still there. and god, why did you find it so attractive?Â
âto grow your ass?â he asked flatly, arms crossed as he moved even closer.Â
you smiled softly, âyouâre the one who said that first.â
âdonât put words in my mouth, kid.â his voice was low and gruff but his eyes danced with amusement, âsaid your ass looks great already.â
and you blushed softly, looking down as you grabbed your phone and logged the weight you used into the app heâd downloaded for you.
you looked up then to see him still watching, a bit further away and you stepped closer. maybe a bit too close.Â
close enough to feel the heat off him and enough that he shifted his stance without meaning to.Â
âwhat do you have next?â he questioned lowly, glancing down at your little outfit making the heat envelop your cheeks once more.Â
âleg press.âÂ
he hummed, eyes darting over to the leg press machine to see a man using it.Â
âwhat else?âÂ
you furrowed your brows, glancing at the machine then back at him, âthatâs it.âÂ
toji huffed once, jaw clenching as his arms crossed.
that guy was a creep, heâd concluded.Â
heâd been staring at you the entire hour youâd been here, obviously shifting his exercises to wherever you were so he could be close. it was pissing him off.Â
you ignored the sour look on his face, clearing your throat softly as you shifted just a bit closer, âi feel bad about making you walk me home all the time. let me repay you.â
toji frowned, âyou donât make me do shit. i walk you home because i want to.â
and he did want to. in fact, he looked forward to it every single day.Â
and you sighed softly. was he clueless or just plain stupid?Â
âwell, i want to repay you anyway.â you huffed gently, âwhat about coffee?âÂ
his head tilted then, jaw clenching as his eyes assessed you. he wanted to say yes, no, he wanted to scream yes.
maintaining a semblance of distance between you both was proven to be one of the hardest things toji has ever done.Â
because fuck, he wanted you. he wanted you more than anything.Â
but it was wrong, he knew that. but he wasnât sure if you did.Â
âdo you know how old i am?â toji questioned you then, taking you off guard as your mouth parted.Â
âum, not really? 30?â you knew he was older than that but didnât older people love when others mistook them for being younger?
toji smirked gently, seeing right through you, âiâm 35, kid.âÂ
you huffed then. you hated when he called you that.Â
âiâm not a kid. iâm about to graduate college.â you argued as the man chuckled gently, shaking his head as his tongue licked his scar once, quick and your knees trembled.Â
âand my back hurts when i lift heavy things.â
you knew he was full of shit, you just saw him deadlifting like 600 pounds without even breaking a sweat.Â
but you got his point.Â
he was older than you and didnât want to take advantage.Â
except he wasnât.Â
âyouâre not-â
âkid,â he murmured, interrupting you roughly but not unkindly, âdonât.â
you faltered then, taking a step back as you nodded once, biting your lip.Â
and that should have been it.Â
except something tightened in his chest when he saw you shy back into your little shell, one heâd worked hard to get you out of. he hated the way you avoided his eyes then, cheeks flushed as you picked up your things and moved towards the leg press machine.Â
he told himself it was better this way. and he almost believed it.Â
thirty minutes later, youâd been walking on the treadmill when your eyes caught sight of a scene that had your blood running hot.Â
the cardio section was on this platform by the ring so you could essentially see the main gym area well which you loved because you enjoyed people watching.Â
toji stood by the ring, speaking to this man you knew he coached, voice low and demanding as he instructed him when a girl walked over.Â
she was tall, strutting confidently in her tight shorts and sports bra that pushed her breast up to her chin.Â
you tensed as you watched her lean against the dark-haired man. you couldnât hear them well but you didnât need to.Â
she was brushing up against him and toji offered low, one word responses which still did nothing to ease your irritation.Â
and you watched them for a good 10 minutes until you were only fifteen minutes into your usual twenty minutes of cardio but you couldnât take it anymore. if you saw her giggle and brush against him one more time, you were gonna lose it.Â
you pressed the little red button on the treadmill, gathered your things and walked down the steps and towards the main lobby. right past the man who was glancing at you from time to time and when he couldnât spot you on the machine anymore, his gaze immediately turned to see you walk right past him, your familiar warm and pretty scent encompassing him.Â
in three strides, his large hand was already gripping your elbow and turning you around, âyouâre done early.âÂ
you simply hummed in agreement, pulling your arm away from his hold as your eyes darted to well, anywhere but him.Â
then his hand lifted, thumb and index gripping your chin and forcing your gaze to his, âwhatâs with the face?âÂ
âwhat face?â your lips pouted even more, brows furrowing as you moved your chin away from his hold. or attempted to but his grip was iron-clad.Â
he smirked then, âthat face.âÂ
âthatâs just my face!â you stated, hands moving to physically pry his hand away from you and he obliged, ânow, if youâll excuse me, i have a lab to get to.âÂ
an you turned to walk towards the locker rooms when his voice sounded once more, âsheâs not my type, yâknow?âÂ
your heart stopped, body immediately turning to face him once more, jaw clenched, âi donât know what youâre talking about.â
his smirk only deepened as his tongue pressed against his cheek to stop himself from laughing.Â
toji moved closer then till your head was forced to crane back to look up at him, âsure yâdonât, sweetheart. not jealous?âÂ
you scoffed immediately, but god, you wished heâd call you that more often and not kid.Â
âoh, please.âÂ
ây'r pouting.âÂ
âam not!âÂ
toji huffed a short laugh, surprising both of you, âitâs cute.âÂ
you gulped then, the image of her and him crossing your mind once more as you met his dark gaze.Â
then his eyes softened, arms uncrossing because he wasnât cruel. at least not to you.Â
âdonât read into things.â
you looked down, âright.â
and there it was again, that ache. the one that made his jaw tighten, that told him he wanted to say more than he should.Â
because you were reading into things.Â
but so was he.Â
and he wanted nothing more than to prove to you that there had been a cosmic shift the moment you had walked into this establishment. that something visceral changed in him when he'd met you.
he walked you home that night. and when you paused outside your gate, eyes peering up at him with something akin to hope, he simply told you to text me when youâre in.Â
and he watched you disappear into your apartment complex, staring longer than necessary.Â
toji told himself he was being responsible.Â
that the tension between you was something he needed to keep a lid on.Â
and you laid awake that night, remembering the way he said donât like it hurt him more than it did you.
âś
it was late when the door was pushed open, a mere thirty minutes before closing time.Â
you slipped inside quietly, shoulders tense and fingers trembling where they clutched your mini pink duffel bag that didnât really carry much.Â
toji immediately looked up from his place by the lobby.Â
truthfully, heâd been pacing the entirety of the entrance, eyes practically fixed on the door, waiting for it to be pushed open in that gentle way you always did.Â
it was a wednesday, meaning youâd usually arrive an hour before closing time, meaning thirty minutes ago.Â
and he hated how restless heâs been since, simply waiting for you to grant him your addicting presence like a puppy waiting by the door. he longed to hear your saccharine voice tell him about your day, even if it was laced with exhaustion.Â
but you did no such thing.Â
as you entered, youâd simply glanced up at him like your eyes always seemed to find him first, offering a tight smile before disappearing into the locker room, a word not leaving your plush lips.Â
and toji felt like dying.Â
as the days passed, toji had began getting used to the way your doe eyes met his, filling with relief when you saw him. heâd began looking forward to your dimpled smile and the gentle way you recalled the dayâs events, even if they were uneventful.Â
what felt like a lifetime later which in reality was a mere two minutes, youâd emerged from the womenâs locker room in your little black shorts and sports bra with that same ballet top from the first day youâd walked in here wrapped around your smaller frame.Â
and you hadnât expected toji to be right outside the locker room, body colliding with his as he held your elbows to steady you, big hands encompassing you and dark eyes looking down at you with a scowl.Â
âsorry.â you murmured as your wide eyes looked up at him, and fuck, if that word didnât just make him angrier.Â
âwhere the hell were you?â his words uttered like a demand rather than a question, rendering you confused as your brows furrowed.Â
but your eyes seemed far away, farther than heâd liked.Â
he longed for you to be with him, always, for you to find relief in him like you always did. it seemed that whatever anxious thoughts were riddling your mind, his mere presence alone wouldnât suffice in calming you this time.Â
he only grew more frustrated.Â
âwhat do you mean-â
âi mean, you usually show up at 9 on wednesdays. itâs 9:30. we close in half an hour. where were you.â again, his voice was commanding rather than soothing. he watched as your cheeks puffed out for a moment, skin flushing as you shook your head.
âi can leave-â
toji stepped closer, hands lifting from your arms to your face as he lifted your gaze to his own. he hated when your eyes wouldnât meet his.Â
and you were glad that the gym was basically empty aside from you, him and the cleaning lady.Â
âthatâs not what i said, kid. i asked where you were.â
and as your wide eyes finally met his, darker than usual and glassy, his chest clenched with effort.Â
and he was angry for an entirely different reason.Â
âi got caught up in the library.â your voice came out soft, almost a whisper and his jaw clenched, tongue sharply tracing his scar slowly as his eyes flickered around your pretty features.Â
you seemed utterly exhausted.Â
his eyes immediately travelled to your fingers, specifically your thumb where that patch of raw skin was darker, raw and red. his ribs burned, imagining the way you picked at the skin till you bled.Â
âcmon.âÂ
his hand held your own, drawing your fingers and palm as he led you towards the ring in the main area.Â
the ring always felt bigger at night, lights low overhead and ropes casting long shadows across the mat.Â
toji grabbed the wraps from the little box on the side, stepping forward to grip your hand, wrapping each one methodically. his eyes never left you and yours stared somewhere into space, mind not even in your vicinity.Â
that pissed him off.Â
âhey,â he demanded, beginning to wrap your other hand as you snapped out of whatever daze youâd been placed in, eyes looking up, âfocus on me.â
you simply nodded once as he walked off to get the mitts, slipping them on as you placed the blood colored gloves into yours.Â
âhands up.â he instructed as you complied automatically, âbreathe.âÂ
your first punch was weak, off center.Â
toji didnât say anything, simply adjusted his stance.Â
then you hit him again, sharper but still utterly soft.Â
âlike you mean it. cmon, use me.âÂ
and those words caused a flicker to brighten in your eyes.Â
this time, you hit harder. much harder, almost frantic.Â
he encouraged you softly, watched as you punched faster, harder. like you were trying to outrun something.Â
no punches you would ever throw could hurt him, even at your strongest. in fact, the mitts barely even moved when youâd hit but he knew when you were really trying or not.Â
the rhythm broke quickly, your breathing growing uneven and punches sloppy with frustration rather than fatigue.Â
âhey,â toji spoke uncharacteristically gently, firm palms catching your fists mid-swing as he allowed the mitts to slip off, âeasy, kid.âÂ
your shoulders shook before you even realized what was happening, breathing labored and eyes glassy.Â
âiâm so tired,â you breathed out, words barely audible, âi donât know why i canât just-â
your voice cracked clean down the middle and so did his heart, clenching as he watched your big glassy eyes.
toji swore quietly under his breath and reached out without thinking, a hand cradling your jaw, steady and grounding and warm.Â
âalright,â he muttered, âthatâs enough.â
you shook your head violently, ân-no, i need-â
your fists slammed against his broad chest instead, weak and unfocused, frustration spilling over into something raw and helpless. a sound tore out of you before you could stop it, a sob youâd been holding back all day.Â
and toji caught you without hesitation, an arm wrapping around your waist, dragging you up and into him. the other anchored at the back of your head, fingers clutching at the strands of your hair.Â
âi got you, i got youâŚâ he murmured against your hair, rough but steady as he placed repeated kisses to the area.Â
your forehead pressed into his chest as you broke, quietly then all at once. tears soaked into the fabric of his shirt as your hands fisted it like you were afraid heâd let go.Â
toriâs jaw clenched as he held you close, something inside him burning to fix whatever rendered you this helpless.Â
he held you even as your cries quieted to tiny sniffles and sighs, grip only growing tighter.Â
when you finally pulled back, your pretty eyes were bloodshot and puffy, long lashes wet and cheeks flushed and damp.Â
you looked embarrassed the second you realized how close you were, hands stills gripping the fabric of his shirt.Â
âiâm sorry,â you whispered and tojiâs jaw clenched.Â
âdonât apologize to me.â
your gaze flickered to his mouth before you could stop yourself and he noticed instantly. because he noticed you. every little thing about you.Â
the air shifted then, quiet and heavy. almost electric.Â
his big hand drifted from your waist down to your hip, yours still at his chest.Â
neither of you moved.Â
âkid,â he said softly, warning threaded through the word, âyou donât-â
you leaned in anyways, lips only brushing his, as if testing the waters.Â
and the mere brush of your plush lips against his own had a sharp sensation go through him.Â
toji fushiguro was 35 years old, heâd experienced his fair share of kisses and fucks, but god, if this wasnât the moment heâd felt most alive.Â
fuckâs sake, heâd even been married once and it never felt this right.Â
toji stilled for half a heartbeat and he knew you were waiting for him to take the lead, to guide you, as he usually did.Â
he tried to reason with himself. he was thirteen years your senior, you were still in college, this wasnât right.Â
but that didnât explain the way his hand slid up your back, firm and sure as his lips met yours in a kiss that was anything but wrong.Â
a sound left you then, low and soft, as he sounded a groan right back, muffled against your lips.Â
your lips moved in sync, slow at first, controlled before growing more frantic, mouths parting and tongues licking as a whimper left you.Â
your hands tangled in his dark locks as his own feet moved forward till the ropes pressed against your thighs as he sat you down, legs wrapped around his waist but seated on the top rope.Â
his hands gripped your hips as his lips crashed against yours, over and over until he couldnât breathe. he didnât want to.Â
fuck, you were everything.Â
this was everything.Â
well, until your breath hitched and you pulled back, flustered and wide-eyed, looking absolutely wrecked with your swollen lips and flushed cheeks.Â
âoh god,â you breathed out, âiâm so-â
âif you say sorry, iâll kill someone.âÂ
his words were sharp, deep and still breathless from you previous actions. and fuck, he just wanted you to stop talking and keep kissing him.Â
you gasped softly, hand pushing against his abs but he wouldnât budge so you simply slid down against him till your feet touched the floor, eyes avoiding his.Â
âi-i should go-âÂ
âno. stay.â toji placed a hand against your hip, eyes narrowed as he looked down at you but you wouldnât meet his gaze, unraveling the wraps on your hands as you walked backwards.Â
âi have class early tomorrow, iâll, um, iâll see you!âÂ
and toji watched as you hopped down from the ring, grabbing your phone with trembling hands before you rushed out the doors, completely abandoning your stuff in the locker room.Â
he didnât chase you, shoulders tense and jaw locked as he watched you disappear out the door like something precious slipping through his fingers.Â
and then it was just him.Â
and for the first time in a long time, toji fushiguro didnât feel in control of a damn thing.Â
âś
you didnât show up the next day. or the day after that.Â
and frankly, toji wasnât sure if you were going to show up at all, but he only lasts two days before taking it upon himself to find out.Â
he tried to rationalize your absence. maybe it was just uni shit. deadlines, exams, assignments.Â
but he knew you by now.Â
you were avoiding him after youâd kissed him in the ring.
he could still feel you, your smaller frame pressed against him, the addicting sounds that left you, the way youâd clutched at him like he was something holy.Â
then he remembered your flustered expression, your breathlessness, eyes blown wide like youâd crossed a line you couldnât uncross.Â
by the third night, toji was pacing the gym floor.Â
heâd already closed up, lights off and equipment put away but he couldnât make himself go back home.Â
he told himself five different reasons not to do this.Â
alas, he does it anyway.Â
your apartment building was quiet, too quiet. he climbed the stairs to the sixth floor without thinking, the memory of you rambling on about your landlord serving him well as he recalled your floor and apartment number.Â
and when he knocked, it was tight and sharp, utterly impatient.Â
meanwhile, you had been quietly making your little yoghurt bowl, tea brewing and a youtube video playing softly in the back. you had finished your assignments yesterday, exams behind you so things were calmer.Â
so why didnât you go to train?Â
because you couldnât face toji fushiguro, no, it was too much.Â
the man had already brushed you off on multiple occasions, making it evident that he wasnât comfortable with pursuing you, drawing that line clear and bold and you went ahead and kissed him anyway.Â
god, it made you shudder thinking about it.Â
he was just soâŚgood.Â
you were sure you were the only person who used that word to describe him, what, with his constant brooding and everlasting scowl painting his unfairly handsome features.Â
but he was, truly.Â
and god, did he know how to kiss. it was almost sinful.Â
you couldnât stop thinking about him which is why space was definitely needed.Â
you needed a rest day anyways, it was good to recover. right?
a few days would pass, youâd go back and toji would have forgotten all about it. even better, heâd simply ignore your existence.
you tried not to acknowledge the pang in your ribs at the thought.Â
it was 10:47pm when a rough knock sounded your apartment and you froze.Â
you didnât order anything and your friends didnât usually show up unannounced.Â
you gulped softly and in your little baby blue pajama set and fluffy socks, you padded over to the door, leaning up on your tip-toes as you looked through the peephole.Â
and then you gasped softly.Â
fuck, fuck, fuck.Â
what was he doing here?Â
you turned and placed your back against the door, heart thudding as you tried to think of what to do.Â
should you ignore him? what if it was important? maybe he was just dropping off the bag youâd left? or he was here to ban you from the gym after what-
âopen up, kid, i can hear you shufflinâ around over there.â
his deep voice reverberated through the door and you froze once more. you couldnât help the beating of your heart and clamming of your hands as he spoke, his voice calling to you in a way you couldnât explain.Â
so with a deep sigh, you opened the door, âhi, toji.â
and fuck, did hearing your pretty voice say his name fucking heal something in him.Â
and he was fucking pissed at you for taking that away from him.Â
you could tell. by the scowl painting his features and the narrowing of his eyes. but then again, that was also his resting face, so you couldnât be too sure.Â
âyou didnât come in.â he stated, voice low and clipped, âfor three days now.â
your brows knitted, âyouâre tracking my attendance now?â
âdonât,â he snapped, pushing past you and making his way into your home for the first time and fuck, everything was soâŚyou.Â
the neutral and pastels, the low lighting and candles smelling of cinnamon and something warm. it was all so warm. and so utterly you.Â
âfuck have you been doing?â he questioned, voice firm as he turned around to face you, arms crossing as he watched you close and lock the door before turning to him with a sigh.Â
âi was sore and needed a rest day.âÂ
he scoffed immediately, taking a step forward, âbullshit. you ran.â
your mouth parted for a moment before huffing once.Â
so what if you did? so what if you were?Â
you didnât owe him anything, he was the one who basically said he didnât want you.Â
your spine stiffened, âyou donât-â
âyou kissed me,â he interrupted, voice rougher now, âthen you bolted.â
silence thickens the room and you swallowed, âdo you blame me?âÂ
he scoffed once, stepping even closer, âfuck yeah, i do.â
you scoffed right back, arms crossing as you looked up at him with narrowed eyes, âseriously? youâre the one who basically told me not to try anything, spent weeks acting like i was some kid playing pretend, like i didnât know what i wanted-â
tojiâs jaw clenched, âi was protecting you.â
âfrom what?âÂ
âfrom me.âÂ
the words landed heavy and you took a step back but he only took one even closer, slower as if he was afraid youâd vanish once more if he moved too fast.Â
âyou seriously think i donât want you?â he began, jaw clenching and eyes darkening as you swallowed gently, âthe entire fuckinâ problem is that i want you. bad. have since the moment you walked into my gym, lookinâ like somethinâ out of a dream. like you were on the verge of runninââŚi just,â you couldnât get over how utterly raw and real he sounded, âiâm older. i donât want to be something youâll regret.â
you stepped into his space before you could think it over, hand reaching out to grip at the fabric atop his abdomen, âyou wouldnât be. i'm not fragile.âÂ
he begged to differ but he presumed you were somewhat right.Â
you were fragile, just not in the way he was afraid of.Â
you were soft and maybe a bit sensitive, but you were an intelligent thing, and you were extremely aware of everything, yourself included.Â
toji studied your pretty features then, searching for doubt or hesitation but he came up empty.Â
then his control snapped, not violent but decisive.Â
fuck it all.Â
one big calloused hand came up to your jaw, thumb resting just beneath your lip and when he kisses you this time, there was no hesitation.Â
it was slower, deeper and certain.Â
he murmured your name against the plush of your mouth, groaning as you gasped against him when his other hand reached down to squeeze at your ass once. youâd taken the hint and leaned up, allowing him to pull you into him effortlessly, your legs around his hips as your hands gripped at the dark strands at the base of his neck.Â
âanxious little thing,â he murmured against you once more, tongue peaking out to paint a stripe across your panting lips, âdonât run from me again, okay, pup?âÂ
you whined against his lips, nodding gently, âokay.âÂ
pup wasnât much of a step up from kid but youâll take it.Â
and this time, when he kisses you again, he leaves nothing unsaid between you.Â
âś
this didnt turn out the way i pictured at all but oh well đŤ đŤ
toji is acc my fav in jjk but i feel like i cant ever do him justice when i write him so i never do so this was my first toji fic !!
lmk what you think as alwaysss + i hope u enjoooy!
credits - divider by @/uzmacciato + art by @/ruu_sugu
ŕŠâËâ𪟠ŕłŕż*:シ you know your desperation has reached its limit when you decide to ask about dealing with your crush on an online forum.
part 1 -> part 2 -> part 3
chatting with sixeyes0607 at forum becomes a habit.
you tell yourself itâs temporary; just a weird digital crutch until the embarrassment of facing gojo fades, but the forum tab stays open on your browser. you refresh it in the three-minute lull between classes, the glow casting a soft light on your face in your dark dorm before bed, your eyes flicking to it during lectures when your notes blur into incomprehensible swirls. it becomes a ritual, a tiny pocket of understood chaos.
it doesnât really bother you that you donât know his name or why the weird nickname(though yours is no better, at least its factual), you donât know where he studies and what he likes. you are not sure you want to ruin the magic of your anonymity and bonding over your unattainable crushes. regardless, sixeyes0607 is always there. his replies appear like clockwork, a digital heartbeat, a comfort.
sixeyes0607: did you survive today?
ghostinthebackrow: barely. i avoided the area he exists in.
sixeyes0607: valid strategy.
ghostinthebackrow: what about you?
thereâs a pause longer than usual. the little typing⌠indicator appears, disappears, reappears.
sixeyes0607: uh. i tried again. saw them in the library.
your stomach flips, a strange mixture of dread and vicarious thrill.
ghostinthebackrow: and?? donât leave me in suspense.
sixeyes0607: said something stupid. laughed too loud. she smiled though.
sixeyes0607: a little one. cute tho
you picture his crushâfaceless, distant, perfect in your imagination. you feel happy for him, feel glad that heâs braver than you are.
ghostinthebackrow: a smile is good.
sixeyes0607: yeah. felt like winning a medal.
you type before your internal censor can engage, the words flowing straight from the vulnerable core of you to the screen.
ghostinthebackrow: i wish heâd smile at me.
on the other side of campus, gojo stares at that sentence longer than he should. heâs in his dorm, half-dressed after practice, a water bottle forgotten in his hand. the words echo in the silent room. he knows exactly what you mean.
â
your second attempt happens by accident, which is the only way it could have happened at all.
youâre buried in the cacophonous quiet of the main library, digging through the black hole of your bag for a specific highlighter. in your haste, your elbow knocks a thick sociology textbook off the edge of the table. it lands with a soft but definitive thud at someone elseâs feet.
long legs, clad in expensive, slightly distressed jeans. familiar white sneakers, impossibly clean.
before you can even gasp an apology, heâs bending down. gojo picks up the book, his fingers brushing the cover. he doesnât hand it back immediately. instead, he glances at the title, a faint, unreadable expression flickering across his face before he extends it toward you.
âyou dropped this,â he says. his voice is lower here, softened by the library hush.
your brain, the traitorous organ, fully short-circuits. all pre-rehearsed sentences evaporate.
âohâthanks. sorry,â you manage, your voice a breathy whisper. you take the book, your fingers briefly grazing his. a static shock, real or imagined, jolts up your arm.
he doesnât move away immediately. he watches you for a second, his head tilted slightly. heâs closer than he was at the vending machines. quieter. more present.
ââŚyouâre in my chem lecture, right? with professor yaga?â he asks, as if confirming a hypothesis.
your heart stutters, trips over itself. he knows. heâs noticed you.
âyeah?â you say, the word coming out as a shocked exhale. you clear your throat. âi meanâyes. monday and wednesday at ten.â
he smiles thenânot the wide, dazzling, crowd-pleasing grin. this one is smaller, softer at the edges. it looks thoughtful, like heâs concentrating on getting it right. it reaches his eyes, making them crinkle in a way that feels devastatingly genuine.
âcool,â he says, the single word imbued with a weight that the library air seems to hold.
and then, like a spell breaking, someone calls his name from across the periodicals section. the moment snaps, a thread pulled too tight. the easy tension in his shoulders returns, the public persona sliding back into place like a mask.
âlater,â he murmurs, more to you than to the caller, and then heâs gone, weaving through the stacks toward the noise.
you sit there for five full minutes, the sociology textbook open on your lap to a random page. you donât read a single word. you just watch the spot where he stood and feel your hands tremble with the residual energy of a celestial near-miss.
that night, you log on with a new kind of urgency, eager to tell your anonymous friend about what happened.
ghostinthebackrow: update: he talked to me.
sixeyes0607: NO WAY
ghostinthebackrow: it was an accident. i dropped a book. he picked it up and then started talking.
sixeyes0607: thatâs huge bro
ghostinthebackrow: like. two sentences. but still.
you hesitate, biting your lip, then add the most crucial data point. you havenât been able to stop thinking about it through the whole day.
ghostinthebackrow: he smiled.
on gojoâs screen, your words feel heavier than they should. heâs replaying the library moment for the twentieth time, and now heâs reading your perspective of it and doesnât even know it. the duality is maddening and exhilarating.
sixeyes0607: see? told you silence doesnât mean rejection.
you smile, a warmth spreading through your chest that has nothing to do with your roomâs temperature.
you donât see him type and delete three different replies.
he backspaces furiously, feeling like an idiot. finally, he settles on something safer, something that aches with the truth he canât yet voice.
sixeyes0607: you deserve that smile, yâknow.
⌠his next attempt is, by his own later assessment, a disaster of epic proportions.
he spots you outside the student center. youâre sitting alone at a small, round table under a tree, headphones in, a notebook open. youâre biting the end of your pen, lost in thought. his friends, suguru and shoko, are a few feet away, debating where to get lunch, loud and annoying in the way he usually relishes. today, he ignores them.
his feet carry him over before his panic can catch up. he taps the table twice with his knuckles.
you look up, pulling one headphone away, startled. your eyes widen slightly. âoh. hi.â
âhey,â he says, and suddenly heâs hyper-aware of everything: how tall he is looming over the table, how his shadow falls across your notes, the fact that he canât remember what he planned to say. âuh. we talked at the library.â
you blink. âthatâs right.â
he opens his mouth. the plan was something clever, something about the book, or chemistry, or the weather. a smooth segue. what comes out is nothing. just air. his mind is a perfect, blank, blue screen.
his face heats. he can feel the tips of his ears burning, a telltale sign he hopes you donât notice. he breaks eye contact, rubbing the back of his neck in a gesture so uncharacteristically nervous it would shock his friends.
âiâuh. never mind,â he mutters, the words stumbling over each other. âsorry. bye.â
he turns and walks away, not back to his friends, but just away, leaving you sitting there in stunned silence. he canât believe he acted so stupidly around you. he can barely shut up around girls he doesnât even like!
â
later, curled up in bed with your laptop balanced on your knees, you try to process the whirlwind. gojo looked⌠nervous? confused? scared? itâs weird how his usually confident and cocky nature subdued for whatever reason. maybe you did weird him out with your reaction the other day.
ghostinthebackrow: okay. i think iâm confusing him.
sixeyes0607: how so?
ghostinthebackrow: he keeps acting weird around me.
sixeyes0607: weird how?
ghostinthebackrow: quiet. awkward. like he wants to say something but doesnât. heâs usually so loud and talkative. is it me?
thereâs a long pause. too long. you watch the cursor blink in the reply box, imagining him thinking.
sixeyes0607: âŚyeah. that sounds familiar.
ghostinthebackrow: really? your crush does that too?
sixeyes0607: oh no. i do that. turns out when you actually care, all that confidence goes straight out the window. leaves you standing there with a dumb look on your face and a heart trying to beat its way out of your chest.
you read the message twice. then a third time. you hug your pillow tighter, pressing it against the sudden, overwhelming ache in your chest. itâs a soft ache, threaded through with filaments of a hope so fragile youâre afraid to name it.
ghostinthebackrow: so maybe um
ghostinthebackrow: maybe our crushes arenât these untouchable, perfect entities. maybe theyâre just⌠people. with their own stupid, malfunctioning software.
on the other side of the screen, in the quiet of his room, gojo exhales a slow, shaky breath he didnât know he was holding. he stares at the ceiling, the words painting a new, terrifying, wonderful possibility across the blank white surface.
sixeyes0607: maybe theyâre just scared too.
đź â.Ë đ đ đĄâ.Ë đź
it isnât completely insane that a stranger on the internet knows the exact, fluttery rhythm your heart adopts when you walk past a certain section of campus, or the way your stomach knots into a tight, anxious fist twenty minutes before a shared lecture. itâs not weird that his username is the first thing you look for the second you open the clunky forum, your breath hitching slightly until you see the last active: 5 minutes ago tag beside his name.
sixeyes0607: what lecture you suffering through today?
ghostinthebackrow: organic chem. back row. as always.
sixeyes0607: is the air is thinner up there? i know the view of everyoneâs impending doom is clearer.
you pause, your pen hovering over your notebook. a coincidence had been nudging at the back of your mind for days, small details aligning.
ghostinthebackrow: wait
ghostinthebackrow: you said your crush is in your chem class. and youâre always joking about hating yagaâs pop quizzes
sixeyes0607: âŚ
ghostinthebackrow: professor yaga. thatâs my organic chem professor.
a longer pause.
sixeyes0607: yeah.
ghostinthebackrow: so⌠same college? tokyo metropolitan?
sixeyes0607: yeah. big one though. thousands of people. odds are astronomically slim weâd ever actually cross paths before we finish it.
your heart does a weird little skip, a tripping beat against your ribs. it felt both impossibly intimate and safely distant.
ghostinthebackrow: still funny.
sixeyes0607: funny or fate đ
you roll your eyes at the screen, a small, unbidden smile touching your lips despite the swarm of butterflies in your stomach.
â
it happens halfway through the wednesday lecture. yaga is droning on about stereochemistry, and your phone buzzes discreetly in your hoodie pocket. a new notification.
sixeyes0607: bet you five imaginary dollars heâs going to draw that molecule wrong again. look at the angle of that bond. criminal.
you stifle a laugh, glancing up from your screen to look at the whiteboard. as you do, your eyes catch on a figure a row ahead and several seats to the left. white hair, impossibly bright even under the fluorescent lights. broad shoulders slouched in a posture of elegant boredom. gojo satoru.
and in his hand, angled away from the professorâs line of sight, his phone screen is brightly illuminated, unmistakably so. the dark, low-contrast theme. the slightly outdated, text-heavy layout. itâs not a social media feed. itâs a forum thread.
your breath catches in your throat, sharp and cold. the air in the lecture hall suddenly feels too thick.
no. you tell yourself, forcefully. people use forums. there are millions of them. coincidence exists. youâre projecting, your brain rotting from sleep deprivation and romantic delusion, trying to force two separate worlds to collide because you secretly want them to.
stillâ your fingers, trembling slightly, hover over your own phoneâs keyboard.
ghostinthebackrow: do you ever text during class?
three dots appear almost instantly. in your periphery, you see gojoâs thumb move.
sixeyes0607: constantly. itâs the only way to survive. why?
your throat goes dry. you watch as gojo reads a message, his head dipping slightly, a faint, private smile touching his lips before he starts typing a reply.
you donât answer. you just stare at the back of his head, the world narrowing to the space between his phone and yours.
â
sixeyes0607: hey. this might be completely insane.
ghostinthebackrow: weâre already talking to internet strangers about our heart palpitations. we left âsaneâ behind weeks ago.
sixeyes0607: true. okay. wanna meet?
your heart slams against your sternum, a single, violent thud that echoes in your ears. you reread the three words.
ghostinthebackrow: like. in real life?
sixeyes0607: yeah. just coffee. campus cafĂŠ. neutral territory. no pressure.
you stare at the screen, your pulse a frantic drumbeat in your wrists.
the offer was a trap door, an escape hatch. it should have been comforting. instead, it made it terrifyingly real. you swallow, your mouth parchment-dry. god, were you really meeting with a person you could have been passing every day in the college campus?
ghostinthebackrow: okay.
sixeyes0607: tomorrow. 4 pm. the grind, on west campus.
ghostinthebackrow: okay
ghostinthebackrow: see ya
you put your phone face down on your pillow as if it had burned you, then immediately buried your face in your hands, a silent scream of pure, undiluted panic trapped in your chest.
⌠the grind smells like over-roasted espresso beans and damp wool from the afternoon rain. you push the door open, the bell jingling with obnoxious cheer, and your heart plummets straight through the floor.
gojo is there too, for some reason.
heâs sitting at a small table by the rain-streaked window, sunlight struggling through the clouds to glint in his messy white hair. his sunglasses are hooked into the collar of his jacket. he has his phone in his hand, staring at it intently. his leg is bouncing a rapid, anxious rhythm under the table.
no. your brain short-circuits, throwing up static. coincidence. just a cosmic joke. heâs meeting someone else. heâs everywhere, thatâs the point, heâs always everywhere, heâs the sun.
you canât breathe. you mechanically move to the farthest corner, sliding into a chair at a table wedged between a bookshelf and a large potted fern. fifteen minutes, you bargain with yourself, your hands cold and clammy. fifteen minutes and then youâll leave.
ten minutes pass. each one an eternity. you sneak a glance over the top of your phone.
gojo checks his watch. then his phone. he types something, frowns, deletes it. his thumb hovers, tapping a restless pattern against the case. you think heâs waiting. heâs waiting for someone.
stop it. youâre imagining things. heâs probably texting a friend to meet him for a late lunch.
twenty minutes past four. your hope, a fragile little bird, feels its wings grow leaden. you check your own phone. no new messages from sixeyes0607. nothing.
then, the bell above the door chimes again.
geto suguru walks in, shaking rainwater from his dark hair. he scans the room, spots gojo, and makes a beeline for him, sliding into the seat across from him with the easy familiarity of a lifelong friend. gojo looks up, and you see his faceâthe anxious tension melts into something else: exasperated affection. he groans, shoves his phone away dismissively, and starts talking, hands waving in animated explanation.
thatâs it.
the ache in your chest is sharp, a clean slice of humiliation. of course. of course gojo satoru wasnât waiting for you. he was waiting for his friend. you were a fool, weaving fantasies out of pixelated conversations and coincidental seating charts.
you stand up so quickly your chair scrapes the floor. you donât look back as you weave through the tables and push out into the cool, damp air, the cafeâs warmth clinging to you like a taunt.
you text sixeyes0607 when youâve calmed a bit, as soon as youâre far away from the cafe and closer to your dorm room, the rain misting your heated face.
ghostinthebackrow: you couldâve just told me youâd be busy or something.
the reply comes before you can even pocket your phone, vibrating against your palm.
sixeyes0607: i was there!! i waited!! are you kidding
a bitter laugh escapes you, swallowed by the drizzle.
ghostinthebackrow: sure.
sixeyes0607: i was!! for twenty minutes. then my friend showed up uninvited and i couldnât get rid of him.
your breath stutters. the image of geto sliding into that seat flashes again.
ghostinthebackrow: itâs whatever. forget it.
the three dots appear. they dance for a long moment. then they disappear. no reply comes.
you donât wait. you go home. you take a shower so hot it stings your skin, as if you could scrub away the embarrassment. you crawl into bed, the forum app a glaring icon on your phone screen. you donât open it. for the first time in weeks, you let the chat lie silent.
â
the next morning, you wake with a thought so fully formed and terrifying it rockets you upright, your blanket pooling around your waist.
same college.
same lecture halls.
same obscure, dying forum.
same cafĂŠ, same time.
gojo, constantly on his phone during classes he shares with you.
the way gojo had frozen, speechless, when youâd approached himâtwice.
no. it was impossible. a narrative constructed by a desperate, lonely mind. gojo satoru was the campus sovereign, a creature of effortless light and noise. sixeyes0607 was your shadowy confidant, all dry wit and vulnerable, hidden sweetness. they were opposites. they couldnât overlap.
your phone buzzes on the nightstand. a new notification lights up the screen. you stare at it, your heart pounding a frantic, ragged rhythm against your ribs. for the first time since that very first reply popped up weeks ago, you donât open it.
youâre too afraid.
because the theory solidifying in your head is a truth too terrifying to speak aloud: a truth that would shatter either your new friendship or your fragile hope.
and even worseâyouâre deeply, desperately scared it might be true.
Star basketball player Suguru Geto gets lucky on and off the court. The last thing you should do after the team youâre cheering for loses is fuck the rival teamâs star player. Losing never felt so good.
3.3k words
tags: 18+ cheerleader!reader x basketball player!suguru, afab reader, semi-public/locker room sex, hair pulling, unprotected ic, creampie, praise, swearing, reader does the splits on it, MDNI
One of the biggest games of the basketball season has your entire school on edge. Jujutsu University, your schoolâs number one rival, is visiting tonight. Itâs your first year here after transferring from another school, and you canât figure out why thereâs so much chaos. With the student body riled up, your squad is even more tense. Thatâs why your captain is reiterating the rules directly out of the sacred Cheer Bible.
âLetâs begin,â she says, clearing her throat. âNo posting thirst traps while in uniform. No hooking up with an athlete while theyâre in season. If you break up, pretend heâs dead. And for today, absolutely no ogling the opposing team.âÂ
The silence that follows is heavy.Â
âDid you hear that? Iâll say it again and again. I donât care that the Jujutsu boys are⌠you know. Do. Not. Engage.âÂ
You turn to Yuki. âIs this necessary?âÂ
She doesnât answer right away, just lifts her phone and shows you the Jujutsu roster online. Pictured on the screen is their captain and point guard, Satoru Gojo, grinning like he owns the planet.Â
You blink. âI guess I understand the hype.â
âPlease,â Yuki says, âYou should see their shooting guard. Heâs Gojoâs right hand man and every girlâs wet dream.â
Before she can swipe to his photo, your captain disbands the meeting.Â
âGet to stretching. And remember ladies, keep it tight, keep it classy, and keep your drama out of the locker room!â
-
The pep band blares. The crowd roars. Youâre adjusting your ponytail when the arena lights dim, signaling the arrival of the visiting team. Jujutsu University enters like theyâve done this a hundred times. The entire student section rises to their feet to boo, and yet somehow, it sounds more like worship.
Gojoâs the first one in, of course. He blows a kiss to someone in the bleachers and points finger guns at your mascot like heâs flirting with a cartoon. You roll your eyes. And then he walks in, and you immediately know heâs the one Yuki was talking about. Suguru Geto.Â
His jersey has a number 3 on the back, and his sharp eyes look like theyâve seen too much and care too little. Heâs not showy like Gojo. He doesnât need to be. He walks with the quiet confidence of someone who knows he can drop thirty points without cracking a smile. His hair is tied back in a low bun, ink trailing down one arm, and a black compression sleeve on the other.
The world doesnât exactly stop, but you swear it tilts on its axis. Itâs not even lust at first, not really. Itâs curiosity with teeth. Sharp, intrusive, and a little unhinged.
Yuki nudges you. âTold you.â
You say nothing, still staring as Suguru jogs to half court, gives Gojo a low five, and eyes the place like heâs ready to destroy it. Just when your gaze flicks to his face again, he looks right at you.
Itâs only a glance. Just long enough to make your stomach drop and your skin burn and your body suddenly very aware of itself in your uniform. He doesnât smile. Just tips his chin up a little, like heâs clocked you, and heâs made a note of something he likes. He turns away just as fast.Â
Yukiâs already smirking at you.
âOh,â you say, trying to sound unimpressed. âOkay.â
âOkay?â Yuki scoffs. âThat man is the reason this entire campus is foaming at the mouth. Gojo might run his mouth, but Geto? He ruins people. Quietly.â
You shake your head and turn away, but itâs too late. Youâre curious. And that curiosity only festers when game time comes and the court turns electric.
-
When the second quarter ends, your squad breaks for water before the big halftime performance. The gym is loud, thundering with the noise of two frenzied student bodies. The scoreâs tight, and everyone knows the second half is going to get bloody.Â
You wipe sweat from your brow, trying to focus on your breathing, on your formation for the next routine. But your attention is shot. Suguru hasnât looked at you again since that first glance. And somehow, thatâs worse than the way his eye contact affects you.
Youâre standing just off-court near an exit, waiting for the rest of your squad to return, when a shadow passes into your peripheral vision. Coming off the court alone, towel slung over his shoulder, jersey clinging to him in all the right places. You freeze, rooted to the floor like youâve been caught doing something you shouldnât, even though you havenât done anything but smile and wave your pom-poms.
Suguru doesnât say anything as he approaches. Doesnât smile, doesnât slow down. Just as he passes you, close enough that your arms almost brush, he tilts his head down and murmurs, voice low enough that no one else could hear:
âYou shouldnât stare so much. People might think you want something.â
Then heâs gone. You donât turn around. Your thighs are clenched, your pulse is racing, and thereâs no doubt in your mind now. You do want something. And if the look in his eyes said anything, he already knows what it is.
-
The rest of the game is a blur of sweat, sneakers, and chants. You know enough about basketball to follow along, but even someone whoâs never watched a game could tell that Suguru Geto was good. A fight nearly breaks out when Suguru dunks on your captain, causing him to fall over. Suguru just walks away as his teammates stop your own team from chasing him down.Â
Itâs the fourth quarter, and the score is tied with three seconds left. Someone passes the ball to Suguru, and everything slows. Silence falls among the crowd. Thereâs no rush, no panic. He plants his feet, looks at you, and shoots. He sinks the three-pointer and itâs chaos all over again.Â
The buzzer goes off as the crowd goes wild, and your squad disbands in every direction. Bodies brush too close in a storm of adrenaline and frustration. You should react, but all you can feel is the heat of his stare still burning on your skin, long after heâs turned away. It takes you a moment before you snap back into it. If youâre going to get what you want, nowâs your only chance.
The Jujutsu team is already on their way out, but you spot Suguru looking over his shoulder at you. He tilts his head ever so slightly, and even though he canât see you, you smile as your feet start moving automatically.
-
The visitorâs locker room is quiet, with only the hum of fluorescent lights buzzing faintly overhead. Your sneakers squeak against the tile as you step inside, heart hammering in your throat.
There he is. Sitting on a bench, legs spread wide, his jersey peeled off and tossed to the side. His skin glistens with sweat, chest rising and falling slow and deep. A single strand of hair clings to his temple. The rest falls loose around his shoulders, like he tugged the hair tie out without thinking.
He doesnât look surprised to see you. He just drags his gaze up your body, slow and deliberate, and lets it settle on your eyes. You feel it like a touch. It's like being pinned in place.
âLost?â he asks, voice low and lazy.Â
You open your mouth to respond, but the look in his eyes shuts down every excuse you had rehearsed. Itâs reckless. Itâs probably against three different rules in the Cheer Bible.
âI figured youâd come,â he continues.Â
âAre you always this cocky?â
âYou followed me,â Suguru replies, mouth curved into the faintest smirk. âWhy?â
Your throat is dry. âYou looked at me.â
He chuckles, quiet and wicked. âSo I did.â
He leans forward, rising to his feet slowly. He walks toward you with a confidence that steals air from the room. Each step measured, heavy, controlled.
And when he stops just in front of you, his hand comes up to brush a strand of hair from your face. His fingers linger at your jaw, his thumb ghosting the corner of your mouth.
âWhat do you want?â he asks you.
âLike you donât already know,â you retort, trying not to roll your eyes.Â
âI want to hear it, pretty girl,â Suguru responds.Â
âI want you,â you confess, voice barely above a whisper. âHappy now?â
His eyes darken at your admission. âGetting there.â
Instead, you grab the front of his shorts and pull him into you as your lips crash into his. Suguru catches your waist instantly, pressing you back into the row of lockers with a low grunt, like heâs been holding back all night. His kiss is rough but unhurried, all control. His hands travel down your thighs, gripping them with purpose, lifting you like itâs nothing. You wrap your legs around him as your back hits the lockers.
âKnew you wanted it the second I stepped on that court,â he breathes against your mouth.Â
You drag your fingers through his hair and tug just enough to make him hiss.
âYouâre not the only one who knows how to win,â you joke.
He laughs, deep and dark, then walks the two of you toward the bench behind him. He sits, spreading his legs wide, dragging you with him. You straddle him, your skirt already bunched up, breath shaky as he palms your ass through your spandex.
âYou gonna ride me like your school pride depends on it?â he murmurs, voice gravel thick.
You press your forehead to his and whisper, âIf you ask nicely.â
Suguru looks at you like youâre being ridiculous. âDidnât I earn this?â
The only response you give him is your hips rolling against his hardening member. He groans under his breath, grip tightening on your hips as your body grinds against him. There's heat in every part of your body, tension stretched taut like a pulled rubber band about to snap.
"Keep that up," he warns, voice low, lips brushing your jaw, "and I won't be gentle."
You grind down again, slower this time, relishing the twitch of his muscles beneath you. âI donât think you wanted me because I looked gentle.â
Suguru leans back slightly, just enough to look at you. His dark eyes are amused. âYouâre dangerous,â he murmurs.
âYou looked at me first,â you remind him, breath brushing over his lips.
He tilts his head, runs his hands up the line of your waist, thumbs grazing under your top. âYeah,â he admits, voice softer now. âI looked. Couldnât help it.â
You kiss him again, less messy this time, and so much more deliberate. You want him to feel the intention behind it. Suguru cups the back of your neck just as his tongue enters your mouth, like heâs trying to memorize your taste. His hand finally slides under your top, large palm hot against your spine.
âYou gonna keep teasing me,â he murmurs, voice thick, âor are you gonna show me what those legs can really do?â
âTell me you want it.â
He exhales, and you can see his control thinning.
âI want it,â he says, voice gravelly. âI want you.â
You pull your skirt off with haste, tossing it behind you. The look on his face when you pull his cock out of his shorts and line yourself up is almost reverent.Â
âNo foreplay?â he asks cautiously.
âBeen wet the whole game,â you confess. âI canât wait any longer.â
âYouâre gonna regret that,â he murmurs, but he doesnât make a move to stop you. âTake a breath.â
You do, and then he pushes in. Your mouth falls open instantly. Your fingers clutch his broad shoulders as the stretch steals the breath from your lungs. Itâs thick, slow, impossible to ignore. Every inch of his hardened member drags against you like heâs trying to leave a permanent impression inside your body.
âOh my god,â you gasp, eyes fluttering. âYouâre⌠youâre bigââ
Suguru grins at that, eyes blown with lust. His hands tighten just slightly around your waist, dragging you down the rest of the way.
âYouâre a cheerleader, â he taunts. âArenât you used to stretching by now?â
You whimper something incoherent against his neck, nails digging into his skin as your hips sink the last inch, fully taking him in. Suguru groans at the feeling, head dropping to your shoulder.
âFuck,â he mutters against your skin.Â
He stays still for a moment, letting you adjust, allowing the full sensation to sink in. Then he pulls back just slightlyâjust enough to make you whineâ and snaps his hips up once, slow and deep.
âStill think Iâm cocky?â he whispers, dragging his mouth along your jaw.
You press a finger to his lips. âDonât waste your breath,â you whisper, breathless yourself. âYouâll need it.â
You plant your feet wide on each side of the bench, sliding into the kind of practiced split your body knows by muscle memory. Suguru swears under his breath like a prayer. A sound escapes him, low and guttural, as his grip on your thighs becomes a silent plea.
âShow-off,â he mutters, breath ragged as he grips your hips tighter, guiding your rhythm.
âMaybe,â you pant, âBut you like it.â
âYeah,â he growls, tugging on your hair at the scalp. âI do.â
You move together like youâve done this before in another life, frantic but fluid. His hands slip beneath your top while your teeth graze his neck. Sweat builds, your thighs start to shake, and he leans back just slightly, admiring the sight of you split wide open on top of him, owning it.
With his hands firm at your hips, he guides you down onto himâslow, deliberate, watching every twitch of your face like itâs gospel. Each thrust steals the breath from your lungs. You cling to his shoulders, moaning quietly into his ear.
Suguruâs jaw is clenched, eyes half-lidded. âFuck⌠look at you. Even the sounds you make are pretty.â
Your movements lose control as you chase your high, using him for your pleasure. When you start to unravel, he pulls you flush to him, burying his face in your neck.Â
âNgh, Suguruââ you gasp out incoherently.
âI know, baby. I know,â he says into your skin. âCum on my cock, pretty girl.âÂ
When you clench around him, vision going white and body seizing with pleasure, the feeling pulls a groan from deep in his chest that he muffles against the curve of your neck. You're still catching your breath when his hands tighten around you. His lips drag along your shoulder before he pulls back, breath hot against your skin.
âTurn around,â he murmurs.
You blink at him with watery eyes, still dazed. âWhat?â
He stands, towering over you now, the heat radiating off him like a furnace.Â
âYou heard me.â
Your body obeys before your brain catches up. He helps you down, steadying you as your knees shake slightly. Then he turns you until your chest presses against the cool metal of the locker. The contrast between the chill of the surface and the heat of his body behind you makes you shiver. One of his hands flattens against your lower back. The other traces up your spine and slides into your hair, gently gathering it to the side.
âYou feel that?â Suguru murmurs, pressing close, his voice a low rumble. âHow bad I want you?â
You nod, lips parted, cheek resting against the locker. Even after such a strong orgasm, youâre already rutting your hips back against his cock.
âUse your words, pretty.â
âI feel it,â you whisper. âI feel everything.â
He hums, low and pleased. âGood.â
Suguruâs mouth grazes the curve of your neck as he enters you again, pulling the neediest moan from you. Your hands brace the lockers as his rhythm builds. His grip never falters. Every breathless sound you make only seems to push him further.
âWas I cocky?â he asks. âOr was I just honest?â
You try to answer, but your voice catches. Itâs too muchâ his control, the pressure, the way he knows exactly how to push you to the edge without letting you fall.
âIâll take that as a no,â he says, voice wicked.
Each motion leaves you shaking, boneless, lips parted against cold steel. And when your knees nearly give out beneath you, Suguru holds you steady, murmuring something you barely catch.Â
âYou with me?â Suguru asks again.Â
All you can do is nod.
âI asked where you want me to cum,â he repeats.
You whimper, constricting around him absentmindedly. âInside,â you plead.
âFuck, baby, are you sure?âÂ
All you can do is nod against the locker. âNeed you to fill me up.âÂ
Suguru cums the way he playsâsilent, but explosively controlled. Thereâs no wasted breath, no dramatics, just a low grunt with a clenched jaw. You moan at the feeling of his cum spurting inside of you, mixing together with your overflowing wetness. His arms lock tight around your waist like heâs holding himself together with sheer force. His orgasm rolls through him like a wave, powerful and controlled, but you can feel it in every part of his body.
His chest heaves against your back, and he presses a kiss to your shoulder, almost like an apology for how hard he took you, for how badly he needed it. For a long moment, neither of you moves. His hands stay on your hips, thumbs brushing gently now, as if grounding himself in the aftermath. As the haze clears and your breathing slows, he presses a final kiss to your shoulder, then leans back with a lazy, satisfied grin.
