This is me.

A pro-Scottish Indy + virulently anti-trans blog, popular within some circles of Scottish Indy, and the SNP made me the target of it rage today.

I've tweeted about it.

I even directly sent my brother a message about it since he doesn't follow my twitter.

He didn't respond and ask if I was OK.

My mum hasn't asked if I'm OK.

Now I'm in bed and thinking about this I just wanna cry again.

For my UK/Scottish peeps, it was Wing's Over Scotland.

I had people messaging me calling me part of the gustapo because I support the GRA (Gender Reform Act) and self-id.

I know a lot of us are mostly angry, tired, stressed, anxious etc etc

I feel like I'm tired of moaning tonight. Like, Urgh. Just.. Fuck. Y'know.

Tired of bs. Lost in my brain. I would have been making another move to looking for a place in Dundee again now but the country is fucked still with covid so don't see the point right now.

Best I can do right now is try to sort my sleep out. But everything outside my house impacts that soooo 🤷🏻‍♀️🥺🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Me and Bella are gonna help each other do it. She's set alarms. And told her if she does wake up she can come in my room chuck water in my face and call me a cunt if it'll get me up and she won't get in trouble 🤷🏻‍♀️ she laughed, like, a lot at that. She won't call me a cunt though bc I can't even pay her £20 to say fuck which is so disappointing 😔🥺🤣

Love you all. Always think of tumblr buddies right now. All of them.

Turquoise is going today if I can find a stripper in the chemist. It really suits Isabella and so I promised I'd change my colour so we don't match. I should end up some kind of fushia pink and purple combination I think. Was gonna do red but the red I bought doesn't look great. And I liked the pinks/purples I had before about a year ago. Also put some ear tunnels back in bc I was sick of looking at saggy holes 🙃😅

She has a post shared by some GOP candidate wanting in on the lawsuits trying to challenge the results and she has tweets in her likes by the trump kids and Candance Owens.

I'm LGBTQ. I'm disabled. My children are POC. My twitter account has been 50% screaming trump is a cunt for 5yrs. Nothing about my opinions should be surprising to anyone who actually knows me in 2021.

Her responses to me initially made me very anxious. They felt quite aggressive and I don't deal well with this type of confrontation at the moment. I won't accept any kind of apology or discussion with her after this, simply bc if she were a friend of any kind she wouldn't have approached this subject in this manner with me and the state my brain is in. Which I have communicated explicitly on all my socials multiple times. Many of you here have seen that.

I'm not going to lose sleep over it but I am quite confused about this happening now, and no other time during the last 4/5 yrs when I've said trump voters are fucking idiots and racists.

I am disabled and