You let out a breathy laugh and glance at him over your shoulder. Then, quietly, like he just remembered where you are, he chuckles.
âYour squadâs gonna kill me.â
âThatâs only if they find out,â you tell him simply.
He brushes a strand of hair from your face. âWorth it.â
Suguru grins, all lazy and beautiful, eyes dragging over your face like he wants to memorize the way you look wrecked and flushed.
Then he reaches for the towel in his duffel bag. Itâs already a little damp from wiping sweat during the game, but he uses the clean corner anyway. You flinch at first, sensitive, but he moves slowly and with a gentle touch. He brushes your inner thigh with his knuckles as he works, and his voice drops low.
âDidnât think youâd really follow me.â
âI didnât think I would either,â you admit, catching your breath. âThis never happened.â
He hums, throwing the towel towards a trash can across the locker room. It lands inside. âOr it can happen again during my home game.â
You start to shift, but he tightens his hand on your waist. Suguru reaches up, eyes locked on yours, and removes the cheer bow from your hair.
âWhat are you doing?â you ask, half amused, half dazed.
He twirls it around one finger before stuffing it in the pocket of his bag.
âSouvenir,â he says with a wink.
You gape at him. âYouâre stealing my bow?â
âBorrowing,â he says. âYou can come get it back.â
You give him a look. âThatâs not how borrowing works.â
âIt is with me.â
You shake your head, finally managing to stand, though your legs are a little shaky and you absolutely hate that he notices.
Suguru sits back on the bench, admiring the view as you fix your uniform and tighten your ponytail.
âStill staring?â you tease.
He licks his lips, not bothering to deny it. âYeah. And?â
You toss him a look over your shoulder as you head toward the door. âSo arrogant for someone who barely won.â
âMm,â he calls after you. âYou didnât seem too mad about it when you were bouncing onââ
âBye, Suguru.â
He laughs, full and unbothered, as the door swings shut behind you.
Your heart is still racing. Your skin still tingles. And deep in your bag, your phone buzzes with new messages from your squad wondering where the hell you are. Youâre definitely looking forward to next month, when your school will travel to play his. You know youâre not done with Suguru, not even close.Â
All rights reserved Š orbitingdesire. Do not repost, copy, translate, or plagiarize my work.
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synopsis. only satoru gojo would be jealous of himself pt 2
contents. fluff, lovesick!gojos, time travel inaccuracies probably, dilf!gojo vs highschool!gojo
notes. this is a second part to a similar fic i wrote a couple months back. this thought has been plaguing in my mind latelyâi just know gojo would go insane at the thought of you fawning over the dilf version of himself.
you swear youâre cursed.
not by an actual curse, though that would be easier to explain, but by sheer cosmic inconvenience.
you were supposed to meet gojo for training this morning. emphasis on supposed to, because, as usual, he texted you âiâll be there in five minutes, swear on my six eyes,â and then wandered off somewhere between minute one and minute two.
so now youâre standing alone in the courtyard, stretching half-heartedly, considering whether making him run laps for ditching you counts as character development.
thatâs when the air in front of you ripples, and there is a flash of cursed energy that makes you pause. a ripple of light bursts through the courtyard, momentarily blinding you.
the cursed void snaps into shape and someone steps through it
not just anyoneâgojo satoru.
but even upon first glance you can tell that he is not the loud, lanky, and insufferably smug boy currently driving you insane.
this version is older, taller, broader in the shoulders, hair slightly longer, and he wears a blindfold. his expression is calm in a way youâve never seen on him before. you canât help but gawk at the way his flexed muscles look in that black compression shirt that he wears. you hate to admit it, but not even wrinkles that lightly map his face or the look of pride on his face make him any less attractive.Â
conversely, he looks at you like youâre the first drink of water after a desert.
âso this is what you looked like at eighteen,â he says, voice low and thoughtful. âi forgot how cute you were.â
you blink at him. âiâm sorry, who are you?â
you know this isnât your gojo. he is not the one that was supposed to meet you in the training yard five minutes ago.
before he can answer, someone skids into the courtyard behind you, kicking up dirt.
âhey! hey, iâm not late, youâre early,â the familiar voice calls. âdonât glare at meâi brought youââ
your gojo freezes mid-sentence.
his gaze slides from youâto the older version of himselfâthen to you again. and his expression folds into something between shock and deeply insulted confusion.
ââŚare you kidding me?â he mutters.
older gojo lifts a hand in a casual greeting. âyo.â
younger gojo stares at him with the same look of a man staring at his own funeral.
âwhy do you look like that?â he asks, voice flat. âwhy do you look like you have your life together? since when did my traps get that big? is that a blindfold? where did you come from? why are you here?â
âtime hiccup,â older gojo says simply. âdonât worry about it.â
âiâm absolutely worrying about it.â
the older version turns his attention back to you, and the shift is so gentle it makes your chest tighten.
âsorry if i startled you,â he says. âi didnât expect to land this close.â
âyou didnât expect to land at all,â younger gojo mutters mockingly. âyou look like you planned it.â
older gojo brushes that off. âright, because i definitely choose to tear open time and space before breakfast. i have three kids and a beautiful wife waiting for me in bed as we speak.â
âwith that ego? sure you do.â
you watch the two of them banter. itâd comical, the way they argue in the exact same voice pitched at different levels of arroganceâand your head spins.
older gojo notices you watching and smiles. it is something much warmer than the cocky grin that you are used to.
âitâs good to see you [name],â he says.
you blink. âyou⌠know me?â
âmm.â his smile deepens, soft around the edges. âvery well.â
younger gojo bristles on instinct. he steps slightly in front of you, annoyed. âokay, hold on. hold on. she doesnât even like me yet. how do you know her âvery wellâ?â
older gojo tilts his head. âbecause eventually, she stops running away from me.â
your face heats at the tone of his speech while younger gojoâs entire soul visibly leaves his body.
âiâm not running,â you mutter.
younger gojo groans loudly and drags a hand down his face. âis this what i become? a reflective bastard? do i start journaling too?â
âwould it kill you?â older gojo asks.
âprobably.â
you canât help it and laugh quietly, but itâs enough that both of them turn toward you.
younger gojo brightens immediately like he thinks the laugh is for him.Â
older gojoâs eyes soften like he knows it isnât.
the difference makes your stomach do something strange.
âokay,â you finally say, rubbing your temples. âi need someone to explain what exactly is happening.â
âi slipped,â older gojo says.
âyou slipped?â
âthrough a time seam.â
âyou slipped,â younger gojo echoes, unimpressed. âlike zurumon, but through time.â
older gojo shrugs. âmore like the water tiger.â
you sigh at their childish references. âcan you get back?â
âmaybe,â he says. âin a bit. the seam should settle soon.â
âgreat,â younger gojo mutters, âso heâs stuck here long enough to ruin my life.â
older gojoâs brow lifts. âruin? iâm just talking.â
âthatâs the problem! your talking is suspiciously effective. sheâs looking at you like sheâs⌠i donât know⌠impressed.â
you scoff. âi am not.â
older gojo gives you an amused look, and itâs little too intimate for someone you supposedly donât know yet.
âsure,â he says softly. âyou never were very good at hiding it.â
your breath catches and you feel an unfamiliar heat rise up to your face. it was strange, the effect he had on you.
and you hate that it makes something in your chest flutter.
âdonât worry,â he murmurs, voice lower, quieter, meant only for you. âyou figure it out eventually.â
âfigure what out?â you ask before you can stop yourself.
he doesnât answer, letting the silence serve as an explanation.
and behind him, your gojo stands stiff, his jaw tight as he glances between the two of you.
older gojo seems content to let the quiet hang for a moment, studying you with that unbearably soft expression that feels like it has no business being directed at an eighteen-year-old stranger.
well. stranger to you.
âyou said you have a wife,â you say suddenly, grasping at the only neutral thread you can find. âand kids?â
younger gojo snaps his head toward him. âi still canât believe youâre marriedâ
older gojoâs face changes, and now heâs wearing the kind of look people get when something they love crosses their mind at inopportune moments.
âvery,â he answers.
âvery?â younger gojo repeats. âwhy âveryâ? what does that even mean? you can't be 'very married.â it's binary.â
older gojo ignores him, gaze still on you.
âmy wife,â he says, slow like heâs choosing every word, âshe is incredible."
your heart stumbles against your ribs.
younger gojoâs face twists. âyouâre doing this on purpose.â
older gojo shrugs. âtalking about my wife?â
âin that tone,â younger gojo hisses. âstop sounding so sappy.â
older gojo finally glances at him, smile faint and maddeningly serene. âi am a man in love.â
younger gojo looks like heâs about to throw a rock at him.
âyou love her?â you ask before you realize your mouth has moved without consulting your brain.
older gojoâs eyes soften in a way that steals your breath.
âmore than anything,â he says. âsheâs the only person Iâve ever met who makes me feel whole.â
younger gojo chokes.Â
older gojo ignores that too. âsheâs stubborn. too stubborn for her own good. always pretending she isnât interested when she is. makes me work for everything.â
your pulse jumps painfully.
younger gojo notices and zeroes in on you.
his eyes widen in horror.
âwaitâno. no, no, no. youâre not falling for him.â his voice drops. âyou are not falling for him.â
âIâm not,â you say instinctively, too quickly and too defensively.
older gojo laughs softly at that.Â
âyou always say that,â he murmurs.
your entire body warms in one terrible, treacherous sweep.
younger gojo looks between you two like heâs watching a car crash in slow motion. âwhat is happening right now? why is he beingâlike this? why are youâlike this?â
âlike what?â you shoot back.
âlike youâre two seconds away from eloping.â
you flush. âweâre notâ! heâs married, you freak!â
older gojo smiles into his hand like heâs all too familiar with the argument that unfolds before him.
"my wife also denied everything," he says. âshe swore she didn't like me and insisted I was annoying.â
younger gojo points at him triumphantly. âshe says that about me!â
older gojo pats his shoulder sympathetically. âand she meant it.â
you bury your face in your hands.
younger gojo collapses to a crouch, grieving the loss of something he never had. âunbelievable. i lose to a blindfolded loser. this is humiliating.â
older gojo hums thoughtfully, toying with the dark piece of cloth. âthe blindfold grew on her.â
âyou must really love her,â you murmur.
his gaze lingers on you for a long, impossibly still moment.
âmore than you can imagine,â he says quietly.
your chest tightens.
younger gojo watches the two of you for three seconds before snapping.
âenough.â he jumps to his feet. âdonât look at him like that,â he mutters.
âlike what?â you ask.
âlike heâs a man.â he grimaces. âiâm a man too.â
older gojo snorts. âyou grow up, you know. eventually.â he leans in slightly, voice low, teasing in a way that curls warm around your spine.
âyou will,â he says. âfor her.â
younger gojo freezes. âforâ?â
âmy wife,â older gojo says lightly.
your breath stutters.
younger gojo goes silent.
you look between them, utterly doomed, heart beating far too fast.
this is bad.
you should not be attracted to a mysterious older version of your classmate.
you should not be wondering what his hands would feel like if he cupped your face the way he keeps almost doing. and you really should not be wishing time law violations were less strict.
younger gojo watches the way your eyes drift back to the older one, and his expression darkens in real time. âstop looking at him like that,â he mutters. âlook at me like that. iâm right here.â
you ignore him, because the air around older gojo shifts. itâs subtle, like a breeze curling in from nowhere.
he notices it too.
his head tilts up slightly, blindfold catching the light. âah. there it is.â
âwhat?â you ask.
âthe seam,â he answers simply. âitâs pulling.â
the air distorts again, thin lines of refracted light flickering at the edges of his silhouette, like something trying to reel him back.
you take a small step forward before you realize youâre doing it.
âso⌠youâre leaving?â
ânot by choice,â he says lightly. âtime has a terrible sense of timing.â
younger gojo throws his hands in the air. âitâs too early in the morning for this! who just casually gets yanked through space-time?! fix it!â
older gojo ignores him entirely, turning toward you instead. âdonât look so tense,â he says. âthis always snaps back.â
âalways?â you echo.
âwell,â he amends, âmost of the time.â
âhow reassuring,â younger gojo deadpans.
older gojo continues, âiâll drop back where i came from. five seconds will pass there. maybe six. i left in the middle of brushing my teeth.â
you blink. âyou time-travel while brushing your teeth?â
he shrugs.
younger gojo glares. âi hate that that sounds like something i would do.â
the distortion builds, light threading around older gojoâs arms, shoulders, like invisible hands pulling him.
he steps back, one foot already blurring at the edges.
but he pauses long enough to look at you again and itâs something calmer, something knowing.
âdonât overthink any of this,â he says quietly. âyou wonât get answers by tearing it apart.â
your breath catches. âthen how am I supposed to get them?â
âyouâll get there,â he says. âor i guess⌠iâll get there.â
the seam tugs harder, swallowing him up to the waist.
âwait,â you blurt, âdo weâdo iâdo we meet again?â
older gojoâs mouth lifts in the faintest smirk. âfrom my perspective? we already have.â
younger gojo swears loudly. âSTOP SAYING CRYPTIC THINGS IN MY VOICE.â
the light snaps sharply and older gojo disappears like he was never there at all.
youâre left standing in the courtyard, staring at the space where he vanished, the air still humming faintly like it hasnât figured out heâs gone yet.
and younger gojo, somewhere behind you, whispers in horror,
âdid you just imprint on future me?â
then younger gojo rounds on you, expression horrified.
âyou were basically swooning the entire time!â
you choke. âi was notââ
âyour face,â he says dramatically, âwas doing that cute thing.â
âit was not doing anything.â
gojo narrows his eyes, leaning in too close. âif you fall for him, that counts as falling for me by extension.â
you shove him back by the forehead. âplease go away.â
he stumbles back with an offended yelp.Â
âare we training or not?â you interrupt.
he blinks, thrown off. ââŚyou still want to?â
âyeah,â you say, stretching your arms over your head. âunless you plan on crying about your future biceps all morning.â
he straightens immediately, ego snapping back into place like elastic. âplease. my biceps now are clearly thriving.â he makes an attempt to flex his muscles. you donât give him the satisfaction of knowing that you have spent more times checking them out than youâre proud of.
âuh-huh.â
âand,â he adds, stepping closer with a smirk, âjust so you knowâwhatever he said? i can say it cooler. eventually.â
you give him a flat look. ââŚyou literally cannot.â
âwatch me.â
he cracks his knuckles, summons a flicker of cursed energy, and grins at you like he hasnât just had an existential crisis.
âalright,â he declares. âletâs start. and donât go easy on me just because youâve seen the deluxe version.â
âif anything,â you say dryly, âiâm going harder.â
âi knew you liked me.â
âi donât.â
âsure,â he singsongs.
you sigh, drop into your stance, and pretend your pulse isnât still a little off-kilter.
older gojo is gone, the seam closed, the future sealed back where it belongs.
but younger gojo looks at you and you canât help but fear that maybe he has a shot at becoming that guy.
⥠Summary: Gen and you attend a fundraiser at the orphanage he used to live at
⥠Contents: established relationship, insecurity, worry, talk about having children
There are better ways to spend your Tuesday night than rummaging through the piles upon piles of trash on your boyfriendâs desk, but Genâs busy training with the Number 1 suit, so cuddles and watching trash TV together are off the table. Heâll probably be done by the time youâre already fast asleep. If youâre lucky, maybe youâll stir when he finally joins you in bed and you can roll over, using his chest as a pillow instead of him awkwardly spooning you from behind, scared to wake you.
You sigh, tossing yet another protein bar wrapper into the trash bag in your hand. Youâve been at this for ten minutes and somehow havenât even made a dent. The worst part? You donât even mind. Cleaning his mess helps distract you from the scary thoughts. Like losing him.
Maybe you should just sweep everything into the bag without sorting through itâitâd be faster. But itâd also mean youâd run out of distraction sooner.
Something catches your eye in the chaos of wrappers, cans, figures, and whatever else can only vaguely be described as âmiscellaneous trash.â A flyer.
You let the trash bag fall to the floor and pick it up. âFundraising. Help the Tokyo Seaside Orphanage raise money for necessary renovations,â you read out loud, flipping it open. Inside are detailsâwhen, where, how.
You recognize it as the same day he blocked off an ominous event in his calendar and wouldn't tell you what it is. Why? You thought the two of you are long past keeping secrets like this. There's an ache in your heart, a small tug, a voice in the back of your head that reminds you of the past. Of how you didn't know things were wrong until you'd found that note and were forced to pack your things an leave. What you'd thought of as a loving relationship had turned into the opposite so fast...and you hadn't seen it coming. What if Gen keeping secrets is the begging of that. You shake your head, trying to stop the spiral your thoughts are in.
No, he loves you. And he must've had his reasons for not telling you about this. Maybe it's because his past is still a part he wants to keep guarded. You bite your lip. Your mind is racing to find a believable explanation to keep yourself from thinking of the worst case scenario.
You know you have to ask him. Communicate...you sigh.
----
The door to your shared quarters opens and closes quietly. Gen toes off his shoes and hangs up his jacket, moving with a sluggish exhaustion thats become too familiar lately. He doesn't even bother to turn on the lights.
He expects you fast asleep, maybe cuddling his pillow, you've been doing that a lot lately causing him to have to sleep without one because he doesn't have the heart to steal it back, or take yours. He's expects the room to be dark and quiet except for the sound of your slow breathing. So he's startled when he sees the faint sliver of light underneath the bedroom door.
âWhy are youââ he starts, rubbing a hand down his face, âwe talked about this. You need sleep. I donât want you working yourself sick again.â His tone is soft but tired, and it tugs at your heart.
âSo should you,â you counter gently, frowning as you slide a bookmark between the pages of your book. âI donât like seeing you this exhausted.â
Gen exhales through his nose, tugging off his shirt in one lazy motion. The fabric sticks slightly to his skin, sweat-darkened from training, muscles rippling as he throws it aside and then shoves off his pants.
For a moment, he just stands there in the soft, yellow light of the bedside lamp, rubbing at the back of his neck. âYou sound like my doctor,â he murmurs with a tired half-smile, but you can hear the edge in his voice, that something else is weighing on him.
You set the book aside and open your arms.
Gen stands there for a second, blinking like heâs unsure if heâs allowed, then he drops onto the bed, crawling up until his head rests against your chest and his body settles between your legs. Itâs one of those times he wishes he could be small, small enough to fold himself completely into you and stay there. But he likes the way you fit in his arms too much to really be sad about his size.
âGen?â you murmur, burying your nose in his messy hair.
He hums low in response, the sound vibrating softly against your ribs.
âI cleaned your desk earlier and found something.â
âMy playboy mag? I promise I donât use it anymore. Not since you.â He tilts his head up, a hint of a grin tugging at his lips.
You canât help the quiet laugh that escapes you. âNo, not that. The flyer. For the orphanage fundraiser.â
âOh,â he says, then sighs, nestling back against your chest like heâs hoping youâll drop it. âThat.â
His tone is careful, not dismissive, just guarded. You can feel the muscles in his back tense under your hands.
âWhat about it?â he asks finally, voice muffled against your shirt.
You drag your fingers through his hair, slow and steady, feeling the tension sitting just beneath his skin. âWhy didnât you tell me about it?â you ask gently. âYou even blocked off the day on the calendar.â
Gen doesnât answer right away. His hand finds the hem of your shirt, thumb rubbing lazy circles into your hip to ground him.
âI just⌠didnât want to make a big thing of it,â he says at last, voice quiet. âItâs nothing dramatic. Just thought Iâd stop by, see the place, donate a little. Didnât wanna bother you with it.â
You tilt your head, frowning softly. âBother me? Gen, you could never bother me. Especially not with something that matters to you.â
He exhales, the air ghosting warm against your collarbone. âYeah, but⌠itâs not exactly something I like to talk about. The whole⌠orphanage thing.â
âI remember,â you murmur. âYou told me once. About how you kept getting moved around. How theyâd get destroyed sometimes.â
Gen nods faintly against your chest. âYeah. This one though, the seaside one...they were good to me. First place that actually felt⌠safe, I guess. They gave me my first bed, the kind with actual sheets. I wanna make sure the next batch of kids get that too.â
You smile faintly, brushing a strand of hair away from his forehead. âThatâs really sweet of you.â
He huffs, embarrassed, ducking his head. âDonât say it like that. Makes me sound soft.â
âYou are soft,â you tease, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.
Gen groans, muffled by your chest. âYouâre never letting me live that down, are you?â
âNever.â
Heâs quiet for a moment, just listening to your heartbeat. âI was gonna go alone,â he admits finally. âDidnât wanna make it weird. I figured you might not wanna tag along to something like that.â
You tighten your arms around him. âYouâre an idiot if you think Iâd let you go by yourself.â
Gen snorts softly. âYeah, I shouldâve known youâd say that.â
âThen take me with you,â you whisper into his hair. âI want to see the place that made you feel safe.â
For a long moment he doesnât move, then he tilts his head back, eyes warm and unreadable in the soft light. âAlright,â he murmurs, a small smile tugging at his mouth. âBut donât blame me if the kids like you more than me.â
âThey probably will,â you tease. âIâm the cooler one.â
Gen lets out a quiet laugh, and the sound settles between you like a promise, the kind of fragile, honest thing only love can make. He smirks. "You know, if you want to see the place I feel safe at, just look in the mirror." You giggle and slap his shoulders playfully. "You're so cheesy Captain."
"You should sleep now. Really," Gen says around a yawn, rubbing a hand over his face. "I'll go wash up."
He leans down, pressing a lazy kiss to your lips, then another to your forehead, lingering there for a heartbeat before padding toward the bathroom.
By the time heâs back, hair damp from a quick shower and the faint scent of mint toothpaste hanging in the air, youâre already curled up beneath the blanket, half-lidded and warm.
"Youâre hogging the bed," he mutters, tugging at the edge of the blanket. "And my pillow."
"Smells nice," you grumble, refusing to open your eyes as you shuffle a little toward your side to make room.
Gen sighs, the kind thatâs half fond, half exasperated, then slips in beside you. "Chest time?" he asks, lifting one arm invitingly.
You crack an eye open, smiling sleepily. "You know I never say no to chest time."
He chuckles lowly as you crawl closer, tucking yourself into his side until your head rests over his chest and his arm settles around you. His heartbeat is slow and steady beneath your ear, grounding you in a way nothing else can.
"Yeah, thatâs it," he murmurs, thumb tracing idle circles against your hip. "You ever say no to chest time, and Iâll know a kaijuâs posing as you."
You laugh softly, the sound muffled against him. "Iâd still take the kaiju version if it meant this," you tease, voice fading as sleep starts to pull at the edges.
"Yeah, well," Gen hums, his tone softer now, "no kaijuâs stealing my spot."
You donât answer, just hum in contentment, listening as his heartbeat and breathing even out beneath you, the room fading into comfortable quiet.
----
Itâs midday, and youâve already been working for hours, answering emails, approving reports, scheduling meetings. The lack of sleep sits heavy behind your eyes, pulsing in time with the dull throb at your temples.
The door to your office opens and closes quietly, and you glance up. Gen stands in the doorway, hair tousled from sleep, two steaming mugs in his hands.
âWhy didnât you wake me?â he asks as he crosses the room. âArenât there forms or something I need to sign off on?â
He sets one mug down in front of you, and you mumble your thanks without looking up from the screen.
âI always just forge your signature,â you say casually, sliding a stack of paperwork toward him.
âYouâre a stickler for the rules, you would never do that.â he mutters, flipping through the pages as he snatches up the nearest pen.
âI like my job, what can I say.â
He signs a few pages, his handwriting as messy as ever. âYou know I wouldnât fire you for faking my signature,â he murmurs.
âDo I?â you ask, quirking a brow and smirking over the rim of your mug.
He sighs, shaking his head, the ghost of a smile tugging at his lips.
âYou really want to come later?â he asks after a moment, voice softer. âWouldnât you rather⌠I donât know, take a nap?â
You place a hand over your chest in mock offense. âCaptain Narumi, could it be that you donât want me to join you?â
His chuckle is warm, fond. âNo, I do. I just⌠donât wanna burden you. I know youâre stressed. And worried. Because of me.â
The guilt in his tone makes your chest ache. You hate it. Hate how easily he takes the weight of the world and calls it his own.
âShh,â you hush him, reaching out to rest your hand over his. âIâm coming. End of discussion.â
He huffs out a laugh, but thereâs relief in his eyes.
âSo,â you say, changing the subject, âhow much are you donating? Maybe I could add the same amount.â
Gen glances up from the reports, expression completely deadpan. âTwo monthsâ wages.â
Your mouth falls open. âTwoâwhat?â
âBeen setting money aside,â he says, almost shyly. âCutting back on figures and stuff. You donât need to add anything. Iâm donating enough for the both of us.â
You just stare at him. Two months of Genâs salary â thatâs⌠a lot. From that kind of donation, they could probably rebuild the whole orphanage, maybe even open another.
Your throat tightens, pride and tenderness swelling all at once.
âGen,â you breathe, âyouâre⌠amazing.â
He rubs the back of his neck, suddenly bashful. âDonât make a big deal out of it. I just⌠owe that place a lot. Feels right to give back.â
The orphanage sits on the edge of the city, tucked behind rows of narrow houses and a half-collapsed playground thatâs clearly been patched up a dozen times. You can already hear laughter drifting through the open gate when you and Gen arrive.
Gen pauses at the entrance, staring for a second longer than usual. You catch it, the way his shoulders tense, then slowly relax as he takes a deep breath.
âYou okay?â you ask quietly.
He glances down, gives you a crooked smile. âYeah. Just⌠it always brings up memories.â Then, in true Gen fashion, he adds, âKinda weird coming back and not being the one caught sneaking out past curfew.â
You elbow him gently, and he smirks.
Inside, the yardâs full of booths and games, the air rich with the smell of yakisoba and fried batter. Volunteers wave, and a few kids dart over the moment they spot Gen.
âBig Bro Gen!â one of them shouts, launching himself at him.
Gen laughs, catching the boy mid-jump and spinning him around like itâs second nature. âWhoa! You got heavier. What are they feeding you here, Kaiju meat?â
The kid giggles uncontrollably, and soon there are more, three, four of them clinging to his arms and legs, all talking at once.
You just stand there, watching him, the same man who can crush monsters and terrify subordinates without saying a word now kneeling in the dirt, letting a little girl tug at his hair while another brags about how strong sheâs gotten.
Your chest aches in that warm, dizzying way.
He glances up and catches you staring, grin turning just a little smug. âWhat, falling for me all over again?â
âMore like Iâm realizing I might have to share you with the under-tens,â you tease back, crossing your arms.
He chuckles, setting one of the kids on his shoulders. âYou saying youâre jealous? Donât worry, Iâll make sure you get equal cuddle rights later.â
You roll your eyes, but your heart feels too full to even hide the smile tugging at your lips.
When the fundraising starts in earnest, Gen disappears for a while, helping set up tents, hauling crates, fixing a broken bench like itâs nothing. The man just does. No orders, no fuss. Every time one of the caretakers thanks him, he waves it off with an awkward little shrug.
By the time you find him again, heâs crouched in front of a tiny girl with messy pigtails, carefully showing her how to tie the ribbon on a toy prize she won.
You swear your heart just squeezes.
You step closer, voice soft. âYouâre really good with them.â
He glances up, rubbing the back of his neck again. âGuess I just⌠get it, yâknow? What itâs like to want someone to stay a bit longer.â
Something in your chest twists â tender and heavy all at once.
The girl waves at him before scampering off, and Gen straightens up, dusting his hands off. He looks at you for a beat, quiet, then grins. âYouâve got that look again.â
âWhat look?â
âThe one that says youâre picturing me surrounded by ten of our own.â
You sputter. âI am notââ
âUh-huh,â he drawls, leaning in closer, voice low and teasing. âDonât worry, sweetheart, one step at a time. Letâs make sure I survive these maniacs first.â
You swat his arm, but he laughs, eyes crinkling in that way that still gets you every single time.
And maybe, just maybe, you do imagine it... Gen, softer around the edges, coming home to a place that isnât just you two anymore.
An hour has passed. Gen got whisked away by the kids again, and even though being apart from him makes you a little antsy, you decide to take matters into your own hands. You chat with the caretakers, ask about the routines, the challenges, how the whole place runs. Theyâre open, kind, and tired in that deep kind of way you recognize from people who give more than they get. They explain how the kids take over chores, how the older ones often take care of the younger ones, how they wish they could spend more time actually caring for the children than just making sure they survive, but founds and personell is too little.
You listen quietly, the ache in your chest growing with every small detail.
A little girl tugs at your sleeve.
âMiss, can you braid my hair?â
You smile, crouching down to her level. âSure thing, sweetheart.â
Thatâs how Gen finds you ten minutes later, sat on the steps, braiding a girlâs hair while half a dozen others wait their turn, some holding ribbons, others giggling about who gets to go next.
He stops for a moment, watching. Thereâs a look on his face you canât quite name, something between pride and wonder, before he walks over and leans down to press a kiss to your temple.
âNot too shabby with children yourself,â he says with a whistle.
âSomeone had to keep them entertained,â you reply, finishing off the braid with a pink ribbon.
âGave them the money,â Gen murmurs after a beat, voice lower now. âThe head of the orphanage cried. Got kinda awkward. You know me, not good with that stuff.â
You glance up at him. He looks away, blushing to the tips of his ears.
âYouâre too modest,â you murmur. âYou probably just changed their lives, you know that?â
He hums, then sits beside you on the steps, elbows on his knees, watching the kids play tag in the courtyard. âDidnât do it for thanks,â he says simply. âJust⌠wanted them to have better. More.â
You reach over and find his hand, your fingers slipping into the spaces between his. âThey already do,â you whisper. âThey have you. The strongest in all of Japanâ
Gen goes quiet, his thumb brushing over your knuckles. âYou really think that?â
You nod. âI know that.â
He exhales softly, shoulders relaxing for the first time all day. The sunâs starting to dip lower, painting the orphanage yard gold. A few of the kids run past, laughing, one of them stopping to show Gen her new braid with a proud grin.
âCute,â he says, ruffling her hair. When she runs off again, he turns to you with a crooked smile. âGuess we both got roped into something, huh?â
You shrug. âCould be worse.â
âYeah,â he murmurs, eyes still on you, so full of love and adoration. âCould be a lot worse.â
You walk hand in hand along the narrow road that traces the shoreline. The sunâs low now, sinking into the ocean, the sky dipped in pink and orange hues, the air carrying the scent of salt and the faint laughter of the kids still echoing somewhere behind you. Seagulls call overhead. Every so often, Genâs thumb brushes the back of your hand, lazy, unhurried, the way it does when heâs thinking.
âYou were good with them,â you say after a while. âThe kids, I mean. They loved you.â
He huffs softly, eyes on the water. âYeah, well. Guess Iâve got a knack for chaos.â
You smile. âChaos, huh? Looked more like care to me.â
He doesnât answer right away. His hand tightens around yours a little, just a fraction, and then loosens again. The rhythm of your steps fills the silence.
âGen?â
âMm?â
âDo you⌠want children?â
He exhales, the sound almost lost in the whisper of the tide. âI donât know,â he admits after a pause. âNever really thought about it.â He gives a small, awkward laugh. âI donât even know if Iâd be any good at it. Didnât exactly have a father to learn from. Not much to build on.â
You hum softly, the sound low in your throat. It breaks your heart a little, how matter-of-fact he sounds. How he says it like a truth long accepted, not something that ever hurt.
âYouâd be good at it,â you whisper. âBetter than you think.â
He glances down at you, brow furrowing slightly. âWhat makes you so sure?â
âBecause you care. You notice things. You listen even when you pretend you donât. And when you love, Gen, you love hard.â
He looks away again, a faint flush climbing his neck, but he doesnât argue. He just hums, quiet and thoughtful, eyes on the horizon where the sea meets the fading light.
After a long moment, he lifts your joined hands and presses a kiss to your knuckles. âIf itâs with you,â he murmurs, so soft you almost miss it over the whooshing of the waves. âmaybe Iâd want that.â
The words sink into you like warmth spreading through your chest. You squeeze his hand, eyes stinging a little.
âThen maybe one day,â you say.
He smiles, small and tender. âYeah,â he says. âOne day.â
----
When you finally reach Ariake, the lights of the base glow faintly in the distance. Heâs still holding your hand, like letting go would break something. Inside your quarters, the air smells faintly of coffee and detergent, the familiar warmth of your shared home wrapping around you like a blanket.
Gen sinks onto the couch, tugging you into his lap without a word. You melt against him, your legs tucked up, his arms wrapping around your waist like itâs second nature.
For a while, the only sound is his steady breathing against your neck.
Then, quietly, he says, âYou know⌠I think I finally get it.â
You tilt your head. âGet what?â
âWhat having a family feels like,â he says. âThat kind of warmth. Belonging. You⌠gave that to me.â
Your throat tightens a little, and you run your fingers through his messy hair, letting your forehead rest against his. âYou have me,â you whisper. âAnd my family and the first division. Youâre not alone anymore, Gen.â
He exhales shakily, the sound brushing against your lips as he presses a soft kiss there , not rushed or desperate, just deep and full of quiet gratitude. âYouâre my home,â he murmurs, his voice barely audible.
You smile, your heart aching and full all at once. âAnd youâre mine.â
He hums low in his chest, pulling you closer until thereâs no space left between you. Outside, the sea sighs against the shore, the night still and endless. Inside, itâs warm. Safe. Home.
And for the first time in his life, Gen Narumi doesnât feel like a man passing through, he feels like heâs finally where he belongs.
content: highschool au, dad!gojo, megumi is adopted, emo!megumi.
gojoâs been gone for three days.Â
some regional curriculum restructuring summit, something about new county-wide testing guidelines and cross-district math standards that sounded important enough to merit a hotel and a suitcase and a âdonât burn the house downâ text sent with four emojis and a blurry selfie from a waffle bar.
megumi didnât ask when heâd be back. he never does.
and the thing is, he loves gojo, he really does. in his own closed-lipped, tired-eyed way, megumi knows he lucked out.
because the other kids from where he came from; group homes with mildew in the vents, families that never quite made it to court dates, kids who folded themselves small just to surviveâthey didnât get adopted by someone who remembered their birthday or left dumb sticky notes on the fridge that said âyouâre not allowed to have a favorite parent if iâm the only one. love, gojo.â
and even when heâs loud and ridiculous and entirely too invested in whatever music megumiâs into this weekâsinging along to bands he doesnât know the lyrics to, nodding like he gets it when he absolutely doesnâtâgojo tries. and megumi notices.
like how he never complains about the playlists in the car, even when itâs heavy or screaming or sad in that way megumi wonât say out loud. how he still listens all the way through, eyes soft behind his sunglasses, and sometimes glances sideways like heâs trying to see past the static.
you okay, kid?
whatâs this one called again?
megumi always shrugs. sometimes he mumbles the band name. other times he turns it up instead of answering.
because heâs not like the other kids. not really. heâs not crazy or anythingânot a psychopath or a burnout or someone school security keeps tabs onâbut heâs quieter, moodier.Â
the kind of person who doesn't raise his hand in class even when he knows the answer, who walks the long way home just to avoid crowds, who listens to music no one else plays out loud and wears black hoodies even in the summer.Â
and gojo knows that. he doesnât push. never has, really.
but megumi also knowsâif gojo ever found out who you were, if he ever found out you were the reason heâs been smiling like an idiot when he thinks no oneâs lookingâ
itâd be the end of it.
not because gojo would be mad, of course. megumiâs only seen him truly mad onceâsome woman at a grocery store had the nerve to insist megumi couldnât possibly be his son because he didnât look anything like him, and gojoâs smile hadnât reached his eyes for the rest of the week.Â
hell, even when megumi snuck out sophomore year to catch an underground show across the city and ended up stranded after the cops broke it upâgojo still wasnât mad. just showed up at 3:17 a.m. in pajama pants and a parka, hair a disaster, sunglasses still on, grumbling about how he had a trig quiz to proctor in five hours.
so no, gojo wouldnât be mad, which made it worse.
heâd just never shut up about it.
never shut up about you.
you, who used to sit in the front row of gojoâs ninth period algebra II class, raising your hand before he even finished the question, always two steps ahead and annoyingly self-aware about it.Â
you, who challenged his dumb metaphors about slope and velocity, who called him mr. six-eyes to his face and somehow got away with it because you were his favorite. always had been. the kind of favorite he bragged about in the teacherâs lounge and roped into decorating the classroom before winter break.
you were a model studentâhelpful, on time, unnecessarily prepared. the kind of kid teachers loved and other students quietly resented. you volunteered to grade papers. reminded gojo when he forgot to collect homework. helped tutor the kid who failed the last quiz and smiled like it didnât weigh on you when they rolled their eyes behind your back.
but beneath all that, you were sharper than anyone gave you credit for. you carried your loneliness like it wasnât a burden, pretended you didnât hear the whispers in the hallway, acted like being too smart and too eager never isolated you from the rest of them.Â
and you were angry, tooâin that quiet, tightly-held way megumi recognized immediately.
you laughed at his deadpan jokes like he was a stand-up comic. knew the same bands. always had an opinion about the lyrics. and you looked at him, not through him. never like he was a project or a punchline or some gloomy background character that belonged to someone else.
you sat next to him in the library before he ever said a word to you. always brought an extra pen. never asked questions when he left school late or disappeared for a few days around the anniversary of his momâs death.
and he wasnât sure when it happened, when you and him started slipping into something else. all he knew was that one day, it felt natural, easy. like maybe this was the one part of his life that didnât need overthinking. like maybe being understood wasnât supposed to feel like a threat.
and everything about you was perfectâexcept for the fact that you were also helping out in gojoâs precalc class as an assistant. some glorified student aide thing to fill your schedule, since youâd already tested out of the other math electives.
and megumi had to hear about it. constantly.
"did you see her today? sheâs already smarter than half the staff."
"i should make her my assistant year-round. no offense, megumi, but she actually smiles at me."
so no nosy teacher. no stupid dramatic grins. no âmegumiiii, is that a smile? wow, should i call the press?â
you were his secret. the only thing in his life that didnât belong to gojo or school or his past.
and for three months, the two of you had kept it that way. megumi sneaking you over whenever gojo was away at some conference or seminarâsent across the state by an overworked district and an underpaid school board that didnât deserve him.Â
megumi keeps it quiet. keeps it safe. keeps you tucked away from the chaos, from the questions, from the way gojo would absolutely, irreparably ruin it just by opening his mouth.
and thenâthe front door opens. keys jingle. floor creaks.
and everything goes to hell.
youâre still half-asleep when it happens. soft morning light, your legs tangled in his sheets, wearing nothing but his black t-shirtâoversized, wrinkled, stretched loose at the collar where he tugged it over your head last night with more impatience than coordination.Â
your hairâs a mess from the way he kissed you into the mattress sometime around midnight, hands shaky, mouth reverent, like he wasnât sure if heâd get to have you like that again. (he probably will, but god, it wonât be soon enough.)
heâs going to have dreams about it. scratch thatâalready has. the memory is singed into him, all warm skin and muffled sighs and the way youâd laughed against his throat after, breathless and half-drunk on him.Â
if this is the only play he ever gets for the rest of his lifeâwhich, honestly, he doesnât think anyone could top you anywayâhe figures heâd be fine with that.
youâre laid out on his bed like you belong there. like this is your room, your weekend, your morning. like you donât know what kind of crisis is about to unfold.
because the door downstairs just opened, and gojoâs voice follows. bright, familiar, far too awake for this hour.
âmegumiiiiii~ guess whoâs home early!â
megumiâs blood stops moving. âno,â he whispers, already shoving off the blanket. âno no noââ
you blink, groggy. âwhatâ?â
heâs at your side instantly, grabbing your arm, pulling you up with the desperation of a man about to be ruined. âget up. closet. now.â
âcloset?â you echo, bleary and confused, letting him drag you across the room.
âdonât ask questions, please,â he hisses, already yanking the closet door open and practically lifting you inside like a rolled-up yoga mat. you stumble over his boots, hit your elbow on a crooked coat hanger, and feel your phone slip from your fingers and skitter across the hardwood like a hockey puck. âstay quiet. five minutes tops.â
âmegumi, what theââ
âshh.â the door shuts fast, the click a little too loud in the dark.
your heart pounds against your ribs as your brain finally catches up. your eyes are still crusty from sleep, your legs sore in the good way, and your t-shirtâthe one you definitely didnât come here wearingâis sliding too far up your thighs. the absurdity of it all would be funny if not for the immediate threat of your eleventh grade precalc teacher being literally on the other side of the door.
outside, the bedroom door rattles open just as megumi throws himself back into bed, doing his best impression of someone who is absolutely not hiding his fatherâs former favorite student in his closet half-naked and still warm from sleep.
knock knock.
âgo away,â megumi calls, instantly.
the door opens anyway.
âawww, donât be like that,â gojo says, already stepping in with a grocery bag and an obnoxiously wide grin. âi brought you strawberry milk. and chocolate pies. and look!â he waves something. âa little cactus for your desk. his name is steve.â
megumi sits up slowly, dragging a hand down his face, looking like he hasnât slept in twelve days even though he slept just fine until two minutes ago. âyou can put it on the dresser and leave,â he says, voice dry and low, as if sheer nonchalance might make the whole thing go away.
gojo waves him off with a laugh, already opening his mouth to make some retort about attitude, but he stops midâstep. the grin sharpens into something far more interested, and his head tilts just enough for the sunglasses to catch the light.
ââŚwhatâs that on your neck?â he asks, the question all sugar and hook.
megumi freezes, his entire body going still, suddenly very aware of the evidence of last night blooming on his skin and of how if the collar of his shirt slips down any further it will reveal more than just his throat.Â
in the mirror on the back of his door he can see the flush crawling up his face, redder with every second, and he tries not to notice it even as it gives him away.
âiâfell,â megumi mutters, words flat but his ears bright with heat.
âfell?â gojo echoes, one eyebrow creeping above the rim of his glasses.
âyup.â megumi blinks slowly, like heâs rebooting. âonto my binder.â
gojo raises his other eyebrow now, smile spreading. âyour binder gave you a hickey?â
âitâs not a hickey,â megumi says, voice clipped and almost petulant, as though the words themselves taste sour. âand itâs, uh⌠a weird binder.â
âuhâhuh.â gojo lets the sound drag out as he surveys the room, sunglasses sliding down his nose. âsooooâŚâ he trails off, stepping toward the desk with exaggerated curiosity. âwhose bag is that?â he asks, finger extended.
megumi doesnât answer.Â
in fact, he already knows what gojo is pointing at; heâs been mentally circling it like a bomb since the moment the door opened. bright and unmistakable, your bag sits propped against his desk legâthe same bag youâve carried to school for four years.Â
he holds his breath and thinks, fleetingly, that if he does it long enough maybe he can pass out and die on the spot. (he really hopes this will be the case)
âthat,â gojo continues, undeterred, âis a pink bag. i donât recall my emotionallyârepressed, allâblackâwearing son owning anything pink.â
megumi exhales a sharp sigh, eyes narrowing. âplease leave.â
âmegumi, but i missed you,â gojo says instead, flopping onto the bed and knocking half the covers off like he owns the place. âbeen thinking about our quality bonding time. like when i taught you how to ride a bike. or how to cook ramen. orââ
your phone buzzes.
both of them turn toward the closet just as you let out a quiet, panicked âshit!â and fumble to kill the ringer. the sound of you dropping something muffled against the floorboards makes megumi want to crawl under the bed and never emerge.
âwhat was that?â gojo asks lightly, though the edge of amusement in his voice is unmistakable.
megumi blinks once, hard. ânothing.â
gojo hums, slow and playful. âweird. sounded like a notification. do ghosts text now?â
megumi clenches his jaw until it aches. âitâs nothing.â
gojo grins, all teeth now. âis ânothingâ short for âa girl is hiding in your closet and probably freezing because i have the AC set to antarcticaâ?â
megumi stares at him, unmoving, wishing he could will the man out of existence.
âcome on,â gojo says, stretching like a cat, arms over his head, âyouâre not in trouble. iâve snuck more people into this house than i care to admit. i just want to know who.â
and though that would sound comforting if it came from any other parent, megumi already knows gojo knows exactly who it isâfrom the bag brighter than the sun to your muffled curses, itâs obvious. gojo isnât an idiot, and the only reason heâs still playing dumb is because he wants megumi to say it out loud. because, apparently, tormenting him is a hobby now.
they stare at each other. megumi prays silently that heâll drop it, but gojo just keeps smiling, sharkâbright.
âi think you, um⌠know who it is,â he grumbles finally, looking away.
gojo makes a fake shocked face, hand to his heart. âoh, so there is someone in the closet!â he tuts loudly, shaking his head in mock disappointment. âtsk, tsk, son, i canât believe you lied to me.â his voice is all fake scandal, but his eyes are gleaming with amusement.
megumi groans and drops his head into his hands, muttering through his fingers, âis that all?â
âyeah, kid,â gojo says, rising from the bed and straightening his shirt. âjust, uh⌠make sure to cover that up for school on monday.â he points at the mark on megumiâs neck with an exaggerated wag of his finger, then ambles toward the door. âoh, and i brought home some really good food from the conference. itâs downstairs on the counter.â
heâs a foot out of the doorway when he pauses and glances back over his shoulder, a cheeky grin spreading across his face. âfeel free to help yourself too, y/n.â
you jump out of your skin a little at the sound of your name. muffled through the closet door, you manage an awkward, âuh⌠thank you, mr. gojo.â
the door shuts behind him with a lazy click, his footsteps retreating down the hall.
megumi stays seated on the edge of the bed, elbows resting on his knees, hands still covering most of his face like he could hide from the morning if he just stayed still long enough. his pulse is still racing, and the embarrassment is very much alive and well, churning somewhere in his chest alongside the last scraps of adrenaline and the desire to relocate to a different dimension.
but beneath all of thatâhumiliation, disbelief, the horrifying memory of gojoâs âtsk tsk, sonâ echoing in his skullâthereâs something warmer. something stubbornly steady, even in the wreckage of what was supposed to be a quiet morning.
because for as unbearable as gojo is, for all his noise and theatrics and sunglasses indoors at seven a.m., he still showed up. always has. always will.
and you, curled up in his closet, wrapped in one of his hoodies, hiding out with bedhead and no pants and a laugh that always makes him feel like the smartest person in the worldâyouâre here too.
youâre ridiculous, and heâs completely, pathetically yours.
and even in this chaos, in this absurd house with this absurd life, he knows heâs lucky.
and then, muffled and small, your voice cuts through the silence:
âum⌠meg? is it safe to come out now?â
he exhales slowly, and despite everything, a smile tugs at the corner of his mouth.
â Summary: Youâre Genâs secretary, keeping the chaos in checkâuntil the two of you become a team, holding each other together when it matters most
â Genre: fluff, slow-burn,
two idiots falling in love with each other without realizing
-> A tale of how you ended up being hired as the secretary of the first divisions captain and how you drilled some organization into him
⢠Caretaker
-> Pushed to exhaustion, you collapse with a feverâonly to wake and find Gen quietly tending to you, insisting itâs just part of the job, even as his actions speak of something far more personal
⢠Collision
-> During a visit to the 10th Division, you and Gen unexpectedly run into your ex-fiancĂŠâtension sparks, emotions boil over, and chaos follows
⢠Code Red
-> You're fighting a war inside your uterus. Gen thinks youâre plotting revenge on him in silence. Turns out, itâs just your period
⢠Shattered
-> When a sudden kaiju attack leaves you critically injured, Gen risks everything to pull you from the wreckageâfighting panic, fear, and time itself to keep you alive
⢠Shelter
-> Gen gets sick after a mission in the rain, and youâre the one stuck keeping Japanâs strongest soldier fed, warm, and a little less pathetic
⢠Joint efforts
-> when you catch Gen smoking a joint after a mission you somehow get roped into joining him
-> When Gen gets unexpectedly injured, it's a stark reminder that even the strongest aren't untouchableâand despite his teasing, you can't shake the fear of how easily he could be lost
⢠Confession (NSFW)
-> What starts as just a desk fuck turns into Gen saying the L word for the first time and then needing reassurance that it's ok to love
⢠Secrets
-> You and Gen think youâre good at hiding your relationship, but Hasegawaâs sharp eyes see more than either of you realize
One awkward smile, two 'study mates', and a love story thatâs chemically inevitable.
Synopsis: You only stopped at his science fair booth out of pityâbut the tall, nervous guy with crooked glasses and a galaxy model has other plans.
Satoru Gojo is brilliant, awkward, and talking a mile a minute about black holes like itâs the most romantic thing in the world. You werenât looking for a tutor. Or a crush. But heâs got stars in his eyesâand maybe, now, so do you.
Pairing: Nerd!Gojo Satoru x reader
Genre: MDNI, College AU, Fluff, Slow-burn-ish, friends to lovers.
Warnings: Alcohol consumption, sexual implications, minor harassment, very tiny mention of blood, unpredictable crack
Masterlist
The musicâs too loud, the lights are too dim. Everything smells like spilt beer and overcompensating cologne, thick in the air like itâs trying to choke him out.
And all Gojo is holding onto is a lukewarm cup and a gut full of ache.
He's sinking into a couch that might as well be quick sand, knees drawn together awkwardly, shoulders tense. A plastic cup sits in his hand, filled with something aggressively pink.
He hasnât even thought about tasting it. Itâs not a drink, itâs a prop. A weak attempt at camouflage in a place that feels entirely hostile to him.
Because this is not his habitat. Not the flashing lights, not the wall-shaking bass. Not the sea of strangers moving together like sobriety is some ancient crime.
No, the only reason he even stepped foot in this overheated house was because of you.
Youâd been sitting cross-legged on the bed, the blanket from last nightâs pillow fort still pooled around your hips. Gojo's legs were stretched out, ankles hooked lazily with yours under the mess of fabric.
Heâd been groggy, the air conditioner humming softly, the smell of your shampoo clinging to the fabric between you. You were going on and on about this party youâd been invited to, eyes bright, excitedly describing the dress you were going to wear.
And before he knew what he was doing, heâd cut you off.
âIâll come with you.â
Youâd blinked at him, startled. âReally? Itâs⌠not really your scene.â
Heâd leaned back, staring at the ceiling for a long moment before shrugging. âI wanna try it out.â
A blatant lie.
The truth was simpler. He didnât want to imagine you there, surrounded by strangers, laughing at someone elseâs jokes, finding a new replacement.
But thatâs exactly whatâs happening even now.
His weary eyes find you in the crowd almost without permission. And then everything inside him just⌠stops.
Youâre in a dress.
Not just a dress, the kind of dress that exists to ruin a manâs composure. The one youâd described that morning without knowing it would burn into his mind. Soft fabric hugging your shape, skimming mid-thigh before fluttering at the edges.
The sight makes his throat go dry. Thereâs this tight, clawing pressure in his chest, like his ribs arenât wide enough to contain it.
Your head is tipped back in a laugh that slices through the bass. The guy next to you is tall, broad, with the kind of grin that says heâs used to being close to people. His hand brushes your shoulder, and you donât move away.
Gojoâs stomach turns over like heâs been punched, sudden and sharp.
He looks away fast, like maybe itâll undo the damage if he stops seeing it. Stares down at the condensation beading on his untouched drink, following a single drop as it slides down the plastic.
He lifts it to his mouth, but doesnât drink. Just lets the rim press to his lips. Of course youâre flirting, why shouldnât you?
You donât owe him anything. Itâs not like he ever said what he truly feels.
And now, straight in the middle of a house packed with strangers and bass that rattled his bones, he wondered what the hell heâd been thinking. The sting behind his eyes surprises even himself.
He wants to leave.
Right now. Before he says something stupid, before he breaks the illusion that he can handle this.
He sets the cup down on the nearest counter. Stands too quickly, knees dipping as the floor tilts beneath him for half a second.
Just as he begins to walk, the familiar sound of your laughter falls onto his ears again.
The guy leans in closer this time, says something low near your ear. Your head tilts toward himâwhether to listen or to laugh again, Gojo doesnât stick around to find out.
Heâs out the back door before the moment can finish, hoping the fresh air will keep his chest from collapsing completely.
As soon as he makes it outside, the night air hits sharp against his skin. It prickles down his neck, cold enough to wake him up, but not enough to quiet the mess in his chest.
He kicks at the gravel near the garden edge, scuffing the toe of his sneaker against the stone like it wronged him personally. A small pebble bounces and rolls forward, disappearing into the grass.
âFuck,â he mutters.
âRough night?â The voice comes from behind him, casual as hell.
He turns so fast he nearly trips over himself.
Suguru is leaning against the side wall like he owns the place. Black hair pulled into a loose bun, sleeves rolled to his elbows, glitter dusting his collarbone, lipstick smeared faintly on his neck.
âWhat the hell are you doing here?â Gojo asks, eyebrows furrowed with confusion. His weight shifts from foot to foot, like he wants to pace but refuses to give Suguru the satisfaction. âAnd where have you been?â
âEh.â Suguru shrugs, pushing off the wall with his shoulder. âAround.â
âAround isnât much of an answer.â
âWasnât meant to be.â He tilts his head, eyes narrowing in scrutiny. âDonât change the subject. Are you sulking over that girl again?â
Gojo clicks his tongue and looks away, kicking at another rock with the toe of his sneaker. His hands disappear into his pockets, shoulders curling in on themselves. âWho?â
Suguru raises a brow, scoffing. âDonât play dumb, Satoru. Youâre a lot of things, but subtle ain't one of them.â
âI seriously donât know what youâre talking about,â Gojo huffs, though the tips of his ears betray him in pink. He turns half away, chin ducking like the grass might be the most fascinating thing on earth.
âSure you donât,â Suguru says, voice drawling with amusement. He pushes off the wall to look him in the eye, lowering his voice. âShe looks good tonight, by the way.â
Gojo shoots him a sharp look. Not quite murderous, but the warning is clear enough. âDonât start.â
âWhat? I'm just saying that the dress is working,â Suguru smirks, shrugging like heâs innocent. âYou're acting like I told you I'd rail your mom.â
âI mean it, Suguru.â Gojo shoves his hands deeper into his pockets, jaw tight. âHad a shit evening already.â
âRelax, loverboy.â Suguru laughs under his breath, shaking his head.
âWhy are you even here? Donât you have⌠like, glitter orgies to attend or whatever the fuck it is you do now?â
âWhy are you here?â Suguru says, smirking wider. âShouldn't you go back in there before some finance major starts hitting on her? Or, yâknow, keep hiding out here and let him.â
Gojo swears under his breath and pushes past him toward the house in rapid strides. âI sincerely hope you rot.â
âTell her you love her, jackass!â Suguru calls after him. âBefore I do it just to spite you!â
Gojo storms back inside, muttering under his breath, a mixture of frustration and self-loathing. âOf course she doesnât like me⌠why would she like a loser like me?â
His knees feel stiff but he keeps walking toward the living room like a man on autopilot.
The bass from inside vibrates through the floor, and the warm haze of alcohol and perfume hits him again. He grips his jacket tighter around himself, trying to feel invisible, just hoping he can sneak past whatever nonsense is happening and drag you out safely.
But the sight he's greeted with causes him to freeze.
Across the room, you sway slightly, tipsy and disoriented, as the tall guy from before leans a bit too close, his hand brushing your arm. You push at him weakly, clearly not wanting his touch, but he persists, forcing a laugh and leaning in even closer.
âCâmon, sweetheart⌠you look like you could use a real man tonight.â His breath is sour with cheap liquor as he speaks.
Gojo steps forward finally, putting himself between you and the guy as his voice drops lower than you've ever heard before. âCut it out, man.â
The guy scoffs, ignoring Gojo. âIâll show you a good time. Better than this little loser over here, right?â
Gojoâs hand twitches at that, fists curling at his side. But before he can even look back to check on you, you're gone.
Your whole body launches at the creep like youâve just snapped a leash. One second youâre behind Gojo, the next your small frame has climbed the guy like heâs a damn tree, legs wrapped around his waist, arms clawing at him.
Your teeth sink straight into his forearm with a muffled, animal-like sound, and he screeches in agony, trying to shake you off as Gojo's jaw drops in horror.
âWaitâwait, hey, don't bite him!â Heâs scrambling, hands hovering like he doesnât know if he should let you be or protect the guy. âOh my god, youâre gonna give him rabiesââ
Your muffled voice is almost unintelligible, but against the manâs skin you hiss and mutter curses, raw and cracked through sobs.
The creep staggers back, flailing, while Gojoâs arms wrap around your waist, trying to tug you free. Gojo is now basically trying to save him from you. âWhat are you, a raccoon or somethâGET OFF, youâre gonna bite through bone!â
But youâre glued on like a leech, and as you rear back to smack him, your elbow jerks back. Unfortunately, it connects squarely with Gojoâs nose.
âOwâ! Holy mother ofââ He stumbles back, clutching his face. His glasses go flying, clattering onto the floor.
The sound of his yelp cuts through your frenzy like a knife. You immediately loosen your grip, sliding down from the guy as if the fight has been sucked out of you all at once.
Sniffling, you stumble over to Gojo, ignoring the creep whoâs now limping away painfully. Your hands cup his cheeks without hesitation, eyes blown wide with teary panic.
âOh my god, Iâm so sorry! I didnât meanâ did I break your pretty face?â you slur, voice wobbling with drunken sincerity.
Gojo blinks at you through watery eyes, one hand pinching his bleeding nose. â...Did you just call me pretty while assaulting a man?â
You hiccup, nodding miserably, âYeahâŚâ
And for the first time tonight, despite the blood, despite the chaos, he bursts out laughing.
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basketball player!gojo who acted like heâd been cast in the starring role of a teen rom-com. not the love interest, noâhe was the genre. the walking clichĂŠ of arrogance and height, of smirks and sweaty jerseys, of finger guns and shameless flirting.
basketball player!gojo whoâd made a career out of getting under your skin. who once interrupted your book presentation just to say he liked your voice, and when you deadpanned him into silence, whispered, âso mean, yet so pretty. unfair.â
basketball player!gojo who never took anything seriouslyâespecially not you. and you were fine with that. you liked being the one person who didnât swoon over his fast breaks and even faster mouth. someone had to remind him he was human, not a demigod in nikes.
and then someone bet he couldnât make you fall for him.
and of course, he said yes. full of arrogance and mischief, he decided to make you his goal.
basketball player!gojo who upped the charm like he was flipping a switch. suddenly holding doors open for you, like chivalry wasnât dead but personally resurrected by his ego. âafter you, princess.â
you stared. blinked. walked the other way.
basketball player!gojo who started sitting beside you in class, even when there were a hundred other empty seats. tapping his pen on your desk and whispering, âwhat do you dream about at night? bet itâs me.â
you told him you dreamed about shoving him into traffic. he only laughed.
you were weirded out. this was worse than usual. he was smiling too much. too politely. and not even debating with you about senseless topics.
basketball player!gojo who serenaded you. not metaphorically.
you were walking out of school and there he was, on the bleachers, holding a speaker, blasting some tragically off-key boy band ballad while spinning a basketball like a ring box.
âthis is harassment,â you yelled.
âthis is love,â he yelled back in that sing song voice that you absolutely hated.
basketball player!gojo who started leaving your favorite coffee and a pastry in your locker during morning classes. it was accompanied by a small note, changing every day. you almost rolled your eyes at how cheesy today's entry was.
good luck with your classes today, pretty. he had doodled a digimon character at the bottom left corner, with a small text bubble that said "you can do it!".
cheesy it may be, but you never found it in you to throw it away.
basketball player!gojo who started doing the most un-gojo thingsâlike offering to help you study. which wouldâve been sweet if he didnât show up with exactly one pencil, no notes, and a single sticky note that said âur hot.â
basketball player!gojo who complimented your handwriting, your shoes, your eyebrows (âtheyâre like, so assertiveâ), and once, after a heated argument about shakespeare, said, âyouâd be a great lady macbeth. youâve got the crazy eyes.â
you seriously considered punching him.
but then he added, âalso the brains. and ambition. and, you know⌠i'd kill a king for you.â
for a moment, you considered taking him to the nurse's office. there was something seriously wrong with him.
basketball player!gojo who made it harder to breathe the longer this whole act went on. because sometimes, just sometimes, the things he said felt real. and you hated that. hated the way your heart paused when he smiled like that. hated how your insults started losing their edge.
basketball player!gojo who caught you watching him at practice once, and winked.
you flipped him off.
he grinned like he won something. if you had stared for a second longer, you might've noticed the small change in his usual condescending grin. it turned into something softer, something more... him.
basketball player!gojo who leaned close one day after school, crowding your space with all six-foot-too-much of him, and asked, âdo you still hate me?â
and you said nothing, settling for a roll of your eyes.
the seemingly innocent question kept you up that night. it echoed in every corner of your mind, occupying every cell in your brain. each passing second repeated the question in your head, seemingly louder than the last.
because you werenât sure anymore. you didn't know what you would've said.
and it terrified you.
i offer this to all of you because i haven't written childhood enemy!gojo yet đđť
inspired by 10 things i hate about you because i love them so much 𩷠also because i found out the guy i went crazy for, who plays basketball, is in my class this year... pray for me đ might turn this into a full blown fic if anyone's up for it.
likes and reblogs are always appreciated! lmk your thoughts <3
always watching you two with narrowed eyes, asking too many questions, starting fights over shit that never even happened.
âi know how guys think,â heâd spit, eyes flaring when you bent over near satoru. âthereâs no way heâs not trying to fuck you.â
and you? you just laughed it off. called him paranoid. said satoru was harmless.
because you knew satoru. he didnât even like you like that. you could be bent over in a miniskirt or ass out in lingerie and satoru would just throw a fry at your head and call you a dumbass.
except⌠then satoru started fucking with him.
he made it obvious. lingering stares, little smirks. grabbing your waist when he didnât need to. checking out your ass in front of your man just to watch the show.
until his hands started resting on your hips a second too long. until he started grabbing your thighs under the table. until he stopped looking away when you changed in front of him and just⌠watched.
until tonight.
yeah. maybe your boyfriend had a point.
because now youâre in satoru's lap in the backseat of his car, in some shitty fast food parking lot, getting split open on nine thick inches of cock while your boyfriendâs name lights up your phone.
satoruâs the one making you moan like a whore.
satoruâs the one stuffing you full of cock you swore youâd never take.
satoruâs the one whose cum is leaking out of you before heâs even pulled out.
and your boyfriend?
heâs still waiting at home.
âyouâre so fuckinâ full of shit,â satoru huffs against your neck, laughing through his teeth as he watches your mascara run. âalways telling him iâm just your friend. is this what you do with all your friends, baby?â
you try to answer, but your voice breaks on a moan as he thrusts up harder, the wet slap of your bodies echoing in the car.
âhe canât know about this,â you gasp, nails digging into his shoulders. âfuck, heâll kill you, satoruââ
âhe wonât do shit,â he laughs, dragging you down harder onto his cock, watching the creamy ring of white at the base. âmotherfucker doesnât even know how to fuck you right. if he did, you wouldnât be here.â
your stomach twists, shame curling hot in your chest, but your cunt clenches even tighter around him. he feels it. of course he does.
âlook at you,â he grins, grabbing a fistful of your hair and tugging your head back. âsqueezing me like a goddamn virgin. havenât even fucked you for ten minutes and your pussyâs already addicted to me.â
you hate how good it feels.
how much you want this.
how right it feels to be wrong.
âhe trusts me,â you whisper, barely audible over your own moans. âhe thinks iâm with you because weâre safe.â
âand now youâre getting bred in my backseat,â satoru growls, thrusting up deep and slow just to feel your walls twitch around him. âwhile he sits at home playing the fool. god, youâre such a dirty little slut.â
your phone buzzes again. his name. a missed call. another text.
you donât even look.
satoru leans in close, mouth at your ear, breath hot and smug and sinful.
âgo ahead. answer him,â he says in a brutally mocking tone, grabbing your hips and fucking up into you so hard the car rocks. âlet him hear what his girl sounds like when sheâs getting ruined by her best friend.â
you should be ashamed.
you should get off.
you should go home.
but instead you wrap your arms around his neck and bounce harder, chasing your second orgasm as his cum leaks out of you.
and when you finally cum again, clenching around him with a broken sob, satoru just kisses your shoulder and laughs.
âno fuckinâ way iâm giving up this pussy now.â
synopsis: you had only planned to volunteer for a day, but your simple act of kindness soon becomes the anchor in someone else's fragile worldâlittle did you know that fleeting moment would change everything.
content: fem-reader
word count: 8.8k
a/n: part 1 of my oneshot! I definitely put way too much thought into this. does narumi sound off-character (occ) to you guys?? I still have no clue how long I want this to beâI gave up halfway because of writerâs block ;(
Death had a tendency to sneak up on people when they least expected it. In this case for Narumi, he had lost his parents to a kaiju cataclysmânot in some heroic last stand or meaningful sacrifice, but in the mundane terror of being in the wrong place when a Category 4 tore through their district. He doesn't have a home now, no place to go back to, no warm kitchen smells or familiar creaking floorboards. No memories of his blood relatives that weren't already being devoured by the flames that had consumed everything he'd once known.
Most kids his age would have crumbled when they lost their parents, would have screamed and wailed and demanded answers from a universe that had none to give. But for him, he only felt... empty. Hollow, like someone had scooped out his insides with a rusty spoon and left nothing but echoing silence where his heart used to beat. The oldest memory he had now was a town reduced to ashes, skeletal remains of buildings reaching toward a blood-red sky, and the acrid taste of smoke that still haunted his dreams.
He couldn't find a place for himself in this orphanageâSaint Catherine's Home for Displaced Children, they called it, as if giving it a fancy name could mask the fact that it was just another dumping ground for society's unwanted. Without a relative or anyone to take him in, he was placed there like a piece of furniture being moved to storage. The other children whispered about him in corners, called him the quiet one or that antisocial weird kid who never cries.
The caretakers didn't outright ignore him, but he knew they found him... difficult. Unresponsive. A boy who wouldn't break down properly, wouldn't give them the satisfaction of healing his trauma with their practiced sympathy and arts-and-crafts therapy sessions. He had no one to rely on, no shoulder to cry on, no gentle voice telling him everything would be okay.
So he had to find his own strength to survive.
Narumi threw himself into everything with the desperate intensity of a drowning man clinging to driftwood. Academics, physical fitness, even the stupid group activities they forced on themâhe excelled at it all, kept bringing home results time and time again. Perfect test scores, first place in track meets, leadership roles in student council. His small hands would shake as he presented each certificate, each trophy, each piece of evidence that he was worth something.
But apparently showing effort was more valued in this world than producing results. Even though he got the results, even though he proved over and over that he could be the best, the world still felt unappreciative. The caretakers would pat him on the head with the same mechanical gentleness they showed all the children, their smiles never quite reaching their eyes. Good job, Narumi. You're such a responsible boy.
Responsible. The word tasted like ash in his mouth.
The other kids his age were adopted by families who wanted sweet children, damaged children they could fix, children who would cry into their new parents' shoulders and whisper thank you with trembling lips. Nobody wanted the twelve-year-old boy who had already learned how to survive on his own, who looked at the world through eyes too old and too sharp for his face.
Until he met you.
Your arrival at Saint Catherine's wasn't announced with fanfare, wasn't marked by any particular significance that Narumi could discern from his position hunched over his Nintendo DS in the corner of the common room. You were just another teenager with a cardboard box of donations, probably some rich kid doing community service to pad out college applications. He'd seen dozens like you over the yearsâguilt-faced adolescents who would spend an afternoon here before returning to their intact families and functional lives.
You were talking to Sister Margaret, one of the caretakers who actually seemed to give a damn about her job, though Narumi had never seen the point in getting attached to any of the staff. They rotated out too frequently, moved on to better positions or burned out from the thankless work of managing society's cast-offs.
"Oh, that kid?" Sister Margaret was saying, following your gaze to where Narumi sat surrounded by a small crowd of younger children who watched with rapt attention as his fingers flew across the controls. "He's a bit of an outlier. He's a troublemakerâbeen suspended from school multiple times due to misconduct."
Narumi's jaw tightened imperceptibly, though his hands never stopped moving. Misconduct. As if defending himself from bullies who thought orphans made easy targets was some kind of moral failing. As if refusing to participate in group therapy sessions where they wanted him to share his feelings was somehow antisocial behavior.
"Really?" Your voice held a note of skepticism that made Narumi's ear twitch despite himself. "He doesn't look like a troublemaker."
Through his peripheral vision, he could see you studying him with an intensity that made something uncomfortable squirm in his chest. Most adults gave him a cursory glance and moved on, content to accept whatever the caretakers told them about the difficult children. But you were actually looking at him, taking in the way his shoulders curved protectively around his gaming device, the careful distance he maintained between himself and even the younger kids who clearly idolized him.
That boy? Gen thought with bitter amusement as Sister Margaret launched into her standard spiel about traumatized children and behavioral issues. A troublemaker? He wanted to laugh. If only she knew how many nights he'd spent mediating disputes between the younger kids, how many times he'd shared his limited allowance money to buy batteries for their broken toys, how carefully he'd crafted his reputation as the resident gaming expert just to give them something to look forward to.
But let her think what she wanted. Let them all think he was some kind of delinquent. It was easier than explaining that he'd learned early that emotional distance was the only reliable defense against disappointment.
Why does he look so sad? you wondered, tilting your head as you watched Gen attempt to explain the controls of his game to a cluster of eight-year-olds who hung on his every word. There was something in his posture, the careful way he held himself, that spoke of a deep loneliness he probably wasn't even aware of showing.
Looking back on it later, there was no particular reason Narumi should have found you interesting. You weren't special, weren't remarkable in any way that would typically catch his attention. You wore the same kind of clothes as every other teenager who showed up to drop off donationsâjeans and a sweater that probably cost more than his monthly allowance, sneakers that had never walked through anything worse than suburban sidewalks.
He'd had multiple adults try to connect with him over the years, guidance counselors and social workers and well-meaning volunteers who all seemed to think they could crack his shell with the right combination of patience and therapeutic techniques. All of them had been shut down, dismissed with the cold efficiency he'd perfected over years of practice.
He simply didn't care about their efforts to help him. Why should he? It wasn't like he'd grown attached to any of the orphanages he'd been shuffled throughâSaint Catherine's was just the latest in a series of temporary stops, each one passing him off to the next when he became too much trouble to handle. He'd learned to survive on his own strength; none of them had done a thing for him except provide basic food and shelter.
And you were definitely no different. What good would approaching him do? Were you trying to prove that you could reach the unreachable kid? What a waste of time.
But then you did something unexpected.
Instead of launching into some prepared speech about being there if he needed to talk or understanding what he was going through, you simply walked over and crouched down beside his makeshift gaming circle.
"Is that the new Fire Emblem?" you asked casually, nodding toward his DS screen where he was in the middle of a particularly challenging tactical battle.
Narumi's fingers stilled on the controls. He looked up at you properly for the first time, taking in your face with the same analytical intensity he applied to everything else. You didn't have the artificially bright smile that most volunteers wore, didn't seem to be performing kindness for an invisible audience. You just looked... curious.
"Yeah," he said slowly, suspicion threading through his voice. "You play?"
"My little brother does. He's been stuck on this same level for weeks, keeps complaining that the enemy AI is cheating." You settled more comfortably on the floor, seemingly unbothered by the stares of the younger children who weren't used to seeing teenagers willingly sit in their circle. "He's ten," you added, "and absolutely convinced that he's going to be a professional gamer when he grows up."
Something in Narumi's chest loosened slightly. You weren't here to save him or fix his traumaâyou were just making conversation about something he actually cared about. It was such a foreign concept that he didn't know quite how to respond.
"The AI isn't cheating," he said finally, turning the screen so you could see his battle formation. "Your brother's probably not managing his resources properly. See, if you position your units like this..."
For the next twenty minutes, Narumi found himself explaining advanced gaming strategies to someone who actually listened, who asked intelligent questions and didn't once mention his situation or try to psychoanalyze his attachment to fictional characters. You even laughed at his dry commentary about the game's more ridiculous plot points, a sound that made something warm unfurl in his chest before he ruthlessly stomped it back down.
When you finally had to leave, you simply said, "Thanks for the tips. I'll have to pass them along to my brotherâthough he'll probably accuse you of showing off."
"I don't show off," Narumi replied automatically, then paused as he realized he was almost smiling. "I just don't see the point in doing something badly."
"Hmm." You studied his face with that same thoughtful expression from before. "I'll be back next week with more donations. Maybe you could show me that tactical formation thing again? My brother would never believe me if I tried to explain it myself."
And then you were gone, leaving Narumi staring at the spot where you'd been sitting and wondering why the common room suddenly felt so much emptier.
...
You kept your promise. The following week, you returned with another box of your brother's outgrown clothes and a genuine interest in hearing about Narumi's latest gaming achievements. You didn't make a big production of it, didn't announce your intentions to help the troubled orphan boy. You simply settled beside him on the floor and asked about his progress in Fire Emblem as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
"My brother says you're probably making up those completion times," you said teasingly as Narumi demonstrated a particularly complex strategy involving multiple character classes and carefully timed special attacks. "He thinks it's impossible to beat the final boss in under twenty minutes."
Narumi's eyes narrowed, a competitive gleam sparking to life. "Your brother doubts my skills?"
"Well," you said diplomatically, "he's never actually seen you play. For all he knows, you could be some kind of gaming urban legend."
That got a reaction. Narumi spent the next hour proving every claim he'd made, his fingers flying across the controls with a precision that bordered on artistry. The younger children had long since wandered off to other activities, but you remained focused on his demonstration, occasionally asking questions that proved you were actually paying attention.
"Okay," you said when he finally paused to catch his breath, "I'm convinced. You're definitely not making this up."
Something warm and unfamiliar bloomed in Narumi's chest at your obvious admiration. When was the last time someone had been genuinely impressed by his abilities? The caretakers praised him for academic achievements with the same lukewarm enthusiasm they showed everyone, and his classmates either ignored him or viewed his success as grounds for resentment. But you were looking at him like he'd just performed magic.
"It's not that impressive," he said, but the protest lacked his usual bite.
"My brother would probably cry if he heard you say that." You grinned, and Narumi found himself fascinated by the way your whole face transformed with genuine amusement. "He thinks gaming is the highest form of art."
"Smart kid," Narumi murmured, then caught himself. When had he started... enjoying these conversations?
Over the following weeks, you established a pattern. Every afternoon, you'd arrive with donations and seek him out wherever he happened to be lurking. Sometimes you'd find him in the common room with his usual gaming circle, sometimes tucked away in the library where he'd discovered they had a surprisingly decent collection of comics, occasionally hidden in the small courtyard behind the building where he liked to practice his handheld gaming in natural light.
You never seemed put off by his initial prickliness, never took his sardonic comments personally or tried to correct his attitude. Instead, you met his defensive sarcasm with gentle teasing, his skeptical questions with patient answers, his obvious hunger for recognition with the kind of casual praise that didn't feel like pity.
"You know," you said one afternoon as you watched him absolutely destroy a boss battle that had been giving him trouble for days, "you'd probably be really good at chess. It's the same kind of strategic thinking, just without the flashy graphics."
Narumi's paused his game to give you a look of profound disbelief. "Chess is for old people."
"Chess is for people who like winning," you corrected. "Besides, doesn't your favorite Fire Emblem character use chess metaphors for like half his battle dialogue?"
"...That's different."
"Uh-huh." You were clearly trying not to smile. "What if I brought a chess set next week? Just to see if you're as good at it as you are at tactical RPGs."
"I don't need to prove anything to you," Narumi said automatically, but there was no real hostility in it. It was more like a reflex, the same way he might duck if someone threw something at his head.
"Of course not," you agreed easily. "I just thought it might be fun. My brother's been begging me to learn so he has someone to play with besides our dad, who lets him win constantly."
Fun?
"...Fine," he said finally, trying to ignore the way his pulse had picked up speed. "But don't expect me to go easy on you."
Your smile was brighter than sunshine. "I wouldn't dream of it."
...
True to your word, you arrived with a magnetic travel chess set tucked under your arm alongside your usual donation box. Narumi had spent the entire week pretending he wasn't looking forward to seeing you, maintaining his routine of academic excellence and social isolation while trying to ignore the strange anticipation that seemed to be building in his chest.
It doesn't mean anything, he told himself as he found excuses to linger in the common room around the time you usually arrived. She's just another volunteer who'll get bored and move on eventually.
But when you walked through the front door and immediately sought him out with your eyes, when your face lit up the moment you spotted him hunched over his DS in the corner, something in Narumi's chest did a little flip that he absolutely refused to acknowledge.
"Ready to have your ego crushed?" you asked cheerfully as you set up the chess board on a nearby table.
"You're awfully confident for someone who's never seen me play," Narumi replied, but he was already moving toward the table with more enthusiasm than he'd shown for anything in months.
The game that followed was a revelation. You weren't a particularly skilled chess playerâyour strategy was decent but predictable, your endgame weakâbut you were engaged in a way that Gen had never experienced before. You asked questions about his moves, complimented his tactics even when they were being used to dismantle your defenses, and laughed delightedly when he pulled off a particularly elegant checkmate sequence.
"Okay," you said as you surveyed the board where your king lay definitively defeated, "that was embarrassing. But also kind of amazing? How did you see that fork coming six moves ago?"
Narumi felt heat crawl up his neck at the genuine admiration in your voice. "It's just... pattern recognition," he said, using his standard explanation while trying to ignore how pleased your praise made him feel. "Once you understand the underlying patterns, chess becomes fairly predictable."
"Right, 'fairly predictable,'" you repeated dryly. "I'm sure that's what every chess grandmaster tells themselves."
"I'm not a grandmaster."
"Yet, want to play again?" you asked, already resetting the board. "Maybe this time I'll last longer than fifteen minutes."
They played three more games, each one ending in decisive victory for Narumi but somehow feeling less like conquest and more like... fun. You celebrated his clever moves even when they were destroying your position, asked him to explain his thought process, treated each defeat as a learning experience rather than a source of frustration.
By the time Sister Margaret announced that visiting hours were ending, Narumi realized he'd spent the entire afternoon smiling.
"Same time next week?" you asked as you packed up the chess set, your tone carefully casual in a way that suggested his answer mattered more than you were letting on.
"If you want," Narumi said, aiming for indifference and missing by several miles. "I mean, someone has to teach you proper endgame technique."
Your smile was radiant. "It's a date."
Narumi spent the next week replaying that phrase in his mind, analyzing it from every possible angle. *It's a date.* Obviously you hadn't meant it romanticallyâyou were sixteen to his twelve, practically an adult compared to his awkward pre-teen existence. But there had been something in your tone, a warmth that suggested you genuinely enjoyed spending time with him.
Why? he wondered as he lay awake staring at the ceiling of his shared dormitory room. What could you possibly get out of these visits? You weren't earning community service hours, weren't affiliated with any religious organization, weren't studying child psychology or social work. You just... came. Every week, without fail, bringing donations that seemed almost secondary to the time you spent talking to him about games and the kind of random topics that had never interested the adults in his life.
For the first time since his parents died, Narumi found himself looking forward to something.
...
Friday became the highlight of Narumi's week, though he would have rather died than admit it out loud. He developed elaborate pretenses for his anticipationâtelling himself he was just eager to demonstrate his intellectual superiority, or that he enjoyed having someone to talk to.
You, for your part, seemed to sense the shift in his attitude without commenting on it directly. You began staying longer during your visits, sometimes arriving early with the excuse of wanting to help sort donations but really just to spend more time talking with him. You started bringing things specifically chosen with his interests in mindânew puzzle games, even a gaming magazine subscription that you claimed your brother had "grown out of" but Narumi suspected you'd bought specifically for him.
The truth was becoming harder to ignore with each passing week: Narumi was falling for you. Hard.
It was ridiculous, he knew. You talked about high school drama and college applications and part-time jobsâadult concerns that felt impossibly distant from his world of dormitory curfews and supervised study halls. You had a life outside these walls, friends who didn't know his name, experiences he could barely imagine.
But knowledge of the impossibility didn't make his feelings any less real.
He noticed everything about you nowâthe way you unconsciously tucked your hair behind your ear when you were concentrating on a chess move, the soft sound of your laughter when he made one of his dry observations about the other children, the gentle patience in your voice when you explained some concept from your world that he didn't understand. He memorized the exact shade of your eyes, the way your face lit up when you walked into the common room and spotted him in his usual corner.
Narumi had never experienced attraction beforeâhad barely understood the concept beyond clinical definitions in health textbooks. But whatever this feeling was, this constant awareness of your presence, this desperate hunger for your attention and approval, it was consuming him from the inside out.
He started having dreams about you. Innocent ones, mostlyâfantasies where he was older, where the age gap didn't matter, where you looked at him with something more than fond affection. Dreams where he was tall enough to stand eye-to-eye with you, confident enough to tell you how he felt, worthy enough to deserve your romantic attention.
He'd wake from these dreams with his heart racing and shame burning in his chest. What kind of pathetic kid develops feelings for someone so obviously out of his league? What kind of delusional fantasy was he living in?
But then it would come, and you'd walk through those doors with that bright smile reserved just for him, and all his rational self-criticism would evaporate like morning mist.
"My brother finally beat that level you helped him with," you said, settling beside him on the floor where he was demonstrating advanced combos to his audience of younger kids. "He's been bragging about it to everyone who'll listen. I think you've created a monster."
"Good," Narumi said, pleased despite himself. "Confidence is important in gaming. Too many players second-guess themselves and lose opportunities."
"Speaking of confidence," you said with a teasing smile, "he's been asking if he can meet you sometime. He's convinced you're some kind of gaming legend."
Narumi's heart did a complicated flip at the thought of meeting your family, of being invited into that part of your life. But the rational part of his brain immediately began cataloging all the ways such a meeting could go wrong.
"He wouldn't be impressed," Narumi said, his voice carefully neutral. "I'm just better at pattern recognition than most people."
"Right, and Mozart was just better at pressing piano keys than most people." You rolled your eyes affectionately. "You know, false modesty doesn't suit you. You're allowed to acknowledge that you're exceptional at things."
Exceptional. The word sent warmth flooding through Gen's chest, even as he tried to maintain his composure. Coming from you, praise felt like sunlight after months of winter.
"Your brother sounds like he has good taste in role models," he said, aiming for casual and missing by several miles.
"He does," you agreed, and there was something in your tone that made Narumi look up sharply. You were studying his face with that thoughtful expression he'd come to recognize, but there was something new underneath itâa kind of careful consideration that made his pulse quicken.
"Narumi," you said slowly, "can I ask you something?"
He nodded, not trusting his voice.
"What do you want to do when you get out of here? I mean, long-term. Have you thought about careers, or college, or...?"
The question caught him off guard. Most adults who bothered asking about his future did so in the context of immediate practicalitiesâwhat high school he wanted to attend, what subjects he should focus on, what kind of part-time job he might be suited for. But you were asking about dreams, about the kind of life he wanted to build for himself.
"I don't know," he said honestly. "I've never really thought that far ahead."
It was a lie, but a necessary one. The truth was that Narumi had elaborate fantasies about his future, detailed plans that always seemed to revolve around becoming someone worthy of your attention. Sometimes he imagined becoming a professional gamer, achieving the kind of fame and recognition that would make you proud to know him. Sometimes he pictured himself as a successful businessman or scientist, accomplished enough to offer you the kind of life you deserved.
But he could never voice these dreams, could never admit that every vision of his future included you in some capacity.
"You should," you said gently. "You're too smart and too talented to just drift through life without a plan. You could do anything you set your mind to."
"Anything?" Narumi asked before he could stop himself.
"Anything," you confirmed with absolute certainty.
For a moment, Narumi allowed himself to imagine telling you the truthâabout his feelings, about the dreams that revolved around you, about the way your weekly visits had become the center of his entire world. For a moment, he let himself wonder what you might say if you knew how completely you'd captured his twelve-year-old heart.
But reality crashed back down before he could work up the courage to speak. You were sixteen, practically an adult. You had your own life, your own plans, your own future that didn't include a damaged orphan boy with an inappropriate crush.
"I should probably figure that out," he said instead, his voice carefully neutral.
"You've got time," you said with that gentle smile that made his chest ache. "But when you do decide, I hope you'll aim high. You deserve good things, Narumi."
I deserve you, he thought but didn't say. Instead, he nodded and returned his attention to his DS, trying to ignore the way your casual faith in his potential made him feel simultaneously hopeful and heartbroken.
...
The conversation about his future lingered in Narumi's mind over the following weeks, mixing with his growing awareness of your approaching departure to create a constant undercurrent of anxiety. You'd mentioned that your family would be moving next fall, which meant you had maybe six months left of visits. Six months before you disappeared from his life forever.
The thought was unbearable.
Narumi found himself trying to memorize everything about your time togetherâhe started hoarding these moments like a dragon hoarding treasure, desperate to collect enough memories to sustain him through the loneliness that would follow your departure.
But then you said something that changed everything.
"I've been thinking about what I want to do after graduation," you mentioned casually during one of your visits, setting up the chess board with practiced efficiency. "My parents want me to apply to traditional colleges, but I'm considering something different."
"Like what?" Narumi asked, though he was only half-listening. He was too busy watching the graceful movements of your hands as you arranged the pieces, trying to commit every detail to memory.
"The Defense Force," you said, and suddenly you had his complete attention.
Narumi's hands stilled on his own pieces. "The Defense Force?"
"Yeah." You looked up with that bright smile that never failed to make his heart skip. "I know it sounds crazy, but I've been reading about their recruitment programs, and they're actually looking for people to apply."
The Defense Force. The elite military organization responsible for protecting Japan from kaiju threats. It was dangerous work, the kind of career that came with a high mortality rate and no guarantees of coming home alive.
Narumi felt something cold and sharp twist in his stomach. "That's... that's dangerous."
"Well, yeah," you said with the casual fearlessness that only someone who'd never faced real danger could possess. "But it's also important. And the training programs are supposed to be incredibleâthey teach you everything from advanced combat techniques to disaster management to emergency medical care. Plus, the benefits are amazing, and they help pay for continuing education."
You were excited about this. Narumi could see it in the way your eyes lit up, in the animated gestures you made as you described the recruitment materials you'd been studying. This wasn't some idle fantasyâyou were seriously considering risking your life to fight monsters.
The rational part of Narumi's brain understood that you had every right to make your own choices about your future. You were intelligent and capable and perfectly qualified to make decisions about your own life. But the part of him that had grown to depend on your weekly visits, the part that had started building fantasies around a future that included you, was screaming in protest.
"What about college?" he asked, his voice carefully controlled. "You said your parents wanted you to apply to universities."
"They do. But I think I want something more... immediate? More real?" You paused in your chess setup to look at him directly. "College feels like just more school, you know? Four more years of sitting in classrooms and writing papers about things other people discovered. The Defense Force would be different. It would be contributing to something that actually matters."
Narumi wanted to argue. He wanted to list all the reasons why joining the Defense Force was a terrible idea, all the safer career paths that would keep you alive and close to Tokyo. He wanted to beg you to reconsider, to choose something that wouldn't take you away from him permanently.
But he was twelve years old and you were sixteen, and he had no right to try to influence your life decisions. He had no right to any opinion about your future at all.
"That's... really cool," he said instead, the words tasting like ash in his mouth.
"You think so?" Your face lit up with pleasure at his apparent approval. "I was worried you might think it was stupid or reckless."
"I think you'd be good at it," Narumi said, because it was true even though it made his chest ache. "You're smart and... and brave."
"Brave?" You laughed, but there was a pleased flush spreading across your cheeks. "I don't know about brave. Maybe just tired of feeling useless."
Useless? Narumi stared at you in genuine bewilderment. How could you possibly think you were useless? You, who had single-handedly transformed his entire world just by showing up and caring about him? You, who had given him the first taste of genuine friendship he'd ever experienced?
"You're not useless," he said, the words carrying more intensity than he'd intended. "You're... you're the most important person I know."
The confession slipped out before he could stop it, carrying way too much emotion for what was supposed to be a casual conversation between friends. Narumi immediately felt heat flood his face as he realized what he'd revealed.
You were quiet for a long moment, studying his face with that thoughtful expression that always made him feel simultaneously seen and terrified. When you finally spoke, your voice was gentler than usual.
"Narumi," you said carefully, "you know that our friendship isn't going to end just because I join the Defense Force, right? I mean, it might be harder to visit regularly, butâ"
"It's fine," Narumi interrupted, unable to bear whatever kind platitude you were building up to. "I understand. You have your own life to live."
"That's not what I meantâ"
"I know what you meant." His voice came out sharper than he'd intended, defensive in the way it always got when he felt vulnerable. "You're trying to be nice about the fact that you're leaving. But you don't have to pretend that we'll stay in touch afterward. I'm not stupid."
"Genâ"
"Can we just play chess?" he asked, already moving his first pawn with jerky, agitated movements. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."
You looked like you wanted to argue, like you had more to say about the subject, but something in his expression must have warned you off. Instead, you made your own opening move and settled into the familiar rhythm of the game.
But the easy companionship of previous weeks was gone, replaced by an undercurrent of tension that made every move feel weighted with unspoken meaning. Narumi played more aggressively than usual, sacrificing pieces in risky gambits that reflected his internal emotional state. You responded with unusual defensiveness, as if you were trying to protect something precious from his attacks.
The game ended in stalemateâthe first time neither of you had achieved a clear victory.
"Good game," you said quietly as you began putting the pieces away.
"Yeah," Narumi replied, though it had been anything but.
The silence stretched between you, heavy with all the things neither of you was saying. Finally, you cleared your throat.
"I haven't made any final decisions yet," you said. "About the Defense Force, I mean. I'm still researching, still thinking things through."
Narumi nodded without looking up from the chess board. "Whatever you choose," he said finally, "I hope it makes you happy."
It was the truth, even though it felt like swallowing glass to say it.
...
You continued your visits, but there was a new awkwardness between you that hadn't existed before. Narumi found himself holding back, afraid that too much enthusiasm or attachment would make his feelings obvious. You seemed to be doing the same, treating him with a careful gentleness that suggested you were aware of his emotional state even if you didn't fully understand it.
The easy intimacy of previous months was replaced by polite conversation. Narumi hated it, missed the natural flow of your interactions, but he didn't know how to bridge the gap without revealing more than he was prepared to share.
Then, in early spring, you arrived with news that shattered his carefully maintained emotional control.
"I got accepted," you said without preamble, your face glowing with excitement and pride. "Into the Defense Force training program. I start basic training right after graduation."
Narumi felt the world tilt sideways. He'd known this was coming, had been preparing himself for months, but the reality of it still hit him like a physical blow. You were really leaving. Not just moving to another city with your family, but joining an organization that would consume your entire life, that would train you to fight monsters and risk your life for strangers.
"Congratulations," he managed, his voice sounding strange and distant even to his own ears.
"Thank you!" You were practically vibrating with excitement, clearly having expected a more enthusiastic response. "I still can't believe it, honestly. The application process was so competitive, and the physical requirements were insane, but I made it. I'm actually going to be a Defense Force officer."
Narumi should have felt proud of you. Should have shared in your excitement, celebrated this achievement that clearly meant so much to you. Instead, all he could feel was a crushing sense of loss, as if you'd already disappeared from his life despite sitting right in front of him.
"When do you leave?" he asked.
"Training starts in June, so I'll be finishing up my visits here in a few weeks." Your excitement dimmed slightly as you seemed to remember the implications for your friendship. "I'm really going to miss our Fridays together."
Miss. As if your time together was already in the past, already relegated to fond memories rather than living reality.
"Yeah," Narumi said quietly. "Me too."
You reached across the table and squeezed his hand, the contact sending familiar electricity racing up his arm. "Hey, this doesn't have to be goodbye forever. I'll write when I can, and maybe once I'm settled in my assignmentâ"
"Don't." The word came out harder than Narumi had intended, cutting through your hopeful reassurances like a blade. "Don't make promises you can't keep."
"Butâ"
"I'm happy for you," he said, pulling his hand free from yours and standing abruptly. "I really am. This is what you want, and you deserve to get what you want. But don't pretend that we're going to stay in touch afterward. We both know how these things work."
He was being unfair, he knew. You hadn't done anything wrong except pursue your dreams and try to soften the blow of your departure with kind intentions. But the pain of losing you was so acute that he needed to create distance, needed to start the process of emotional detachment before it destroyed him completely.
"That's notâ" You stood as well, frustration clear in your voice. "Why are you being like this? I'm trying to tell you that our friendship matters to me, that I don't want to just disappear from your life."
"Because it's easier!" The words burst out of Narumi with more force than he'd intended, carrying months of suppressed emotion. "It's easier than pretending that you'll actually have time to think about some kid from an orphanage once you're busy saving the world. It's easier than hoping for letters that will never come and visits that will never happen."
You stared at him, clearly taken aback by his outburst. For a moment, neither of you spoke, the silence heavy with the weight of everything Narumi had revealed without meaning to.
"Is that really what you think of me?" you asked finally, your voice small and hurt. "That I would just... forget about you?"
The pain in your voice made Narumi's chest ache, but he couldn't take back what he'd said. Couldn't apologize for protecting himself from the inevitable disappointment of abandonment.
"I think you're sixteen years old and about to start the most important chapter of your life," he said quietly. "I think you'll meet new people and face new challenges and build a future that doesn't have room for Friday visits to an orphanage. And that's... that's okay. It's what's supposed to happen."
"I'm tired," he said, cutting off whatever reassurance you were building up to. "Can we just... can we not do this today? I need some time to think."
You looked like you wanted to argue, like you had more to say on the subject. But something in his expression must have convinced you that pushing would only make things worse.
"Okay," you said softly. "But this conversation isn't over."
You gathered your things with careful, deliberate movements, clearly giving him time to change his mind or say something more. But Narumi remained frozen in place, his hands clenched into fists at his sides as he watched you prepare to leave.
This was it, then. The beginning of the end.
He should let you go. Should accept that this was how things had to be, clean and final and rational. You would walk out that door and continue building your impressive life, and he would remain here in this liminal space between childhood and whatever came next, carrying the memory of your kindness like a secret treasure.
But as you shouldered your bag and turned toward the exit, something desperate and reckless unfurled in Narumi's chest. The careful emotional distance he'd been trying to maintain crumbled all at once, leaving him raw and exposed and terrifyingly vulnerable.
He couldn't let you leave like this. Not when there were so many things unsaid between you, not when this might be his last chance toâ
"Wait."
The word escaped him before conscious thought could intervene, sharp and urgent in the quiet common room. You stopped immediately, turning back with surprise written across your features.
Narumi's heart was hammering against his ribs as he took a shaky step forward, then another. The younger children who'd been scattered around the room seemed to sense the shift in atmosphere, quietly migrating toward other activities and leaving the two of you in relative privacy.
"Wait," he repeated, quieter this time but no less intense. His hands were tremblingâwhen had they started trembling?âand he shoved them deep into his pockets to hide the evidence of his emotional state.
"Narumi?" Your voice was gentle, concerned, but you made no move to come closer. Waiting for him to find whatever words were struggling to break free from his chest.
He stood there for a long moment, caught between the safety of silence and the terrifying possibility of honesty. Everything rational in his mind was screaming at him to step back, to let you go, to protect himself from the inevitable pain of hoping for something impossible.
But looking at youâreally looking at your face, at the genuine care and confusion in your eyesâNarumi realized that the pain of never trying might be worse than the pain of rejection.
"I..." he started, then stopped, his voice catching on the magnitude of what he wanted to say. How did you tell someone they'd become your whole world? How did you explain that their weekly visits had transformed from pleasant distraction to vital necessity?
You waited, patient as always, giving him the space to stumble toward whatever truth was clawing its way out of his throat.
"The Defense Force training," he said finally, the words coming out stilted and awkward. "How long is it?"
"The basic training program is eighteen months," you replied carefully, clearly uncertain where this line of questioning was heading. "Then there's specialized training depending on your assignment, which can be another six months to two years."
Two to three and a half years. Narumi's mind raced through calculationsâhe'd be fifteen or sixteen by the time you finished training. Still younger than you, still probably too young for whatever he was thinking, but closer. Less impossibly distant than the gap that existed now.
"And after that?" he pressed, taking another step closer. "What happens after training?"
"Well, that depends on a lot of factors. Your performance, the needs of the organization, personal preferences..." You tilted your head, studying his face with that thoughtful expression he'd come to treasure. "Why are you asking?"
This was it. The moment of truth, the point of no return. Narumi could feel his pulse pounding in his ears as he forced himself to meet your eyes directly.
"Because I want you to wait for me."
The words hung in the air between you, bold and desperate and completely insane. Narumi immediately felt heat flood his face as the magnitude of what he'd just said hit him. Had he really just asked youâbrilliant, accomplished, sixteen-year-old youâto put your life on hold for a twelve-year-old orphan with an inappropriate crush?
Your eyes widened in genuine shock. "Narumi..."
"I know how it sounds," he rushed on, his voice cracking with emotion and adolescent uncertainty. "I know I'm just some kid and you're about to start this amazing career and I have no right to ask anything of you. But I..." He swallowed hard, forcing himself to continue. "I think I like you."
The confession hung between you like a live wire, crackling with dangerous energy. Narumi immediately wanted to take it back, to retreat into safer territory, but it was too late now. The truth was out there, raw and honest and completely terrifying.
"You think you like me?" you repeated slowly, your voice carefully neutral.
"I know I do," Narumi corrected, his voice growing stronger even as his hands continued to shake. "I know it's crazy and probably just some pathetic kid's first crush, but I can't help it. You're... you're the best thing that's ever happened to me."
You stared at him for what felt like an eternity, your expression cycling through surprise, confusion, and something else he couldn't quite identify. When you finally spoke, your voice was gentler than he'd expected.
"Narumi, you're twelve years old."
"I know." The words came out sharper than he'd intended, defensive in the way he always got when people pointed out his age as if it invalidated everything he felt. "I know I'm twelve and you're sixteen and that makes this weird and impossible. I know you probably think I'm just some confused kid who doesn't understand the difference between friendship and romance."
"That's notâ"
"But I do understand," he continued, unable to stop now that he'd started. "I understand that you're going to leave and become this incredible Defense Force officer and probably meet someone amazing who's actually age-appropriate and accomplished and everything I'm not. I understand that asking you to wait for me is selfish and unrealistic."
Narumi took one more step closer, close enough now that he could see the flecks in your eyes, close enough to catch the faint scent of your perfume.
"But I'm asking anyway," he said quietly. "Because in three years I'll be fifteen, and in five years I'll be seventeen, and maybe by then the age difference won't matter so much. Maybe by then I'll be someone worth waiting for."
The silence that followed was deafening. Narumi could hear his own heartbeat, could feel the weight of your gaze as you processed his impossible request. He'd laid everything bare, offered up his heart with trembling hands, and now all he could do was wait for you to decide whether to cherish it or crush it.
"You want me to wait five years," you said finally, your voice barely above a whisper.
"I want you to give us a chance," Narumi replied, his voice steadier now that the worst of the confession was behind him. "I want you to consider the possibility that what I feel for you might be real, even if I'm young. I want..." He swallowed hard, gathering the last of his courage. "I want you to think about whether you might be able to feel something for me too, someday."
You were quiet for a long moment, your eyes never leaving his face. Narumi held his breath, suspended between hope and terror as he waited for your response.
"You really mean this," you said, and it wasn't quite a question.
"I've never meant anything more in my life."
Something shifted in your expression then, surprise giving way to a kind of wonder that made Narumi's chest tight with desperate hope. You reached out slowly, carefully, as if approaching a wild animal that might bolt at any sudden movement.
When your fingers brushed against his head, Narumi's breath caught in his throat. Your touch was warm and soft and everything he'd dreamed about during those lonely nights in the dormitory.
"You're so young," you murmured, but there was no dismissal in your voice. Instead, there was something that sounded almost like regret.
"I won't always be," Narumi said, leaning slightly into your touch despite himself. "And you... you won't always be so far ahead of me."
You studied his face with that intense focus he'd come to associate with your chess games, as if you were trying to see several moves ahead into a future neither of you could quite imagine.
"Five years is a long time," you said finally. "A lot can change. We'll both change."
"I know." Narumi's voice was barely audible, but his gaze never wavered from yours. "But some things don't change. Some things are worth waiting for."
The moment stretched between you, heavy with possibility and the weight of an impossible decision. Narumi could see the internal struggle playing out across your featuresâlogic warring with something else, something that made his heart race with desperate hope.
Finally, incredibly, you smiled. It was a small, uncertain thing, but it transformed your entire face in a way that made Narumi feel like he might actually float off the ground.
"You know what?" you said, your voice carrying a note of wonder that suggested you couldn't quite believe what you were about to say. "Okay."
"Okay?" Narumi's voice cracked on the word, hope and disbelief tangling in his chest.
"I'll wait," you said, and now your smile was growing brighter, more confident. "I mean, I can't promise that I'll still feel the same way in five years, or that you will. But... but you're right. You won't always be twelve, and I won't always be sixteen. And maybe..." You paused, seeming to gather your own courage. "Maybe there's something here worth exploring, when we're both ready for it."
Narumi felt something break open in his chest, a flood of emotion so intense it left him dizzy. You were saying yes. Not to romance, not now, but to possibility. To the chance that someday, when the timing was right, you might look at him and see not just the lonely orphan boy but someone worthy of your love.
"Really?" he whispered, afraid that speaking too loudly might shatter this fragile moment.
"Really," you confirmed, your hand still warm against his head. "But I have conditions."
"Anything," Narumi said immediately, and he meant it. He would agree to anything that kept this possibility alive.
"You have to promise me that you'll focus on building your own life," you said seriously. "I don't want you putting everything on hold waiting for me. Get good grades, make friends, figure out who you want to be outside of this... whatever this is between us. Can you do that?"
Narumi nodded eagerly. "I promise."
"And you have to understand that I can't make any guarantees about how I'll feel when I see you again. People change, Narumi. What seems important at sixteen might not matter at twenty-one."
"I understand," he said, though privately he was certain that his feelings for you would never change, never fade. "But what if they don't? Change, I mean. What if we both still..."
"Then we'll figure it out when that time comes," you said gently. "But for now, this has to be enough. This promise, this possibility. Can you live with that?"
Could he live with the faint hope of someday rather than the crushing certainty of never? Could he survive on the promise of your consideration rather than demanding your immediate affection?
Looking into your eyes, seeing the genuine care and cautious optimism there, Narumi knew he could live with anything as long as it meant you'd be part of his future.
"Yes," he said simply. "I can live with that."
Your smile was radiant, transforming your entire face in a way that made Narumi's heart stutter in his chest. For just a moment, he allowed himself to imagine what it would be like when you looked at him that way because you loved him back, because he was finally old enough and accomplished enough to deserve it.
"Then it's a deal," you said, extending your hand formally as if you were sealing a business arrangement rather than making the most important promise of his young life.
Narumi took your hand without hesitation, marveling at how perfectly it fit in his despite the size difference. Your skin was warm and soft, and he wanted to memorize every detail of this contact before you pulled away.
"Five years," he said, testing the words on his tongue.
"Five years," you agreed. "Give or take."
You held his gaze for another moment, and Narumi thought he saw something flicker thereâaffection, maybe, or the beginning of something deeper. But then you were stepping back, creating physical distance even as you maintained the emotional connection you'd just established.
"I should go," you said, glancing toward the door where Sister Margaret was making pointed gestures about visiting hours. "But I'll see you next week? For our last few visits?"
"You'll still come?" Narumi asked, unable to hide the relief in his voice.
"Of course I'll still come. We're friends, aren't we? Even if..." you gestured vaguely between the two of you, "even if there's this other thing too."
Friends. And something more, something with the potential to become everything he'd ever wanted. It wasn't perfect, wasn't the immediate reciprocation his heart craved, but it was infinitely more than he'd had that morning.
"Yeah," Narumi said, his voice steady despite the emotional upheaval of the last few minutes. "We're friends."
You shouldered your bag again, this time with none of the sad finality that had characterized your earlier departure attempt. Instead, there was something almost celebratory in your movements, as if you'd just made a decision that excited rather than worried you.
"Take care of yourself, Narumi," you said as you headed toward the exit. "And rememberâfocus on your own life first. I want to see what amazing things you accomplish while I'm gone."
He watched you walk away, his heart full to bursting with hope and determination and the overwhelming magnitude of your promise. You paused at the door to look back at him one last time, your smile soft and fond and full of possibilities.
"See you Friday," you called out, and then you were gone, leaving Narumi standing alone in the common room with his heart racing and his entire future suddenly, brilliantly rewritten.
Five years. He could do five years. He could become someone worthy of your love in five years.
After all, he'd already waited twelve years for you to walk into his life.
fluff, pining, suggestive themes, kingdom au, (i was inspired by the dynamic in the movie "Epic" w/ queen tara & ronin or this one if yall know what i'm referencing)
bodyguard!toji fushiguro x royalty!reader
Synopsis: toji, a man raised in poverty who has been forced to turn to violence for the sake of survival, finds himself at the princess' side as her personal bodyguard
to sum it up: toji has never been fond of royalty, yet he submits to his responsibility to protect you with passion he has not shown to anything else
WC: 14,242
Warning(s): mentions of trauma, violence, assault, vaguely suggestive themes
Toji knows he was never cut out for an uppity lifestyle.
Heâs a gruff man, rough around the edges with an air of dark mystery radiating about him. He has never believed himself to be an attractive man, at least in the realm of those who make women drop to their knees and swoon with romance. Heâs more fermented, well-aged, well experienced, and he has the looks of someone who has endured hell and more, not those of a freshly groomed prince blooming in his wake.
Toji, though a man of difficult upbringing, having undergone more of realityâs harsh lessons than almost anyone in this world, has a specific set of skills that comes in handy no matter the setting. He is not a man of incredible wealth, prowess, or poise, but he can associate himself with the likes of those who are by means of what he does, and what he does remarkably well. His talents are the only reason, he believes, why he has been in your service, smack in the middle of your world for teetering into two years now.
Raised in the slums, orphaned by his absent parents, Toji taught himself a way to live. He thinks that he was born hard, when he looks back, for no one else could have survived the way he had after those years of scrounging around for food, desperately searching for change and a decently comfortable pile of grass he could sleep in. As the world grew harsher, pushing against his growing mind and body, Toji pushed back harder, angrier, more solid and more grounded. He was blessed from the moment he entered this earth with unique physical qualities that gave him an advantage when fighting to live, his internal and external mold serving as an inhuman benefit, as though he was meant to struggle the way he had all of his life. As though fighting was his destiny.Â
The dark haired man had encountered many different means of keeping himself afloat over the years too, some more grim than others that he refused to look back on. Nevertheless, after the will of the merciless wind had tossed him around feverishly for far longer than he realized would have been normal for anybody else, he understood that his place in this world was to stand proudly as a man capable of unspeakable violence, inept at the art of killing for the sake of his own gain.Â
Itâs a dog eat dog world. Toji learned this before he even hit puberty, and therefore, he learned what it meant to transition himself into one - a far more gnarly beast than any of the worldâs nastiest entities of evil could conjure. If he only had the choice of eating or being eaten, Toji was going to devour before another dog could get the chance to bare his teeth at him.Â
Well into his familiarity with his own brutality, his craft honed in and sharpened to perfection and his years of youth having flown by with the snap of his fingers, Toji is recognized by a crowd that heâs despised for as long as he can remember.Â
He is in the middle of a boxing match, one of many he participates in for the hell of it and the cash rather than as a profession, when a representative from the palace ogles him from the crowd, standing out as a sore thumb amidst the screaming patrons clinging to the velvet ropes of the ring, drunk off stinking liquors and spit flying excitedly from their mouths in awe as Toji, undefeated, lands a particularly gruesome blow to the face of his opponent. His foe collapses, blood smearing from his crooked nose, and the jade eyed man filled with years of pent up rage and stress, straddles the nearly unconscious manâs torso and plows his fist into his face repeatedly with wild, shrunken eyes and tight lips.Â
Toji only takes notice of his visitor in the midst of his abuse, eyes flickering up quickly to mull over the crowd when he finds a terrified face masked in a black cloak, attempting to shrink into the rest of the room. But Toji sees him clearly, a palace ambassador with no place in an underground ring so far from home.
The dark haired man refuses to even look at him as the owner tells him that he has a guest. He unravels the wrap from his stained fists, back tensing. Toji tells him to fuck off, not even having to whip his head around to see who it is. He can tell by his bossâ tone and the silence of the said visitor that he is exactly who he believes him to be. That, and Toji never receives visitors, for the people who are well aware of his reputation stray far away, fearing the worst from his seemingly deadly lust for blood.Â
His owner, however, does not turn the man away. Toji understands that he must have been paid a good deal in jewels by this cloaked man to allow him to stay back here, not leaving until he asks for some kind of favor. An agitated exhalation rises in Tojiâs chest, heavy eyes tossing over his shoulder to glare at the ambassador. He gulps, trembling hands reaching up to lower his hood.
âThe fuck do yâwant?â Toji spits.
The ambassadorâs hesitant gaze scatters over his bare back, his fists, the scars littering his skin and lip, and the murderous glow in his venomous eyes. He looks terrified for his life, face dotted in beads of sweat and eyes still full of innocent light quivering. âI-Iâm here on- on behalf of the King and Queen.â
Toji stills, brows drawing together. The manâs words seem to have an impact on his boss, normally an uncaring man, for he leaves with a swiftness once royalty is mentioned, sworn to silence by hush money.Â
Toji scoffs, shaking his head and turning back around to refocus on his task. âYou got the wrong guy,â he dismisses. âNow beat it before I kill ya.â
But he doesnât, standing his ground rather poorly, clearly shaken by the fact that his life has been threatened for what Toji can only assume to be the very first time. He rolls his eyes at the sentiment, at how weak, fragile, and perfectly stupid palace folk are. âS-Sir, please-â
âSir?â Toji raises a brow, crouching to sit down heavily on his bench, tossing his bloodied bandages onto the ground before him. His abdominals, bulky and intensely defined, ripple with his movements as he slides his towel from his shoulders, swiping it over his skin roughly. âI ainât no sir, pal.â
The ambassador stiffens, lips pursing together. âUm- Mr. TojiâŚ?â
Toji twists up his mouth at him unimpressed. âFushiguro.â
âYes! Y-Yes, Mr. Fushiguro.â
âChrist, itâs just Fushiguro.â
âOh,â he nods erratically. âYes, then. Fushiguro,â he clears his throat. âIâm afraid itâs a matter of great importance.â
âClearly it is to you lot, or else your dumbass wouldnât be here,â Toji grumbles, settling a hand on his thigh. âI donât have time for bullshit. You either get to the point, or the King and Queen are gonna be down one messenger.â
Toji is a violent man. He has had to be violent in order to live, in order to eat, in order to sleep, and now in his late thirties, it has become embedded in who he is. Violence is his first response to every circumstance, to every person who approaches him, to every dirty look that he is thrown, to every unknown within this world that has been nothing but greedy, cruel, and selfish to him.Â
Even so, he is not always keen on his word when he threatens such things. He knows that if he were to lay a hand on this toothpick, he would be hanged and quartered within the hour, and Toji isnât too keen on allowing the kingdom dickheads be the reason his life comes to an end after he fought so desperately to even reach past his twenties. This ambassador knows this, and yet, he is still shaking like a leaf as though Toji has any authority over him, because in truth, he does here in his territory, only temporarily. Toji can use the fear he inspires and the intimidation of his capabilities and large frame to attempt to shake a palace ambassador off of his ass, but there is nothing more to his stern words other than a desire to be left alone.
âYou must listen,â the little man continues to press. âThe King and Queen- t-they send me for the sake of their daughter!â
Toji groans. âI donât give a shit who they sent you for, youâre barkinâ up the wrong tree.â
âI fear they are fully aware of who they sent me to speak with,â the ambassadorâs brows angle with a sense of urgency. Toji, having been bored by the conversation, rubs his fingers over the bridge of his nose and tilts his head tiredly. âN-Not many of us know about the things you do, but I was told to seek out the strongest, and you are⌠him.â
âWhat the hell do they want me for? I ainât got shit for you pricks. Just leave me be.â
âFushiguro,â he calls again before Toji can stand and turn away. âI understand you may not care about what the kingdom needs, but you are being offered a great deal of money. A generous salary.â
Tojiâs ears perk up at this. He rises slowly, sauntering over to the man with slim, suspicious eyes and a taut jaw. Sweat glistens his bare torso, rolled up sweats hanging low on his waist. As he grows closer, the ambassador takes notice of his great size up close, and his eyes widen as he cowers away slightly from the man that casts a shadow over him completely.Â
Toji stares down over his nose and tilted chin with a frown. âA salary? From the King and Queen themselves?â he repeats, and the man whimpers a hum in affirmation. âThe hell is going on? What could possibly be turning their panties in a bunch to offer a job to someone like me?â
âItâs their daughter,â the man re-emphasizes.Â
âWho?â
âThe princess!â he says as though it is obvious, a desperate expression taking his features. âShe needs security.â
âFrom what?â
âThe King and Queen grow old, and so does the princess. Their reign is coming to an end, and with that, the princessâs life is often endangered by those seeking to take her right to the crown while her parentâs grow less capable of ruling. Thereâs already been two assassination attempts and one assault attempt within the past few months,â the ambassador explains, severely. âThe princess needs someone to look after her, to be by her side as she prepares to rule as queen and as she looks for a husband.â
âAnd you want me to be her bodyguard?â Toji raises his brows.
âIn a sense⌠yes.â
The dark haired man snorts in the ambassadorâs face, the latter deflating at his reaction. âOf all people, you want me?â
â...Yes. That is correct.â
âWhat, the brat doesnât have knights or something?â
âNone that are capable of what you do.â
âAnd how the hell do you know what I do? You come to one match and think you're an expert on my life?â Toji grits his teeth, leering down at the poor man. The ambassador raises his hands in defense, stepping back anxiously. âI see everyone and everything that crosses my path. Iâve never seen you before in my life, and all of a sudden now you show up with a job offer from the fucking King and Queen. Gimme a break.â
He walks off, irritatedly throwing his towel in the corner and ripping open his locker on the other side of the room. âYouâre right. I havenât been watching you, but Iâve been asking around town about someone who could fit the role for weeks, and everyone was too afraid to mention you until a few days ago. Since then, Iâve heard stories.â
âPeople here like to gossip,â Toji murmurs.
âBut your name scares people, right?â
âI donât care what my name does.â
âFushiguro, please,â he begs. âI donât believe you are a man who cares about what happens in the palace-â
âIâm not.â
âBut you must care about a sense of duty? Of justice? Of compensation, at least?â
âObviously I care about money more than I do any of the other shit you just mentioned. But you tell me one thing,â his face hardens. âWhat the hell has the kingdom done for sorry asses like me, huh? Why should I be the one to help them when they havenât helped me a day in my life? Theyâre all a bunch âa stuck up, frilly airheads stuck in their own bubble of what they think is urgent. So what if the princess gets a little spooked here and there? Maybe itâll teach her a life lesson about what the world is really like. âCause Iâll tell ya this, the girls where I come from donât get to have a bodyguard before bad shit happens to them.â
Toji isnât entirely sure why he is making a point to shame the people at the top when in the end, he knows he is going to take the job. Money, Toji finds, is incredibly valuable where he is from, and considering the hands he has dirtied in the past to get it, this proposal is practically nothing. Still, that doesnât mean he likes the kingdom any more for their lack of involvement with the lower classes. His morals, which remain very few, go against this proposal he already knows he is going to accept - slaving away for those who made him a slave to gruesome fates, but hell, what can a man really do when heâs at his wits end and unfathomable riches are being presented to him on a silver platter?
He can complain, yes, but nothing can rank higher than the money the palace is practically drowning in. Besides, he doesnât have to stay, he thinks. He can entertain this little charade for as long as he has enough funds to set him up for life, and then heâll be out of there. In and out, quick and easy, and this place would never see his face again.Â
A grim look befalls the ambassadorâs face while Toji rummages through his belongings for his clothes. He is clearly discomforted by Tojiâs words, which was the goal the man aimed to achieve in the first place.Â
âWe can not force you to do anything you do not desire to do yourself,â the ambassador starts, and somehow, Toji senses that the man is lying for the sake of making it appear as though Toji has a choice. âBut I implore you to consider. The princess is unlike her parents. She is younger, eager. There is a legacy she must carry and people she must lead. Without her, the entire kingdom collapses. Including your village.â
Tojiâs nose twitches. âMaybe thatâll do this shithole some good,â he grumbles.
The ambassador sighs, shoulders slumping. âPlease⌠think about it.â
Toji rolls his eyes, turning and knuckling a hand to his hip. âHow much money âwe talking here, buddy?â
And oh, is the pay fucking obscene.
Toji doesnât think heâs ever fathomed such grand numbers and jewels in his head, having been restricted by his villageâs limitations, but once he hears his pay manifested into reality by a simple verbalization, his guilt trip seizes and he is signing his life away almost happily.
From then on, Toji is bound to the likes of you, his signature scribbled messily over a royal contract and securing him to you from now until your death⌠at least, that is what the fine print says. His plans, however, differ, and when he has fled from you, he will be hundreds of miles out of the kingdomâs reach.
That is his plan. To run away, but you unfortunately do not make this a very plausible task for him.
After days of training that Toji does not at all listen to, of watching elder royalty turn their nose up in disgust at the way he speaks and carries himself, of hearing murmurs of disapproval as he saunters down red carpeting with the head guard to meet yet another person that he will not remember the name or importance of, of being sworn to secrecy - to only serve as a protective, lethal air of silence and nothing more - to refuse any and all physical or verbal interaction with the woman in his protection, and of being fitted into a stuffy black uniform clad with gold detailing that serves only for show since he would have hardly bothered to lift an arm in that uncomfortable ass thing, let alone kill someone, Toji finally meets you.
And he has to admit that you are not at all what he expects.
Adorned in a regal soft pink gown that crowds from your waist and pools down to the floor, cuffing delicately at your wrists through sheer sleeves and tugging over your torso snugly with a corset, you stand before him in your chambers like an angel gracing earth. Your bejeweled gold crown sits upon your head with complementarity and your ringed fingers clasp each other before your lap. You're decked in what Toji can only assume to be century old gems, necklaces, and chains which he has to physically fight himself from reaching to pluck from your body and run off with. Standing before him, he decides that you are worth at least twenty times more than the almost forty years of life he has spent picking around for specs of funds.Â
The thought agitates him.Â
While he wishes he can say that he is the only one agitated, he notices a flick of fire in your (e/c) eyes as you size him up, trace your gaze over him with judgment and a pout on your glossed lips. Your presence is almost frightening with power as the two of you stare at each other, him with blank indifference and you with very apparent disappointment.Â
When the head guard eventually takes his leave now that you are in the hands of your newly bestowed bodyguard, the door closing behind the two of you as you enter the hall in preparation to go handle your duties, you stop in your tracks, dress ruffling along with you. Toji, who has been told to remain ten feet behind you at all times, freezes like a statue, eying you when you whip your head around to glare at him.
Tojiâs heard of elegant aestheticism, of the otherworldly beauty that the royal family carries, but he hadnât believed it until he sees you face to face - though heâll admit, he imagined you to appear less⌠aggravated and more peachy? Light. Dimwittedly sugary.
âListen up,â you demand, a shocking bass carrying in your tone. Youâre dominant, he noticed, or at least you are attempting to be. You stand proud, tall, chin lifted and eyes narrow. This certainly isnât the picture of spoiled naivety that he imagined you to be previously. âI donât know whatever the royal guard told you, but Iâm not a damsel in need of protecting. I didnât agree to whatever this is or whoever the hell you are invading my life.â
Tojiâs brow lifts in intrigue. You certainly are not what he expected. Not at all.
Encouraged by your tone, his lips quirk up into a subtle smirk. You drag your brows together in confusion, eyes catching the scar that stretches over the right side of his lips. âDo you find me amusing?â you frown.
âA little bit,â the dark haired man responds quickly, leading you to reel slightly in shock. He appears so unaffected by you, and youâve never encountered a person who hasnât scrambled to kneel in your presence or nervously abide by any and everything you say. The gaul of this stranger, you think, to stand before you so casually and smile as though your position of authority is some sort of joke.
âI beg your pardon?â you scoff. âYou should mind yourself when you speak to me.â
âIâm not paid to speak to you, doll, let alone be sweet on you,â Toji scratches under his jaw, his posture slipping into something resembling his nature rather than that of a rigid guard. His hands find the pockets of his uniform slacks, hardly caring at all how disrespectful the stature appears to you. âIn fact, I think youâre beinâ a little rude by tryinâ to strike a conversation with me in the first place.â
âWell, I did not advise you to answer me. I expected you to simply listen,â you state firmly. âClearly, you are incapable of doing so without having something to say.â
Your comment is snarky, judgmental, and Toji at least finds that you match the idea of snobbiness that all royalty withhold. âIf I got somethinâ to say,â he starts. âIâll say it. You donât gotta worry about me being untruthful with ya, Iâll tell you that. Iâll give it to ya straight.â
âAnd how do you think the royal guard would feel about such a thing?â you posed. âIf they were to hear even a second of what you are saying to me now, youâd be booted from my side and this palace immediately.â
âAnd what exactly makes you think that I care about that?â he chuckles, watching you shift with sudden uncertainty. This man does not appear to be swayed by you in the slightest, and it is a bit off putting to you as a woman accustomed to your every beck and call being honored. âI thought you werenât happy about what the âroyal guardâ had me doinâ. Besides, if you wanted me out, youâre the princess, yeah? You could kick me out yourself. I ainât stoppinâ ya.â
Your lips tighten, eyes digging further together. His attitude is strange to you as well as his dialect, the manner in which he speaks. Even his appearance is strange, for while he is dressed in your palaceâs fabrics, he is drabber than everything around you. And even with this royal clothing, his face and build do not match his suit.Â
He has tired bags under his poisonous haze of ivy hues. Dark tendrils of inky hair sprout over his forehead, his ears, and into his sharp gaze. His facial structure is hard, mature with hints of stubble sprouting over his chin, remnants of what you assume to be the guard forcing him to shave. Heâs bulky as well, remarkably so. Heâs an unnaturally large man, and his muscles bulge against his clothing as though it is going to burst with the raise of his arm.Â
His eyes, however, are pools of green you have never seen before - not once in all your twenty seven years of living. While the people that you surround yourself with carry a light in their twinkling gazes sparked by a passion for protecting your throne and the privilege of the lives they lead, your new bodyguardâs eyes are a stark contrast. Even from afar, you can see the exhaustion swirling about them as he looks at you slyly. Heâs weary somehow, the windows of his soul revealing a glimpse into his world, into the things he has seen, and that is how you deduce that he is not the same as you. Not at all.Â
This observation of yours only gives you more reason to question him.
âWho are you?â you command. âYouâre not from here.â
âYou must be a smart one,â he quips sarcastically.
You grit your teeth. âAnswer me, now.â
âYou know my name, darlinâ. Thatâs all you need from me.â
âNot if your princess demands to know your identity.â
âYou ainât my princess, girlie,â he stops you. âYouâre my job. And I donât do a lot of talkinâ on the job.â
You make a noise of displeasure, something between a grunt and a gasp, and Toji only revels in the way he has thrown you off. You sputter, taking a step forward with emotion. âNow you wait just a minute-â
âPrincess!â a voice calls for you from around the corner, down at the end of the long narrow hallway by your bedroom door. You quickly swish yourself around into the direction of the address, and Toji watches how your dainty fabrics dance along with you, even long after you have stopped moving. Seconds later, an ambassador appears, peeking his head around the wall. âAre you well? You are needed in the second floor den to review some papers regarding your upcoming coronation.â
Frazzled, you nod unceremoniously. âYes. Yes, my apologies,â you breathe out. âI am coming. My guard and I were just⌠I was merely informing him of my expectations here on out.â
Toji would have rolled his eyes at the way you all speak, the sound of it on his ears rather exhausting. He can hardly keep up with the properness of it all.Â
âI see,â the ambassador nods. âI shall inform everyone that you are on your way.â
The man leaves, and you take a moment to breathe in and dust yourself off. You murmur under your breath to yourself what Toji can only deduce as assurances and affirmations, little words you tell yourself to keep your rather striking confidence instilled. You clasp your hands once more, bracelets clinking as you regain your composure. Toji stands in silence, watching boredly.
âWhoever you are,â you begin, turning your head to your shoulder so that your voice is audible. âI donât need you. Despite what my parents say, I manage fine on my own. Keep your distance.â
The green eyed man watches you walk off, forcing himself to begin following at a reasonable pace. His eyes train on the back of you as you trek ahead, and he finds himself lost in his thoughts, formulating his opinion of you.
You do not take to him easily over the course of your adjustment to each other, and neither does he. You find his presence to be a burden as he trails after you everywhere you go, far more invasive and persistent than your knights have ever been. He becomes your second shadow, and while you are accustomed to having been followed around all your life, Tojiâs approach is impossible to ignore.Â
Even from ten feet away, you feel him there, watching, and it drives you mad.Â
Heâs light on his feet, for if it werenât for his obvious mass trekking in your footsteps, at times you would have forgotten that he was even nearby. How someone as big as him could travel so quietly, you did not understand.
And worse than his hovering is how foreign he still is to you. You know absolutely nothing about him, and your parents, who you find to be useless in their aging stupors these days, will not bother to tell you anything about where he is from. It isnât the fact that he frightens you, per say, despite the rather frightening energy that he emits. You notice the way people stare as he follows your path, how they internally conjure their own ideas about who this ominous figure is and what he is doing in a place so very clearly unfit for his type, but you are not scared. You believe him to be a nuisance more than anything, and if he is there to protect you, you feel you have nothing to necessarily worry about in regard to your own safety.Â
In fact, you feel unfathomably secure, though irritated more often than not.
What you seek from Toji are answers. He abruptly appears out of nowhere under the vow that he will be stuck to you like paste to parchment for the rest of your life, and you are expected not to question his arrival? To question his place of origin? To question what he has done to secure a place as the Princessâ bodyguard with no experience in this field? To question what he has done to be trusted by royalty with your life?
It doesnât make any sense to you, and you feel that it is unfair to be kept in the dark as the future queen in place of your parents. And every time you try to go to him about it, he either ignores you or gives you that cunning smile, scar stretching and lips spreading.
Toji himself is itching to get out of here the second heâs nestled in. He despises the atmosphere, the sneering looks, the air of shrewdness that envelopes him everywhere he turns. Youâre an ungrateful thing, and that only makes his job all the more aggravating. You donât know how good you have it, and yet you look at him like heâs doing more harm to your life than good when he is literally ensuring that you are out of dangerâs path.
He studies you from his position ten feet away, watching how you take on tasks and prepare for the day of your coronation, communicating with villagers surrounding the palace walls with a generous grin and a glowing energy about your presence, and how you patiently sit with your parents at breakfast, lunch, and dinner each day as they practically wither away in their seats. You are always so poised and polite in the presence of other people, authoritative and strong, yet when he is alone with you, youâre wallowing in displeasure, throwing him heated glances and clenching your jaw tightly. You find it hard to behave elegantly in his company, and that fact alone gives him some hint of satisfaction.Â
But what Toji truly canât stand above all the waiting that he has to do on you with no sign of action are the meetings you have with princes from far away, seeking to take your hand as their bride and fulfill the role as king. Tojiâs found himself biting his tongue more times than he can count when heâs standing with his back pressed to the wall in one of your many tea rooms, the umpteenth shiny haired, pearly teethed virgin bowing his head before you and pompously chanting about all the wonderful things he would bring to your life if you were to allow him to wed you. Toji finds the whole thing ridiculous, for obviously you donât want to share your crown with another man, especially not a husband, but the unspoken law of your reign requires that you must find someone to stand by your side. And of course after that is done, Toji is still expected to follow you around day in and day out.
And for what? What purpose does this bring him aside from money? He hasnât even been given his first stipend a month into this little endeavor, and heâs beginning to think that the whole ordeal is a scam, that he had been tricked into a false agreement. He should have known when the guard outright refused to pay him up front beforehand due to their lack of trust in his goals, which in truth was fair, because the Fushiguro would have run for the hills the second he got his hands on those riches. Nevertheless, heâs growing tired of the repetitive tiredness of his routine. He was promised a chance to at least defend your honor by fighting, but despite the King and Queenâs concerns, he has not seen a single threat to your life yet.Â
At night, a weight drags down on his chest as he stares up at the ceiling in a daze. He doesnât know what heâs doing here, how he even came across such a thing. Back home, if the townfolk were to hear about where he had run off to, theyâd all laugh. Toji Fushiguro, the man hungry for blood now at the will of the government that destroyed his childhood, his life. What a fucking joke.Â
And youâre so perfect, it destroys him. To be serving such a deplorable image of sovereignty, to see your angelic face decorated in breathtaking clothes and to follow you around like a damn puppy with nothing to show for it. In your company, he is reminded of his place, of how much higher you are than he is. Though Toji is a man who has never cared what the higher class thought of him, in your wake, he feels helpless. He wants to say that he is holding out for a better future, that he is doing this for himself, but it doesnât feel that way. He knows itâs not for him anymore, but for you, and what could you possibly bring him other than crisis after crisis, heart clench after heart clench, and more bubbling, searing aggravation over his place in society?
You are terribly beautiful, and Toji is not. He sees that the more heâs at your side, taking in the way everyone looks at you in comparison to how everyone looks at him. These palace walls are stuffy. They suffocate him, turn him against himself and almost make him forget who he is, and he can not stand it.Â
He is convinced he needs to leave in the dead of night, to flee away without a trace left behind, off to a new world with no money and no plan. He believes that it would be a better fate than being stuck here⌠that is, until he is finally paid.
A monthly salary of a thousand gold and silver pennies combined. He is handed the sack of funds while he is off duty, hours after you have gone to sleep as though the exchange is illegal, and in the privacy of his cabin, his eyes glimmer with the reflection of the money in his grasp. His brow twitches, eyes still and jaw tightening.
He hadnât believed it to be real before he got his hands on it.
He stares into the bag, into the past years he has spent on his knees crawling for barely even a scrap of this, into the future of tranquility where he can turn to rest without having to bloody his hands for the right to buy a sandwich, into everything he has ever done amounted into far less than one bag of this payment. Heâs stupefied with disbelief, with greed, and hurries to escape that very night.
Toji is stripping himself of the bullshit pajamas the guard has sent for him to wear, tucking away the bullshit uniform heâs been snug in for weeks, and stuffing his pay into his beaten bag that he had tossed under his barracks. He changes back into his old clothes, the black shirt that hugs him comfortably and the sweats that pool over his calves, and he sneaks to the door when he pauses.
A glass window breaks just above him, and he whips his head up above. Itâs coming from where your room is.
The dark haired man hangs his head low, conflicted. He could go, abandon you and pretend that none of this ever happened. He could go back on his promise to the kingdom, sentence himself to death by hand of royalty if he were to ever be discovered in his new home. He could flee from you, risking the chance of you dying under his protection and run off to live the life he has always dreamed of living, far from home, swimming in gold and silver.
Or he could stay. He could conquer whatever imposing danger he has detected within a half of a millisecond, his senses failing to fool him yet, and save your life. He could keep his promise to this awful society. His promise to you, and remain stuck forever.
Toji is inching out of the door, still pondering, leaning toward the latter hesitantly when a muffled scream rips from the open space of your window that has just been broken in. Your scream.
The dark haired man doesnât know what takes over him as he drops his bag to the ground and rockets himself through his own window, foot first, to shatter the glass. His hands grip the rim as he flips himself over to face the exterior brick, digging his chipped fingernails into the crevices of the old stone to scale the side of the building that led to your room with swift agility. He claws his fingers into the ledge of your window past the grapple of a rope that was likely used to break in in the first place. A jagged edge of glass cuts his skin, but he hardly feels it due to the roughness of his callouses.Â
Toji kicks his feet up and piles himself into your room, rolling onto the floor within a matter of at least five seconds. He rises slowly, chest rippling into his tight shirt as he visually locates what harm is befalling you.
Youâre on your bed, kicking out against the cloaked figure hovering over you with a dirtied hand pressing over your mouth, his knees kicking open your thighs and another hand holding a dagger to your throat. A bruise circles the eye of the intruder just above the cloth worn over his mouth, likely a result of your fist to his face.
When you look up and find Toji, your panicked eyes widen in relief, your brows pressed together desperately as you screech out against the attackerâs palm. Your hair, normally so meticulously pinned is sprawled messily over your silk sheets, your satin nightgown threatening to ride up your thighs, ripped at the hims, and sweat pools over your chest as it glistens in the moonlight with each heavy, anguished breath you take.Â
Tojiâs eyes go dull, his face blank with something horrifying, yet familiar to him. You tremble, whimpering unintelligible sounds as the intruder turns to face Toji with foolish anger. âGet back!â he shouts through his mask. âGet back or I'll kill her!â
The knifeâs tip presses further into your chin and you inhale sharply, squeezing your eyes tight and mustering up whatever strength you have left to turn and push away.Â
Toji says nothing, staring emptily into your attackerâs eyes.
Toji finds that there is a certain coolness that takes over his body and mind mere moments before he goes in for a kill. He isnât sure if it's a form of tranquility, or perhaps his fellowship with the act having done so many times over. His eyes gloss ever, and every muscle in his body smoothes out into a relaxed state. He is motionless, still as a sculpture, but his eyes are hungry with rage, flecks of red bleeding into the garden of his IRISES, honing in on his target before he pounces.
You donât even see Toji move before your attacker is ripped off of you and you can finally breathe, scrambling to press your back to your headboard and stare ahead in horror. You swear you had only blinked, but by the time your teary vision refocuses, Toji is drenched up to his forearm in blood, a curved blade which seemed to manifest out of thin air clutched in his hand. His arm is curved over his mouth, reaching back over his alternate shoulder as though he had just made a slicing motion. His breathing is slow, smooth, and a headless body collapses onto your floor.
Wide eyes of fear-stricken (e/c) stare at the mangled corpse leaking out onto your expensive carpet, and you donât even notice the splatter of blood that has reached your cheek from Tojiâs nimble action. Youâre hyperventilating, attempting to gather yourself after having been stolen from your sleep and held at knifepoint, and now suddenly your attacker is dead on the ground. It had all happened so fast. Your head is spinning, and youâre shaking terribly. You canât even see straight.Â
With a heavy exhale, Toji lowers his twitching bicep to his side, tossing his weapon off in the corner with a resounding clang! He rolls his head on his neck, stretching it from side to side and cracking it softly, before opening his eyes to find you.Â
You stare at each other in heavy silence, you in grateful, terrified disbelief, and him with the knowledge of how you will react to his violence. He has seen it before. The screeches that follow, the running that ensues.
He waits for it, but⌠it doesnât come.
Instead, you just stare at him like a deer in headlights.
He moves to ask if you are alright, to do something to break the air, when your door bursts open after hefty pounds at your door. Your parents and a few guards, who Toji now sees are quite useless, stand in the doorway, wide-eyed.Â
Your parents move to comfort you and envelop you in their arms while the guards run to the scene in shock, mulling over the body that lay before Toji. He gets an earful, angry reprimanding about having done such a horrible act right before your eyes, and Toji looks over at you, finding that your eyes are already in him.
You try to speak up and say that he had no other choice, to actually defend Toji in your shaken state, but the authorities around you hear none of it and usher to whisk you away while Toji and a few knights are left to take care of his mess. You look over your shoulder, gluing your gaze to him as you are pulled carefully away.Â
By the time Toji is finished, cleaned, and has been lectured by the guard, he finds himself rather exhausted, but all he can think about is whether youâre alright or not. He is told that he can find you in the library on the west wing. He ventures out and reaches the space, finding you seated in a lavish sofa before your fireplace with the room guarded by your father and mother who whisper urgently with more knights. When they look up and see Toji, however, they fall silent and immediately part to let him in.Â
He quietly approaches, shutting the door softly behind him. He doesnât make a sound, but you turn upon sensing him in the room. Youâre cuddled into a warm blank that is wrapped over your shoulders, eyes heavy and tears damp. You sit in a sullen state, a still mess.
Toji rounds the sofa to stand far on your left side, body half concealed by the shadows of the unlit side of the library. The fire kindles gently over your face and in your eyes as you stare. Toji thinks that you almost look like a child this way, so vulnerable and disheartened.Â
Heâs seen things like this happen to women every day at home, only he didnât always make it to help in time. For the first time since knowing you, he sees the same trauma in your eyes, the glimmer of innocence dimming ever so slightly.Â
The dark haired man is not good with emotions, and he knows for damn sure that he will not know how to approach your own. He isnât even meant to be speaking with you, but something deep in his bones is compelling him to you after witnessing you in such a horrible state.Â
Itâs his job after all.Â
âYou hurt?â
The question is gruff, blunt, and you look at him but not with an expectation for more. You sit with your knees to your chest as well, a position he has failed to ever see the Princess herself in.Â
Eventually, you shake your head and look back to the fire crackling before you. âNo.â
He hums, darting his eyes over you quickly. He sees a thin line of blood on your chin where the blade had been pointed into your skin. âYou lyinâ?â
You glance at him tiredly. âI am not injured,â you say again.
âAlright. Youâre not injured.â
You look down, picking at your blanket as you chew on the inside of your lip. ââŚToji.â
âYeah?â
âAre you an assassin?â
The question catches Toji off guard, almost making him laugh. âThatâs a little personal, doll.â
âI believe I deserve to ask right now. Forget the rules, the guards were not there. You were.â
He relaxes. Youâve got a point. âNo. I ainât an assassin. At least not every day.â
âBut you have⌠done that beforeâŚâ
âHow else do you think I got the job?â
âRight,â you mutter as if reprimanding yourself for asking something so obvious. âYouâre rather fast.â
Heâs unsure where this stream of questions are coming from. You are still mellow, speaking below a whisper, but your eyes are in a different space away from what is before you.Â
âFastâs an understatement,â he mumbles and you give a nod, at least agreeing. âBut yeah. Iâm fast. Among other things.â
âAnd how long have you beenâŚ?â
âKilling?â Toji concludes the sentiment for you. You clamp your lips, retreating into yourself. âYou can say it. Itâs not gonna hurt ya.â
âWell, how long?â
Toji shrugs. âA while now I guess. Iâm not a killer, but I do what I need to do when I have to.â
You nod, unable to find a verbal response to his words. Your lips purse forward and your eyes still beam into the fireplace in a daze.
Toji crosses his arms. âYou scared of me yet?â
You exhale, corners of your lips tugging to the side. âYou saved my life,â you say. âI am not scared of someone who has been hired to protect me.â
âThat wasnât really a pretty sight for a princess to see, though,â Toji attempts to reason.
âYet you were not the man with the knife to my throat, were you?â
Toji falters. Once more, youâre right, but heâs a bit confused. He would have expected you to turn away from him, to reject his violent nature after seeing what he could do. But here you are, complacent with his abilities. Is it because of the shock?
He looks at you closer, but does not see any lingering signs of unawareness, or any stupor that freezes your mind and body. While you still look like you are slightly in a trance, you appear to simply be contemplating instead of suffering from shock.Â
How are you so chill about all of this?
âI heard youâve been attacked before,â Toji says rather bluntly. This makes you peek up, locking your eyes with his steely ones from afar.Â
An exhale shakes your body. âSo?â
âSo?â he echoes with a scoff. âThatâs not a big deal to you?â
âI told you before that I did not need you,â you say somewhat gently. âWhat you have seen tonight has happened more than you think, and will continue to happen in the future.â
âI hate to break it to ya, doll, but it didnât look like ya didnât need me. You didnât really have much of a choice but to let me help you.â
âI have gotten out of those situations before. I could have gotten out of this one.â
Toji looks at you oddly. âNot from where I was standinâ, you couldnât.â
âIâm not weak,â you frown.
âI didnât say you were. Hell, I saw the black eye you landed on the bastard before I snuffed his ass out,â Toji grumbles. âBut youâre the Princess. Fightinâ isnât your thing, itâs mine.â
âDo not attempt to fool me into thinking you wish to fight on my behalf,â you look him in the eye as you speak. âAfter all, you believe me to be inexperienced, donât you? Sheltered. Naive.â
A moment of silence passes as Toji stares at you intensely, face cold. âYeah. I do,â he admits. âIf youâve seen enough shit Iâve seen, youâd get why.â
Your eyes dance over his face with a pensive expression of patience. Your brows are slightly angled, denting the spaces between them, yet you breathe so deeply that it almost fools Toji into believing you are at peace.
âWhen I was six years old,â you start abruptly. âA tutor of mine tossed a candle to my head because I could not complete my times tables correctly. The wax and flame burned my shoulder badly when I tried to dodge. I have worn long sleeve gowns since,â you confess.
The dark haired man frowns, befuddled while you proceed.
âMy grandmother, who had been heavily involved in my bringing when I was a child, was obsessed with cleanliness. Every night before I went to bed, she would inspect my room to ensure that it was tidy. If a single spec of dust was found on my floor, she would raise the back of her hand and smack me clear across the face. âYou are a princess,â she would say. âPrincesses do not behave like slobs.â Then sheâd make me clean the room all over again. If it was still not to her liking, she would continue to hit me, and so on. I had welts on my body for years. I would try to ask my parents to tell her to stop, but they ranked her authority over my own every time. They believed her to be teaching me discipline. Now I do not sleep at night without inspecting every inch of my room for anything that is out of place.â
Tojiâs face smooths slowly into something unreadable as he listens to you.
âWhen I was seventeen, I learned that men sought to ruin me. Diplomats and countrymen would visit with the same look in their eye when they saw me as I grew, seeking to force their hand to mine. One of them was banished after having been caught throwing himself onto me when I was alone. He left bruises on my arm from gripping me too hard when I tried to run away.â
Toji falters completely now, internally guffawed by your revelations.
âOver the years, I have been beaten, assaulted, and almost killed by those close to me, by those envious of me, and by those who want but can not have me. And now, with the influx of assassination attempts, I can do nothing but what I have been doing all my life; stand strong and kick.â
Your eyes swirl with honesty and grief as they lock with Tojiâs pools of torment. âI may not know who you are, nor do I know where you came from or what you have been through, but do not assume that because we do not share the same origins that I am a stranger to the worldâs cruelty. The kingdom tricks you into believing that we are a perfect society, when in reality, we are tainted by dark secrets swept under the rug and generational traumas. I have seen enough of reality within these palace walls surrounded by people I am meant to trust, only I do not trust any of them but myself.Â
âI can see it in your eyes that you are broken too. You carry yourself in such a way, but do not allow that to blind you from any hardships I have experienced in my life. We are not the same, but I know inhumanity very well.â
Toji, rendered speechless for the first time in a very long time, watches as you lean over and reach to the other side of the sofa for something on the floor. You gradually reveal his satchel, the one he had dropped to rush to save you, and sit it on the cushion beside you. Tojiâs eyes widen slightly when the contents of his bag clink together like wind chimes brushing each other in the wind.
âOne of the royal guard found this in the hall,â you say calmly, lowering your hand back under your blanket. âI told him to let me hold onto it. That you must have misplaced it. Were you planning to leave tonight?â
Toji exhales, threading his fingers through his hair and glancing over the floor. Still moved by what you had told him about your upbringing, the man finds himself caught off guard once more by your confrontation. Youâre smart, he has to hand it to you. Much smarter than he had previously given you credit for.
âLetâs face it,â Toji sighs. âYou and I both know I donât belong here. The whole kingdom knows. This place isnât where Iâm sâposed to be.â
âAnd still you took the job anyway,â you challenge. âThis was your scheme all along? To take off with the first bit of money you acquire from watching over me?â
âDo you expect anythinâ more?â
âI expected you to be wiser,â you admit.Â
âI am beinâ wise.â
âBy fleeing from the only life of luxury that you have ever known?â
âI donât live in luxury here, doll. Iâm your bodyguard.â
âEven so, your bag is full of enough money to buy yourself a home, and that is only the first monthly payment. That isn't a luxury to you?â
âLuxury, to me, is doinâ what I want when I want it without havinâ to worry about anything else ever again.â
âThen where are you supposed to be?â
âFar from here.â
âYou did sign a contract, you know. The guard and my parents would not take well to your abrupt absence. You would be treasoned.â
âWhich is why Iâd be long gone before they could find me.â
You sigh, turning away. Toji monitors you for a sign of disappointment, of anger, of desperation, but instead you remain indifferent. âI will not stop you if you choose to go,â you say.
Toji cocks a brow, lowering his arms to his sides. âYou wonât?â
âYou are your own man with your own ability to make decisions. I do not fault you for wishing to leave. I do not know you well enough to do so.â
Toji eyes you harshly, stepping closer and breaking the barrier of a ten foot distance. He approaches the other side of the sofa, peering down at you heavily as if to piece you apart. âYouâre just gonna let me go,â he tests. âThe hell do you gain from that?â
âMust it be about what I gain?â you ask.Â
âIâm just a little shocked youâre not more pissed about this.â
âToji, I was the Princess before you came and I will continue to be the Princess after you leave. I am not angry about what life you choose to live if it is separated from mine. I do not know what is best for you. Thatâs for you to decide.â
âAnd what about your guard?â
âThey will be fine.â
âWhat about you?â
You soften. âI will be fine too.â
His mouth twitches. âI ainât convinced.â
âDo you wish to leave or not?â you question. âYou can not worry for my sake and desire to run away at the same time.â
âI ainât-â he stops himself, shaking his head and pressing his hands into the armrest. He wants to deny caring about what will happen to you, but his current hesitation over leaving proves otherwise. âYou coulda died.â
âI could have died many times,â you counter. âI always manage.â
âAnd if one day, you donât?â
âThat will not happen.â
âYeah, only if Iâm there.â
You raise your brows and Toji catches himself, clenching and unclenching his jaw. He glances at his bag and reminds himself of his future, of his plans, of his life, and then he looks back at you, swarming in your wool blanket with such lovely eyes. Free of your jewelry, your crown, and your extravagant gowns and makeup, you look more human. You look softer, and Toji battles a newfound internal conflict - his growing desire to stay.Â
Slowly, a soft smile rises to your lips that does not reach your eyes. Your soft skin, aglow by the flames before you, illuminates the warmth of your expression. âDo not tell me you are beginning to feel a duty toward me?â
âDuty ainât in my vocabulary,â Toji defends, looking away.Â
âThen why are you still here?â
He catches the testing look on your face and exhales in weary amusement. âDonât get smart with me now, Princess. You wonât win that battle.â
âJust make up your mind, Toji,â you tilt your head and toss him a knowing look.Â
You carefully shift and maneuver your body around so that you are laying your head on the cushion with your legs curled up to you, Tojiâs bag still sitting on your left. The said manâs eyes follow the motion. âWhatâre you doin?â he asks.
âIâm going to try to get some rest,â you murmur, though you do not close your eyes. You stare ahead in exhaustion, but no urge to sleep comes over you. âYou may do as you please. If you are not here in the morning and your bag is gone, I will assume that you have left.â
Toji looks back at his bag, torn. Heâs itching to grab it, to swipe it up in his grasp and make a break for it, but there you are. The Princess, soon to be Queen of everything Toji has ever resented, and suddenly he feels a human connection to you. The things you told him, the steadiness of your voice as you spoke, the maturity in your eyes, the hidden, harbored scars, the arrogant will you carry to proceed into this life alone despite your susceptibility to harm⌠it got to him.Â
And when he saw your face as you lay trapped under your intruder, how your body writhed with the involuntary will to fight despite your disadvantage, Toji was taken completely by an urge, a responsibility to protect you. To look after you. To kill for you.Â
Therefore, neither of you say a word when Toji moves to pick up his bag and toss it onto the floor. In its place, he sits at your feet and tosses his arms over the back of the headrest, legs sprawled out before him as he watches the fire beside you.Â
He stays there until the sunrise, and solidifies his fate.
After that night, Toji feels himself changing. Time goes by and you only grow stronger, approaching your coronation swiftly and taking on the role of Queen with regal pride. Toji finds himself staring at you when heâs by your side, which you have appointed him to after having a tense conversation with the royal guard, resulting in him no longer having to linger ten feet away at all times. He stands rather closely now when it is appropriate to do so, glaring ahead menacingly as he towers over your frame while you conduct meetings or speak with foreign princes and diplomats, who Toji keeps a sharp eye on with the knowledge of what you shared with him about your past interactions.Â
He thinks of the pressure that weighs over you, and studies how you harbor so along with your traumas with so much poise. You donât allow the things you have gone through to weigh you down, to deter your path, and he grows impressed with the strength of your mind. Without such, you likely would not be where you are today.Â
Toji becomes one of the very few people you entrust your life with, if not the only person you fully trust to take your life into his hands. Despite his initial plans to leave you, he proves himself loyal to you, standing guard outside your room every night instead of retreating to his chambers and preventing disasters before they even happen. With his keen senses and hawk-like gaze, he catches suspicious figures in crowds, which he can recognize easily due to his upbringing as well. He used to be one of those lurking shadows, stalking packed spaces to find a target, only he was always too swift to be caught.Â
Toji now takes to disposing of the people who mean you harm in private, away from your vision. While you are well aware of his capabilities, Toji has a tendency to become borderline sadistic when killing for you. Inspired now by his respect for you and your budding relationship, the honesty in your eyes and the sanctity of your life in his hands, he is more ruthless than he ever has been before in private, and he does not want you burdened by the vision. The guard does not question him, taking to caring for your parents and watching the palace walls while Toji handles the direct threats unto you. No one in the palace questions him any longer, for you have grown close to him and he to you, and the proof of him risking himself time and time again for the sake of you forces all heads away and onto the next thing.Â
During the day, he is still and mute, a brick wall of eerie, bulky freight, but at night when you are alone, heâs making you laugh, sharing stories with you about gruesome bar fights he has been involved in and past jobs that have given him a run for his money. You always listen with curiosity, eyes bright with intrigue as a long forgotten book lay in your lap as you watch him, absorbing tellings of a world far from your reach. He does his best to leave out gory details, like the things that tend to keep him up at night, the things he is ashamed of having lived, but you always understand. You can always see more of him than he lets on in his gaze, how he stands and tenses, how he looks away after having held your gaze for too long.Â
The dark haired man finds that he has never felt such security that you bring him, that while he keeps you safe, he feels safe in your defense, in your presence, in your path. You ease his mind somehow with your gentle grace and your unearthly beauty, with your loud cackles that he draws from you after dinner when he walks you to your room, a far cry from the contained chuckles you allow to slip when cozying up to someone for diplomatic and political purposes.Â
You ease his mind with your warm grins, your soft hands that brush his arm when you get his attention, with the sweet breath that tickles his ear when you lean up to cup your hand over your mouth and whisper something to him. He always has to lean down for you as you reach up on your tiptoes, informing him of a task he must carry out in secret when all he can think about is the shiver that racks his spine when your coo of a whisper flutters directly into his ear.Â
Toji does not want to admit that you make him feel strange when he starts to notice the way his chest tightens as you brush past, the air of your perfume lingering in his nose. He does not want to admit that this foreign warmth he now feels takes over his entire being, melting his hardened soul after he believed it to be beyond repair. He does not want to admit that he recognizes this feeling as love solely because he has never felt it before, never experienced the visceral pump of his blood into his heart or the honeyed comfort that slips into his understanding of lust. He does not want to admit that you attract him as more than someone he wishes to ravish, but as someone he has come to cherish deeply.Â
He does not think it affects his job, for he has been at your side for nearly a year when you are finally appointed Queen and he still performs incredibly well. He stands at the upper corner of the grand hall, diamond chandelier twinkling brilliantly above your head in your wake as you inch your way down the aisle and up the purple velveted carpet. The kingdom watches you in awe, your gold encrusted gown dragging delicately over the floor, manicured hands clasped before you as you approach with your chin high and your chest puffed. You are a vision of artistry, of indescribable, unfathomable beauty, and Toji knows he loves you when he catches himself smiling gently as he watches you graze the room like fresh dew beaming on a crisp, sunlit morning.Â
There is no sign of an attack when your new crown is placed upon your head, thanks to Toji and the word of his talents spreading like wildfire across villages, lands, and kingdoms alike. The entire world by now must know of the Queenâs bodyguard, who sticks to her side like glue and wipes out anything that even thinks of creeping into her path. His reputation proceeds him once more, yet now, he is proud of who he has become. He is proud, now, that he is killing for the good that is you, a woman deserving of every goodness that comes to her in this world, instead of for his own survival.
You do not marry. You refuse once you gain the power to deny the visiting of any more suitors, much to Tojiâs relief. He had never been a fan of watching men kiss your feet, take your pretty hand in theirs and look you in the eye with a bent knee. He would have killed them all if you had not frowned upon so, for he did not believe anyone to be as deserving of a woman working to rebuild the economy for the sake of Tojiâs village and all those who suffered along with him with such compassion and selflessness, not even him - as much as he cared for you.
Somehow, Tojiâs duty to you triumphs over his desire for you. While he struggles, he respects you more than he has respected any human being in his life. His job is to make sure that you live, and that you do so peacefully and happily. You have transformed him into a noble man, and how you did so, he barely knows. What he does know, however, is that he loves you as much as he honors you. You are his Queen, he is your bodyguard - your right hand. He would never interfere with the boundaries set between the two of you, with the responsibility he has to you.Â
Consequently, he stubbornly pushes away the telling looks that you share with him, your eagerness to jest, to press your touch to him and feel you near him, to remind yourself that he is still there.Â
He knows. He sees it in your eyes, the unspoken yearning, the reason why you do not wish to marry anyone else, and you know that he knows, but he says nothing. He breaks his gaze away, he guides you back with a gentle hand to your waist and upper arm, and he leaves you every night, redrawing the line, keeping you at such a close distance.Â
Itâs been two years. The two of you now know one another better than youâve known anyone, and Toji has been with you through thick and thin, through the death of you parents, the conflict with the council over the uncertainty regarding a future heir, your silent fatigue that only shows itself at the end of the day when no one else is looking and it is only you and him as he bids you good night. Heâs seen it all, and you have seen him just as clearly.Â
Tonight is no different as you enter your room sluggishly, sinking into the edge of your bed as you gaze ahead, an emptiness in your eyes. Toji stands at your door, examining you sternly. You look beat, aged by the years and the burden of ruling. The veil of composure lifts from you, and you slump, gown crowding over the floor and your aching feet, which dangle over the bed.Â
Wordlessly, the dark haired man sighs and closes the door behind him. Within a second, he is kneeling before you, calloused hands grazing over the many layers of your gown to delicately cup your ankle. His touch pulls you back to reality and you look down, brows curling ever so subtly.
Toji cradles the back of your ankle and grips the stem of your glass heel. He slowly glides the cramping footwear from your foot, setting it to the side once it is free from its confinements. You watch him with ardor swelling in your gaze, his hands so rough when handling others, smoothing over your skin as though you are fragile.
He moves to your other shoe and glances up when he catches you staring in that way that makes his heart ache. âWhat is it, doll?â he murmurs, the nickname he bestowed upon you once condescendingly having stuck in a sweeter, more genuine manner.Â
You donât answer. You only gaze gratefully, tiredly, while Toji sets your other shoe to the side. He stays down on his knee, looking up at you.Â
âYou alright?â he asks and you sigh deeply.Â
âYou are the only person in this world I feel I can be myself with,â you eventually say earnestly, gently. Toji blinks, shifting slightly and nodding slowly.
âBack at ya,â is all he can manage to say under your loving stare. He almost feels suffocated by the way your eyes swallow him whole. âI get what you mean.â
âEveryone is just so-â you lift your hands in an attempt to physically depict what you want to say, but the words fail you and your arms stall in the air. âSo-â
âShitty?â Toji fills in with his own words for it, and you smile with a light giggle.
âYes,â you drop your hands to your lap. âShitty.â
Toji chuckles, the sound of you cursing still so funny to him. âDonât I know it,â he agrees. He looks over your gown before back into your eyes, preparing to stand. âIâll go call for the maids so they canât get you outta this thing. You need to sleep.â
âDonât,â you shake your head the second he moves to get up. He stops, sinking back down. âNot right now. I donât want to see anyone else but you.â
Toji clenches his jaw, your words so sweet it kills him. âDonât you wanna change? You get cranky in this thing after dark,â he jokes.Â
âI know,â you say. Something flickers in your eyes as you look over his figure, a hint of desire swirling into weariness. âYou do it.â
Toji furrows his brows. âWhat?â
âI want you to help me out of my dress instead,â you whisper. The green eyed man thinks he must have heard you incorrectly, his eyes going wide as he registers your request. âThereâs nightgowns in that dresser over there. Bring one to me.â
â(Y/n),â he warns, heart fluttering and skin flushing over his chest. âIâm not gonna do that. Itâs not right.â
âWhy not?â you press. âAs your Queen, I am giving you a task.â
âYeah, but-â he scoffs, shaking his head. âIâm not gonna strip ya. That ainât⌠I wonât do that.â
âToji,â you lean forward, lids heavy over your eyes. You call his name sternly, yet still so quietly, and he can not help but bide by your will each time his name slips from your tongue in such a way when you need him. âI am asking you to help me. It is not wrong if it is what I want.â
âItâs wrong âcause Iâm your bodyguard, not your-â
His words die in his throat before he can finish his sentence. âNot my what?â you mumble.
He gets lost in your gaze, in your scent, and he is struggling to find the words. His face is tense, brows knitted and lips curled, his scar creasing along with them. âIâm not in any place to do this stuff. You know that.â
âYou are because I say that you are.â
âAnyone ever tell ya you can be a little cocky?â he smirks lightly to sway the mood.Â
âYes,â you roll your eyes. âYou have.â
âOh, thatâs right,â he snickers. âWell, you are.â
âStop trying to change the subject. Help me out of this dress.â
âDoll-â
âNow.â
Toji exhales, for he finds that he has no other choice once you have made up your mind about something. He pushes himself to his feet and stands over you, holding his hand out to you. âCâmon,â he mutters.
You slip your dainty handy into his palm and allow him to pull you up gently to your feet. Your face meets his chest, his height never failing to shock you up close, and when you look up heâs already peering down at you with heavy eyes.Â
âShow me how to undo this thing,â he says impatiently under his breath, and you can tell by his hastiness that his nerves are jumping.
âI will, but you need to take your time. Itâs fragile,â you whisper and he nods slowly.
âAlright.â
âCan you remove my jewelry?â
He inhales sharply. âAlright,â he says again.
You turn slowly, moving your hair out of the way to expose your neck to him. He grits his teeth, seeking some sort of self control as his fingers move to unclasp your many chains of expensive necklaces. His knuckles brush your skin, and he watches as bumps ghost over your neck after he has touched it.Â
Your scent invades him as his hands lower over your shoulders to bring your necklaces down from your chest. His chest bumps against your back accidentally, brushing over your shoulders, and you both twitch at the contact. God, he feels like a teenage boy, losing himself over breathing you in.Â
You tell him to go place the necklaces on their stand on your armoire, then to find a nightgown for you to wear. Toji feels weak, rifling through your clothes as though it is a sin to even be seeing them. Your silk fabrics smooth over his fingers before he pinches one into his hand and brings it to lay out on your bed.Â
âNow, see the string tying my corset in the back?â you ask over your shoulder, Toji humming distractedly when he locates it and stands behind you again. âUnravel it.â
As though entranced by your demand, he does, despite every voice in his heading screaming in protest. He should not be with you like this, the Queen, so privately in your room lit daily by the kiss of candlelight and swarmed by the scent of patchouli incense and your damned perfume. Tojiâs head feels hazy, thick digits tugging at your string and drawing it out slowly, watching as the ribbon unfolds and drapes down your train.
âNow what?â he murmurs.
âLoosen it so I can take it off.â
âHeh?â he scrunches his brows, looking over the weaving of the lace between your corset.Â
âJust peel either side of the corset back,â you clarify. âNow that itâs untied, it will come apart.â
He obliges with uncertainty, cautiously tugging back either side of the thick fabric, the lace stretching and pooling over your back. âOkay, Iâm going to raise my arms so you can pull it over my head.â
âJesus, this thing is so damn extra.â
âBe quiet and just do it.â
âYeah, yeah.â
You lift your arms into the air and Toji catches the way your curves peak out. His eye twitches as he pulls the corset over your head, off your arms, and from your body. A second corset, thinner and more form fitting, graces your waist and exposes your bare back to him, as well as the healed burn on your right shoulder that you told him about so long ago.
He clears his throat, setting the outer corset onto the bed with his fingers stilling on your hip. âWhat now?â he asks.
âDo the same with the rest. This oneâs connected to the bottom part.â
â...What about your⌠uhâŚâ
âThereâs another layer under it, donât worry,â you assure him. âWhy? Is my fierce and scary bodyguard nervous?â
âDonât even,â he grumbles and your shoulders shake with a silent laugh.
The ruffle of your clothing fills the air as Toji works his fingers through the second set of lace, loosening it and pulling it from your body. You slide your arms from the thin straps of this layer and allow Toji to drag the fabric down. His eyes train on the way it smooths over your frame, a nude colored set revealing as he pulls, pulls, pulls until the fabric is pooling around your ankles.
All that you are covered in now is a hoop cage over your hips and sleeveless underwear the same shade as your skin tone that holds you sinfully tight. Tojiâs heart is in his ears and the blood in his body is surging out everywhere, including toward his crotch. Heâs biting down on his teeth so hard as he holds your arm and helps you step out of the net like framing for your gown, breaths labored.
Your dazzling (e/c) hues catch his as his hand lingers on your waist and your arm, his figure now before you again. He keeps a tough facial expression, but his eyes yet again give him away as he coolly takes in your body, the way your cleavage pools out of your garments and your skin milks into a breathtaking glow.Â
You feel his thumb swipe over the curve of your back, experimentally caressing the space as his other hand slides up your arm and over your shoulder. His thumb touches your chin, reels back hesitantly, then touches again, sliding delicately over your cheek. You welcome the contact, your hands raising to press against his lower abdomen as he lingers over you, so closely, so intimately. You can feel his abdominals, rigid and tense, contract beneath your palms though they are barely touching him, and you look down at how small your fingers look pressing into the wall of his stomach.Â
âDoll,â he murmurs, voice gravelly and husky as it breathes out. You hum, lashes fluttering when his hand slides to hold the entire side of your face. He melts before you, your beauty so striking that it almost scares him, and nothing has ever scared Toji Fushiguro before. âYou need to get to bed.â
âIn a bit,â you mutter, gaze wandering over his lips and back up to his eyes. You sink into him, inching closer until heâs surrounding you, swarming you. âStand with me like this longer.â
âI canât stay here much longer. You know that.â
âWhat I say goes. I say you can.â
â(Y/n).â
âNo,â you breathe, shaking your head as he looks over your features softly. âI do not care.â
âWell, I do,â he says, brushing a piece of hair gently from your forehead. You lean into his palm, a soft pout on your lips. âIâve got one job, and thatâs to keep you safe, yâunderstand?â
âAnd that is all this is?â you murmur, eyes darting over him. âThat is the only reason you protect me? Because it is your job?â
He tilts his head slightly, smoothing his hand up and down your spine as you push yourself closer to him. Against his better judgment, against his instincts, he allows you. Even if just for a moment. Even if he never gets to feel you this way again, so plush against him, yearning and wistful.
âYou know that ainât true,â he tells you.
You bring your hands up, smoothing them up to his chest and you coo. âSo stay,â you beg. âPlease.â
âYouâre killinâ me, yâknow that?â he exhales, his nose brushing against yours as you close in on him, just centimeters away from his lips.Â
He holds you, shares the same breath as you, and in this moment he forgets about the barrier between you. He forgets where he came from, he forgets what your role in this world is, he forgets his duty to you and how complicated it is that it has now molded into some emotional connection. He forgets that you will need to marry one day to continue your legacy, that he himself is not a King nor a man of royalty, that he was born of hate and abandonment while you were born to be something. He forgets, as your warmth consumes him and the taste of you is so close he can smell it, that he could never take your relationship beyond what it already is. That he is not, and never has been, a man made for love yet somehow you have fooled him into believing that he is made for loving you.
âWhy are you fighting me,â your eyes close, fingers inching over his shoulders and arms wrapping around his neck.
ââCause I canât let myself do this to ya,â he grumbles.
âWhy?â
âStop asking me questions.â
âDo you love me?âÂ
The question is a heated gasp against his mouth, and Toji, no longer harboring the willpower to push away from you, can only respond honestly.
âYâknow I do.â
Your fingers tangle into his silky black hair and his hand brings your faces together. âThen stay.â
âOkay.â
Your lips feel like a fluff of cloud melting into his, the rich, sugary taste of your mouth clashing into his own. Youâre soft against his hard body as you crush into him, swooning and sinking as though you no longer have the strength to stand and he is catching you, bringing you to him as though it is the last time he will ever touch you in such a way, the last time he will ever have the privilege of tasting your sacred mouth.
Toji is a rough man, but he handles you gingerly, gradually as he savors you for everything his life has ever been worth. You overstimulate him with your mind numbing squeezes and the gentle sounds of satisfaction that slip from your throat into his. Toji thinks he can die blissfully happy as he encircles you, ravaging your lips with hard brows and a fuzzy mind. He crowds over you, so tall and big that you have no choice but to succumb to all of him in his embrace. He overpowers you, and you adore it, ruffling messily through his locks as his hands wander your hips generously, appreciatively, lovingly.Â
He guides you back, leaning over with his hand firm to your back to ease you onto your bed, lips still locked. His body is thinking for itself as his lips swarm you, tongue gliding into yours and searching every space of your cavern. You arch into him needily, sensually, and Toji pushes further though remaining mindful not to hurt you. He wouldnât dare.Â
Your thighs lift to crowd his torso as he curves down into you, hovering over your gorgeous body. His lips crash into your cheek, over your jaw and down your neck, sliding his tongue hungrily over your skin with heady groans. Your lips part and your head tosses back onto your sheets, hushed gasps and contented sighs spilling from you, and even the noises you make are as angelic as you are.Â
His large hand cradles your head as he ducks down to care for your chest, hot lips sucking over your skin like he is enjoying a meal. Your hands tighten in his hair, his mouth easing you into astounding pleasure before his lips are back on yours, more desperate, more lustful.Â
âTojâŚâ you moan and he grunts into you, arms caging you beneath him and lower half pressing into your own. Your blurry eyes peer past strands of his hair as he consumes you, kisses you, worships you.Â
âYeah, darlin,â he exhales into your mouth as your bodies writhe against the barrier of clothing. âTalk tâme. What is it, my girl?â
âDo not⌠mmm, donât leave me. Not tonight,â you plead in between weighted kisses.
Toji pulls back to look you in the eyes, hands exploring all over you. âNothinâ could take me from you now, doll,â he swears, pupils enlarged and shrinking the green expanse of his eyes. âIâll take good care of ya, promise. I swear on mâlife. I got you, baby, I got ya.â
You whimper and his lips find yours again, kissing into you his promise of devotion.
Toji swaddles you with love for hours on end, into the early morning, molding marks of his loyalty over your stomach and down your legs, kissing over your scars, and pulling release after release from your core. Heâs tender, firm but soft as he makes love to you and molds the shape of him into your essence. Imprints of your fingernails into his skin and your teeth marks into his shoulder encourage him to drag every moan, every ounce of fluid from your body. And god, you feel better than Toji could have ever envisioned. Youâve ruined him with your passion, with your pretty entranced gazes and your loving kisses, your insatiable need for him to give you more and for yourself to give him more. Youâre sweet. So sweet, and Toji loves you more than himself, therefore he promises to give you what you want tonight and to return to his responsibility tomorrow.
It is his duty to you after all, to protect you, to love you from afar.
summary: your criminal boyfriend sukuna who absolutely rocks your world in the best way possible. now youâre in ur prison gf arc?
wc: uuhhh, 7k? i think..i yapped
cw: angsty, fluff, smut, mentions of guns, prison, drugs, etc. comfort at the end, pinky promise :3
you met ryomen sukuna through some mutuals. back when you were still smart. still cautious. some house party with peeling paint, shitty music. way too many bodies and way too many red solo cups.
you went with one of your girls yuki tsukumoâwell, got dragged along. she was pointing people out, talking fast, already tipsy. you were half listening, half not giving a fuck.
then she leaned in, whispered over the rim of her drink,
âand thatâs ryomen. donât. heâs like crazy. likeâjail time type shit.â
your ears perked up like a dog.
âjail time?â you asked. and then you saw him.
sitting on a shitty couch, red eyes. black tattoos on his face, crawling down the back of his neck, his arms, clearly all over. all ink and muscle and attitude. dragging a hand through a soft pink buzzcut, smoking a blunt. shirt half unbuttoned (thank fuck). tatted hands in his pockets like he could kill you or kiss you and youâd say thank you for both.
and to your surprise, he looked in your direction as you mindlessly walked to up him like youâd been shot by cupid. he smirked, looking you up and downâlike he already knew youâd walk over.
âyou lost?â his voice was low. rough. amused.
you shook your head. ânope.â sitting on his lap anyways.
and you swore it was just you being dumb. wanted a quick fuck, nothing more. you werenât actually gonna fall for him.
after the first time you met him, it started slow. drinks, texts, late nights that blurred into mornings. you never asked what he didânot really. he never volunteered it. but the cash came easy. so what the hell right?
âyou scared of me yet?â he asks you one night, voice low, fingers brushing your thigh while you sat in his lap, his gun cold against your lower back while it was tucked in his waist band.
you shake your head. âdunno, should i be?â
he grins. all teeth. ânah. iâd never hurt you.â and he meant it.
you always looked the other way when he left in the middle of the night. didnât feel the need ask why he always checked the blinds twice. why he had two phones. why he flinched when a black SUV passed too slow.
because sukunaâŚhe was surprisingly gentle. always held the door for you. always touched you like he meant it. he made you laugh when you didnât want to, made you feel like the only girl in the world. took you out and never let you pay. took you home and made you feel safe, somehow, even with a gun or two on the nightstand.
you know heâs not a good man. youâre not stupid.
but he just looks so goddamn fine when he leans against the hood of his car, blunt between his lips, black hoodie clinging to his frame. the kind of man people cross the street to avoid.
i mean come on, heâs a criminal. a real one. not some fake ass who shoplifts and smokes mids. sukuna moves product, handles money, kills when he has toâcold, smart, ruthless.
but with you? heâs just so soft. always puts his gun on the counter before dinner. keeps his voice low when youâre tired. kisses the inside of your wrist and tugs you into his lap when youâre mad at him. carries you to bed when you fall asleep on the couch. rubs your feet without asking.
he kisses you so sweetly. calls you baby in that low voice like itâs a threat. you argue like you want to kill each other and fuck like youâre trying to bring each other back to life.
so when he comes home at night, blood on his clothes and that dead-calm look in his eye, and mutters, âneed you to say i was with you tonight,â
you donât ask. you just say: âyeah. course you were.â
(fuck it, we ball)
and some months later, heâs still in your bed. still eating all of your snacks, washing your dishes sometimes, kissing your neck with a kind of possessiveness that should be a red flagâbut feels so green.
the thing is? he never lies to you. doesnât even try to.
âiâm not clean,â he says one night, tracing tattoos along your thigh while the tv plays something neither of you are watching. âi do bad shit. and iâm not gonna stop.â
you probably shouldâve left then. but instead, you kissed him.
and by the end of year one, youâre living in his apartmentâscratch that, your apartment, because his nameâs not on the lease. âcanât leave a paper trail, princess.â the place is cozy and yours. you got loud neighbors and a pitbull named akumaâbig, gray, dumb as hell, and completely obsessed with sukuna.
âheâs gonna be a little menace to society,â you said when he brought the puppy home.
sukuna just smirked, kneeling down, scratching behind the dogâs ears. âtakes after his dad.â
the three of you are like some fucked-up little family. your neighbors always side-eye you. your mom knows but chooses not to say anything anymore. and now your friends have stopped trying to talk you out of it.
and you stopped pretending you wanted out a loooong ass time ago.
fast forward to two years in: the fridge is covered in dumb polaroids. you brushing your teeth. him flipping off the camera. akuma in the middle, tongue out, wearing the stupid, gucci harness you swore was too expensive until sukuna said, âyeah, and?â and bought it anyway.
and now sukunaâs even got your name inked into the thick muscle of his forearm. right above those bold lines on his wrist.
âseriously? this isnât like sharpie or something?â youâd asked when he came home from the tattoo shop that day.
he just smirked. âdead serious.â
when akuma jumps into bed and crushes your legs and sukuna tells him to get off but doesnât mean it, when he presses his inked hand to your thigh while youâre watching a movie and says âgonna put a ring on it, you know that?â
you believe every word.
one day, you see the red and blue lights flash by in a blur out the window when he comes running inside the apartmentâbreathlessâyou donât question him. idiot move but itâs because he always comes home. always throws his wallet and his keys on the counter and kisses your cheek like nothing happened. cooks dinner shirtless, muscles flexing while he flips the steak and washes his hands off in the sink.
you clean his knuckles. you patch his ribs. you kiss the crown of his head while he falls asleep on the couch with his arms around you and thatâs all that matters.
but you notice how heâs been on edge. more late nights. tighter grip on your waist when youâre out. more checking the windows. more guns on the table.
âyou trust me?â he asks later that night, voice low in the dark.
youâre in bed, curled against his side, tracing the black ink on his chest. akuma at your feet. his heartâs beating too fast.
you nod. âalways, kuna.â
he exhales, fingers brushing over your spine.
âthen no matter what happensâno matter who says what, or what you hearâyou remember that. alright?â
you look up at him. search his face. âbaby, whatâs going on?â
he doesnât answer. just kisses your forehead, holds you tighter.
a week goes by after that conversation. everything is almost perfect and then itâs not. it all happens so fast. itâs 2:26 a.m. quiet, maybe a little too quiet. then itâs not.
one minute youâre on the couch, hoodie on, legs tucked under you, sukunaâs head in your lap while a movie plays low in the background. heâs half-asleep, arm curled around your thigh, breathing slow likeâfor onceâheâs letting himself rest.
then a crash. your front door kicked in. boots pounding down the hall. shoutingâsharp, cold, barked like war commands.
âCLEAR.â
âLEFT SIDE.â
âMOVE MOVE MOVEââ
âHANDS WHERE WE CAN SEE THEM!â
akuma is the first to reactâyour gray pittie, big and gentle and stupidly loyalâhowling, barking like heâs ready to kill. but there are too many of them. someone yells to grab the dog. you scream his name, but theyâve already got him by the collar, dragging him back while he thrashes and whines. red and blue lights flash across the walls. guns drawn.
youâre frozen, shaking, the room is spinning.
youâre still processingâstill trying to understand why there are rifles in your face. why theyâre screaming your name. why theyâre tearing through your drawers, your closet. why theyâre grabbing sukunaâs burner phone, the rolled cash, the duffel bags, the box under the bed he told you never to touch.
sukunaâs already standingâcalm. too calm. hands raised. jaw tight.
his gunâs on the coffee table. he doesnât move. he just looks at you.
âlisten to me. breathe. look at me. i told youâdonât forget, alright?â
youâre crying now. shaking. choking on air.
his eyesâsharp, red, unreadableâdonât move.
you lunge for him, but two officers grab you first and shove you against the wall. youâre screaming just trying to see him, but theyâre in the way, shouting over you.
âwaitâplease, donât hurt him!â you shake your head, blinking through tears, âhe didnâtâheâwhat the fuck is going on?!â
âryomen sukuna, youâre under arrest for organized crime, weapons trafficking, drug trafficking, assault with a deadly weaponââ
the words donât sound real and itâs not like you didnât know. you werenât stupid. you just loved him too much to say it out loud.
as they read him his rights. he doesnât flinch. doesnât blink. he lets them cuff himâwrists behind his back, shoulders loose. they slam him into the wall and he still turns to find you.
and heâs smiling.
the cuffs are tight. your apartmentâs destroyed. your dog is howling like heâs mourning a death.
but sukuna just smiles. like this is nothing. like he knew it was coming. which in hindsight, he tried to warn you something was coming.
his eyes stay on you, even through the flashlight beams, the chaos.
âitâs okay, baby,â he says, soft, just for you. âdonât cry.â
âsukunaâplease, noââ
he keeps smiling. even as they start pulling him toward the door.
âiâll be alright. i promise.â
and just before the hallway swallows him, just before the sirens drown it all out.
âbaby,â he calls out again, louder this time. âlook at me.â
you do, through the blur of tears, you do.
heâs got a split lip from how they man handled him, bleeding. his arms tensed behind his back. his face still calm.
âdonât worry, yeah?â voice steady. âtheyâre just doing their job. iâll be fine.â
âb-but you promisedââ your voice breaks. âyou promised meââ
âi know.â he nods. and for the first time, the smile slips. just for a second. âi know, baby. iâm sorry.â
they drag him out towards the squad car. akumaâs losing itâthrashing against the grip on his collar, trying to follow him. you collapse to the floor, sobbing. akuma finally escapes from one of the officers and pushes his head into your side, whining like his heartâs breaking too.
as you look around, theyâre bagging everything. phones. files. guns. bricks. a woman in a black blazer reads off inventory like sheâs listing groceries. her voice is calm. efficient. it makes you want to scream.
while youâre left on the floorâsobbing, shaking, clutching your dog while your whole life gets zipped into evidence bags. and all you can hear is his voice, still yelling from outside:
âdonât fuckinâ touch my girl or my dogâyou hear me?!â
you stare past the officer crouched in front of you, not even hearing him anymoreâjust watching sukuna get shoved into the back of a squad car.
and just before the door slams, he shouts, âi love you, yâknow that? iâll come back.â
the door closes.
all that was left was the mumbling of officers as they raided your apartment. after that, they take you down to the station. they question you for hours but they donât have anything on you nor do they any info from you.
you were smart. loyal. quiet. just his girlfriend, just the love of his life. you didnât know a damn thing. you were with him on this day. and that day. you gave them alibis for everything they tried to pin on him.
never flinched. never snitched. you held the line.
and when they finally let you go, hours laterâbleary-eyed, fingers trembling, walking back into the wreckage of what used to be homeâakumaâs waiting by the door. his tail thumping, eyes wide, like he doesnât know how to stop looking for him.
and neither do you.
couple months down the line, itâs his court date. itâd been painfully long. phone calls, visits here and there but it was finally time for his sentencing.
you had gotten there early. standing in a corner, speaking with his defense attorney.
but as the time passed, the courtroom felt cold and quiet in that fake, choking way.
youâre sitting stiff in the second row, all blackâtight dress, heavy coat, heels loud on the tile when you walked in. hands gripping the edge of the bench, white-knuckled as you waited.
your eyes lock on him the second he steps into the room.
sukuna walks in wearing shackles like theyâre fucking jewelry. orange jumpsuit unzipped just enough to show the ink crawling up his chest. wrists cuffed, ankles too, chain connecting them down the middle.
heâs smirking like this is a joke. like he already knows how it ends. then his eyes land on you. his girl.
âhey, baby. you look good.â
âshut the fuck up,â one of the guards snaps, yanking the chain forward.
you donât flinch. you donât even speak. you just watch him walk to his seat like he owns the place.
he sits back like itâs a poker game. his leg bouncing, smiling. those red eyes scan the room once, like heâs bored.
then it begins. and soon enough, the judge starts reading the charges.
violent, serious shit. none of it exaggerated even a little bit.
which again, you know what he did. you knew before the cops ever did. meanwhile everyone in the room looks at him like a monster but not you.
you donât even blink when the jury says âguiltyâ after every charge and neither does he.
the judge ends the trial with his sentence, âtwenty-five years. eligible for parole in seven.â
the courtroom breathes in like it just took a punch. and sukuna? sukuna just laughs. real fucking loud, ugly and real. he throws his head back like heâs in on some joke no one else gets.
the judge bangs the gavel. some man yells at him to shut up and stop laughing, the guards move fast.
he just grins through all of it then turns his head toward you, mouth split in that same damn smirk.
âstill gonna write me, baby?â he calls, smug, voice booming off the walls.
you nod onceâsharp. you could care less who sees.
the guards haul him up, start dragging him toward the side door. he doesnât resist. just keeps smiling at you like he already knows youâll be there tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. and heâs right.
the truth is, the charges couldâve been a hell of a lot worse. they had enough to bury him alive but you? you were a fucking godsend. every little lie was perfect. you lied through your goddamn teeth. all the fake alibis, timelines, pretending not to know what half the shit in your apartment wasâhad worked. even after they grilled you for hours. days. tried to shake you, to get you to break.
but you never gave them shit. you kept your voice steady, your story straight and your love for him ironclad.
and it worked. it couldâve been 40 years to life. it couldâve been no parole. it couldâve even been you, too. but here you areâstill free. heâs not. but heâs still yours.
and seven years later? heâs still yours.
sure, heâs missed holidays. birthdays. every new yearâs kiss. but every thursday at 3:00pm? youâre there.
youâre used to the routine now. first your ID, patdown, metal detector. pretty boring stuff.
at that point, you knew every guard by name.
youâve done this a hundred timesâplastic chairs, shitty vending machine coffee, body searches.
you donât care because the second he walks into the visitation room everything else fades out.
heâs bigger now. broader. face leaner, eyes sharperâdarker in a way that says time has passed, and prison doesnât change people so much as refine them. orange jumpsuit rolled to the waist, white tank clinging to his chest, black ink crawling up the back of his neck like smoke.
and that grinâdangerous. crooked. just for you.
âfuck, baby,â he drawls, sliding into the seat across from you. âyou get hotter every time i see you. is that a new lip gloss?â
you roll your eyes. âyou gonna flirt or ask how iâve been?â
he shrugs, smirking. âsame thing.â
still cocky. still loud. still him but the edges are tighter now. more controlled like every second without you has been simmering under his skin.
there were times youâd talk. about nothing. about everything. he tells you about prison like itâs high school drama. you tell him about bills, work, new TV shows, keeping the bed warm for him. he listens like every word matters. like youâre the only real thing in his world.
âare you wearing that chain i sent you?â he asks.
you tug it out from under your hoodieâa little silver bar with his name engraved.
his grin widens. âof course you are, donât know why i even asked.â
and sometimes, when the guards arenât looking, he leans in close. voice low, filthy, just for you:
âyou gonna let me fuck you in the conjugal trailer next month?â
âstill think about that pretty little body when i fall asleep.â
âiâm gonna come home and ruin you. you know that, right?â
you squeeze your thighs together. he sees. smirks. and of course the smug bastard is proud of himself.
and sometimes itâs quiet. just the sound of your fingers tapping on the metal table. he stares at your hands like they mean something.
âseven years,â he mutters. âand youâre still here.â
you shrug. âyouâd do it for me.â
he lifts a brow. âwould i?â
you give him a look.
he laughsâlow, warm and real. âyeah,â he says. âyeah, i fuckinâ would.â
thereâs no kissing here. no touching past a handshake, a goodbye but the way he looks at you?
you feel it everywhere.
and one day, just as the guard calls time, just as he stands and stretches and leans in a little closer than heâs supposed toâ
he murmurs, voice quiet, steady. âmarry me when i get out.â
you blink. âwhat?â
but heâs already turning away, that same old grin tugging at his mouth, shouting something crass to another inmate, hands cuffed behind his back.
the door slams shut behind him.
and youâre left sitting there, heart pounding, chain warm between your fingers, replaying those words in your head.
the next time you see him, he walks in wearing that ugly-ass orange jumpsuit as usual, smile already stretching across his face the second he sees you.
âlook at you,â he says, voice low and filthy despite the guards. âdressed all nice for your criminal boyfriend.â
you roll your eyes. âyou asked me to.â
âyeah. and you listened. you always doâ he leans in. âalways such a good girl for me.â
the tensionâs thick. his wrists are cuffed, but his eyes are on you like heâs already got his hands around your throat.
âheard the news?â he asks casually, voice like honey dipped in gasoline. âearly release. next month.â
your breath catches. âwait, are you serious?â
âmmhm.â he leans back, tongue flicking over his teeth. âgood behavior.â he grins. âjust for you.â
heâs been cleaning upâno fights, no smuggling, no stabbings in the yard, even though he wants to. because he wants to see you again. wants his hands on you. his mouth. wants you under him, not across the table.
âbeen thinkinâ about what Iâm gonna do to you first,â he says, voice lower now, eyes burning. âonce i get out.â
you swallow and shift in your seat. âare you gonna behave?â
he laughs. full-bodied, dark. âfuck no. iâm gonna ruin you.â
he leans forward, chained wrists clinking on the table, eyes locked on yours.
âiâve been locked up seven years, princess. do you know how much time iâve spent thinking about that sweet little body under mine?â
you feel your cheeks heat, but you donât look away.
âyou better be ready,â he says, voice rough now. ââcause iâm gonna spend the first night out fucking you like iâm tryna get sent right back.â
so thankfully, heâs the kind of inmate that runs the damn yard but keeps his nose clean just enough to qualify for early release. he did beat someoneâs ass in the showers last month for talking sideways about youâbut still managed to earn âgood behaviorâ by bribing the guards and running literacy programs like a deranged philanthropist.
next time you hear from him he calls you from the jail phone with that lazy, smug tone:
âtwo more weeks. then iâm home. you ready for that, princess?â
âdepends. are you gonna kill anyone again?â
âno, baby. iâm a changed man, pinky promise.â
a pause. âunless they touch you.â
but life as a prisonerâs girlfriend had been interesting to say the least. some your favorite memories though?
the video call visits. the video calls hit different.
you answer from the bed, in his hoodie that thankfully still smelled like him, all soft lighting and skin and love in your eyes.
the screen flickersâand there he is.
inmate #966666. your man. arms crossed, face lit by the shitty fluorescent light in the visiting block. buzzed short on the sides, salmon pink thick on top. face tattoos sharp even in pixelation. smirking. cocky. starved.
âthereâs my girl,â he rumbles, leaning in like heâs trying to reach through the screen. âlookinâ all cozy in our bed.â
you smile, soft. âmissed you today.â
he leans back, legs spread, grinning. âyeah? say it again.â
you roll your eyes, giggling. âmissed you.â
âmm,â he hums. âmissed you more, baby. howâs our place lookinâ? bought anything new for me to come home to?â
and you haveâso you flip the camera around, showing off the new record shelf, the little framed photo of you two from before, and the rug youâve been saving for.
âcanât wait for you to see it for real,â you say quietly. âcanât wait till you come home.â
his face softensâjust barely. eyes half-lidded.
âme neither, princess. every night i picture it. you. the apartment. our bed. my hands all over you again.â
you bring the camera back to yourself, and akuma sits up on the floor beside your bed, tail thumping.
sukuna lights up like a kid on christma.
the dog perks up at his voice, sniffs the screen, tail going harder.
âyo, come here, big man,â he coos. âyou takinâ care of my girl, huh? keepinâ her warm at night? âŚbetter not be sleepinâ on my fuckinâ pillow.â
you both laugh. but you already know when sukuna gets out, heâs picking that big soft baby up in his arms like itâs nothing, and probably crying into his fur when no oneâs looking.
and the letters? worth framing.
he sends them folded perfectly, sprayed with just a hint of your favorite cologne. immaculate. front-and-back, always. tight, clean handwriting. detailed as hellâhow heâs doing, what heâs thinking about. sweet shit like âwish i could hold you right now. need it bad.â and spicy shit like: âwanna fuck you face-down ass-up the minute Iâm out.â âwas dreaminâ about you last night. woke up hard. you owe me.â
one of his first letters had said:
hey baby, how are you? miss you real bad. i woke up thinkinâ about your laugh. that one that comes out when youâre tryinâ not to snort. i miss it. miss you. drawn your face from memory like four times now. donât tell nobody, theyâll say iâm gettinâ soft. been missing your smell. you smell like home. that sweet vanilla shit you always put on. i look at your pictures every night. even got one under my pillow. even when they toss my cell, i hide it like itâs fuckinâ contraband. youâre my peace. canât lose you princess.
then theyâd switch, just like that.
you know, i thought about that one night. you dancing in the kitchen, making soup, wearing those little shorts. you remember the ones? yeah. me too. thatâs why i wrote this with one hand. also last night i laid in this goddamn bunk and imagined the sound you make when you take your bra off after a long day. hard as a rock. youâre such a fuckinâ problem. do you still wear that lacey one i like? the one that barely holds anything? bet your titties are sittinâ real pretty in it right now. fuck me.
i miss how you say my name when youâre tired. i miss how you say it when youâre on top. i miss your thighs around my neck. i miss your mouth. i miss being inside you so deep you forget your own fuckinâ name.
but more than that? i miss watching you eat dinner across from me. i miss you bitchinâ about your coworkers. i miss your fingers in my hair when i canât sleep. i donât give a fuck how long it takes, youâre it for me.
and he always had a sketch tucked inside. sometimes itâs little thingsâyour side profile, your body. or sharp, shaded tattoosâones he designed for you. (something he did on the side when he was still a law abiding citizen). his name in kanji. a snake coiled around a katana surrounded by lilies.
this oneâs for your spine. wanna see it when i fuck you from behind.
then, right under that like he didnât just make you cry and wet at the same time:
âŚalso. take it easy at work. remember to eat. and kiss akuma for me. shit, also, can you put some extra on my books? tryna get you something for your birthday. donât ask what. itâs not a weapon, swear.
and you doâput money on his books, no hesitation. commissaryâs got nothing on you. heâs got honey buns, decent ramen, and the best soap on his block. your man is moisturized and fed. period.
and at the end of a long, loving, slightly filthy letter, he always signed in that perfect script: âryo. always yours.â
you kept every letter in a shoebox under your bed, every sketch on your corkboard. you read them on bad days. and good ones.
you always wrote back, tooâ keeping him updated with everything. little doodles, lipstick kisses on the envelope, spritz of perfume here and here. snuck in polaroids of you and akuma. even some spicy ones for his eyes only. always signed with âyour/name, always & forever <3.â
oh and those conjugal visits? they most deeeefinitely take the cake.
you had waited weeks for them, marked off in red hearts on the calendar.
one of the first visits:
you walk into that little cold-ass private trailer with a bag packedâcute pajamas, your favorite lotion, that perfume he likes. heâs already there when you arrive, looking like sin in his real clothes. not that orange jumpsuit heâs usually in. eyes glued to you the second you step in.
then he softens. just a little.
you stand. donât even say anything. just walk straight into his arms. he buries his face in your neck, breath catching like itâs the first inhale heâs had since they locked the door behind him.
âfuck,â he mutters. âyou smell good. gonna feel even better.â
his hands are everywhere. rough palms on your waist, your thighs, your ass. lips dragging over your skin like heâs starvedâand he is.
he grabs your waist fast, pulls you in for a kiss thatâs all tongue and teeth, rough like heâs been starving for you.
âgot something to show you,â you whisper, breathless already.
you turn around, pull your dress up, and tug the side of your thong down just enough to show himâ
small script. his name. right cheek. close to the curve of your hip.
he goes still. his hand on your ass, thumb dragging right over it. then he finally speaks.
ânah, what the fuck,â he laughs, eyes wide, voice shaking. âyou got my name tatted on you?â
you look back over your shoulder, smiling.
âbeen had it. waited to show you in person.â
his hands are now rubbing all over you, gripping that ass with both hands like itâs his last meal. but then, heâs got you onto the bed so fast the mattress groans. pulls your dress over your head and yanks your panties down. he stares like heâs looking at something holy.
âmissed this mouth,â he groans, spreading your legs, licking up your slick with a filthy moan. âmissed how fuckinâ sweet you are when youâre begginâ.â
you gasp, already squirming.
he fully buries face between your thighs, hands gripping your waist like heâs starving and hasnât had a real meal since he got locked up. moaning into your cunt, licking like itâs his last day alive.
âtaste like fuckinâ heaven,â he groans. âmissed this fuckinâ pussy so bad. missed how you sound when iâm inside you.â
after a two or three orgasms from his tongue and fingers, he finally fucks you. itâs deep, rough, desperate. your legs around his waist, your back arching off the mattress while he pounds into you like heâs making up for lost time. his tip hitting that sweet spot repeatedly in your pussy that makes your body take a fucking screenshot. teeth on your neck, fingers digging into your hips right below where his name is inked into your skin.
he just mutters filthy shit in your ear:
âyou got my name on you, and now youâre gonna take all of me.â
âthis ass? mine.â
âgonna fuck you so good you dream about it âtil the next visit.â
then he flips you both, makes you ride him, sucking your tits while they bounce, eyes half-lidded.
âshiiiit, sweetheartâgonna fuck a baby into you in this nasty little room if youâre not careful,â he grits.
and you just moan louder, hands in his hair, riding the edge of pure bliss.
âmissed you,â you whisper, staring up at him, cradling his face.
he kisses you. hard. filthy. then soft.
he pulls away breathless. jaw slack, panting like a dog in heat.
âfuck, babyâcome on. gimme that shit. come all over my dick. show me how much you missed it.â
you do. messy. loud. milking him for all heâs got.
and he follows right after, hands gripping your ass so hard theyâre sure to leave bruises as he cums deep and desperate.
and when heâs done, he kisses your neck, arms wrapped around you.
âgonna marry you when i get out,â he whispers. âi swear.â
you both lie on the tiny mattress after some much needed TLC. tangled up, his head between your tits, your fingers in his hair. he traces your tattoo with his fingers.
âgonna take care of you right, when i get out,â he murmurs, voice rough. âno more bullshit.â
you kiss his jaw. whisper back. âi know.â
and when you left that day, sore and glowing, your man watched you walk away as the guards put the cuffs back on him, mouth curled into a grin, voice low like a promise:
âkeep my side of the bed warm, baby. iâm cominâ home. promise.â
and the day he gets out, youâre already there.
youâre standing by the gate before the sunâs even up. his hoodie on, necklace with his name around your neck. youâre trying to play it cool, but your hands wonât stop shaking.
and when that gate finally opened, when ryomen sukuna steps out, a free man, tattoos gleaming in the morning light, black tee hugging his chest, hair grown out just a little, grin already forming.
you donât even get a word out before he grabs you, spins you around like a goddamn princess. his hands firm on your waist, lifting you like you weigh nothing, face buried in your neck.
âfuck, baby,â he breathes. âmissed you so fuckinâ bad.â
youâre laughing. crying a little. arms wrapped around his shoulders so tight it hurts.
he sets you down, but barely. just enough to kiss your cheeks, your jaw, your nose, and then he pulls back, still holding your face like itâs precious.
âyou ready?â
you blink. âfor what?â
he grins. big. so sure.
âcourthouse. thirty minutes away. judgeâs on lunch break. said heâll squeeze us in.â
you blink again. âwait, the fuck? are youâyouâre serious?â
âsweetheart,â he says, already dragging you toward the car, âiâve been locked up seven fuckinâ years. iâm so serious.â
cut to an hour later: courthouse.
fluorescent lights. ugly tile. fake bouquet from the clerkâs desk in your hand. cheap rings in a little box you picked up from the nearest pawn shop on the way there. you didnât even have time to change. he didnât care. not even a little.
âyou look perfect,â he mutters, adjusting your hoodie like itâs designer couture. âiâm gonna wife you up in my hoodie. thatâs so hard.â
you roll your eyes. âyouâre such a dumbass.â
âyour dumbass now,â he grins emphasizing the your. âpermanently.â
you say your vows that came straight from the heart in a cheap government office, between a sleepy officiant and a laminated âno food or drinkâ sign.
but he looks at you like youâre in a white dress on a mountaintop.
he kisses your hand when he slides the ring on.
says ââbout fuckinâ time,â loud enough that the clerk snorts.
and when they say âyou may now kissââ
he doesnât wait. he pulls you in, kisses you like heâs trying to breathe through you. itâs deep and messy and a little bit desperate.
you giggle against his mouth.
he presses his forehead to yours, still grinning.
âmrs. ryomen fuckinâ sukuna,â he says proudly. âfinally.â
you walk out as husband and wife.
he pulls you in by the hips and kisses you again in the parking lot, hands low, grin wide.
âmade good on that promise, yeah?â
you decide not to do anything fancy. no champagne. no five-star dinner.
you celebrate the only way you know howâgreasy as hell.
just burgers and fries at that little place you used to talk about in letters and phone callsâthe one with the neon sign and checkered floors. sukuna orders double everything, and heâs across from you in sweats and an ankle monitor, eating like a man who forgot what real food tastes like.
he steals your fries when youâre not looking. you slap his hand.
he smirks. âmarried now, baby. my fries too.â
you share a milkshake. vanilla. extra whipped cream. two straws.
he stares at you across the table like he still doesnât believe youâre real.
âyou know i dreamed about this?â he says, voice rough from grease and emotion. âused to lay there and think about you, right across from me, doing this exact same shit.â
you smile. press your foot against his under the table.
âdream about the milkshake or me?â
he snorts. âboth. obviously.â
he takes your hand and kisses your ring finger, red eyes locked on yours and filled with so much love.
and when you finally drive homeâreal homeâhis legâs bouncing the whole way. you both get off the car and head up the steps and you unlock the front door.
âyou sure heâs not gonna bite me?â
you snort. âyouâre the one who taught him to go for the ankles.â
the apartment is quiet when you pull up. itâs familiar to him, but different. newer furniture. heâs seen it all in video calls but itâs different in person now. his shoes arenât by the door anymore, but everything elseâeverything youâis still here. still home.
he hesitates at the threshold. just for a second. like heâs afraid itâll vanish if he walks in. but thenâ
âAKUMA!â you call out, voice soft but firm.
and thereâs the sound of scrambling paws, claws on the hardwood, and then akumaâs thereâgray, stocky, a little older, but still full of love and joy.
the pitbull barrels into the room like heâs about to tear through the walls, skids to a stop, and freezes when he sees him.
akuma just stares at firstâlike heâs short-circuiting. akuma sniffs the air. tail wags once. then again. and then he launches.
sukuna catches all 70 pounds of him like itâs nothing, falling back onto his ass with a grunt as akuma licks at his face like heâs trying to put seven years of love into one minute.
âfuckâokay, okayâgoddamnââ sukunaâs laughing, arms tight around the dogâs back, fingers gripping his fur like heâs afraid heâll disappear again.
akumaâs whining, tail a blur of chaos, body wriggling like he canât get close enough.
and sukunaâyour big, bad, tatted-up, ex-convict husband?
he fucking cries. silent at first. then not. (expected)
his shoulders were shaking, arms wrapped tight around the dog, forehead pressed to his fur.
you just watch from the doorway. hands over your mouth. heart splitting. he looks up at you, eyes wet.
you kneel beside him. touch his back. âhe never stopped waiting,â you whisper. âneither did i.â
he pulls you both inâyou and akumaâhis whole world in his arms now. big, calloused hands around your waist. akuma draped across your laps like a living blanket.
you sit beside him. curl against his side.
âgod, y/n, youâfuckâiâŚ,â he whispers into akumaâs fur. âdidnât think iâd get to see you again.â
and for the first time in seven years, sukuna lets himself feel safe.
after you both settle in, itâs quiet now. real quiet. not prison quiet.
no locks clanking. no cell doors slamming. no count. no cold tile or shitty mattress. home quiet.
youâre both cleanâfresh from a hot shower, towel-dried hair, his hands all over you the entire time like he couldnât believe you were real. when he brushed his teeth, he kept making jokes about âfirst night as a free man, iâm getting minty for my wife.â
his wife.
heâs got everything he dreamed about for the last seven years. sheets that smell like you. a real bed. a dim lamp in the corner next to a photo of you, him & akuma.
and youâstanding in the doorway, wearing nothing but one of his old shirts and a look that says finally.
the ring glints on your finger in the dark. he exhales like heâs never really breathed before. he sits on the edge of the bed for a while. just stares at the wall.
you donât rush him. you know whatâs going on in that handsome head of his. this is the place he got arrested in. the same room they tore apart. same windows, same shadows.
âseven years,â he murmurs. âfirst night back in my bed.â
you walk over. slow. crawl into his lap and wrap your arms around his neck.
âour bed,â you whisper.
he swallows. hard. hands settling on your hips.
eyes drinking you in like he canât believe youâre real. like maybe heâs still dreaming in some concrete box.
âyouâre my wife,â he says, voice thick. âfuckinâ wife.â
you smile against his lips. âso make me feel like it.âand thatâs all it takes.
he kisses you hardâmouth desperate, like heâs catching up for all the years he couldnât. he pulls your shirt over your head, kisses the top of your chest first, then lower. his hands are everywhere. reverent. hungry. he grabs your thighs, flips you onto your back, crawls down between your legs like heâs starving.
and he is.
he pulls your panties off with his teeth. kisses your inner thighs like heâs praying. then licks into you, slow and deep, groaning when your fingers tangle in his hair.
âsweetest fuckinâ thing,â he murmurs against your pussy. âmissed this taste every night. used to jerk off thinkinâ about this right here.â
he eats like heâs got time to worship. not rough. not rushed. justâŚgrateful. long licks, fingers curling inside, nose pressed to your clit until your thighs are shaking and your hips are grinding into his face.
âgo ahead, baby. be a good girl and come on my face. itâs your first night as my wife. i got shit to prove.â
you come hard. breathless. crying out his name.
and he doesnât stop. not until your thighs are twitching. not until heâs satisfied.
then he crawls back up, drags your mouth to his, lets you taste yourself on his lips.
âsit on it,â he rasps, voice wrecked. âwanna watch you ride me. wanna feel all of it.â
you straddle him, slow, sinking down onto his cock until youâre fullâso fucking full it steals your breath.
he moans, head tipping back, gripping your hips, watching every inch disappear.
âmy fuckinâ wife,â he breathes. âlook at you.â you move slow at first, hands on his chest, grinding your hips like youâve got nowhere else to be for the rest of your life.
and he loves it.
heâs got his hands all over you. one on your waist, the other cupping your breast, thumb brushing your nipple.
he fucks up into you, matching your pace, mouth dragging across your throat.
âseven fuckinâ years,â he pants. âyou know how many times i dreamed of this?â
youâre shaking now. gasping.
âshow me,â you whisper. âshow me how bad you wanted it.â
he flips you fastâso fastâlays you down on his bed for the first time in seven years, and fucks you deep, slow, deliberate. the room filled with the most obscene sounds. bed creaking, the sweet, wet squelch of your pussy and his balls slapping against your ass.
he kisses your fingers. your mouth. your ring.
âmine,â he whispers into your neck. âforever. mine.â
you come again. this time with his name in your mouth and his hand locked with yours.
he follows right afterâgroaning low, buried deep inside you, face pressed to your chest. (definitely pregnant after that)
you collapse on top of him. he wraps you up. presses kisses to your hair. just lays there, breathing with you, forehead to yours, thumb brushing your cheek.
âthank you,â he whispers. âfor waiting. for staying. for not giving up on me.â
no more grainy phone calls. no more visits. no more letters. just the two of you home with nothing between you but peace.
he rubs his hand over your back, voice soft.
âweâre good now, yeah?â
you nod, half-asleep. âmhm.â
âtold you iâd come back.â he whispers.
after that, it gets quiet again. except akumaâs snoring in the corner like a damn freight train. the doorâs locked. the cityâs asleep.
and youâre in bed, legs tangled with your husbandâs, skin warm from hours of sex and laughter and most of allârelief.
sukunaâs on his back, one arm around your waist, the other tucked behind his head.
heâs watching the ceiling like it owes him something, blinking slow, chest still rising a little too fast. like he canât quite believe any of this is real.
you lean over him, kiss the ink on his collarbone.
he smilesâlazy and smugâas usual.
âwhat?â you murmur, tracing a line down his stomach.
he glances at you, eyes half-lidded. âjust thinking.â
âoof, thatâs dangerous.â you tease.
he huffs a laugh. âyeah.â
you wait and then he says itâquiet, almost like a joke.
âremember the party?â
you blink. âthe one where we met. over some shitty, warm beer that toji picked up at the corner store?â
âmmhm.â he smirks, but softer now. âthe one where yuki told you not to talk to me.â
you laugh. full and real. ââdonât. heâs crazy, jail-time type shit.ââ
âand you came and sat on my lap anyway.â
âi meeean, you were hot.â you shrug.
âand youâre an idiot.â
you smile, curl into his side, cheek resting on his shoulder.
he presses a kiss to your forehead, knuckles brushing your bare spine.
âguess i should thank your dumbass friend,â he mutters, voice low, already fading into sleep. âsheâs the reason i met my wife. my ride or die.â
you smile and donât say anything. you just hold him tighter, like youâre afraid heâll disappear all over again.
two years in, then seven apart.
crime. then courtrooms. then shitty vending machine coffee. hundreds of letters and visits.
and now heâs here, tucked against your side, finally. fully.
yours in a way no one ever thought he should be.
you whisper, barely a breath. âguess youâre not so crazy after all, huh?â
he stirsâdoesnât open his eyesâbut he hears you and with a rough, half-asleep laugh, he mutters.
âstill fuckinâ crazy.â
then he kisses your shoulder, presses closer, and falls back asleep with his hand curled around your wedding ring.
youâre just starting to drift offâhis breathing slow against your skin, your fingers still tangled in his hairâwhen the mattress shifts with a heavy thud.
then a groan.
âno. absolutely the fuck notââ sukuna mumbles, voice hoarse.
akuma, in all his 70-pound glory, launched himself onto the bed. sprawling across both of you like heâs claiming his spot. head wedged on your stomach, paws kicking into sukunaâs ribs.
you laugh, half-asleep. âaw, kuuuna. baby, he missed you.â
sukuna sighs, glaring at the ceiling.
âseven years in prison, and i come home to my traitorous cockblockinâ dog.â
akuma lets out a loud sigh and promptly starts snoring. loud and obnoxious.
you kiss his little boxy head and then sukunaâs temple, still grinning.
sukuna grumbles something under his breathâbut his arm curls tighter around both of you.
and youâre pretty sure you heard him mutter the words, âthanksâŚwhoeverâs out there.â
Š j3llyc4kes
:3 please check out my other works! hereâs the master list! <3
a/n: this was pretty long! been sitting on this for about a month now, hopefully you all enjoyed it! let me know if i should continue this or leave it as is! t
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about. you're flunking all your subjects. Heâs a virgin. So you strike a dealâhe tutors you academically to win a girl he has a crush on, and you tutor him in sex, simple.
parts. chapter 03, chapter 05
pairings. nerd!megumi x popular girl!reader
words. 17.38k
content. virgin!megumi + experienced!reader, Explicit sexual content â blow job, making out, handjob, unprotectd sex, creampie, semi-public tension, teasing, dirty talk, reader guiding Megumi through his first sexual experience. Power dynamics. Smug, experienced reader. Slight humiliation kink if you squint. Megumi is flushed and wrecked and learning. This is a part of an ongoing tutoring-for-sexual-experience fic. Reader is not kind. She is hot and she knows it. ALL CHARACTERS ARE AGED UP I DON'T WANT NO SMOKE OR SOMEONE BEING A HATER IN MY COMMENTS.
notes. I've been soooooo excited to post this, and before anyone asks questions I spent the whole night writing this, I just got so carried away... I hope ya'll enjoy it!
Megumi didnât know how liking something was supposed to feel, not really.
He knew how to tolerate. How to endure. Heâd been taught early that silence was safer than feeling, and that logicâclean, rational, detachedâwas the only way to survive in a world that wanted too much.
But youâ you were anything but rational. He wasnât unfamiliar with the wordâpeople threw it around all the time. Liking a person. Liking a subject. Liking a song, a movie, a pair of shoes.
But liking you? It didnât feel simple. Or light. It felt⌠tense. Electric. Like holding a live wire between his teeth and pretending he wasnât getting burned.
You were sitting across from him again, legs curled up on the chair like you owned every inch of this space. Like his house was just another set piece in the drama that was your life.
And yeahâyou were trying now. Actually reading the material, taking notes with your pen twirling dramatically between your fingers, reciting things back with that same smug bite in your voice. But it wasnât fake this time. You were showing up. You were trying.
Still, you couldnât get through a paragraph without insulting someone. Or him.
âOkay, but who names their kid âTokugawaâ? It sounds like a bad cough drop.â
Megumi didnât look up from his textbook. âItâs a family name.â
âWell, their whole family needs lozenges.â
He sighed. âYouâre lucky Iâm being paid in patience.â
You rolled your eyes. âNo oneâs paying you, loser.â
He muttered, âExactly.â But he didnât snap at you the way he used to. Not anymore.
Because somewhere between the failed midterm and your unexpected essay redemption, something shifted. You started turning pages with less sighing. Started showing up with scribbled notes and highlighted sentences. Still late. Still dramatic. Still wearing lip gloss like it was armor. But different.
You were still a brat. Still loud. Still mean, sometimes.
But you were honest. Everything that came out of your mouth, whether it was dumb, crass, or painfully sharpâit was real.
And he found himself wanting to hear more of it. All of it.
You were so fucking pretty it made his head hurt. But it wasnât the kind of pretty people wrote poems about. It was the kind that interrupted his thoughts mid-sentence. That dragged his eyes across the curve of your smile or the annoyed flick of your wrist. That made him forget what year the Meiji Restoration happened. (1868. He remembered, eventually.)
It wasn't just the gloss on your lips or the ridiculous skirts you wore to tutoring like this was some social call. It was the way your voice pitched higher when you were actually confused, when you really wanted to understand something and didnât know how to ask without sounding vulnerable.
Like now.
You squinted at the textbook. âOkay, this is phrased so dumb. What does âcentralization of feudal powerâ even mean? Why not just say âa bunch of dudes fighting to be kingâ? Theyâre so obsessed with sounding smart.â
Megumi rested his chin in his hand, watching you frown at the page like it personally offended you.
âIt means uniting all the regional lords under a single authority,â he explained, calm. âIt was a turning point. Less infighting, more nation-building.â
You blinked. âCouldâve just said that.â
He shrugged. âSome people enjoy full sentences.â
You stuck your tongue out, then scribbled something into your notes. âYouâre lucky Iâm actually writing this down.â
He didnât respond. Just watched you.
Watched the furrow between your brows when you were focused. The gloss smudged slightly on your bottom lip. The faint ink stains on your fingers from dragging your hand over your writing. You werenât trying to impress anyone here. Not anymore.
You werenât posturing. You werenât performing.
You were just⌠you.
And Megumiâ Megumi was starting to realize he wanted to see more of that version. The one you didnât show anyone else.
Even if you called him names. Even if you rolled your eyes every time he corrected you. Even if you would never admit how hard you were trying now. He reached for his water bottle, trying to cool the heat in his chest.
You glanced up at him suddenly. âWhat?â
He blinked. âWhat?â
âYouâre staring.â
He looked away. âYouâre imagining things.â
You snorted. âUgh. Youâre so annoying when you lie.â
âAnd youâre unbearable when youâre right.â You grinned at what he said. He didnât.
But he did allow himself to look at you one more timeâquietly, brieflyâbefore flipping the page in the book and beginning the next topic. If this was what liking someone felt likeâthis quiet ache, this constant hum of attention, this need to understand every version of youâthen maybe he could live with it. Even if he never said it out loud.
This wasnât supposed to happen.
Megumi kept telling himself thatâagain and again like some mantra meant to ground him. Like it would rewind time, make things easier. Simpler.
You werenât supposed to matter this much.
You were chaos. Noise. All sharp edges and unapologetic confidence, pulling attention like gravity. You cursed too much, you interrupted his explanations just to roll your eyes, and you refusedârefusedâto let anyone think you cared.
But you did.
He could see it now, sitting across from you as you hunched over a half-written sentence, mumbling to yourself about power structures like it wasnât already a miracle youâd even remembered the term.
You cared so fucking much you didnât know what to do with it.
And Megumi⌠didnât either.
Because for the longest time, he thought someone like Miwa was what he wanted. She was kind. Polite. Smart. She smiled without hiding anything behind it. She was gentle in all the ways life never let him be. And she didnât make him feel like he was unraveling every time she laughed.
Miwa was soft. Safe.
Everything that shouldâve been good for him.
But she never looked at him like you did. Never challenged him. Never cut him open with a single glance and then left him there bleeding, only to stitch him up again with some bratty little smirk and a flick of your hair. You were a storm. And for some reason, his whole body leaned toward it. He glanced up again, stealing a look at you without meaning to.
You were chewing your pen now, eyes narrowed at your notes, one leg bouncing restlessly. You looked frustrated and stubborn and real. Your nails were painted, your lashes curled, and yet there was ink smeared on the edge of your palm from where youâd been writing too fast.
You werenât perfect, but fuck, you were trying. And somehow that made you more dangerous than Miwa ever couldâve been. Because this version of youâthis girl scribbling down answers like she had something to proveâthis was the version that had cracked something in him open. This was the version he wanted to see again. And again. And again. He didnât know what to do with that.
Heâd spent so long keeping people at armâs length, never letting anyone get close enough to see more than the surface. But you⌠you bulldozed past all of it without asking. You made him feel seen, even when he didnât want to be. Even when it scared the hell out of him. You werenât good for him, but somehow, you felt right. His chest tightened.
He didnât know how to let someone in. He didnât know what he was supposed to do with this version of youâthe one who was trying, who looked up at him after answering a question like she needed him to say sheâd done okay. Who still called him names but now lingered a little longer after sessions ended. He didnât want to be this close to someone, but he already was.
And when you glanced up at him again, cocking your head and muttering, âOkay, donât give me that face, Fushiguro. Iâm not dumb, Iâm just tired,ââhe didnât even bother pretending not to stare.
Because you were right. You werenât dumb. You were just tired. Tired of being underestimated. Tired of pretending you didnât care. Tired of being afraid of how real this could get.
And maybe⌠he was tired too, tired of lying to himself, because whatever this wasâwhatever you two were becomingâit wasnât supposed to happen. But it did, and now Megumi didnât know how to go back.
The halls were quieter than usualâjust the low echo of shoes scuffing tile, the faint buzz of fluorescent lights, and Nobaraâs voice weaving effortlessly through the silence.
âOkay, but I swear to god, if they put streamers on the ceiling again, Iâm not going,â she said, flipping her hair over her shoulder as she leaned casually against the lockers beside you. âLike, weâre not in middle school. What is this, Pinterest-core depression?â
You snortedâbarely. A weak smile flickered across your face, just for a second. âYouâre still going?â
âHell yeah, I am,â she grinned. âIf Iâm gonna suffer through a school dance, Iâm at least gonna do it in heels and with free punch. And I heard they booked that DJâthe hot one.â
You blinked, distracted. âThereâs a hot DJ?â
Nobara rolled her eyes. âYou are so out of it.â
You shrugged. Adjusted your bracelet. Looked down the hall even though you knew who wasnât there. âIâm not planning on going.â
She paused. âWhy not?â
âI justâŚâ You trailed off. âDoesnât feel like my thing.â
Nobara looked at you for a second. You didnât meet her eyes.
There was a stretch of silence, the kind only a close friend knows how to sit through without forcing you to fill. You kicked lightly at the base of your locker.
âI used to love that shit, didnât I?â you said suddenly, voice dry. âDances. Crowds. People staring. Picking the best dress just to make some insecure girl cry.â
âYou did,â Nobara agreed with a small smile. âYou were terrifying.â
You smirked, then it faded. âIt doesnât feel the same anymore.â
And she didnât have to ask why.
Because Megumi was in your head again.
No, he was under itârooted deep in the places you didnât want anyone to touch. The places youâd spent years fortifying with fake smiles and sharp words and a reputation built so high no one dared climb it.
And he was climbing it anyway.
You could feel itâthe weight of it all. The way he looked at you now, like he saw every version of you and didnât flinch. The way you remembered his voice when he explained concepts to you like you were worth explaining things to. The way his hand felt when it grazed your back. The way he kissed you like he needed to remember it later.
God, you were falling. Fast. Hard. But was that good for him?
Megumi was steady. Quiet. Good in the kind of way that didnât need to be loud to matter. He gave a shit. He noticed things. He didnât just listenâhe understood.
And you? You were sharp and petty and glittering at the edges. Built on lies and control and showstopping exits. Your whole world was curated to be untouchable, and still you let him close. Still, he got in. And now you didnât know how to protect him from it.
From you.
You leaned back against the lockers, head tilting until it thudded against the metal.
âI donât like Megumi,â you said suddenly.
Nobara didnât reply. Not immediately. She just raised an eyebrow.
You added, louder, sharper, âI will never like Megumi.â
The silence afterward burned. And she didnât argue. Didnât call you out. Didnât throw your words back in your face. She just tilted her head and stared at you for a long second, then said, soft and slow:
âYouâre self-destructing again.â
You didnât answer. Because what could you say? She was right. You crossed your arms tighter, like you could fold yourself in enough to stop the ache. Because you werenât supposed to like someone like him. You werenât supposed to want good things. You deserved Noritoshi. Men who used pretty girls as arm candy and talked circles around your feelings until you thought you were the problem. Men who didnât care too much.
Because caring too much meant someone could leave. And Megumi? Heâd never leave in pieces. Heâd just leave quiet. Fully. For good. So you lied, and Nobara saw right through it, but she didnât say a word. She just slid down to sit beside you on the floor, shoulder brushing yours, and let the silence speak for both of you.
The silence stretched for a moment longer. You stayed slumped beside Nobara against the lockers, feeling your ribcage squeeze with every inhale like your body was rejecting the truth you just spewed. But your eyes were dry now. Done sulking. Done wallowing in the hollow space between denial and regret.
You shifted, exhaled, then suddenly slapped your palm against her thigh.
âI need your help, bitch.â
Nobara blinked. âThe fuck?â
You turned to her with that too-sweet, too-fake smileâthe one that meant trouble. âNo, Iâm serious. I need your help. Iâm on a mission.â
âOkay?â she said slowly, suspicious. âWhat mission? Did you finally realize youâre in love with Megumi and you wanna go confess on the school roof?â
You rolled your eyes so hard it nearly gave you a headache. âEw, no. Gross. Barf. Never.â
âUh-huh.â
You ignored her smug little grin and sat up straighter, crossing your legs like you were about to give a fucking TED Talk.
âI want to help him.â
Nobara stared. ââŚHelp who?â
âMegumi, dumbass.â
She blinked. âDidnât you already help him? You know, with the whole unvirginizing him thing?â
You snorted. âOh my god, shut up. That wasnâtâI mean, okay, yes, I helped him with the sex thing. Youâre welcome, by the way.â
âI didnât say thank you.â
âWhatever, you should. I performed a civic duty.â
Nobara was biting her knuckle to hold back a laugh. âSo what now? Youâre launching a full-blown Megumi makeover arc?â
You clapped your hands once, sharp. âExactly.â
âYouâre serious.â
You grabbed her arm. âLook at me. Dead serious. WeâIâneed to fix the situation.â
âAnd what exactly is the situation, princess?â
You stood, pacing a little now like this was a war room briefing. âMegumi dresses like a damn divorced math professor who lost custody of his kids. Iâm talking black-on-black, sad hoodie, never met a comb, wouldnât know swagger if it slapped him.â
âHeâs always been like that.â
âExactly. And itâs criminal. Have you seen that body?!â you shouted, arms flailing. âLike, holy fuck, heâs hiding all of that under a zip-up and shame.â
Nobara wheezed.
âIâm telling you,â you said, pointing at her. âWe need to fix his wardrobe. Change his hair. Show him what looking good actually feels like. Because Megumi Fushiguro being that hot in secret? Thatâs a sin.â
âMaybe he doesnât care about that stuff,â Nobara offered, still smiling. âNot everyone wants to be a runway reject.â
âWell, he should,â you snapped. âBecause people donât see him right now. They donât get it. He blends in like he wants to disappear.â
Nobara raised an eyebrow. âAnd you want him to stand out.â
You paused. Then slowly shrugged, crossing your arms again, eyes a little softer.
ââŚYeah. I do.â Because people should look at him the way you did now. Like he mattered. Like he was there. Like he wasnât just some sad genius background character who kept his head down until graduation. He deserved better than that.
And if he didnât know how to show it, youâd do it for him. You grinned again. Bright. Dangerous. âSo are you in or what, bitch?â
Nobara gave a mock sigh and stood up next to you, brushing dust off her skirt. âGod, this is gonna be chaotic.â
You linked your arm through hers. âThatâs the goal.â
And in the back of your mind, you werenât just thinking about new jackets or hair wax. You were thinking about him, and this time, you were going to do it right.
âNo.â Megumi said it flatly. Instantly. Without even turning his head.
He stood stiffly in the middle of the menâs section at a massive, modern shopping mall, surrounded by racks of jackets and hangers with carefully folded shirts. A goddamn fluorescent spotlight beamed down on his disheveled black hoodie like it was about to be burned in some sacrificial ceremony.
âNo,â he said again, like it was final. You grinned like it wasnât.
âOh, come on, Fushiguro,â you groaned, dramatically flopping a blazer over your arm like it was a dying animal. âLive a little. Itâs not like I dragged you here under false pretenses.â
âYou said it was an emergency,â he said without blinking, staring dead ahead at a mannequin in cargo pants.
You beamed. âIt was. Your wardrobe.â Beside you, Nobara cackled, holding up a dark olive button-down like she was choosing weapons in an armory. âHonestly, sheâs right. You dress like an apocalypse survivor. And not in a hot, Mad Max wayâjust... sad.â
âI didnât ask,â Megumi muttered, adjusting the strap of the messenger bag slung across his chest like it was his only armor left in this cursed environment.
âYou never ask for anything,â you snapped, shoving a rack aside to step closer. âThatâs the whole problem. Youâre allergic to being perceived.â
âI donât care what people think.â
âYeah, we know,â Nobara muttered. âThe problem is we do.â
You jabbed a finger at him. âYouâd rather walk around looking like a tax fraud suspect than admit youâre hot. Itâs actually insane.â
âIâm notââ He cut himself off and glared. âThis is pointless.â
âOh my god. Fushiguro. You literally do martial arts. You could break someoneâs jaw with your pinkie and yet youâre scared of trying on a fuckinâ jacket?â
Megumi turned toward you now, his brows furrowed, that signature exasperated glare leveled straight at your face. âIâm not scared. I just donât care about stupid shit like this.â
âWell maybe you should!â you snapped, stepping closer. âMaybe people would take you seriously for once if you looked like you had your life together instead of like you live in a supply closet!â
âI donât care what people think,â he growled, arms crossing.
âNot even Miwa?â you said, biting your lip with a smug grin.
That made him pause. Even Nobara blinked. âWait what the fuckââ
âOops,â you said sweetly, tilting your head. âWas that too honest?â
Megumiâs jaw tensed, and for a second he looked like he wanted to walk directly into oncoming traffic.
âShe doesnâtââ he started, then stopped himself. âThat has nothing to do with this.â
âYou like her,â you sing-songed. âAnd sheâs all proper and polite and whatever. You really think sheâs gonna look twice at you when you show up to events looking like a prison escapee?â
âThatâs low,â he muttered.
âYou know what else is low? Your pants. You donât even wear a belt, itâs a miracle theyâre not around your ankles right now.â
Nobara wheezed.
âYouâre both insane,â Megumi muttered, dragging a hand down his face.
âNo, weâre fashion-forward,â you corrected, shoving a clean white T-shirt into his hands. âAnd this is an intervention.â
âIâm not putting this on.â
âWhy?â you narrowed your eyes. âScared Iâll see your abs again and have a full mental breakdown in the dressing room?â
Nobara choked. âNot again?!â
âYouâre not helping,â Megumi growled, shooting her a glare.
âI am helping,â she chirped, tossing him a tan jacket. âHelping your hopeless ass look fuckable.â
âPlease die,â Megumi said under his breath.
You shoved the clothes into his arms. âThree outfits. Try on three. Then you can go back to your corner of despair.â
He looked at you. Really looked at you. And for a second, it was like he saw something soft behind the snark.
You rolled your eyes before he could say anything. âDonât get sentimental, bitch. Try on the fuckinâ shirt.â
And Megumiâmuttering obscenities under his breathâfinally walked toward the fitting rooms.
You high-fived Nobara like youâd just summoned a demon.
It wasnât just about clothes. Not really. It was about showing him the version of himself the world deserved to see. And goddamn, he was going to shine. Even if it killed you.
He stepped out of the fitting room with the same flat expression he always wore when he was forced into anything mildly humiliatingâshoulders stiff, jaw clenched, hair slightly more disheveled than usual like heâd run his hands through it five too many times in frustration.
But none of that registered. Because the second Megumi walked out, wearing a black shirt that hugged his torso like a second skin and dark jeans thatâoh fuckâsat criminally well on his hips, every cell in your body short-circuited.
Your mouth opened. Nothing came out. Your brain? Vacant. Your heart? Punching itself in the face.
He looked⌠hot. Not âcuteâ hot. Not the quiet-guy-who-reads-in-corners hot. No. He looked like someone who should be banned from public spaces. Like someone whoâd lean against a bar with his hands in his pockets and get phone numbers without speaking.
And he had the audacity to look annoyed about it. He stood in front of you, arms stiff at his sides, clearly uncomfortable but trying not to show it. âWell?â
You didnât answer. You couldnât. You were still staring. His biceps shifted beneath the sleevesâthose same arms that used to cross in irritation when you were being a brat during tutoring. Now they just looked⌠solid. Defined. Powerful. The shirt clung to the dip of his waist, the muscle of his chest, and you were going feral.
âEarth to bitch,â Nobara said, elbowing you sharply. âYouâre drooling.â
You blinked. âAm not.â
Megumi raised an eyebrow. âYouâre quiet.â
You swallowed. Hard.
âYeah, so?â you snapped. But it came out breathier than you wanted. You turned away like it might give your sanity a fighting chance. âShirtâs tight. You look like a douchebag.â
Nobara snorted. Megumi crossed his arms. âIs that supposed to be bad?â
Your eyes flicked back to him without meaning to. âNo. I mean. Yes. I meanâshut the fuck up.â
His lips twitched. Just a little. Barely there. You were going to combust.
You forced a scoff, grabbing the next outfit from the chair. âThis isnât even the best one. Get back in there, Fushiguro.â
But even as he rolled his eyes and turned away, the image burned into your skull. You hadnât seen this version of him before. You didnât know what to do with this version of him.
And the worst part? He didnât even know what he was doing to you.
He didnât know heâd just shifted something in youâsomething real, something terrifying. Because for the first time in a long time⌠you were speechless.
Megumi stepped out again.
Different outfit, same unbothered expressionâexcept this time, it was worse.
This time, he was wearing a fitted white button-up, sleeves rolled to his elbows, top two buttons undone, hanging slightly open like he gave zero fucks about propriety. Paired with a pair of dark, loose slacks that cinched perfectly at his waist, he looked like he belonged on the cover of some Calvin Klein campaign where the tagline was âSilence is seductive.â
And maybe that was what made it worse.
Because this wasnât your Megumi.
Not the one who clicked his tongue at your mistakes. Not the one who made you repeat Civics dates until you cried out of rage and not frustration. Not the one who looked soft in the corners of his eyes when he thought you werenât paying attention.
Noâthis Megumi was different.
Sharp. Composed. Dangerous.
He didnât even glance at you at first. Just adjusted his sleeves slowly, hands veined and calm, like he had no idea he was doing things to your soul. But maybe he did. Because when his eyes finally flicked up, they went straight to yours. Quiet. Direct. Unrelenting.
And you forgot how to breathe. Nobara beat you to it.
âHoly fuck,â she breathed, literally grabbing the rack next to her for support. âYouâre lying to me. Youâre not real.â
Megumi frowned. âItâs just a shirt.â
âItâs the shirt of Gods,â she corrected. âYou look like you kill people with a fountain pen and then drink black coffee over their grave.â
He raised a brow. âThatâs specific.â
âI have taste.â
You didnât say anything. Because what could you say?
You were the one who dragged him here. The one who started this whole thing. The one who picked out that shirt because it might look good andâ
Now you couldnât even speak.
It looked too good.
Your heart was racing like a traitor. Your fingers itched to fidget with somethingâyour bag strap, your hair, his fucking shirt, maybe.
âLooks fine,â you muttered, arms crossed tight, refusing to meet his eyes again.
âFine?â Megumi echoed, voice laced with just enough sarcasm to light your entire body on fire.
âYeah, fine. Donât get cocky.â
Nobara gave you a look.
âIs that why youâve been standing there in complete silence for a full thirty seconds? Because itâs fine?â
âI was just thinking,â you snapped.
âThinking about how hard youâd let him rail you on a school deskâ?â
âSHUT THE FUCK UP,â you and Megumi yelled at the same time, both whirling on her.
Nobara just raised her brows and held her hands up. âOkay, okay. Loversâ quarrel. Got it.â
You turned away, ears burning. âWeâre notââ
âDonât even start,â Megumi muttered under his breath, clearly flustered too, tugging at the sleeves of his shirt like they were suffocating him now.
But you both went silent again.
Your pulse wouldnât slow. You watched him out of the corner of your eye. The way the collar of that shirt dipped into the line of his collarbone. The way his jaw tensed like he was holding something in.
And all you could think was: You did this. You made him look like this. And now? You didnât know how to handle it.
Megumi looked like he was about to say somethingâanything to break the electric tension crawling between you. His hand lifted slightly, hovering awkwardly at his side as if caught between reaching for a hanger or snapping it in half.
Then he sighed. âCan someone help me with thisâ?â
Nobara perked up from the bench. âWell, Iâll go find something else. You twoââ she wiggled her fingers, âfigure that out.â
Before you could even open your mouth to tell her not to leave you alone with himâagainâshe was gone.
And then it was just the two of you.
Megumi still standing in front of the changing room door, looking disarmingly good in that white button-up and slacks, hair slightly damp from sweat, the scent of soap and something distinctly him still clinging to his skin.
Your heartbeat spiked.
âI can help,â you muttered, stepping forward before your brain could catch up with your mouth.
He didnât say anythingâjust looked at you.
And that was all it took.
Because the moment you reached for the edge of the changing room curtain, Megumi grabbed your wrist, pulledâand you stumbled right into him.
The door clicked shut behind you.
And then he kissed you.
Hard.
His mouth was on yours before you could even breathe. No warning, no question, just heatâhis hands gripping your waist like he couldnât stand the space between your bodies a second longer.
Your gasp broke the kiss, but he chased it, tongue sweeping against yours, messy and desperate, like heâd been waiting to do this since the second you walked into the store.
âMegumiââ you mumbled against his mouth, but it came out half-strangled because he was already backing you against the mirror, crowding your body, and hitching one of your thighs up around his waist.
His grip was rough. Possessive. Your skirt bunched around your hips as he lifted you with ease, hands firm beneath your thighs, grinding against your clothed core like he didnât give a shit who might be outside that curtain.
âFuck,â he muttered against your throat, kissing the skin there like he was punishing it. âYou drive me insane.â
Your head thudded against the mirror, fingers threading into his hair, yanking hard enough to make him groan against your neck. âYouâre one to talk.â
But he didnât answerânot with words.
He rolled his hips again, and the pressure made you arch into him, your breath hitching. Everything was so closeâthe heat of him, the taste of him, the sheer pressure of his body against yours. You felt like you were going to combust.
Clothes still on. Dignity long gone.
And he was still kissing you like he needed it to breathe.
Your hands fumbled with the collar of his shirt, dragging him closerâtighterâas your lips crashed together again. There was nothing soft about this. No hesitation. Just heat, and sweat, and the dizzying, aching need you both pretended didnât exist for weeks.
And now it was here. Now he was here. And you didnât want it to stop.
Not when his hands were sliding under your top. Not when your legs were trembling around his waist. Not when his tongue was in your mouth like he wanted to swallow every bratty word you ever spat at him.
But thenâ Voices outside. Faint. Distant. Still enough to pull you back.
You both froze. Megumi didnât let you go.
But his breathing was uneven now, lips brushing yours in a breathless drag, like he didnât want to stopâlike he didnât know how.
Your voice was barely a whisper. âGumiâŚâ
He stared at you.
And you stared back. Chest heaving. Skirt still hitched. Mouth swollen. Something unspoken burning between you. And thatâs where you stayedâhovering between whatever this was⌠and whatever came next.
His breath hit your lips, warm and ragged. His forehead rested against yours for a momentâthen pulled back just far enough to see your face.
You were quiet.
Too quiet.
And Megumi noticed.
His brows furrowed. His eyes narrowedânot in anger, but in concern. His hand, still hot from where it had been gripping your thigh, slid up slowly, brushing over your waist until it curled gently under your jaw.
âI donât like it when youâre quiet,â he muttered, voice low and hoarse, like it scraped the edges of something unspoken.
You blinked up at him, stunned silent by the sudden shift in himâthe switch from that sharp, cold, untouchable Megumi to this. This boy whose hand now held your chin with careful fingers. Whose voice trembled with the weight of something softer.
âIâm fine,â you said, trying to muster up the usual bitchy confidence, the bratty armor you always wore like second skin.
But it cracked.
Just a little.
Megumi didnât let it slide. He tilted your chin up gently, enough to make your gaze meet his again.
âDonât do that,â he said quietly. âDonât lie to me.â
His thumb brushed along your cheekbone, his stare unwavering. Still cold. Still composed. But that softness was there nowâsimmering beneath it all like a secret only you got to see.
âTell me whatâs wrong, pretty.â
Your lips parted, but the words caught. You swallowed thickly, breath catching at the name. The way he said itâprettyâwasnât sarcastic or mocking. It wasnât a jab or a joke or some arrogant dig.
It was⌠warm, and that scared you more than anything.
âItâs nothing,â you whispered, voice thinner than you wanted it to be. âItâs not a big deal.â
Megumi didnât move. He didnât push or pressure or pull away. He just kept his hand where it was, thumb dragging over your jaw as his eyes searched your face for the truth.
âThen why wonât you look at me the same?â he asked, quieter now. âYouâve been avoiding it. Youâve been avoiding me.â
You breathed in sharply, back pressing against the mirror again, like it might absorb you whole. You hated this. Hated how naked it made you feel.
He was supposed to be the awkward one.
You were supposed to be untouchable.
So why the fuck did it feel like he was the only one who ever looked at you like he saw you?
âIâm not avoiding you,â you muttered, half-hearted.
You said nothing.
Not right away. Not when he was still holding you like that, arms strong and steady beneath your thighs, chest pressed to yours like he hadnât just kissed the air out of your lungs.
So he dropped you.
Not harshlyâbut suddenly. Like he was testing you.
Your back hit the changing room wall with a gentle thud, your heels barely catching the floor before your knees almost buckled. You looked up at him, breathless, heart a mess, mascara smudged just enough to betray what had just happened.
And stillâyou smiled.
Smug. Crooked. Unbothered.
The kind of smile that always got you out of trouble. The kind of smile that meant game on.
âDonât worry,â you said, smoothing your hair with both hands, the lace of your skirt riding scandalously high on your thighs. âIâm good.â
Megumi didnât respond right away. He just stood there, bare chest rising and falling, hair damp, lips still slightly parted.
âYou sure?â he asked, voice lower now. Quieter. A little cautious.
You nodded. âA hundred percent.â
And before he could say anything elseâbefore you had the chance to crack even furtherâyou turned around and opened the changing room door.
Nobara was standing right outside, arms crossed, one brow arched like sheâd been waiting hours instead of minutes.
She gave you one long, slow look from head to toe.
Your skirt was wrinkled. Your lipstick was smudged. Your hair was a war crime.
âWell damn,â she said, deadpan. âDid he fuck the physics into you or what?â
You rolled your eyes and shoved past her with a scoff. âShut up.â
âIâm just saying,â Nobara chirped, following you down the hall. âYour hair looks like it got into a fight with gravity. And lost.â
You reached up instinctively to fix it, still feeling Megumiâs hands on your waist, his mouth on your neck.
You didnât say anything. But the smile on your face didnât fade. Not even a little.
âOkay, seriously,â you said, deadpan, staring at Megumi like he just kicked a puppy. âWhat the fuck is on your head.â
âNo, your tragic decision-making, obviously itâs your hair,â you snapped, arms crossed. âWhy does it look like a hedgehog lost a fight with a blender?â
Nobara burst out laughing behind you, flopping onto your bed with a snort. âOh my godâthank you. I didnât wanna say anything at the mall, but itâs atrocious. He looks like he cut it himself during an earthquake.â
Megumi frowned, defensive now, dragging a hand through the spiky mess. âItâs just⌠messy.â
âMessy?â you echoed. âNo. Messy is a tousled âI-just-got-fucked-against-a-wallâ kind of hot. This?â You circled him like a shark, squinting at the disaster on his scalp. âThis is âI got electrocuted in the shower and didnât notice.ââ
He turned slightly to Nobara, as if for help. She just smirked and held her hands up. âDonât look at me, Fushiguro. Iâve been trying to say this since the first day we met. Youâve got good bone structure and awful hair.â
Megumi muttered something that sounded dangerously close to âI hate both of you.â
But you werenât having it.
âOh no, youâre not getting out of this now,â you said, grabbing his sleeve and dragging him toward your vanity like a man being marched to execution. âYou let me bring you to the mall, you let me pick your clothes, and now? Youâre letting me fix the national tragedy that is your hairstyle.â
âI never agreed to this,â he said, digging in his heels halfway across your carpet. âThis wasnât part of the deal.â
You whipped around, inches from his face. âYouâre hot now, Fushiguro. Itâs your moral responsibility to have a hairdo that doesnât look like it was styled by a weed whacker.â
âI liked it,â he muttered under his breath.
âI liked it,â you mocked in a high-pitched voice. âOh my god, heâs got feelings. Someone call the news.â
Nobara snorted. âY/N, be nice.â
You rolled your eyes and shoved him into the chair in front of your vanity. âNo. He deserves violence. Emotional or physical, I havenât decided yet.â
Megumi looked at himself in the mirror, then back at you, clearly regretting every life choice that led him to this point. âIf you burn my scalpââ
âI will set you on fire on purpose if you keep complaining.â
âYouâre terrifying,â he muttered, glaring as you sprayed water on his head.
You grinned. âI know.â
Nobara watched from your bed, sipping a boba drink she clearly found from your mini-fridge. âSo whatâs the plan, boss? We chopping it? Styling it? Shaving it off so he can start over?â
âNot shaving,â you said immediately, combing through his damp hair with a level of focus that wouldâve shocked your teachers. âThis bitch has potential. It just needs to be tamed.â
Megumi scoffed. âYou make it sound like a wild animal.â
âThatâs because it is, babe,â Nobara said helpfully.
You held up a strand and narrowed your eyes. âItâs giving âslept with my head in a microwave.â Like, what is the texture? What is the shape? Where is the respect?â
Megumi rolled his eyes. âItâs not that bad.â
You and Nobara turned to him in unison.
âYes,â Nobara said solemnly. âIt is.â
âItâs a violation of basic human decency,â you added.
Megumi leaned back in the chair like a condemned man. âDo whatever you want. Iâm already dead inside.â
You grinned. âThatâs the spirit.â
You and Nobara circled Megumi like vultures, armed with a spray bottle, two combs, a round brush, and enough styling product to open a pop-up salon. He sat rigidly in your vanity chair like he was preparing for surgery, eyes narrowed at his reflection as you pulled his hair back and forth with clinical precision.
âI swear to god, if this makes it worseââ
âShut up,â you snapped, misting his head aggressively. âYou gave up the right to complain the second you walked in here with this disaster on your scalp.â
âItâs not a disaster,â he muttered, grimacing as Nobara tugged a chunk of hair upright with a teasing comb.
âYouâre right,â Nobara chimed in sweetly. âItâs a catastrophe.â
You couldnât help the laugh that slipped out. âIt looks like itâs been styled with a spoon and a prayer.â
Megumi groaned audibly. âWhy are you both so dramatic?â
âBecause we have eyes,â Nobara said.
âAnd standards,â you added.
It took longer than it should haveâspraying, combing, trimming flyaways, arguing over center part versus side part, threatening to shave it all off entirelyâbut eventually, after a blur of movement and bickering and way too many close calls with Nobaraâs flat iron, you took a step back.
You stared at him. Silently.
The spikes were still thereâsharp, unruly, unapologetically himâbut now they were tamed, softened in shape, styled with a cleaner edge that actually made sense with his face. Not too polished, not too wild. Balanced.
Dangerously so.
Because it brought out everything.
His cheekbones. The cut of his jaw. The deep-set steel blue of his eyes. It was like finally seeing a painting under the right lighting.
And you hated how hard your chest clenched.
âOh,â Nobara said, her voice soft with shock. âOh, youâre handsome-handsome.â
You flinched out of your trance. âCalm your fucking tits.â
Nobara ignored you, walking around to get a better view. âY/N, we really did that. We should be charging for this.â
Megumi, still blinking at his reflection like he wasnât sure what universe he was in, murmured, âItâs... better?â
âYou look hot,â Nobara said bluntly.
âI said calmââ
âNo, Iâm serious. I didnât know your face looked like that under all the porcupine static.â She turned to you. âNowâglasses.â
âWait, whatâs wrong with his glasses?â you and Megumi said at the same time, both frowning.
Nobara rolled her eyes. âNothingâs wrong with them. But letâs just see. For science.â
âI need them to see,â Megumi deadpanned.
âThen close your eyes for two seconds and survive.â
Before either of you could protest again, she plucked the frames off his face.
Megumi blinked, disoriented. âI canât see shit.â
And youâ you couldnât breathe.
Your fingers froze mid-adjustment. Something twisted low in your stomach.
Because this wasnât your Megumi anymore.
This wasnât the boy who wore soft, wrinkled hoodies and slouched with a pen in his mouth while mumbling about feudal Japan. This wasnât the slightly awkward, perpetually annoyed tutor who scolded you for confusing Confucius with Confetti or whatever the hell his name was.
This wasâ Sharp. Composed. Disarmingly beautiful. And still undeniably him. But somehow⌠less yours. You didnât say anything. You couldnât.
You swallowed around the dryness in your throat and reached over gently to slide his glasses back on.
âOkay,â you said, voice carefully neutral. âYou look fine.â
Nobara arched a brow. âFine? Thatâs all youâre giving him?â
âJesus, calm down,â you muttered, waving her off. âYou sound like youâre about to mount him.â
Megumi snorted softly, but he was looking at you now. Really looking. And you didnât know what you looked like back.
Just that something inside you was shifting, and no matter how hard you tried to bury it beneath your snark and sarcasmâ
You couldnât help but think: He doesnât look like my Megumi anymore, and that scared you more than anything. Because you werenât ready to admit what you already knew: You didnât want to lose the version of him that only you ever got to see.
The buzz started before first period even began.
It was in the halls, in the cafeteria, in the fucking girlâs bathroom stalls. You could hear it behind closed lockers, whispered in corners, shouted between friend groups.
"Did you see Fushiguro?"
"Is that really him?"
"Who knew he had a jawline like that?"
You slammed your locker shut hard enough to rattle the one next to it.
Nobara, walking beside you and munching on pocky like she owned the damn world, raised a brow. âYou okay?â
âNo,â you hissed, adjusting the strap of your bag sharply. âIâm not fucking okay. These bitches are acting like he hatched from an egg this morning.â
Nobara snorted. âWell, to be fair, he was looking like a soggy anime protagonist before we fixed his hair.â
You shot her a look.
She shrugged. âHey, we did this. You should be proud. Your manâs finally getting the recognition.â
You turned to her, voice low and vicious. âThatâs not my fucking man.â
She smirked. âSure.â
And still, as you walked into the main hallway, the whispers amplified like a hive of flies. You could hear a group of girls ahead giggling too loudly, standing near the bulletin board where someone had literally taped a blurry candid of Megumi â from that morning â shirt tucked in, hair clean, glasses no where to be seen.
You stared. Blinked. And felt your blood boil.
You did this. You fixed that hair. You picked those fucking jeans.
And now they were all foaming at the mouth over it.
Not because they noticed him in math class, or watched him quietly help the juniors when no one else did, or saw the way his knuckles were always bruised because he boxed like he had something to prove.
No. They noticed because you made him hot. You did that.
And they were two seconds from sexualizing him like a piece of meat in your lunch tray.
âHe could get it now,â one girl said, fanning herself with a worksheet.
âIâd climb him like a tree,â another giggled. âThose arms? He could ruin my GPA, and Iâd thank him.â
You clenched your jaw.
âOh my god,â a third voice added â Aiko, of all fucking people, her tone dripping with fake wonder. âWho knew Fushiguro had potential? He used to be such a loser, and now Iâm like⌠kind of obsessed. He just needed a little help, right?â
You stopped walking. Nobara sensed it before you spoke. âOh no.â
Your heels clicked against the tile like a warning shot. You stepped forward, stopping right in front of their little group like a queen entering the battlefield.
Aiko turned, already smiling, like she wanted you to join in on the joke.
You didnât smile back.
âYou wanna say that again?â you asked, voice deceptively sweet.
Aiko blinked. âWhat?â
âThe part where you called him a loser,â you said, tilting your head. âGo on. Iâm sure heâd love to hear that from someone who couldnât spell âpotentialâ if her life depended on it.â
The girls went quiet.
You took another step closer, smiling nowâbut it was venomous. âSee, you bitches love to pop your pussy for something shiny and new. But where were you when he sat alone every fucking lunch? Or when you called him creepy for knowing the answers before the teacher asked?â
Aikoâs face started to pale.
âThat boy has more class in his knuckles than you have in your whole bloodline,â you sneered. âSo maybe think twice before you talk about him like heâs your little glow-up project. You wouldnât know what to do with him even if he let you try.â
Nobara let out a low whistle behind you. âJesus.â
You didnât care. Your heart was thudding in your chest, rage coiling behind your ribs. Because he deserved better than that. Better than them. Better than you, too, maybeâbut they sure as fuck werenât allowed to talk about him like that.
Not when they didnât know a thing about him.
Not like you did.
The girls scattered like flies after that, mumbling apologies or pretending not to care.
You stood tall, smoothed your skirt, and turned on your heel.
You huffed. âNo. But I fucking meant every word.â
She bumped your shoulder. âDamn right you did.â
But the truth burned in your throat even as you walked away from the mess. Because the one person you werenât brave enough to say that to⌠was the one person youâd started to care about way too much.
It was raining by the time you got there. Not heavy yet, but the clouds overhead promised hell was coming.
You barely knocked.
The door opened after one knock, and there he wasâMegumi. Barefoot, in sweatpants and a black t-shirt that clung to his chest. His hair was a little damp, curling at the ends from either a shower or the humidity outside. The soft flicker of the TV behind him lit his silhouette.
His eyes skimmed over you. âYouâre late.â
âI was being dramatic,â you said with a sniff, stepping inside like you owned the place.
You didnât. And you felt it, too.
The quiet of the house pressed in on you. The only sound was the low murmur of the televisionââstorm warning issued for Tokyo Metro AreaâŚâ
Your shoes left faint water prints on the hardwood. You toed them off and dropped your bag beside the couch, pretending the silence wasnât suffocating.
âSoâŚâ you said, voice softer now, almost teasing. âYouâre a big shot now, huh?â
Megumi frowned. âWhat?â
You gestured vaguely toward him. âThe school. People are practically frothing at the mouth over you. I think I overheard someone say you could step on them and theyâd say thank you.â
He blinked. âThatâs⌠disturbing.â
You dropped onto the couch. âThatâs teenage girls. Get used to it.â
He didnât sit. Just stood there for a second, like he didnât know what to do with you. Like he couldnât decide whether he should start quizzing you on politics or kick you out.
You stared at him. âYou really didnât notice?â
âNo,â he muttered. âI donât care.â
There was a pause. A little too long.
Thenâ
ââŚDo you?â he asked, quieter now.
You tilted your head. âDo I what?â
He was still standing there, arms crossed, jaw tight. But something about the way he said itâ
âDo you like it?â he asked. âThe way I look now.â
It wasnât cocky. It wasnât a trap. It sounded like an honest fucking question.
You felt something pinch in your chest.
You wanted to laugh. Or roll your eyes. Or tell him he looked fine and move on with your night. But you couldnât. Because the way he was looking at youâcalm, quiet, guardedâwas killing you.
âDo you want me to like it?â you asked back.
He didnât blink. âI asked first.â
You stared at him. Tried to read his expression. But he was unreadable, as alwaysâexcept his shoulders were a little tense, and his eyes kept flicking between you and the storm outside the window. So you told the truth.
âI liked how you looked before,â you said, crossing your arms again. âI like how you look now. Youâre hot. Congrats.â
That made him frown, just a little.
You rolled your eyes. âIs that not what you wanted to hear?â
âNo,â he said. âI just⌠didnât think you noticed me.â
The words were soft. Like they cost something.
You blinked. âWhat?â
He finally sat down beside you, slow and heavy, elbows on his knees. âYou were with guys like Kamo. Loud, rich. The whole school knew when you were dating someone.â
âSo?â
âSo I thought you just⌠tolerated me,â he said.
You stared at him. âI showed up to your house in the rain. For tutoring. I literally begged you to tutor me again.â
His eyes flicked toward yours. âThatâs not the same.â
Silence again. You bit your lip, then sighed. âI just didnât want to be the only one who saw you.â
Megumiâs brows pulled slightly. âWhat do you mean?â
âI meanââ You swallowed, folding your arms tighter. âPeople didnât really look at you. Not really. They saw the grades, the silence, the hair. But they didnât look. I did.â
You paused.
âAnd I didnât want to keep it to myself.â
Megumi was quiet for a while. The kind of quiet that made your skin prickle. You looked down at your nails, chewing your lip. âThatâs all. I just thought⌠people should know.â
âWhy?â
You blinked again. âWhy what?â
âWhy did it matter that people saw me?â
The question was too honest. It made your stomach twist.
âI donât know,â you said finally. âBecause maybe if they did⌠I wouldnât feel so fucking insane for noticing you in the first place.â
Megumiâs throat bobbed. The rain outside was louder now. You could hear the drops hitting the glass like static. You were sitting so close on the couch now, knees almost brushing. He didnât reach for you. Didnât touch you.
But his voice dropped a little. âI noticed you first.â
You turned your head.
Megumi wasnât looking at you. But you could see the pink climbing up his neck.
âI didnât say anything because I thought youâd destroy me,â he muttered, almost like he was annoyed with himself. âYou still might.â
You smirked, but it was softer than usual. âYouâre not so easy to destroy, Fushiguro.â
He finally turned toward you again. And for a secondâjust a secondâyou werenât the girl who wrecked reputations for fun. You werenât the mean girl, the manipulator, the bitch with a crown on her head. You were just a girl. Wanting a boy who never thought someone like you would.
ââŚWeâre here to study,â you said quickly, breaking the eye contact and grabbing your bag. âDonât get weird about it.â
But your hands were trembling just a little when you opened your notebook. And neither of you pointed it out. Megumi didnât move. You felt it before you saw itâthat shift in the air. His gaze heavy on you, weighing every breath you tried to take like it meant something.
And maybe it did. Because then came the first real blow. âYouâre quiet.â
Your pen stilled. âIâm literally speaking right now,â you muttered, not looking up.
âThatâs not what I mean.â
You clenched your jaw, flipping open your notes like they werenât trembling in your hand. âWell, maybe I just didnât feel like biting your head off today. Shouldnât that be a win for you?â
He ignored the sarcasm. âYouâve been off ever since the mall.â
âAnd youâve been dressing like youâre starring in a Calvin Klein ad,â you shot back. âMaybe Iâm just adjusting.â
His brow twitched. âSo you are upset.â
âNo.â You looked up at him, heat crawling up your neck. âI just think itâs funny.â
Megumiâs stare didnât budge. âWhatâs funny?â
âThat now everyone sees you,â you said, biting the words out, âsuddenly youâre worth talking to. And I have to watch girls lose their shit over a guy Iââ
You caught yourself. Hard. Megumi stepped forward. Slowly. Deliberately.
âAnd what?â he said, voice low.
Your throat was dry. âAnd nothing.â
He tilted his head, sea-glass eyes narrowing. âThatâs not nothing.â
You shot to your feet. âCan you not? Can you just, for once, not try to read my mind like Iâm some fucking essay prompt?â
âI wouldnât have to guess,â he said, voice tighter now, âif youâd just tell me whatâs going on.â
âIâm fine, Megumi,â you snapped.
âNo, youâre not.â
âOh my god, shut upâwhy do you even care?â
That stopped him. Just a second. But you saw the way it landed. Saw the shift in his shoulders, the pinch in his browsâlike youâd yanked a thread that unraveled something you werenât supposed to touch. You hated how your chest twisted.
âI didnât mean that,â you said quickly, voice smaller. âI justâthis was easier when you were justâŚâ
âWhat?â Megumi asked quietly.
Just Megumi. Your Megumi. But you didnât say it. You didnât get the chance.
Because the thunder cracked so violently it made the windows rattleâfollowed by a sudden, sharp click as the power cut out completely. Lights. TV. Everything.
Gone. Darkness swallowed the room, save for the occasional flash of lightning. You could barely see him. But you felt him. Both of you stood there in the thick silence, the storm pressing against the glass like a weight.
And thenâ âIâm still me,â Megumi said quietly. âEven if I look different.â You exhaled. Slow. Unsteady.
âI know.â
âThen why are you acting like Iâm not?â
You hesitated. Then, barely above a whisperâ âBecause you look less like someone I can keep.â
The words hung there between you. Electric. Unforgivable. You werenât even sure he heard themâuntil he stepped closer. Close enough that the scent of him, the heat of his skin, wrapped around you like gravity.
âYou think Iâm going somewhere?â he asked.
You shrugged. âEveryone else wants you now.â
âI donât care about everyone else.â
The silence between you was louder than the storm now. You opened your mouthâthen shut it again. Because you could still taste the fear in your throat. Not of losing him. But of how much you already had. You swallowed around the ache in your throat, trying not to blink too hard. The silence stretched. Too raw. Too exposed. So, like always, you threw up a wall.
âWell,â you said, stepping back and folding your arms, âisnât this romantic. Powerâs out, stormâs raging, and Iâm stuck with Tokyoâs favorite new thirst trap.â
Megumi blinked, the sharpness in his expression dimming just enough to look mildly offended. âYouâre ridiculous.â
âYouâre sweaty and shirtless and weâre in the dark.â You gestured around. âIâm just saying, if this was a movie, Iâd already be dead or pregnant.â
That earned a very faint snort, like he didnât want to laugh but couldnât help it. He exhaled, raking a hand through his damp hair. âMy dad keeps candles somewhere.â
âWow. Sexy and prepared,â you muttered, watching him disappear into the hallway. âNo wonder the girls are eating it up.â
âShut up,â he called back. A cabinet door creaked open, followed by the sound of matches scraping. âIf youâre cold, thereâs a blanket on the couch.â
You ignored that. Pulled out your phone insteadâonly to see one bar and a signal so weak it might as well be decorative. You sighed and dialed anyway. It rang once, twice. Then a familiar voice crackled through the speaker. âSweetheart?â
âDaddy,â you breathed, the relief hitting hard. âThe powerâs out. Itâs storming like crazy. Are you home?â
âIâm out of town, baby. Business trip. Flight got delayed.â His voice softened. âWhere are you?â
You glanced at the flickering light starting to glow down the hall. âMegumiâs.â
A pause. âYou safe?â
âYeah,â you murmured. âJust⌠stuck.â
âAlright. Call me if anything changes. Iâll check the weather. Love you.â
âLove you more,â you said softly and hung up.
Megumi returned, two candles flickering in hand. One for the living room, one for the table. He lit them both in quick, practiced motions. He didnât look at you.
âIâll walk you home when the wind dies down,â he said, flatly.
You narrowed your eyes. âI didnât say I was leaving.â
âYou were about to,â he muttered. âYou always are.â
The jab caught you off guard.
ââŚJesus, dramatic much?â you mumbled, shifting on the couch as the room glowed orange and gold. âYou act like Iâm trying to abandon you.â
He gave you a look. âYou were literally about to walk out during a thunderstorm.â
âYeah, well, I like living on the edge.â
âI swear to god, youâre going to get electrocuted one day and somehow blame me for it.â
âObviously.â His lips twitched. Almost a smile.
The tension was still thereâbut softened now, under the candlelight. Like it had been dulled by the rain and everything neither of you could say outright. You pulled your knees up to your chest, watching the lightning flash against the windows.
ââŚYou didnât have to light all those, you know,â you said quietly, eyes flicking toward the candles.
âI know.â
You hesitated. ââŚBut thank you.â Another small silence.
Then he sat down next to you again. A little closer this time. The storm howled outside, but in hereâthere was only the flicker of light between you and the quiet push-and-pull that had always felt like home.
âYou really think Iâm Tokyoâs favorite thirst trap?â he said suddenly, deadpan.
You groaned. âYou remembered that?â
âYou literally just said it.â
âWell, Iâm not wrong.â
âWhatever.â You glanced at him.
His arms were folded again. His face still unreadable. But something in his expression had eased. Not softer, necessarilyâbut less guarded. And you⌠you could breathe again.
You didnât mean to say it.
It just slipped out.
âMiwaâs taking an interest in you.â
Megumi glanced up from where he was lighting a candle on the table, his face cast in flickering shadows. âWhat?â
You picked at the frayed hem of your skirt like it was the most fascinating thing in the world. âNobara heard her talking in the bathroom. She was saying youâre different now. That you look⌠good.â
A beat of silence.
Then, like an idiot, he asked, âShe is?â
You wanted to throw the fucking candle at his head.
Instead, you smiled. That sweet, mean smile you wore like armor. âWhat, hoping she asks you out? You want someone to touch your freshly styled hair and whisper about your jawline now?â
He didnât bite. Just walked to the kitchen with that maddening calm of his. Megumiâs phone buzzed on the kitchen counter. He picked it up, barely glancing at the screen before answering.
âYeah?â
You didnât look at him. You were too busy pretending to scroll through your phone, too busy ignoring the sting from earlierâShe is?âlike it hadnât lodged itself right in your chest. But then his tone changed.
ââŚYouâre stuck?â You peeked up, subtly.
Megumiâs voice dropped, quiet and curt. âFlooding?â
Pause. A sigh. âNo, itâs fine. YeahâIâm not alone.â
Another pause. âYeah, itâs her.â You tensed, grip tightening around your phone.
âDonât worry,â he muttered. âIâll take care of it. Just⌠stay safe.â
He hung up. Silence. You didnât say anything, waiting.
He turned around, arms folded, voice neutral. âThat was my dad.â
âObviously.â
âThereâs flooding near the station. Heâs stuck for the night.â
You raised a brow. âAnd?â
âAnd you canât leave.â
You stared at him. âWhat do you mean I canât?â
âThereâs a blackout. The stormâs not letting up. Roads are a mess.â He gestured to the window where the rain slapped against the glass in heavy sheets. âPower lines are down. Toji said even the convenience store by the corner shut down. Heâs not coming home.â
You blinked. âAnd what, youâre just holding me hostage now?â
Megumiâs expression didnât change. âYou came here.â
âI didnât come here to spend the night!â
He crossed his arms tighter. âWell, congratulations. Looks like youâre going to.â
You huffed. Loudly. Dramatically. âYouâre impossible.â
âI know.â And then he moved past you, candle in hand, heading toward the hallway like this was all perfectly reasonable. You glared at the flame, at the storm, at your phone with zero service, and then finally threw yourself back against the couch with a groan.
ââŚFine,â you muttered under your breath. âBut Iâm not taking the fucking bed.â
From down the hall, Megumiâs voice drifted backâcompletely unbothered.
âYouâre not.â
It was quiet for a while. Too quiet. The storm outside had dulled into a low, steady rhythmârain kissing the windows in soft percussion, wind rattling somewhere beyond the walls like a ghost trying to get in. The power was still out, the flicker of candlelight the only thing cutting through the shadows curling around the room.
You sat curled on the couch, arms wrapped around your knees, pretending your phone wasn't dead and you werenât mildly terrified of the dark. Then you heard footsteps. Not heavy. Not rushed. Just Megumi. He emerged from the hallway carrying a stack of pillows and a neatly folded blanket. He didnât say anything as he knelt beside the couch, laying everything out with a quiet focus you refused to react to. But your throat tightened anyway. Because it was too much.
Heâd brought the softest blanket. The only one that didnât smell like detergent. He even slid a second pillow behind your back, like you couldnât possibly sleep without it.
You didnât comment. Just watched with a neutral expression, biting your cheek to stop from saying something snarky. You could've made a joke. Couldâve called him a housewife. Couldâve pushed, flirted, snapped.
But you didnât. Because even you couldnât deny what this was. He cared. And that scared the shit out of you.
When he finally sat down beside youâon the floor, back resting against the couchâyou raised a brow.
âWhat, not going to bed?â you said, voice low.
He shrugged, eyes on the candlelight. âDidnât feel like it.â
You blinked, letting your head rest against the cushion. âWhat are you, my emotional support boxer?â
That made him huffâbarely a laugh, but still something. âDonât flatter yourself.â
You smirked. âPlease. Youâre the one bringing luxury sleepware like Iâm a fucking princess.â
âNo,â he deadpanned. âYouâre a brat. Princesses donât throw paper at their tutors.â
You rolled your eyes. âThat was one time.â
âIt was two.â
You both went quiet after that, but it wasnât awkward. Just⌠still. You watched the flicker of flames bounce shadows off the ceiling, your heart slower now, your body less tense.
ââŚSo why boxing?â you asked, surprising even yourself.
He looked over his shoulder. âWhat?â
You tilted your head. âYou donât really seem like the type. You hate attention. And yet here you are, shirtless and sweaty, punching people in a ring.â
He didnât answer right away.
Then, after a beatâ âIt helps,â he said quietly. âGets the noise out of my head.â
You frowned. âYou get noise?â
He didnât look at you. âEveryone does.â
The answer made your chest ache a little.
You didnât press. Just let the silence fill in the blanks. Thenâ â...Youâre good at it,â you said.
His brow ticked. âYou saw five minutes.â
âStill.â Another beat.
âYou looked hot,â you added, nonchalant, watching the side of his face carefully.
This time, he did look at you. âYouâre deflecting.â
âMaybe.â
âYou donât have to.â
You blinked. He didnât elaborate. Just turned back to the candlelight, fingers fidgeting slightly against his knee.
The kind of fidgeting you did when you wanted to say something but didnât know how. You swallowed.
âI never had something like that,â you said, quieter now. âSomething that made the noise go away.â
Megumi didnât speak, but you could feel him listening.
Really listening.
You rested your chin on your knees. âI tried to find it in people. Parties. Power. All that shit. But it never works.â
A pause.
Then Megumi asked, âAnd now?â
You looked at him. At the boy who used to flinch when you walked by. At the boy who looked at you like you were everything and nothing at the same time.
ââŚNow?â you repeated. He met your eyes. And for onceâyou didnât look away.
âI donât know yet,â you said. âBut I think Iâm closer than I used to be.â
You didnât say it. But you were pretty sure he knew.
The silence had stretched into something calmer nowâless tense, less biting. You were both still on the couch, the storm a dull whisper outside, the candlelight making the room feel smaller, warmer, like some strange little world that didnât exist anywhere but here.
You shifted a little, resting your chin on your arms, curled up in the blanket he brought you like a sullen cat. Megumi sat beside you, back against the couch again, his legs stretched out, elbows on his knees.
Neither of you had spoken in a while.
You didnât know why the words came out.
Maybe it was the dark.
Or the quiet.
Or the way Megumi was just... there. Not asking for anything. Not prying. Just existing beside you with that stillness that made people underestimate him.
âMy dadâs out of town,â you murmured.
Megumi didnât look at you, but his head tilted slightlyâlistening.
âBusiness trip,â you added, trying not to sound defensive. âHe does that a lot. I used to hate it when I was younger.â
A pause.
Then: âBut youâre close.â
You gave a small smile. âYeah. Iâm a daddyâs girl. You canât tell?â
Megumi snorted softly. âOh, I can tell.â
You chuckled under your breath, but the laughter faded quickly, something deeper tugging at your chest.
âI donât talk about him much at school,â you said. âPeople already have their little opinions about me, I didnât want to... whatever. Make it worse.â
Megumi stayed quiet.
You pulled the blanket tighter around your legs.
âWhen I was eight, my mom and dad split,â you said suddenly. âIt got messy. She didnât want custody. Not really. But her new husband did. I think he just wanted to win something.â
Megumi turned his head a little, watching you now.
You stared ahead at the dim outline of his coffee table, your voice soft. âBut my dad fought for me. Hard. Likeâlike it was war. Lawyers, courts, all that shit. I remember him carrying me out of the hearing room when the judge gave him custody. I was crying. He didnât. Not once.â
Megumi didnât interrupt.
âI used to think he was made of steel or something,â you whispered. âLike, nothing could break him. And he neverâhe never made me feel like I wasnât enough. Not even once.â
You blinked. Fast.
âHe worked so hard. All those long hours. Just to give me this life. The clothes. The car. The schools. People see me and think Iâm just spoiled. Rich bitch. But they donât know how hard he worked for all of it. How hard he worked for me.â
Megumiâs voice was low when he finally spoke. âSounds like he really loves you.â
You nodded slowly. âHe does. And I love him, too. More than anyone.â
There was a pause. The quiet kind that settled in your bones.
You bit your lip. âMy momâshe lives in Fukuoka now. Married to that same guy. I see her sometimes. Sheâs always smiling in her new house, with her new kids, like she didnât leave me behind. But he never did.â
Megumi shifted then, just slightly.
You felt it before you saw itâthe way his hand brushed gently against your ankle under the blanket, not a grab, not a hold, just... there.
Steady. Present.
âIâm glad you have him,â Megumi said. And he meant it. You could hear it.
You let out a shaky breath. âYeah. Me too.â
And for a while, that was all. No teasing. No bickering. Just a storm outside, and a boy beside you, and the quiet reminder that maybe, just maybe, you werenât as alone as you thought.
The silence wrapped around the both of you again, more comfortable now. The storm outside had settled into a steady rhythm, wind pressing against the windows like a tired breath. The candle on the coffee table flickered lazily, casting long shadows up the wall.
Youâd fallen quiet again, the weight of your last words still hanging in the air.
Megumi hadnât said anything in a while. You glanced at him from under your lashes. His brows were drawn, expression unreadableâbut his hands were tense in his lap, fingers rubbing at his knuckles absently. Like he was thinking too hard about something.
You nudged him gently with your knee under the blanket.
His eyes flicked to yours. âWhat?â
âYouâre doing that thing again.â
âWhat thing.â
You raised an eyebrow. âThe broody, âIâm-staring-into-the-void-like-a-tragic-protagonistâ thing.â
A breath of a laugh escaped him. Barely.
Then his gaze dropped, his voice quieter. âIâve been thinking about Tsumiki.â
Your teasing died instantly.
âOh.â
He nodded slowly. âSheâs⌠not doing great.â
The weight of those four words hit you like a punch to the chest. You sat up a little straighter, eyes scanning his face. There was something different in it nowâtired, but deeper than that. Like something heâd been holding for too long.
He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to find the words. âHer conditionâs⌠itâs getting worse. The doctors said thereâs not much more they can do here.â
You stayed quiet, letting him speak.
âI might have to fly out next week. Fukuoka or even Sapporoâdepends where they transfer her. Sheâs not waking up. And if somethingâif anything happens and Iâm not there, Iâll neverââ He cut himself off, jaw locking.
You didnât say anything. You just reached out, resting your hand over his knuckles.
He didnât pull away.
âShe raised me more than anyone,â he said, voice gravelly. âAfter everything with my mom and dad⌠she was the one who kept me steady. Who made me believe I could be anything other than angry.â
You swallowed.
âIâm sorry,â you whispered.
Megumi looked at you then. And for once, his eyes werenât guarded. They were raw. Open. So full of guilt and helplessness that it made your chest ache.
âSheâs so kind,â he murmured. âAlways has been. She never hurt anybody. I donât know why people like herâwhy she ends up paying for things.â
You squeezed his hand.
âI donât want to lose her.â
His voice cracked at the end. Just slightly. Enough to make you want to pull him close and never let go.
You didnât say you understood. Because you didnât. Not really.
But you let your hand stay in his. And when his thumb brushed over your knuckles, soft and trembling, you didnât call him out for it.
You just sat there.
Two kids. Bruised hearts. A flickering candle. And the quiet grief that filled the room like smoke.
You leaned your head against his shoulder, barely touching.
âIâll be here,â you said softly.
He didnât answer. But he didnât move away either. And maybe, for now, that was enough.
The thunder had quieted into a low grumble, distant now, like the sky was done screaming and only murmured in exhaustion.
You werenât sure when the silence shiftedâwhen the conversation turned from real, heavy things to just⌠breath. Just the warmth of being there beside him. You had your knees pulled up, a blanket across your lap, your arm pressed against his on the couch. The faint scent of citrusy soap clung to his skin. The candlelight flickered over his profile.
And when he looked at you⌠really looked at youâ
Everything else faded.
No more school. No more rumors. No more fights, or essays, or storms. Just the steady sound of his breath, and the way he was staring like you were a question he never thought heâd get to ask, let alone answer.
ââŚWhat?â you whispered, pulse skipping.
Megumi just shook his head a little. âNothing.â
But his eyes didnât leave you. Didnât drop, didnât flinch. They were so blue in the dark, like sea glass catching fire.
You blinked, suddenly shy. âWhy are youââ
He leaned in.
You felt it before you saw itâhis hand ghosting over your cheek, gentle, almost hesitant. Like he was giving you one last chance to pull away.
You didnât.
When his mouth met yours, it was soft. Barely there. A breath shared between two people whoâd never thought this would happen. His lips moved over yours like he was learning howâlike heâd only ever imagined it before, and now, he was finding out what it meant to want, really want, and be allowed to.
You tilted your face up, deepened it slowly.
He followed you, a little clumsy, a little shyâbut eager. Your fingers slipped into his hair, still tousled from the storm, from your work earlier, and a quiet groan hummed in his throat.
When he pulled back, his breath was shaky.
âAre youâŚâ you whispered, forehead pressed to his. âAre you sure?â
He didnât answer right away.
Then his hand touched your jaw again, thumb dragging over your cheek like he was memorizing the shape of you.
âI want to,â he said. His voice was steady, but his pulse was racingâyou could feel it where your hand had pressed against his chest. âIâve never wanted anything like this before.â
You swallowed, heart in your throat. âYouâve neverâŚ?â
He shook his head once.
Oh. You were quiet. âWe donât have toââ
âI want to,â he said again. And then softer, with something almost aching: âYouâre the only one Iâd ever want it with.â
Your chest ached.
And for once, you didnât tease him. Didnât put up your usual wall.Instead, you kissed him again.
You ended up in his lap before you even realized it.
One second you were kissing himâsoft, slow, like the world might shatter if you rushed itâand the next, your knees were straddling his thighs, blanket slipping off your lap, hands curled in the collar of his shirt as you breathed into each other.
The living room was drenched in warm shadows, candlelight flickering golden over the curve of his jaw, the sharp edge of his cheekbone. You could still hear the rain faintly outside, a low murmur against the windowsâbut in here, everything was still. Sacred.
Megumiâs hands rested uncertainly on your hips, like he wasnât sure he was allowed to touch you. Like he didnât trust himself.
âYou can touch me,â you murmured, lips brushing against his. âYouâre allowed.â
His fingers tightened slightly, eyes darting up to yours. That bashful, quiet intensityâit made your chest ache.
âI donât want to mess this up,â he whispered. âI donât⌠Iâve neverâŚâ
âI know,â you said gently, and leaned in again, pressing your mouth to the corner of his. âThatâs why Iâm here.â
You kissed him deeper that time. Tongue teasing his lower lip, your body pressing closer. His hands slid up your sides hesitantly, under your shirt, skin to skinâand you felt the exact moment his breath hitched.
âYouâre shaking,â you whispered.
âI know.â His voice was rougher now, quiet. âI just⌠I canât believe this is real.â
You smiled against his lips. âItâs real.â
You tugged your shirt over your head, slow and deliberate, letting the fabric fall to the floor behind you. His gaze followed every movement, and when your chest was bare in front of him, he froze.
Not out of fear. Not discomfort. Just awe.
ââŚFuck,â he breathed, eyes wide, voice barely audible. âYouâreââ
âDonât say perfect,â you said quickly, your voice light, teasing, trying to play it off. But your heart was fluttering in your chest like it was trying to fly away. âThatâs such a cop-out.â
Megumi blinked like he hadnât even thought of that word. âI wasnât going to.â
You arched a brow. âNo?â
He shook his head slowly, eyes still glued to your bare chest, your soft skin, the curve of you in his lap. Like he couldnât believe this was real. Like you were something out of a dream.
âI was gonna say⌠unfair,â he said, swallowing hard. âBecause I donât know how Iâm supposed to survive this. Youâre the most beautiful thing Iâve ever seen.â
You froze.
Not hot. Not sexy. Not fuckable, or a ten, or any of the things guys had always tossed at you like they meant something.
Beautiful.
It hit different. Like a bruise blooming in your chestâbut soft. Warm. Gentle. You didnât even realize youâd gone quiet until his hand came up, brushing a strand of hair from your cheek.
âHey,â Megumi murmured. âWhatâs wrong?â
âNothing,â you whispered, blinking quickly.
But the words were still echoing in your mind, messing with something deep inside you. Beautiful. Like art. Like something fragile and worth holding carefully.
No one had ever said that to you before. Not like this. Not with their hands trembling just from touching you. Not with eyes that looked like they were seeing straight through the act, the image, the attitude.
You looked down at him againâmessy hair, bitten lip, flushed skinâand swallowed thickly.
âYou mean that?â you asked, voice smaller than you wanted it to be. âThat Iâm⌠beautiful?â
His brows furrowed, confused by the question, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. âOf course I do. How could I not?â
And just like that, the ache in your chest cracked open into something warm, something terrifyingly tender.
So you kissed himâslowly, deeply, like it was the only way to say thank you without falling apart.
He kissed you lower, lips skimming the slope of your breast, and when you arched gently into him, he let out a quiet groan.
âCan IâŚ?â he whispered.
You took his hand and guided it up, letting him cup you fully. His fingers twitched at first, then softened, kneading tenderly as his thumb brushed over your nipple. You exhaled, body melting into his, your hands cradling his jaw as you kissed him againâdeeper now. Lazier. The kind of kiss that made time dissolve.
You tugged his shirt off next, fingers brushing over the hard lines of his chest and the pale bandages still wrapped around his knuckles. He tried to hide the way his breath hitched, but you felt itâfelt all of him.
His chest was rising fast. He was hard beneath you already, straining against his sweats, and your hips shifted instinctively.
âShit,â he whispered, fingers digging into your thighs as you rocked against him. âYou feelâŚâ
âI know, baby,â you breathed into his neck. âYou feel good too.â
You rolled your hips again, slower this time, and his head tipped back against the couch. He looked wrecked alreadyâeyes blown wide, lips parted, jaw slack.
âCan IâŚ?â you asked quietly, your hand drifting down between your bodies. âCan I see you?â
He nodded, a little frantic.
You slid his sweats down carefully, watched as his cock sprang freeâlong, thick, flushed a dark pink at the tip, resting heavy against his stomach.
You paused. Blinked.
ââŚYouâve been hiding this?â you said, scandalized.
His cheeks flushed red, eyes darting away. âI didnât think itâdâlook good. Or be⌠enough.â
Your mouth fell open. âEnough? Baby, itâs a fucking blessing.â
He let out a broken laugh, but it turned into a groan when your fingers wrapped around him, stroking slowly. He was already leaking, the head glistening, and when you kissed his jaw again, his hips bucked helplessly under you.
You guided him to your entrance, your body already aching for him, but stillâstillâyou paused.
âAre you sure?â you asked, voice steady. âThis matters, Gumi."
His hands came up to cradle your face, thumbs brushing your cheeks. âIâve never been more sure about anything.â
You sank down on him slowly.
The stretch burned a little, but he was so carefulâhands trembling, voice breaking every time he whispered, âWait, let meâare you okay? Is this too much?â And you kept kissing him through it, calming him, guiding him, grounding him.
When he was fully inside you, you paused, gasping against his mouth. He filled you so deep it was dizzying. You could feel every pulse, every twitch of his cock inside you, and he just staredâcompletely overwhelmed.
You rocked your hips steadily at first, letting him adjust, letting you adjustâbut God, the way he filled you. Thick and hot and deep, every inch stretching you open, your breath hitching every time your hips met his. His hands had gone from trembling to clinging, fingers digging into your waist like he didnât trust his own self-control.
âFuck,â he whispered again, breath ragged against your collarbone. âYouâre so warm. So tight. I canâtââ
âDonât stop,â you breathed, grinding your hips down into him. âYou feel so fucking good, Gumi.â
The nickname made his hips jerk up. Hard.
Your moan cracked in your throat.
He groanedâdeep, guttural, wreckedâand buried his face in your chest. âSay it again.â
âGumi,â you whispered, rolling your hips slow, teasing. âMy Gumi.â
Something snapped.
Suddenly, his hands slid up your back, grabbing fistfuls of your hair as he sat up straighter beneath you. His mouth captured yours in a messier, wetter kissâmore tongue than techniqueâand the next thrust he gave you was sharper. Rougher. Deep enough to make your thighs tremble where they straddled him.
You gasped into his mouth, nails digging into his shoulders. âF-fuckâwhat happened to being gentle?â
âIâm trying,â he growled, thrusting up again. âBut youâreâshitâyouâre making it hard.â
You felt his cock twitch inside you. You clenched around him just to hear the sound he madeâhalf groan, half curse.
âPretty girl,â he muttered, more to himself than to you. His eyes were glassy. Unfocused. âYouâre so fuckinâ prettyââ
Your whole body shivered at the name.
âSay it again,â you whispered, breathless.
He kissed you. Nipped at your bottom lip. Then, rougher: âYouâre so fucking pretty, baby. Youâre unreal.â
That did itâyou pushed at his chest, forcing him back into the couch cushions, and began to ride him again. Faster. Deeper. His hands gripped your ass, your thighs, your waistâwherever he could hold you steadyâand he let you take control for a moment, let you ruin him.
âGumi,â you moaned, voice pitchy now. âYouâre so deepâI can feel you everywhereââ
He couldnât take it anymore.
He grabbed your hips and flipped you before you could blink, laying you out flat across the couch cushions. Your legs parted instinctively and he slid back in with a broken groan, arms caging you in, head bowed over your shoulder as he thrust deepâreally thrust now. Controlled at first, but strong. Heavy. The slap of skin meeting skin filling the dark room as you took all of him, over and over again.
âOh my god,â you gasped, head tilting back, body arching. âGumiâfuckâyouâreââ
âI know,â he panted, sweat dripping down his temple as he buried himself to the hilt. âI know, baby.â
His mouth trailed across your jaw, your neck, sucking marks into the skin before pulling back to look down at youâyour makeup a little smudged, lips parted, chest heaving.
âYouâre unreal,â he said again, voice deeper now, like gravel laced with awe. âMy pretty fucking girl.â
His thrusts picked up againâharder, faster, the kind of rhythm that had your legs shaking and your back arching into him. Your moans grew louder, ragged, and when his fingers dropped down between your legs again, circling your clit with messy, desperate pressure, you gasped so loud it echoed off the walls.
âF-fuck, Gumiâdonât stopââ
âI want you to cum first,â he murmured, his voice tight, almost pained. âPlease. I need to feel you cum.â
âIâmâfuckâIâm closeââ
âYou can do it,â he said, his hand never slowing. âCome on, pretty girl. Cum for me.â
You clenched around him, legs locking around his waist as the pleasure crestedâhot and deep and overwhelming. You came with a sharp cry, shaking beneath him, your nails dragging down his back as your orgasm shattered through you like a wave.
âMegumiâ!â
He followed right after, gasping as he slammed into you one final time, burying himself to the base. You could feel him pulsing inside you, warmth spreading deep as his whole body tensed, then collapsed over yours in a breathless heap.
âFuckâŚâ he groaned, pressing his forehead to yours. âFuck.â
You wrapped your arms around his back, still trembling, your body soaked with sweat, your pulse a wild thrum in your chest.
For a long, long moment, you just lay there, tangled in each other, still connected, still catching your breath.
Eventually, he kissed your temple.
âYou okay?â he whispered.
You nodded slowly. âBetter than okay.â
You turned your head and looked up at him, all flushed and wrecked, his lips pink, eyes heavy-lidded and soft.
ââŚYou know youâre stuck with me now, right?â you said, voice low, a little smug.
He blinked down at you, dazed and smiling. âGood,â he murmured, brushing your hair back from your face. âBecause I donât want to be anywhere else.â
You smirked up at him, eyes gleaming. âGuess what, Gumi?â
He raised a brow, still breathless. âWhat?â
You grinned. âYouâre not a virgin anymore.â
He blinked. Then rolled his eyes with the most offended expression. âWow. So romantic.â
You laughed, nudging his chest. âIâm just sayingâitâs official now.â
âYeah, and youâre insufferable.â
âAnd you love it.â
He tried to scowl, but the soft curve tugging at his lips betrayed him. ââŚShut up.â
You leaned up, kissed the corner of his mouth. âNever.â
He groaned dramatically, burying his face in your neck. âGod help me.â
But he was smiling. So were you. Megumi walked slow, hoodie unzipped, the morning breeze cutting through the damp weight of his thoughts. He hadnât slept much.
Not because you kept him upâthough, god, the memory of your body under his hands, the way you said his name, how your lips had tasted like fire and sugar and something he knew would ruin him foreverâthat didnât exactly help.
No. It was more than that. It was you. It was the softness.
The way you looked at him when you thought he didnât notice. The way your voice lost its bite when you touched his face. The way you called him baby, like he meant something.
Like he was yours. Heâd never had something like that before. Not with Miwa. Not with anyone. So now, walking across campus with the sky still gray from last nightâs storm, he was thinking. Planning. Something stupid. Something soft.
A picnic. Flowers. Maybe a question about the danceânothing cheesy, just⌠something real. Honest. You deserved honesty. And maybe, maybe youâd say yes.
He spotted Nobara by the vending machine, squatting like she was about to fight it.
âYo,â he called, hands in his hoodie pocket.
She turned, eyes narrowing. âWhy do you look like that?â
âLike what.â
âLike you just got laid and then went to therapy.â
Megumi coughed, looking away. âShut up.â
âOh my god.â Nobara straightened, grinning. âYou did.â
He didnât answer.
She laughed. âFinally. Thought I was gonna have to break the tension with a crowbar.â
He ignored her, kicking at a stone. âHey.â
âWhat.â
ââŚDo you know if sheâs going to the dance?â
Nobara blinked. âWho?â
He gave her a look. She raised a brow. âOh. Right. Her.â
Megumi waited. Quiet. Hope tucked under his sleeve like a heartbeat.
Nobara sighed. Looked away. âSheâs not planning on it.â
His chest sank. âOh.â
Silence. Then her voice came, a little softer. âYou like her?â
He nodded once. Didnât say anything. Didnât need to.
Nobara saw itâhow he looked like someone waiting for a building to fall. How he was still standing there, trying to hold up hope with both hands even though it was slipping.
âShe told me she didnât like you like that,â she said, careful. Not cruel. Not cutting.
Just honest.
Megumi blinked. ââŚWhen?â
âA while ago.â Nobaraâs voice was low. âBefore you started tutoring her again. Before all of this.â
He looked at the ground. His hands tightened into fists inside his pockets.
You said that. You said you didnât like him. And now?
Now he was standing here, remembering the way you kissed him, the way you called him beautiful, the way you came around him like you wanted no one elseâand it all started to feel like a dream.
Like heâd misread everything. Like heâd built something out of nothing.
âMaybe she changed her mind,â Nobara offered, but her voice wasnât convincing. âYou know how she is.â
Yeah. He did.
You were a hurricane. Reckless. Sharp. Terrified of feeling too much, and even more terrified of being seen.
And maybe⌠maybe he let himself believe you saw him too.
But maybe that was the problem. Maybe you didnât want to. Megumi exhaled, his chest tight.
âThanks,â he said, voice flat.
Nobara opened her mouth, but he was already walking away. And the wind picked up againâcolder this time. Like the storm wasnât really over.
"Going to see my sister. Things got worse. Iâll be gone for a while."
Three days.
Thatâs how long it had been since youâd seen Megumi.
Not that you were counting. Obviously.
Itâs not like you checked your phone like an insane person the second you woke up. Or reread his last text five times before class started.
It had landed like a rock in your chest. Not the message itselfâjust the simple way he said it. Like it didnât kill him to write it. Like it wasnât tearing him apart.
And he didnât even say when heâd be back.
So youâd done what you were best at: pretending none of it mattered.
You went to school. You wore the shortest skirt in your closet. You handed in a pop quiz without crying over it. You even laughed at something Nobara said in chemistry without faking it.
Maybe that was the worst part. You were doing fine. Too fine.
You were perched on one of the picnic tables outside the school building, your platform heels kicked up on the bench, iced coffee in hand. The sun was warm, the sky blue, and your hair was freshly styled in waves that would make a shampoo ad weep.
You looked every inch the untouchable bitch.
But your chest ached in that quiet, hollow way.
âI swear to god,â Nobara groaned beside you, flopping down on the table with a dramatic sigh. âIf one more boy breathes near me with Axe body spray on, Iâm pressing charges.â
You snorted, sipping your drink. âJust bring a lighter. One flick and the entire boy's hallway will go up like a Christmas tree.â
Nobara pointed at you. âThatâs why I love you.â
You smirked, then turned your head slightly, scanning the crowd near the school entrance. Your heart did that dumb thing again. Hopeful. Stupid.
But he wasnât there. Of course he wasnât.
Still. You asked, too casual. âDid you hear anything about Megumi?â
Nobara glanced at you, eyes narrowing just a little. âNope. He texted Gojo, said heâs still out of town. Visiting his sister.â
âOh.â You blinked down at your cup. âRight.â
Nobara let the silence hang for a beat, then elbowed you. âAnyway. Who cares about thatâguess who I saw making out behind the gym?â
You leaned in, grateful for the distraction. âTell me it was that weird art kid with the septum ring.â
âWorse. Fucking Haruna and that guy from the volleyball team.â
Your jaw dropped. âThe one who eats chalk?â
âYes, bitch!â
âEwâwhat in the powder kinks is going on?!â
You both burst into laughter, the kind that made you feel weightless, for a second. The kind that made you forget there was an empty desk in third period with Megumiâs name on it.
And then Nobara leaned back on her palms, hair shining under the sun. âAre you okay, though? Like, actually?â
You raised a brow, defensive. âWhy wouldnât I be?â
She gave you a look. âBecause your little emo virgin isnât here, and youâve been acting like thatâs normal.â
You scoffed. âHeâs not mine, Nobara.â
âYeah,â she said, too quickly. âTell your heart that.â
You rolled your eyes so hard it hurt. âYouâre annoying.â
She smiled. âYouâre lonely.â
You hated how that landed.
You hated how the air felt heavier again. Like the second you stopped pretending, the silence filled back in.
Because the truth wasâyes, youâd been doing fine. Youâd been acing quizzes. You hadnât picked a fight with anyone all week. You hadnât cried, or screamed, or done something unhinged to distract yourself.
But you missed him.
The silence wasnât the same without his sarcasm. The walks through campus felt longer without him beside you. Youâd even caught yourself reaching for your phone during study hall, ready to text something snarky before rememberingâ
He wasnât here.
And you didnât know when heâd be back.
You sighed, collapsing back on the table beside Nobara and covering your face with your hands.
âI hate this.â
âWhat, feelings?â
âYes. Emotions. Vulnerability. All of it.â
She cackled. âYouâre such a brat.â
You peeked between your fingers. âDo you think heâs okay?â
Nobara grew quiet, more serious this time. âI think heâs strong. And I think heâll come back.â
You nodded.
âI justâŚâ you trailed off. âI hope he doesnât come back different.â
Nobara tilted her head. âYou mean like you did?â You didnât answer. Because she was right. You had changed. And the worst part? It was because of him. And he wasnât even here to see it.
You were walking down the hall like you owned it.
Because you did. Your skirt was short, your blouse perfectly pressed, and your gloss was freshâmirror-checked and lethal. The heels clacked with just enough bite to announce your presence before anyone had the nerve to look up. Students scattered instinctively as you passed, like you were the final boss of the east wing. You liked it that way. But your phone had no new texts. No new messages. Still no him.
Youâd waited all morning. Pretended not to glance at the school gates. Pretended you didnât notice the empty space where he usually stood during break. Pretended you didnât hesitate outside the chem lab he always passed on his way to third period.
You hated that he wasnât there. You hated that you cared. But today, at least, you looked perfect while doing it.
You smirked to yourself as you walked, swaying your hips on purpose. If he was back and trying to avoid you, fine. Let him suffer. Let him see what heâs missing.
Your locker door slammed shut behind you with a sharp clack, and you turned down the hall like nothing was wrong, like you werenât still aching a little behind the eyes.
You were halfway to class, halfway through adjusting your sleeveâ And then it happened.
You didnât scream when the hand grabbed your wrist and yanked you inside.
You didnât need to.
You knew it was him.
The closet door slammed shut behind you, a jolt of darkness swallowing the soft light from the hallway. You barely had time to gasp before your back hit the wall, and thenâ
âMegumiâ?â He didnât answer.
His mouth was already on your neck, warm and hungry, breath rough as he kissed down the side of your throat like he couldnât get enough. Like heâd been starved.
Your bag slipped from your shoulder and hit the ground. Your hand flew up to clutch at his shirt. âYouâreâfuckââ
He pressed into you harder, body flush with yours, teeth scraping gently at your pulse point. His hands gripped your hips, fingers tight, dragging you forward like he wanted to crawl inside your skin.
You gasped as his thigh slotted between yours.
âYouâre back,â you whispered, breath hitching. âYou didnât even sayââ
âI know.â His voice was low, hoarse. âDidnât want to talk.â
You opened your mouth, but then he kissed youâkissed youâlike he couldnât breathe unless your lips were on his. Tongue sliding hot and deep into your mouth, lips messy, desperate. Your knees went weak.
Youâd missed him.
More than you realized.
You grabbed the collar of his uniform and yanked him closer, kissing him back with just as much fire. You could feel it in his bodyâthe way he trembled against you, how hard he already was beneath his pants. You ground into him shamelessly.
âI missed you,â you said between kisses, your voice breathless. âFuckâI was so madâwhere were youâ?â
âThinking about you,â he muttered, dragging your shirt up, his mouth trailing lower again. âEvery fucking day.â
You gasped as his hand slid down the front of your skirt, fingers quick and practiced despite the trembling. You grabbed at his hair, fisting it hard enough to make him groan.
âYou couldnât text?â you snapped, even as your legs parted for him. âYou just show up and pull me into a closet likeââ
âIâve been losing my mind,â he growled, dragging your panties to the side. âYou have no idea what it did to meâleaving you.â
Your head hit the wall. His fingers slipped between your folds, slow and teasing, and your breath left you in a moan.
âGumiââ
âI kept thinking about you,â he muttered against your collarbone. âThat mouth. That attitude. That fucking pussy.â
âShut up,â you gasped, bucking into his hand.
âYou want me to?â He curled two fingers inside you. âOr do you want me to bend you over right here and fuck you until you forget how to speak?â
You let out a broken whimper, hips rocking against him. âYou canât say thatââ
âI will say that,â he said, voice sharp now, cocky in a way that made your stomach drop. âYou think I havenât been thinking about bending you over every surface in this school since the last time?â You moaned as his thumb rubbed circles against your clit. Your hands clawed at his back. âYouâre such an asshole.â
âYeah?â he grinned, finally tugging your panties down your thighs. âStill soaked for me.â Your skirt was bunched around your waist. He turned you before you could blink, one hand pressing hard between your shoulder blades to bend you over the low shelving behind you.
âGumiâwaitââ you started, but your voice broke as you felt his cock slide along your slit, thick and hot and already slick from your arousal.
âIâve wanted this,â he said, grinding against you, not pushing in yet. âWanted to take you from behind like thisâjust rip your attitude out of your throat. Hear what you sound like when youâre begging.â
âGod, youâre such a little shit when youâre horny,â you gasped.
âAnd you love it,â he bit back. âDonât lie.â
Then he pushed inâslow at first, then hard enough to knock the air from your lungs. You choked out a cry, gripping the shelf so hard your knuckles went white.
âFuckâMegumiââ
He groaned low in his throat. âThis pussy,â he hissed. âGod, I missed this.â
He didnât give you time to adjust. His thrusts started fast, deliberateâhips snapping against yours as the slap of skin echoed in the tiny closet. His hand gripped your waist, the other in your hair, pulling your head back so he could whisper filth into your ear.
âYou feel even better than I remembered,â he growled. âSo wet for me. So fucking tight. You let anyone else fuck you while I was gone?â
Your brain short-circuited. âWhat?â
âAnswer me,â he said, thrusting harder. âAnyone else touch you?â
âNo,â you gasped. âOf course not.â
âGood,â he grunted. âBecause this pussyâs mine.â
You whimpered. âSay it again.â
He slammed into you deeper, and you could feel him hit that perfect spotâover and over. âYouâre mine,â he said, panting. âMy girl. My pretty little brat. Say it.â You were already falling apart.
âYours,â you moaned. âFuckâGumiâIâm yoursââ
âLouder.â
âIâm yours,â you cried, voice shaking. âAll fucking yoursâ!â
His hand slid down, rubbing your clit again with messy, brutal circles, and you were already so closeâhips stuttering, moans turning into high, broken whines. âI want you to cum for me,â he said through gritted teeth. âMake a mess all over my cock. Iâve been dreaming about thisâabout fucking you stupid.â
You nodded frantically, your whole body twitching as you chased it, falling over the edge like it had been waiting for you all week. You came hard, clenching around him, crying out his name as your knees gave out. He caught you with one arm and kept fucking you through it, chasing his own release.
âFuckâyouâre so perfectâso mineââ
You felt his cock twitch, and then he buried himself deep, groaning loud as he spilled inside you, his whole body shaking behind you, his breath hot on your neck. For a few long moments, the only sound was your panting, the heavy beat of your hearts in sync. He didnât pull out right away. Just stayed there, hands on your hips, forehead pressed to your shoulder, his chest rising against your back.
Finally, you muttered, voice still wrecked: âYouâre the worst welcome committee ever.â
Megumi laughedâsoft, breathless, a little smug. âYou missed me.â
You rolled your eyes, still panting. âShut up.â
But your smile said otherwise. And his hand didnât stop holding you. Not even when you turned around, leaned into him, and kissed him slow, like nothing else mattered. Because for onceâit didnât. The world had gone still.
You leaned weakly against the shelf, your skirt wrinkled, your knees barely steady, your heart still thudding somewhere near your throat. The air in the storage closet was thick with heat and the fading scent of sex.
And Megumi⌠Megumi was kneeling in front of you. Quiet. Focused.
His fingers were careful as he smoothed your underwear back into place, tugging the fabric up your thighs without meeting your eyes at first. You flinched instinctivelyâout of habit more than discomfortâbut he didnât stop. He didnât tease. He just⌠looked up and adjusted the hem of your skirt with both hands, like it was normal. Like you were delicate.
You didnât know what to do with that.
âAre you always like this after?â you asked, trying to sound smug but your voice cracked a littleâtoo soft, too curious.
He stood, brushing hair from your face. âLike what?â
âNice.â
He blinked. âYou say that like itâs a bad thing.â
You shrugged. âJust⌠not used to it.â
Megumi looked at you for a second, eyes calm, unreadable. Then he reached up again, fingers ghosting through your hair, gently combing it back into place. You stared at him, thrown off by how domestic it felt. How natural.
âI missed a strand,â he muttered absently, flicking a tangle aside.
âYouâre such a dork,â you whispered, but your voice was soft. Like you didnât want him to stop. He finally stepped back, hands falling to his sides, and for a moment the silence stretched between youâthick with something unsaid.
âWhen did you get back?â you asked, quieter now. Like if you spoke too loud, the moment might break.
âThis morning,â he said simply. âDidnât want to go home. So I came to school.â
You nodded. Tried to think of something clever, something flippant, but nothing came. Instead, you just leaned back against the wall again and exhaled.
And then, after a long, aching beatâ ââŚI missed you.â
His gaze softened instantly. âI missed you too.â
You looked at each other, not smiling, not joking. Just seeing one another. But thenâ
âI asked Miwa to the dance.â
parts, chapter 05
notes, I need to know what ya'll think so make sure to comment, ik i don't reply but i am reading ALL of them and im filled with love for each and one of you.
ââ ⢠¡â¸â¸ pairing: satoru gojo x female reader
ââ ⢠¡â¸â¸ synopsis: you loved him once. then he ghosted you. now, years later, he's standing on your porch like he never broke your heart. but you still feel everything.
ââ ⢠¡â¸â¸ content: 12.5k, romance, heartbreak, mentions of burnout, past love, college sweethearts, angst, hurt, comfort
ââ ⢠¡â¸â¸ author's note: this is my little surprise for reaching 100 followers on tumblr! it's sad, fluffy and emotional - enjoy <3
let me know if you guys liked it and i'll publish part two!
The front steps creak beneath your weight as you drop your bag down, the leather thunking against the old wood like punctuation at the end of a sentence you didnât mean to write. Â
You pause there, one hand still gripping the rusted railing, as that familiar coastal wind sweeps up the porchâsharp with sea salt, softened by the sweet tang of sunscreen and the heavy perfume of overgrown hydrangeas that bloom like gossip around the gate. Â
Itâs a scent that doesnât just hang in the air, it wraps around your skin and memory like a silk scarf left behind in someone elseâs car. The kind of scent that belongs to a very specific kind of summer.Â
The house, well, your motherâs infamous beach house, though she always referred to it as âthe placeâ, sits quiet and stubborn as ever, perched at the edge of the dunes like itâs been waiting for you. Â
Itâs aged, but not tired, the way old debutantes age: white shiplap faded gently into a sea-washed gray, powder-blue shutters blinking sleepily in the afternoon light, their paint peeling just enough to feel nostalgic instead of negligent. The porch swing still hangs by its bleached ropes, sagging a little more now, cushion flattened into memory foam by teenage limbs and late-night phone calls you pretended werenât about boys. Â
This place smells like sun-warmed wood and old pages and something faintly medicinal that always clung to your motherâs linen drawers. It smells like every version of you thatâs ever existed.Â
Inside, almost nothingâs changed.Â
The same woven rug sprawls inside the door, too rough against bare feet, too familiar to replace. The same ceramic turtle crouches beside it with his dopey painted smile, chipped on the shell where you dropped him during a tantrum in eighth gradeâsomething about a missed sleepover and your mom saying no in that infuriatingly calm voice that meant it wasnât up for negotiation. Â
On the narrow table in the entryway, tucked beside a bowl of half-melted seashell candles, is the same frame. Whitewashed driftwood, corners worn soft, still holding that photo of you from the summer you were ten. Â
In it, your arms are wrapped around a Cavalier King Charles spaniel, your eyes squinting against the sun, your hair stuck to your forehead. Youâd named him Charlie. Begged for him all June. Got your wish in July. Sent him back to the breeder in August when your mother said she âwasnât made for full-time pets.â Â
You cried for a week. You still think about him every time you see a dog like that.Â
But the difference now?Â
Youâre here alone.Â
Well, alone-ish.Â
The invitationâor rather, the politely guised suggestionâcame from your mother in one of her characteristically breezy, emotionally evasive phone calls. Â
âTake the house for a bit,â sheâd said, her voice full of the crisp detachment of someone who believes that problems can be solved with ocean air and pressed juice. Â
âTo rest,â sheâd added, as if rest was a thing you could uncap and pour over your shoulders like after-sun lotion. âYouâve been working too hard. Burning the candle at both ends.âÂ
Sheâd said it like burnout was an aesthetic choice.Â
Like peace could be found at the bottom of a wine glass and not in the absence of an email inbox that never sleeps.Â
You'd said yes because saying no would have involved explaining why you didnât want to go back. Not just to the house. But to that version of you.Â
Now youâre here, and the silence inside the house, apart from the slow tick of the wall clock and the distant wheeze of an old ceiling fan, is so complete that your heartbeat feels like an interruption. You drop your keys into the chipped ceramic bowl shaped like a hibiscus flower, its glaze spiderwebbed with age, and toe off your sandals. The floorboards are cool beneath your feet, familiar in their uneven rhythm.Â
A salty breeze slips through the open screen door and rustles the linen curtains like applause from some distant room you canât quite access anymore.Â
And, for one traitorous moment, you let yourself think: Maybe this will be okay.Â
But then you hear it.Â
Laughter.Â
Not the abstract kind that wafts from strangers in the distance. This is close. Immediate. Warm and low, carried on the breeze with too much familiarity to be anonymous.Â
Your spine stiffens before your brain catches up.Â
Male. Carefree. Just this side of cocky.Â
Too familiar.Â
Your stomach drops like a stone tossed into the tide.Â
âOh, no,â you mutter, already moving toward the porch again.Â
The sun stings your eyes as you step outside, hand lifted to shield your gaze as you squint across the narrow stretch of windblown dune grass and faded wood fencing that separates your property from the one next door. The grass is taller than you remember. The fence shorter. And just past it, right where the wild reeds part near the path to the beach, heâs there.Â
Of course he is.Â
Satoru Gojo.Â
Tall, barefoot, irritatingly relaxed in that way heâs always had, like someone who lives in the sweet spot between the world bending for him and him never needing to ask. Â
Heâs wearing linen pants that hang loose and lived-in on his hips, and a white button-down that looks like it costs more than your rent, open just enough at the collar to hint at sun-kissed skin beneath. His sleeves are rolled up. His hair is windswept, gleaming silver and salt under the late-afternoon sun, and his sunglasses are pushed up into his hair like a crown.Â
Heâs tossing a red squeaky lobster toy in easy arcs forâof courseâa Cavalier King Charles spaniel, whose glossy copper coat shines like sheâs just stepped out of a shampoo commercial. The dog yips, catches the toy midair, bounds around him like sheâs in love with gravity itself.Â
And then he turns.Â
Spots you.Â
Grins like the goddamn sun.Â
âHey,â he calls, too casually, as if this were inevitable. âYou again.âÂ
You blink. âMe again?âÂ
He jogs the toy once in his hand and lets the spaniel snatch it back with a satisfied squeak. âYouâre the one invading my peace.âÂ
âYour peace?â you echo, arms crossing before your chest as your voice lifts into polite disbelief. âPretty sure this is my familyâs house.âÂ
âPretty sure you didnât warn me youâd be this cute in sunlight,â he fires back without missing a beat, as if charm were currency and heâd never known debt.Â
The words hit you in the chest and cheeks at the same time, hot, unwelcome, but not unfamiliar.Â
Because, of course, you know Gojo.Â
Youâve known him for years, in the way people who orbit the same social circles do. Family friends of family friends. Weddings. Charity events. He was always the one at the end of the hall with a glass of something expensive and a comment that walked the knifeâs edge between outrageous and annoyingly accurate. Â
Youâd known him in sharp glimpses and long summers, too good-looking for his own good, too clever for yours.Â
The last time you saw him, youâd both been at some rooftop bar in Tokyo, and heâd leaned in close, grinning that maddening grin, and said something like, âIf we were ever in the same place for more than five minutes, youâd fall for me.âÂ
Youâd rolled your eyes.Â
And then maybe thought about it later.Â
Now here he is again. On your porch. In your quiet. With that damn grin.Â
The dog barks once, its tail a metronome of approval.Â
You try not to smile.Â
Fail. A little.Â
He strolls toward you now, the dog at his heels, both of them moving like this lawn has always belonged to them.Â
âYouâre house-sitting for your mom?â he asks, stopping at the porch steps, one hand braced lazily on the railing like itâs all part of a script he wrote.Â
You shrug, adjusting your stance like it might steady your pulse. âSomething like that. She said the neighborhood was quiet.âÂ
His smirk softens into something almost tender. âOnly till I moved in.âÂ
You glance down at his bare feet. His tan. That slouchy, ruinous charm that always feels like a dare.Â
He looks like the kind of man you only meet once and spend years inventing better versions of.Â
He looks like he belongs here.Â
And thatâs the problem.Â
Because Satoru Gojo, the man in question, barefoot in expensive linen and looking like the human embodiment of a smug Instagram filter, is not supposed to belong here. Â
Not on your momâs sleepy little cul-de-sac, not this close to your peace and quiet, and definitely not this tanned.Â
So you fold your arms and tilt your head in that way that usually scares off investment bros and Tinder dates with too much jawline confidence. âOkay, but seriously. What the hell are you doing here?âÂ
His smile twitches. âWhat, not even a ânice to see youâ?âÂ
âNot until you explain why youâve apparated into my beach exile like a preppy cryptid,â you deadpan. âLast I checked, you were the newly crowned corporate overlord of Gojo Holdings, terrorizing boardrooms and interns across Tokyo.âÂ
He snorts. âOverlord?âÂ
âI mean, CEO. But tomato, to-mah-to.âÂ
That earns you a low whistle and a slow, impressed grin. âOof. That sounded rehearsed.âÂ
âMaybe it was,â you challenge him, arching a brow. âMaybe I practice in the mirror for moments just like this.âÂ
He slips his sunglasses back down over his eyes, probably to shield himself from the nuclear-grade sarcasm. Or from the fact that youâre right.Â
âWell,â he grins, toeing at the edge of the bottom step. âContrary to popular belief âand your excellent burnâ I do know how to take a break. I took a sabbatical. Temporary, of course.âÂ
You narrow your eyes. Â
âYou donât take sabbaticals,â you shoot back. âYou take conference calls at 2 a.m. and fire people over sushi.âÂ
âWow,â he says, mock-offended. âHave you been stalking my calendar?âÂ
âPlease. If I wanted to stalk someone, Iâd pick someone with less ego and more plausible deniability.âÂ
His laughter is low, easy. Annoyingly charming. The kind of laugh you can feel in your stomach even when you reallydonât want to.Â
But you keep going, like a freight train of petty. âSo, let me get this straight. You, walking headline, just happened to show up next door to my momâs beach house for a little R&R?âÂ
He stretches his arms behind his head, shamelessly. âNot everythingâs a conspiracy theory. Sometimes I just like the sound of the ocean.âÂ
You squint at him. âBullshit.âÂ
His smile flickers, like youâve hit a nerve. And thatâs when he says it, more casual than it should be.Â
âThe board and I had a... letâs say, difference of opinion.âÂ
You raise both eyebrows. âDid this difference involve yelling, threats of legal action, and you dramatically walking out with your sunglasses already on?âÂ
âMaybe,â he grins, smug.Â
You roll your eyes. âGod, youâre exhausting.âÂ
âAnd yet here you are, talking to me on your porch instead of slamming the door.âÂ
âTempting,â you mutter.Â
He grins. âThree-month leave. Unpaid. Voluntary, technically.âÂ
âVoluntary like a hostage situation?âÂ
He shrugs again, but this time itâs looser, weightier. Like something in the space between his shoulder blades has finally cracked under pressure.Â
âThey wanted a figurehead,â he tells you, softer now. âI wanted to rip the mold apart and build something that didnât suck the soul out of everyone it touched.âÂ
You pause.Â
Because beneath all the arrogance, thereâs the same restless heat you remember. The same streak of recklessness that always ran just under his skin, like lightning waiting for somewhere to strike.Â
And maybe thatâs the part that gets you.Â
Because if anyone knows what it means to walk away from something that looks perfect on paper, itâs you.Â
âSo,â you continue slowly, arms still folded. âLet me get this straight. You got bored of being Tokyoâs favorite capitalist nightmare and decided to tan in linen pants while throwing lobster squeak toys with a dog that looks like she owns a line of organic shampoos?âÂ
He glances down at the spaniel sitting obediently beside him, tongue lolling.Â
âHer nameâs Miso.âÂ
You blink. âYou named your dog after soup.âÂ
âItâs cute and comforting. Like me.âÂ
You stare at him. âYouâre not cute.âÂ
He smiles, teeth and trouble. âYou used to think I was.âÂ
You try not to react.Â
You really do.Â
But the flush crawling up your neck is the kind of betrayal your sarcasm canât cover.Â
So instead, you gesture vaguely toward the house. âRight. Well. I came here to be alone, so if you and your soup dog could maybe tone down the charm offensiveââÂ
âOffensive?â he interrupts, mock-wounded. âIs that what weâre calling chemistry now?âÂ
You fix him with your best unimpressed glare. âPretty sure what we had was called a mistake.âÂ
His gaze lingers on you a beat too long.Â
And then: âYeah,â he says quietly. âBut it was a good one.âÂ
You donât answer.Â
You just turn on your heel and disappear back inside before the porch starts feeling like quicksand.Â
But even as you shut the door, you swear you can still hear it:Â
The faint sound of Misoâs squeaky toy.Â
And the way Gojo Satoru says your name like itâs something that still matters.Â
By sunset, the house feels too quiet.Â
You try to make peace with it, pour yourself a glass of whatever your mom left behind (a buttery Chardonnay, of course), pad barefoot across the creaky floorboards, and plant yourself on the porch swing like it doesnât still have your name carved into the underside in messy, hormonal eighth-grade script.Â
You swing gently, wine glass resting on your thigh, eyes fixed on the horizon as if the ocean might offer some cosmic answer.
Or at least distract you from the fact that Gojo Satoru is next door, barefoot, tanned, possibly shirtless by now, and allegedly on sabbatical from being the cockiest CEO Tokyo has ever reluctantly admired.Â
The sky melts into shades of apricot and mauve, the kind of palette youâd kill to capture in oil paint if you still did that. If you still had that version of yourself.Â
Instead, you sip wine and pretend you donât notice the shadow moving across the edge of your vision.Â
You donât look.Â
You absolutely donât look.Â
You definitely donâtâÂ
âI brought an offering,â says Gojoâs voice, somewhere to your right.Â
You sigh. Loudly. Dramatically. Like the ghost of a Victorian woman mourning the loss of silence.Â
âI thought the dog was the offering,â you mutter, still not looking at him.Â
âMiso is offended. She wants you to know sheâs far too good for bartering.âÂ
âIâm honored,â you deadpan, finally turning your head.Â
Heâs holding two beers. One of them is sweating in the golden light, already opened, clearly meant for you.Â
You eye it suspiciously. âWhat if I donât drink beer?âÂ
He lifts a brow. âYou drank half a bottle of wine and told the porch swing it âwasnât emotionally available enough.â I think youâre past pretending to be picky.âÂ
You narrow your eyes. âYou were eavesdropping?âÂ
He shrugs. âYou were monologuing.âÂ
â⌠TouchĂŠ.âÂ
You accept the beer with a grunt, scooting a few inches over on the swing. Not enough to invite him, exactly. Just⌠making room for the tension to sit somewhere that isnât in your chest.Â
But he takes it as an invitation anyway and drops down beside you with a sigh thatâs irritatingly content.Â
You sit like that for a while.Â
Sipping.Â
Swinging.Â
Saying nothing.Â
The breeze picks up. Somewhere down, a wind chime sings its glassy song. The first stars begin to surface, faint and far away.Â
And still, he says nothing.Â
Which, honestly, is worse.Â
âGojo,â you start finally, unable to take the silence. âAre you gonna give me the full story, or are you just here to haunt my summer like a shirtless corporate poltergeist?âÂ
He laughs. Quiet, this time.Â
Then, after a pause: âI was supposed to propose.âÂ
You turn your head so fast it nearly snaps. âTo who?âÂ
He grins like he knows exactly what heâs doing. âRelax. No one youâve met. And it didnât happen.âÂ
ââŚWhat stopped you?âÂ
His smile fades a little. Not completely, just enough to remind you thereâs a person under all that charm.Â
âI got to the dinner,â he says. âSat down. Ordered the wine. Reached into my jacket pocket for the ring.â A pause. âAnd realized I couldnât do it.âÂ
You blink. âYou forgot the ring?âÂ
âNo.â He looks down at his beer, rolling the bottle between his palms. âI looked across the table and realized I didnât want to give it to her.âÂ
You stare at him.Â
Not because heâs being dramatic, but because heâs not.Â
And suddenly the tan, the linen, the sabbatical? All of it makes sense.Â
You sigh. âSo you torched your engagement and your job in the same week.âÂ
He tips the beer toward you in a mock-toast. âEfficiency.âÂ
You clink bottles. âYouâre an idiot.âÂ
âYou always said that,â he murmurs, and your stomach gives a little kick.Â
âYeah, well.â You look out toward the water again. âSome people grow out of being disasters. Some people double down.âÂ
âAnd which am I?âÂ
You exhale. âAsk me when the beerâs gone.âÂ
He smiles again, but this time thereâs a softness to it. Something quieter. Realer.Â
The swing creaks as it sways gently beneath you, and Gojo leans back, one arm thrown across the backrest, not touching you, but close enough that your skin buzzes like itâs reading too much into things.Â
You hate how comfortable it feels. How familiar.Â
Because the truth is, youâve always known Gojo Satoru.Â
Long before he became âthe CEO of Gojo Holdings,â before the headlines, before the dog with the ribbon and the tan and the goddamn linen pants. Â
Back when you were nineteen, and he sat behind you in that painfully boring ethics seminar. Â
When he made up imaginary text messages to get you both out of class. When he kissed you one night at the vending machine outside your dorm and said, âThis is probably a bad idea,â right before doing it again.Â
When he ghosted you for a year.Â
When he came back and said, âI wasnât ready. I might never be.âÂ
When you promised yourself youâd never make that mistake again.Â
And now here he is.Â
Not in a bar or a boardroom or some reunion you could easily leave.Â
But next door.Â
At sunset.Â
With beer and that damn dog and a smile you used to believe in.Â
âYouâre thinking too loud,â he murmurs.Â
You roll your eyes. âYouâre imagining things.âÂ
âProbably,â he hums. âBut Iâm also right.âÂ
You look down at your bottle. The labelâs peeling.Â
âSo,â you drag the word. âWhat happens now?âÂ
He leans back, stretching his legs, gaze lifted to the deepening stars. âI was kind of hoping youâd fall asleep on my shoulder again.âÂ
You choke on your beer.Â
âExcuse me?âÂ
âThatâs what happened last time,â he says, casually. âBack in college. Under that awful cherry blossom tree. You fell asleep. I didnât move for two hours.âÂ
You scowl. âYou told me you left because you had a shift.âÂ
âI lied.âÂ
You blink.Â
He turns to you, his cerulean eyes suddenly bright in the dark, no sunglasses, no smirk.Â
âDidnât want to wake you.âÂ
You open your mouth.Â
Close it.Â
Open it again.Â
And then: âYouâre still an idiot.âÂ
But you donât move away.Â
You stay exactly where you are.Â
Letting the swing sway.Â
Letting the ocean breathe.Â
Letting the past become something more complicated than regret.Â
And when your head eventually tips sideways, restingâaccidentally, definitely not on purposeâagainst his shoulder, he just exhales.Â
Soft.Â
Careful.Â
And says, âTold you.âÂ
Later, after the swing stops creaking and your beerâs gone warm beside your bare ankle, you say the five words youâll probably regret until next morning.Â
âWanna walk down the beach?âÂ
You say it like itâs nothing. Like it doesnât feel like a pulse between your ribs. Like itâs not 10:47 PM and your heart isnât behaving like itâs 19 again.Â
Gojo doesnât answer with words. Just tilts his head like youâve said something obvious and rises, barefoot and quiet, offering a hand that you do not take. You walk past him instead, stepping down from the porch with that practiced nonchalance youâve weaponized since high school.Â
The sand is cool, still warm in patches where the sun baked it for hours. The moonlight is silver and clean, the air thick with salt and the faint scent of plumeria from someoneâs overwatered garden.Â
You walk in silence for a while, just the two of you and Misoâthe absurdly fluffy Cavalierâwho bounds ahead like sheâs scoring a Nancy Meyers soundtrack in real time.Â
Gojo, to his credit, keeps pace a few steps beside you. Close enough that you feel the warmth of him. Far enough not to press.Â
âDoes she always have that much main character energy?â you finally ask, nodding toward the dog, whoâs currently flopping belly-up in a dramatic sprawl of sand and moonlight.Â
âSheâs a Sagittarius.âÂ
You snort. âYou did not just say that like it explains everything.âÂ
âIt does,â he argues, dead serious. âLoud, dramatic, emotionally reckless with a deep need to be adored?âÂ
You arch a brow. âSounds familiar.âÂ
He grins. âShe and I have the same birthday.âÂ
You blink. âYouâre joking.âÂ
âI would never lie about astrology.âÂ
You glance sideways at him, trying not to notice how moonlight makes his jaw look like it belongs in a perfume ad. âYou used to lie about everything. Especially anything sentimental.âÂ
âIâve changed.âÂ
âYou say that like Iâm supposed to just believe you.âÂ
Heâs quiet a beat too long.Â
And then: âI didnât come here to make you believe anything.âÂ
You slow a little.Â
Miso darts into the waves, barking like sheâs confronting a personal betrayal. You stop just at the tide line, arms folding reflexively as the ocean brushes near your feet.Â
Gojo stops beside you.Â
The breeze lifts his hair. He doesnât speak again until the waves hush low enough for you to hear the real quiet between you.Â
âI came because I didnât know where else to go,â he adds softly.Â
You donât look at him. But you hear it. That flicker of real. The chink in the Gojo armor.Â
âI didnât want Tokyo,â he continues. âDidnât want the board. Didnât want the goddamn apartment that looks like an Apple Store. Didnât want the calendar reminders for when to sleep.âÂ
You laugh, dry and quiet. âSo naturally, you picked the one place I couldnât avoid you.âÂ
âI didnât know youâd be here.âÂ
âBullshit.âÂ
âNo, seriously.â His voice shifts, lighter, but earnest. âYour mom told me the place would be empty. I ran into her at some ridiculous charity function. She was wearing a scarf made entirely of orchids and told me to âcome breathe for a while.â I think she thought I was having a nervous breakdown.âÂ
ââŚWere you?âÂ
He hesitates. âNot officially.âÂ
You finally glance at him.Â
Heâs not smiling anymore.Â
You both stand there, ankles damp, the horizon curling into shadow like a secret neither of you wants to name. Â
And in the moonlight, heâs not the CEO. Â
Heâs not the boy who ghosted you. Not even the idiot who brought a beer as an apology for breaking your heart with silence.Â
Heâs just Satoru.Â
Hands in his pockets.Â
Hair blowing in the wind like itâs been waiting to fall apart.Â
And, god help you, you feel your chest crack open like a badly patched window.Â
âYou couldâve called,â you say, and itâs quieter than you meant it to be.Â
He nods. âI wanted to. So many times.âÂ
âThen why didnât you?âÂ
He takes a breath. Then another.Â
âI didnât think Iâd know how to talk to you without wanting more.âÂ
That hangs between you. Ugly. Beautiful. Honest.Â
You swallow.Â
The ocean presses against your feet, then pulls away again, like it, too, doesnât know how to stay.Â
Miso flops dramatically into the sand beside you both, exhausted from her own emotional subplots. You reach down and scratch behind her ears, giving yourself somethingâanythingâto do that isnât fall apart under his eyes.Â
âSo what now?â you murmur.Â
Gojo steps closer. Just slightly.Â
âI donât know.âÂ
You turn to face him fully now. The distance is measured in inches. Heartbeats.Â
He looks down at you like he wants to memorize something. Not your face, exactly. Something under it.Â
âI donât expect anything,â he tells you. âI justâ I wanted to be near the version of me who used to be okay. And he only ever showed up around you.âÂ
It hits harder than you want it to. Because you remember that version of him.
You remember the jokes, the pranks, the late nights, the shared earbuds, the way he looked at you like you were something heâd found and couldnât believe he was allowed to keep.Â
You remember wanting to believe it.Â
You remember what it felt like when he left.Â
âIâm not your sanctuary, Satoru.âÂ
âI know.âÂ
âAnd Iâm not here to fix you.âÂ
âI donât want you to.âÂ
âGood.â You exhale, stepping away from him just enough to steady yourself. âBecause I donât trust you.âÂ
He nods, accepting it. No flinch. No charm.Â
But then: âDo you miss me?âÂ
You laugh. Bitter, brittle. âYouâre impossible.âÂ
âI know,â he says again.Â
And then, softer: âBut I missed you. And Iâm not leaving yet.âÂ
You watch him.Â
The breeze shifts again. Your arms are cold.Â
He shrugs out of his linen button-down, wordless, and drapes it around your shoulders like itâs nothing. Like heâs done it a hundred times before.Â
He hasnât.Â
You donât give it back.Â
And you donât say thank you.Â
You just start walking again.Â
And this time, he walks beside you, silent, respectful, annoyingly golden in the moonlight.Â
Like maybe he understands that some forgiveness isnât verbal.Â
Itâs just staying. Quietly.Â
Even when you have every reason to leave.Â
It's way past your usual sleep time, but youâre back in bed. The heat wonât let you sleep. Even with all the windows thrown open wide, even with the ceiling fan slicing the thick, sticky air into lazy ribbons that barely move, even with one leg kicked out from under the sheet like some sacrificial limb, itâs still too damn hot. Â
Your skin feels like itâs remembering a sun you never even laid under today, the dampness at your roots clinging to your scalp, and your tank topâuseless, threadbareâis doing nothing to keep you cool.Â
And of course, Satoru Gojo is next door. Not helping. Not even a little. Because itâs not just the weatherâs heat making you restless.Â
Itâs the heat of his laugh, that impossible smile, the way his sun-stupid white hair catches the moonlight just right, and that voiceâyeah, that same voice that used to make your spine go weak in lecture halls and back stairwells and on that one couch in the library basement you were definitely not supposed to be making out on.Â
You roll over. The pillowâs no cooler on this side, and the room smells like old salt and clean linen. Your brain, though? Total bitch. It drags you back to that one certain night. Â
College, sophomore year, late October, when the campus was painted in yellow leaves and the cold bit into your lungs with every breath. Youâd just bombed a midterm you were sure you acedâor at least almost acedâand there you were, crying quietly in the hallway outside the economics building. Not the kind of sobs that draw attention, but the kind that shrinks you down so small you feel like you might disappear. Â
You couldnât even explain it to your friends without sounding like a total drama queen, so you kept it to yourself.Â
Then, like a storm you never saw coming, Gojo showed up. White hair slicked back messily with a headband, black hoodie half-zipped, iced coffee in hand as if the cold outside didnât matter one bit. Â
And that smile, the one that made girls trip over their own boots. Â
âYou look like youâre about to commit tax fraud,â he greeted you, cocking his head like he was part devil and part angel. âNeed an alibi?âÂ
You hadnât even looked at him. âI need you to go away.âÂ
âRude,â he huffed, sitting down beside you on the cold stone steps like he owned your emotional meltdown. Your knee brushed his, and suddenly that little physical connection felt like a lifeline.Â
âYou failed something, didnât you?âÂ
âI didnât fail it,â you snapped. âI just didnât ace it, which apparently means Iâm now a disappointment to my entire bloodline.âÂ
He handed you his iced coffee without a word, and you took it, trying not to scowl as you sipped the weird lavender oat milk concoction that tasted like dirt and perfume. Â
âDisgusting,â you muttered.Â
He grinned. âRight? I get it every week just to remember what regret tastes like.âÂ
You wanted to stay mad, really you did, but he started talking, about his own test, about filling in Scantron bubbles in a pattern that spelled âBOOBSâ just to make the TA laugh, about how grades didnât mean much when you were already the heir to Gojo Holdings and everyone expected you to be brilliant even if you flunked out, about how he hated the pressure to be exceptional.Â
Maybe it was the softness in his voice.
Maybe it was that he didnât touch you or try to fix you, didnât offer some magic solutionâhe just sat there, warm and solid and obnoxiously kind. Â
And somehow, you leaned your head onto his shoulder. Just for a minute. Just until your hands stopped shaking.Â
He shifted slightly so you could rest more comfortably. His hoodie smelled like citrus and laundry detergent, like safety. Like almost.Â
And then he said it. Quiet. Almost too quiet to register.Â
âI think I like you too much.âÂ
Your heart stuttered. Because that was the first time heâd said anything realânot a joke, not a flirt, not some outrageous one-liner designed to get a rise. Just honest. Â
You lifted your head, looked at him, and his eyes were bluer than they had any right to be in that kind of dusk. For one reckless second, you thought maybe, just maybe, youâd kiss him. Maybe youâd let yourself believe in whatever this was between you, even if it came without a label and came with all the complications in the world.Â
But you didnât kiss him. You stood up. Told him you had to go. And when you looked backâjust once, from across the quadâhe was still sitting there, holding your coffee, looking like heâd just lost something he didnât even know he was trying to keep.Â
The house creaks softly around you, familiar and steady, and the waves keep folding over themselves outside, slow and patient. Â
Somewhere next door, Gojo is probably sleeping soundly, that ridiculous dog curled at his feet. You turn over again. This time, the pillowâs coolerâbut your heart isnât.Â
And that memory pulls you somewhere else. Â
You remember another afternoon, sticky and overwhelming, the kind of early spring day when the campus feels like a sauna and your brain is too fried to care.
Youâd slipped away from back-to-back lectures you barely survived, ducking behind the student union to the vending machine nobody ever used, desperate for a cold, sweet Diet Coke, the one small act of rebellion against the stress and noise.Â
You stood there fumbling with your wallet, savoring the brief quiet, when Satoru appeared again, like some magnetic force you could never escape. He was leaning casually against the wall, his silver hair catching the light like a challenge. He didnât say anything at first, just watched you with that maddening grin, like he knew a secret you hadnât figured out yet. You tried to keep your cool, telling yourself he was just being irritating as usual, but before you could move, he reached out and caught your wrist, his fingers warm and steady.Â
âI donât do casual,â he said, voice low and serious, flipping your stomach like a rollercoaster. âNot with you.âÂ
And then, without waiting for a reply, he leaned in and kissed you, soft, urgent, like he was trying to make up for lost time or prove something neither of you had the words for. It wasnât rushed or careless. It was the kind of kiss that pulled the ground out from under you, left you dizzy and breathless in the quiet space behind that vending machine, surrounded by the hum of campus chatter and the faded smell of old books from the nearby library. His hand tightened on your wrist just enough to hold you there, grounded in a moment that felt impossibly fragile and fiercely real.Â
When he finally pulled away, his eyes locked on yours with a seriousness that made your chest ache, and all you could do was stand there, heart racing, wondering if youâd crossed some invisible line. Or if maybe this was the beginning of something you never dared hope for.Â
Still lying in the quiet dark of your motherâs beach house bedroom, the faint hum of cicadas outside mixing with the restless rhythm of the waves, the memory curls inside you like a bittersweet ache. Â
It wasnât just the kiss itself, but everything it meant and everything you werenât ready to admit: the way he saw you, like you mattered more than youâd ever allowed yourself to believe, and the way it shook the careful walls youâd built around your heart.Â
And maybe you thought that would be it. A moment, a lapse, a crack in the surface of whatever strange thing had always simmered between you. But it wasnât.Â
Because it kept happening.Â
You didnât mean to let it. Or maybe you did, and you just told yourself you didnât, because wanting something too badly had always felt like weakness.Â
But after that kiss behind the vending machine, something shifted. Not loud, not obvious, just a subtle reorientation of gravity. Â
Suddenly, he was always near. Â
Always looking at you like he knew your next breath before you did. Heâd brush your hand when you passed each other in the library stacks. Heâd find you in crowded hallways and murmur something stupid and sharp against your ear, and your whole body would hum like you were standing too close to an open flame. Heâd catch your gaze across lecture halls like the two of you were sharing a joke no one else could hear, and youâd roll your eyes, but your cheeks would burn and youâd know he saw it.Â
And then, more kisses. Behind closed doors, in shadowed corners, in places no one should ever have seen but never didâlike the universe was conspiring to keep your secret safe.Â
Once, in the quiet hallway behind the fine arts building, you kissed him with your back pressed to the peeling paint of an old classroom door, his hands cupping your jaw like he thought you might disappear if he let go. Â
Another time, it was on the rooftop of the science wing, right before a thunderstorm, with the sky crackling above you and the wind tangling your hair and his laugh caught in your throat when he pulled you in by the belt loops of your jeans and said, âThis is probably a bad idea,â right before doing it anyway. You kissed until it started to rain, warm and sharp, and you didnât care if anyone saw.Â
But no one ever did. Because that was the rule. Unspoken but ironclad.Â
It was always behind something. Beneath something. Never in daylight. Never in public. Never where it could mean anything more than stolen time and bruised lips and breathless laughter shared between ghosts of who you were supposed to be.Â
And you told yourself it was fine. That you were fine. That it didnât hurt to keep him like thisâhalf-kept, half-hidden, like a flame cupped in your hands just to keep it from going out.Â
But something in him had already begun to fray.Â
You saw it in the way his jokes came slower. In the way his silences stretched longer. In the way he looked at you, sometimes, like he was trying to memorize you... or forget you. You couldnât tell which.Â
And then one day, he just⌠wasnât there.Â
Youâd texted him. Nothing. Called. No answer. You even went to that vending machine spotâwaited there, like a fool, like a hopeful, desperate idiot with a Diet Coke sweating in her palm and a thousand things unsaid crammed between her ribs.Â
He didnât show. Not that day. Not the next. Not any day after.Â
He was gone. Clean and total, like a knife had been taken to your memory of him and carved out the present tense.Â
Gojo disappeared like heâd never been real at all.Â
A year passed.Â
Twelve long months where every piece of him youâd carried, his voice, his grin, the way he said your name when no one else could hear, turned into something sour and unfinished inside you. You told yourself you were over it. That people leave. That people grow up. That whatever you had wasnât real. Couldnât have been. Because real things donât vanish. Real people donât ghost you like that.Â
But on nights like this, when the air clings to your skin like memory, and the ceiling fanâs doing nothing but reminding you how still everything is, and the sea keeps sighing outside like it knows exactly what you lost⌠you think of him. Not like a wound. Not even like a wish.Â
More like a fact. A truth. A secret still burning beneath everything you never said.Â
You shift again, eyes shut tight. You canât tell if itâs the heat or your own heartbeat keeping you awake, but your chest feels tight with something that wants to rise. Not tears. Not even anger. Just the ache of a door that was never closed properly.Â
And outside, he is somewhere next door. Probably asleep.Â
Like nothing ever happened.Â
The morning arrives like itâs apologizing for the night.Â
Soft sunlight spills over the faded deck wood, pooling at your bare feet. Itâs cooler than it was a few hours agoâstill warm, still summer, but not the oppressive, feverish heat of midnight. The breeze off the ocean is lazy and salt-sweet, threading through your hair as you sit cross-legged in one of the old wicker chairs your mom refuses to throw out. The cushion underneath you is lumpy and a little sun-bleached, but youâve staked it as your territory for the upcoming weeks. Yours. Sanctuary.Â
You take a slow bite of your avocado toast, which youâve baked in the oven like a fancy little gremlin because no one told you not to be dramatic with breakfast. Itâs got lemon zest, chili flakes, and a smattering of crumbled feta because apparently the ocean air has turned you into someone who garnishes things before noon. You even dusted a little paprika on top. Paprika. Like youâre on a cooking show. Like the past isnât still hanging around your collar like a too-heavy necklace.Â
Your book is cracked open on your lap, a battered paperback youâve already read twice but picked up again anyway, because itâs safe. Predictable. It doesnât kiss you behind vending machines or vanish for a year. It doesnât have blue eyes or a laugh that can gut you with a single syllable. Itâs just paper. And ink. And peace.Â
You manage to read the same paragraph four times without absorbing any of it.Â
Because heâs still next door.Â
You havenât seen him yet, but you know heâs there. The silence is suspicious. Too quiet for someone like Satoru Gojo, whoâs made an entire personality out of being un-ignorable. Heâs probably still asleep. Or maybe heâs gone for a run, like he used to do in college when his brain wouldnât shut up.
You remember him showing up to your 8 a.m. stats class in running shorts and sunglasses, still sweating, bragging about beating his own time and then promptly falling asleep during a lecture on chi-squared distributions.Â
You hated how much you noticed him back then.Â
You hate that you still do.Â
You shake it offâmentally swat at the thought like itâs a mosquitoâand turn your face toward the sun instead, letting it paint you in warmth. The sound of the waves is steady and hypnotic, that slow, hush-hush rhythm you grew up with. Itâs supposed to calm you down. Ground you. Remind you that the ocean doesnât care about boys who leave or memories that wonât stay quiet.Â
You tell yourself youâre going to swim soon. Really swim. Maybe float. Maybe dunk your whole head under until you come up clean. Like a baptism, but angrier.Â
Youâve already got your swimsuit on under your sleep shirt. The good one, the black one with the high waist and dramatic scoop back that makes you feel like youâre starring in a moody indie film called Girl, Unraveling. You plan on walking down the beach barefoot with your sunglasses on and not looking at the house next door even once.Â
You're fine. You are so fine itâs practically suspicious.Â
And maybe if you keep saying that, youâll start to believe it.Â
Your phone buzzes next to your plate, lighting up once. Just a calendar reminder. You ignore it. Thereâs nowhere you have to be. No one expecting you to perform productivity or pretend youâre thriving. This whole week is supposed to be about rest. Real rest. Deep rest. Nervous system reset kind of rest.Â
But rest is hard when ghosts keep knocking on your ribs.Â
You close the book, give up on pretending youâre reading. Pull your knees to your chest and let the breeze kiss the backs of your legs.Â
The day is quiet.Â
The toast is perfect.Â
The waves keep whispering things you donât want to name.Â
And somewhere, inevitably, Gojo is going to step out onto his porch.Â
And youâre going to have to figure out how to look him in the face without showing every single thing he used to make you feel.Â
The towel is scratchy. The kind you only find in a beach house linen closet that hasnât been updated since the early 2000sâsun-bleached, vaguely sand-scented, and questionably clean. But you sling it over your shoulder anyway, because youâre already committed. Youâve made the internal announcement: I am going swimming now. And even if the water is freezing or the tideâs moody or Gojo decides to do something annoying like exist within visual range again, youâre going.Â
The house is quiet as you walk back through it barefoot. You pause in the kitchen long enough to rinse your coffee glass and leave it in the sink, pretending that a clean counter will give your brain the illusion of control. Then you push through the back screen door, towel in hand, sunglasses perched on your head.
The beach path is narrow, overgrown in that charmingly neglected way that makes every step feel like youâre entering a liminal zone between your overthinking and whatever the sea might offer instead. Sea oats sway on either side. The sand is already warm. And with each crunching footfall, the cottage and the porch and the phantom of Gojo drift a little further behind you.Â
The water is visible nowâgray-blue and glinting, restless under the morning sun. A breeze kicks up, salt-sticky and wild, threading through your hair like it remembers you from years ago.Â
You step onto the sand proper, skin already prickling with heat, and drop your towel into the dune grass. The beach is empty. Perfectly, graciously empty. No joggers, no couples with floppy hats and matching towels, no loud teens blaring a Bluetooth speaker. Just you, the sound of the surf, and the soft hiss of the wind dragging across the shore.Â
You breathe.Â
You strip off your shorts and shirt. You walk straight into the water.Â
Itâs cold. Shocking. Glorious.Â
You gasp when it hits your thighs, and again when it crests your hips, and by the time you dive underâclean, deep, all inâitâs like the heat has finally been silenced. Like your body has been reset, chilled into awareness.Â
You float for a while. Let the salt cradle you. Let the sun turn you into nothing more than a shape among the waves. For one blessed minute, thereâs no memory, no heartbreak, no Gojo. Just ocean.Â
But of course, it doesnât last.Â
Youâre swimming back to shore, hair slicked, breath even, when you see movement. A tall figure, walking down the same beach path you just came from. Shirtless again. Of course. Towel slung around his neck. A pair of goddamn aviators catching the sun like a personal spotlight.Â
Gojo.Â
You nearly laugh. Of course heâd follow. Not intentionally, probably. But itâs like he has some cosmic radar for where you donât want him to be.Â
You haul yourself out of the water and try not to look like a woman whoâs just been ambushed by a memory in real time. You walk slowly, deliberately. Grab your towel and shake the sand off with practiced aggression. Pretend like this is all just a casual, regular morning, nothing strange to see here, no ghosts from college strolling barefoot into your peace.Â
But he sees you.Â
And waves again.Â
Closer this time.Â
âWater good?â he calls out, voice lazy and cheerful like he isnât detonating your nervous system with every word.Â
You squint at him from behind your sunglasses. âCold enough to shut my brain up. You should try it sometime.âÂ
He grins. âTempting.âÂ
And just like that, heâs standing a few feet away, his eyes scanning the waves like heâs debating whether to join you. Or maybe like he already has, in some other memory youâre trying very hard not to revisit while mostly naked and dripping saltwater.Â
You raise an eyebrow. âDonât tell me youâre one of those guys who needs someone else to go in first.âÂ
âNah,â he says, dropping his towel on the sand beside yours. âIâm more of a reckless dive kind of guy.âÂ
And then he walks straight into the water.Â
You blink. Stand there, dumbfounded, while he dives in without a single flinch, resurfacing with a laugh and a shake of his head that sends water flying in every direction.Â
âJesus Christ,â you mutter, wrapping your towel around your waist. âOf course heâs graceful when wet.âÂ
You sit down in the sand, heart doing that annoying thing again. Watching him out there in the surf, hair slicked back, sun bouncing off his shoulders like a cinematic filterâit's hard not to feel the old ache. The old longing.Â
You wish you could pretend none of it mattered. That heâs just a neighbor. Just another idiot man with too much confidence and not enough sunscreen. But the truth is, heâs not. Heâs Satoru. Heâs your ghost. And now heâs right here, shaking the water from his eyes like he didnât once disappear from your life for a year and ruined everything you two had with nothing but silence and shadows in his place.Â
He shakes the water from his hair like a dogâmessy, gleaming, carelessâand drops into the sand next to you with all the elegance of a man who has never once worried about being wanted. Thereâs salt crusting his lashes. Sunlight glinting off the long, lean length of him like a challenge.Â
And heâs too close.
Â
Not touching you, but close enough that the hairs on your arm lift. Close enough that you can smell the ocean on his skin, bright and clean and sharp, like the memory of that night in the stairwell when everything changed and nothing was said outright.Â
You pull your towel tighter around your waist, like itâll guard you from things that are already inside you. You donât look at him. Not really.Â
âSo?â he says, tilting his head, voice low and too amused. âYou gonna just sit there wrapped like a little beach burrito, or are you coming back in?âÂ
You shoot him a sideways glance. âWow, compelling pitch. Truly irresistible.âÂ
He grins. The full thing. Teeth and dimples and that damn light in his eyes like he already knows your answer.Â
âIâm serious,â he laughs. âCome back in.âÂ
âWhy?âÂ
âBecause you didnât stay long enough,â he says, his voice softening, just slightly. âYou always do that. Dip your toes in and run the minute it feels good.âÂ
Your stomach flips.Â
âThatâs rich, coming from you.âÂ
His grin falters for a second. You watch itâhow quickly the confidence cracks, then reassembles. How fast he recovers, like a reflex honed by years of not getting hurt unless he decides itâs time.Â
He stands, brushing sand from his palms, and offers you a hand.Â
âIâm not trying to win anything,â he says. âI just want you to come back in the water. Itâs better with you there.âÂ
You look at his hand.Â
You think about what it means, to take it. To step back into something you barely survived the first time. To pretend, even for a minute, that the past can be rewritten just by swimming next to someone you once loved more than your own good sense.Â
You swallow. The breeze picks up. The waves crash and pull like they know your name.Â
âLast time I followed you,â you add slowly, eyes on the horizon, âyou vanished.âÂ
Heâs quiet for a beat too long.Â
âI know,â he says. âAnd Iâm not asking you to forget that.âÂ
Another pause.Â
âJust⌠come back in. You donât have to stay. You donât have to talk. Justâcome float next to me like old times. Let the water shut everything up for a while.âÂ
Youâre not sure if itâs a request or an apology. Maybe itâs both. Maybe itâs nothing.Â
But his hand stays out.Â
Open.Â
Waiting.Â
And God help you, you miss the weightlessness.Â
So you take it.Â
The second your fingers brush his, thereâs that jolt againâlike static, like dĂŠjĂ vu, like every bad decision youâve ever made wrapped in sea salt and nostalgia. His hand is warm, steady, too steady, and the way he curls his fingers around yours feels almost reverent, like he knows exactly how badly heâs fucked up but is still hoping you might let him try again anyway.Â
You let him pull you up.Â
Your towel drops to the sand. The sunâs higher now, hotter. Your swimsuit clings to your skin in places you donât want to think too hard about. But he doesnât ogle or smirk or make some cheeky comment that would let you brush this off like itâs nothing.Â
No, Satoru just walks beside youâsilent, barefoot, carefulâas you both head toward the water.Â
The shoreline glitters ahead, all shimmer and motion. Your feet sink into the warm, soft sand. The waves are small this morning, gentle. The tide is coming in slow and steady, like itâs trying to lull you into some false sense of security.Â
And maybe itâs working.Â
When the water reaches your ankles, you hesitate.Â
He doesnât.Â
He walks a few steps farther in, glances back at you with that same maddening softness he always wore like armor whenever he let his guard down. âYou okay?âÂ
âNo,â you say flatly. âIâm just trying to decide if this is an elaborate setup to drown me.âÂ
He laughs. Itâs short, real, and laced with something that almost sounds like regret.Â
âYouâd see it coming,â he hums. âYou always did.âÂ
Still, he waits.Â
You take another step forward. The water slides up to your calves, cool and bracing. You inhale. Exhale. Tell yourself itâs just the ocean, just a swim, just a familiar body in a familiar place, nothing more. But the ache in your chest suggests otherwise.Â
You wade in until youâre waist-deep. Heâs already further out, floating, arms stretched behind him like he has all the time in the world. Like this isnât weird. Like you didnât just spend half the night reliving how he disappeared on you and ruined the only thing you werenât brave enough to name when it mattered.Â
You float too.Â
You donât say anything.Â
For a long time, the only sounds are the rise and fall of the waves, the distant call of a gull overhead, and the occasional splash as one of you shifts just enough to stay buoyant.Â
You donât look at him, but you feel him.Â
Heâs always been like this. Loud in crowds, quiet in water. And somehow, it still makes you want to scream.Â
You drift closer without meaning to. The current does what it wants, and maybe youâre just tired of resisting it.Â
âWhy are you really here?â you ask, finally, voice low and calm, like youâre not about to start something you might not be able to finish.Â
He hums.Â
âBecause Iâm tired,â he says after a while. âAnd Tokyoâs loud. And I couldnât stop thinking about this place.âÂ
âThis place,â you echo.Â
He turns, just enough for his eyes to find yours. That blue is still dangerous. Still ridiculous. Still yours, somehow, in ways you donât understand.Â
âAnd you,â he adds softly. âI kept thinking about you.âÂ
You go still in the water.Â
The waves rock you both like the universeâs worst lullaby.Â
âYou donât get to just come back and say that.âÂ
âI know,â he says. âBut Iâm saying it anyway.âÂ
And there it is.Â
No excuses. No charm. Just the raw nerve of it. Like a cut that never healed right.Â
You look away. Let the sun blur your vision. Let the salt sting your throat.Â
And you float. Right there beside him. Not answering. Not leaving. Not ready to forgive, but too tired to fight the tide anymore.Â
Somewhere in the distance, a dog barks. Probably that fluffy little gremlin of his.Â
The water laps against your collarbones.Â
His presence hums next to you like an old radio station just barely out of tune.Â
And you think, maybe. Maybe thereâs still something worth salvaging.Â
But not today.Â
Today, you just float.Â
Itâs been a few days since the swim.Â
Gojoâs been hovering ever since. Like some glorified ghost with a tan and a terrible sense of timing. Not pushing exactly, just⌠lingering.
Appearing near your porch when you bring your coffee out. Asking if you want anything from the grocery store. Holding open the screen door when youâre bringing in the laundry like heâs the worldâs most persistent Labrador retriever.Â
You ignore him, mostly.Â
Except for the times you donât.Â
Because for all your muttering and biting sarcasm and arms-crossed body language, your walls are thinner than they used to be. Or maybe itâs the summer heat melting them down, drip by reluctant drip.
Maybe itâs the way heâs been quiet lately, gentler than you remember. No slick one-liners, no dramatic flourishes. Just him, trying. Like heâs got something to prove this time and he knows he doesnât get another shot.Â
So when he ambles up the steps one morning, barefoot in cutoffs and a faded t-shirt that says I Heart Accounting (a lie if youâve ever seen one), holding an iced tea in one hand and a flyer in the other, you already know youâre going to say yes before he even opens his mouth.Â
âThereâs a festival down at the docks,â he smiles at you, brandishing the flyer like itâs an ancient scroll. âYou love dumb seasonal crap. Thereâs a Ferris wheel.âÂ
You narrow your eyes over the rim of your mug. âI donât love dumb seasonal crap. I tolerate it.âÂ
He tilts his head. âYou tolerated that haunted hayride in college so hard you screamed directly into my ear.âÂ
âThat was a man with a chainsaw, Satoru.âÂ
âIt was a weed whacker.âÂ
âIt was still loud.âÂ
He grins. But not in that way he used to, the look-at-me, heartbreaker grin. This oneâs quieter. Tentative. Hopeful, maybe. Like he knows he doesnât deserve this and is still asking anyway.Â
âSooooo?â he asks. âOne afternoon. We donât have to stay long. You can mock everything. Iâll buy you cotton candy.âÂ
You sigh.Â
The porch creaks beneath your bare feet. The heatâs already climbing. You can hear cicadas starting up in the trees like theyâre daring you to stay inside all day.Â
And maybe youâre tired of being angry. Or maybe youâre just bored.Â
âFine,â you mutter. âBut Iâm not sitting through a puppet show or anything weirdly nostalgic.âÂ
He lights up like youâve handed him a small sun. âNoted. No puppets. Just vibes.âÂ
And before you can change your mind, heâs already skipping down the steps like a kid who just got asked to prom.Â
The docks are warm and bustling by late afternoon, the air thick with the smell of sea salt, fried dough, and sunscreen. Everythingâs sticky and bright and full of motion. Colorful paper lanterns swaying in the breeze, little kids with dripping popsicles, old couples holding hands like they invented the concept.Â
And Gojo, next to you in sunglasses and flip-flops, is trying very hard not to look like a golden retriever whoâs just been let off leash.Â
âYou want one?â he asks, already halfway to a stand selling some kind of sparkling lemonade in pastel plastic cups.Â
You shrug. âSure. Why not. Iâm already sweating through my bra, might as well hydrate.âÂ
He hands you a drink a few minutes later, plus a bag of sugar-dusted mochi for no reason other than the fact he remembered you used to like it. Then he gets himself a spiral-cut fried potato drenched in something horrifyingly orange and starts humming like this is the best day of his life.Â
You side-eye him. âYou gonna eat every weird thing you see?âÂ
âYes.âÂ
âDidnât you used to be lactose intolerant?âÂ
âStill am.âÂ
You stare.Â
He pops a cheesy slice into his mouth anyway. âWorth it.âÂ
Itâs absurd. Itâs nostalgic. And it shouldnât be this easy, falling into old rhythms, letting the breeze mess up your hair while he wipes powdered sugar off your cheek like itâs normal. But it is. And thatâs the dangerous part.Â
Because the more he makes you laugh, the more he buys you sweets without thinking, the more he smiles like thatâgenuine, unguarded, like the boy you met before all the bullshitâthe harder it is to keep the distance.Â
You try anyway. You shove your hands in your pockets and keep your comments sharp and your tone neutral. But you know he sees through it. You always knew.Â
When the sun starts its slow descent behind the water, he nudges you gently.Â
âFerris wheel?âÂ
You glance toward the towering old thing at the edge of the dock, half-lit and creaking in the wind like itâs got secrets to tell.Â
âIâm not sharing a car with you if youâre gonna start monologuing about life and fate and missed opportunities,â you threaten him half-jockingly..Â
âI would never,â he claims, looking scandalized. âIâll be chill. Iâll be a man of few words.âÂ
You give him a long, skeptical look.Â
âFine,â he amends. âFewer words.âÂ
You sigh and start walking toward it anyway, because heâs already bought the tickets and youâre a sucker for a skyline view, and maybe, just maybe, youâre tired of pretending youâre still mad just to protect yourself.Â
You climb into the seat next to him.Â
The wheel lurches.Â
The wind picks up.Â
And as you rise above the docksâsugar-sticky, sun-flushed, and one stupid heartbeat away from forgiving him a littleâyou pretend you donât notice the way his pinky bumps yours on the worn bench between you.Â
Just like you pretend not to want it to happen again.Â
The Ferris wheel creaks as it carries you both higher, the metal groaning in that charming, slightly-threatening way old carnival rides always do.
Below you, the festival shrinks: kids screaming gleefully near the ring toss, some teenager failing miserably at whack-a-mole, the cotton candy stand glowing pink like a beacon for sugar addicts.Â
Beside you, Gojo is suspiciously quiet.Â
Which⌠is not a good sign.Â
You side-eye him. Heâs leaning back with his arms draped casually along the back of the seat, sunglasses perched on top of his hair, eyes fixed on the view like heâs contemplating the meaning of life. Or how to bring up something stupid in the most dramatic way possible.Â
âI swear to god,â you mutter, âif you pull out a metaphor about life being a Ferris wheelââÂ
âI wasnât going to,â he says, mock-affronted. âBut now that you mention itâŚâÂ
You elbow him.Â
He laughs. The kind that starts soft and warm, from somewhere behind his ribs. It echoes in the space between you like a familiar melody, one you forgot you knew the words to.Â
The ride halts briefly at the top, and for a second, the world goes still. The sea stretches endlessly before you, sun bleeding gold into the waves, the air heavy with that warm, end-of-summer hush. Below, the lights of the festival blink into life one by one, as if the night itself is remembering how to glow.Â
Gojo exhales. âI used to dream about this, you know.âÂ
You donât answer. You just stare ahead, hands gripping the edge of the seat.Â
He shifts slightly, turning to face you more fully. âNot this ride, exactly. But thisâ us. Talking again. You letting me be near you. I thought about it a lot.âÂ
Your stomach twists.Â
Itâs not fair, how easily he can throw your heart back into the past with a single sentence. How part of you still aches with the silence he left behind. The year of unanswered messages. Of trying to forget the feeling of his lips on yours, the weight of his laugh in your bones.Â
âYou shouldnât have disappeared,â you whisper quietly.Â
His face falls. Not dramatically. Just a slight softening, a flicker of real guilt that makes him look more like the boy you used to love than the man who ghosted you.Â
âI know,â he starts. âI wasâ messed up. Scared, honestly. I thought I was doing the right thing. That staying away would⌠help you. Let you move on.âÂ
You turn to him, eyes hard. âYou donât get to decide that for me.âÂ
âI know,â he says again, softer. âI know. I thought I was being noble or whatever, but really I was just being a coward. I didnât know how to face everything I ruined. Iâm sorry.âÂ
The Ferris wheel lurches downward again. You donât speak, donât move. Just sit there with your jaw clenched and your heart thudding like it doesnât know what to believe.Â
âI think about you all the time,â he admits. âNot in a romantic movie kind of wayâokay, sometimes in a romantic movie kind of wayâbut mostly just⌠everything reminds me of you. Still. After all this time.âÂ
You look at him.Â
And there he is.Â
Not the memory of him. Not the ghost. Just Gojoâsun-kissed and flawed and trying.Â
And maybe you should say something scathing. Maybe you should tell him he doesnât get to waltz back into your life with fried potatoes and Ferris wheels and expect forgiveness.Â
But instead, you say nothing.Â
Because the ride is almost at the bottom now. Because your heart is still processing. Because some part of you, however bruised and sarcastic and self-protective, never really stopped missing him.Â
The gondola bumps to a halt. The gate swings open.Â
He climbs out first, then turns and holds his hand out to you.Â
You hesitate.Â
Thenâreluctantlyâyou take it.Â
His fingers wrap around yours like he never forgot the shape of your hand.Â
And for the rest of the evening, he doesnât let go.Â
But it makes you remember the last time you saw him.Â
Not counting yesterday. Not counting the awkward, sea-slick moments at the beach or the way he stood a little too close by the goldfish scooping booth like he didnât want to risk drifting away again.Â
No. really saw him.Â
It was two years ago, on that rooftop in Shinjuku, above the noise and neon, the kind of warm November night that tricked you into forgetting winter was coming.
Shoko had turned twenty-five and hosted the kind of party that felt curated for people who had their shit together, artfully messy hair, thrifted blazers, rolled cigarettes and half-finished PhDs. You hadnât wanted to go, but sheâd texted you six times, guilt-tripped you once, and eventually sent an Uber to your apartment with a bottle of wine in the backseat and a sticky note that said âDonât make me regret inviting you.âÂ
And youâd thoughtâfine. One drink. Smile politely. Leave before midnight.Â
But then he was there.Â
In a stupid linen shirt, half unbuttoned like he lived on some cursed Riviera, drink in one hand and that too-white hair falling into his eyes. Like he hadnât disappeared. Like he hadnât blown a hole through you and called it mercy.Â
You remember standing near the edge of the roof with a glass of flat champagne, talking to some guy who kept saying âconceptuallyâ like it was punctuation, when you felt the shift in the air behind you. Like heat. Or gravity.Â
And you knew. Before you turned around, you knew.Â
He leaned against the railing next to you, too casual, like this wasnât the first time youâd seen each other since everything had gone sideways.Â
âHey, stranger,â he said.Â
You didnât smile. Didnât give him anything.Â
Just a flat, âYouâre late.âÂ
He grinned. âTraffic.âÂ
You could smell the citrusy cologne he still wore, the same one from college. Could see the faint scar on his knuckle from that dumb night heâd tried to open a wine bottle with a screwdriver. Everything in you screamed to walk away. To spit venom. To not let him see he still lived in your bloodstream like a bad tattoo.Â
But instead, you drank your champagne.Â
He watched you for a long time. Then, without warning, he remarked, âIf we were ever in the same place for more than five minutes, youâd fall for me.âÂ
And youâd laughed. Not because it was funny, but because it wasnât. Because of all the things he couldâve saidâsorry, I fucked up, you didnât deserve thatâhe chose a line that sounded like it came out of a half-written screenplay.Â
You hissed, âYou donât get to joke about that.âÂ
And he said, too softly, âIt wasnât a joke.âÂ
And that was worse.Â
Because there was no fight. No closure. No grand monologue. Just those quiet words, and the dull roar of traffic below, and the terrible weight of knowing he still thought he had a place in your life. That maybe part of youâtraitorous, exhausted, achingâwasnât sure he didnât.Â
You left before midnight. Didnât say goodbye.Â
And you hadnât seen him again. Not until this summer.Â
Not until this stupid beach town, this stupid house, this stupid festival.Â
Now, as you walk beside him through the fairground crowd, his hand brushing yours every so often like itâs an accident, that memory keeps tugging at you.Â
Because maybe he was right.Â
Maybe five minutes was all it would ever take.Â
And maybe thatâs what scares you most.
The night air is heavy with salt and the faint scent of fried festival sweets, the laughter from the dock still echoing somewhere behind you as you and Satoru walk the short path back toward the house. The moon is low, casting long shadows across the sand, and everything feels a little too quiet now. Like the world is holding its breath.Â
You stop at the front steps, key in hand, a polite smile tightening your mouth. âThanks for tonight,â you say softly, eyes flicking toward the porch light, trying not to think about the hundred things fluttering under your skin. âIt was⌠good.âÂ
âHey,â he calls, just as youâre about to climb the stairs. His hand finds yoursânot forcefully, not even tightly, just enough to stop you. His palm is warm, grounding. âWhatâs wrong?âÂ
You turn slowly, mouth already half-open with some deflection, some easy line to brush it offâbut then you see his face.Â
And you freeze.Â
His eyes are softer than youâve ever seen them, stripped of their usual brilliance, of the arrogant shine they wore like armor. Thereâs nothing clever in his expression. No mask. Just quiet concern and a kind of quiet ache you donât trust, because youâve seen him turn it off before. But now itâs looking at you like it wants the truth. Like it could handle it.Â
Something buckles in your chest.Â
You try to swallow it, to tuck it all back down, but itâs too late. Itâs already happening.Â
The words burst out like a dam breaking.Â
âI canâtââ Your voice cracks. âYou canât just show up like this. You canât take me to a stupid festival and buy me strawberry mochi and laugh like we didnâtâlike nothing everââÂ
Your hands shake. Your throat tightens. âYou broke me, Satoru.âÂ
He flinches.Â
You keep going, unable to stop now, unable to breathe around the weight thatâs been sitting on your chest for years.Â
âYou kissed me like I meant something. Over and over again. In stairwells, behind the vending machine, outside my dormâlike it was a secret we were both protecting. You said things. I said things. And then you justâleft. No goodbye. No message. Nothing. You disappeared like none of it mattered.âÂ
Tears are sliding down your cheeks now, hot and humiliating. You swipe at them angrily, but they just keep coming.Â
âI waited for you. I checked my phone for months. I told myself youâd call, that something mustâve happened, that maybe I just misunderstood what we were. But you didnât. You just left.âÂ
His eyes are wide, glassy. His breath caught in his throat. âI didnât know,â he says hoarsely. âI didnât know youââÂ
âLoved you?â you snap. âNo, of course not. Because I didnât even know it myself. Not until after. Not until it was too late.âÂ
He reaches for you, eyes shining with something raw and unsteady, like heâs barely holding himself together.Â
âI never stopped loving you,â he whispers, voice trembling. âI tried to. God, I tried to. My parentsâthey wanted me to propose to someone else. Someone safe. Someone good for business. And I couldnât. I couldnât even put the ring on her hand because I knewââ He swallows hard, like the words are knives. ââbecause it shouldâve been you.âÂ
The porch light casts a soft glow over both of you now, and for a moment, all you can hear is your own breathing, your own grief trembling through every inch of you.Â
âItâs always been you,â he says.Â
And thatâs what does it.Â
You break.Â
Your sobs come hard and fast, and you cover your face, but heâs already stepping forward, arms pulling you in like heâs afraid youâll slip away again. You press your face into his chest, and he holds youâreally holds youâfor the first time in what feels like forever. His hand cradles the back of your head, fingers threading through your hair, while the other wraps around your waist, anchoring you.Â
âIâm sorry,â he whispers, over and over, into your hair, into your skin. âIâm sorry. Iâm sorry.âÂ
You shake your head, not ready to forgive, not ready to forget, but his arms are warm, and his voice is steady, and something inside you is melting, softening, despite the ache. Despite the history.Â
He pulls back slightly, just enough to see your face, his hand trembling at your cheek. His thumb brushes away a tear, and you look at him through your lashes, eyes red and rimmed, mouth parted.Â
Then he kisses you.Â
Itâs not showy or sharp like you remember. Itâs slow. Careful. Like heâs asking permission with every movement, like heâs afraid youâll vanish if he pushes too far.Â
And for a second you let yourself kiss him back.Â
Your mouth finds his, familiar and foreign all at once, and the kiss deepens, his hand tightening at your waist as yours tangle in the collar of his shirt. You melt into him, breath catching, knees weak, heart aching.Â
Itâs everything you remember and everything you forgot.Â
Itâs almost enough to believe in again.Â
Almost.Â
His lips move against yours with a tenderness that both soothes and ignites every nerve ending. The world around you, the porch, the night, the distant hum of the festival, fades into nothing but the rhythm of his breath mingling with yours.Â
You cling to him, desperate to hold onto this fragile moment, even as the walls you built around your heart tremble beneath his touch. His hands trace the curve of your back, pulling you closer, as if to erase the years lost, the silence, the pain.Â
When he finally parts from your lips, his forehead rests against yours, breath uneven.Â
âIâve missed you,â he admits softly, voice rough with emotion.Â
You close your eyes, swallowing the lump in your throat. âIâve missed you too,â you whisper.Â
But even as you say it, a part of you fears what comes next. The questions left unasked, the promises broken, the scars neither of you have fully healed.Â
Gojoâs gaze searches yours, vulnerability flickering there like a flame.Â
âLet me make it right,â he pleads. âNot with words, but with time. With everything I have.âÂ
Your heart wavers, torn between hope and caution.Â
Finally, you nod, a shaky but real start. âOkay.âÂ
He smilesâbright, genuine, full of reliefâand pulls you into another kiss, softer this time, full of unspoken apologies and tentative beginnings.Â
Tonight, beneath the stars and with the sea breeze wrapping around you both, there is a chance. A chance to rewrite the story that was left hanging for so long.Â
And maybe, just maybe, that chance will be enough.Â
goddd, i wrote this in one go after i watched a tiktok that reminded me so much of gojo :') it's bittersweet
â§ď˝Ľďžwritten by @prisvvner âš dividers by @bernardsbendystraws âď¸ do NOT repost, steal, translate, or claim as your own. đ¤ reblogs are love â theft is not.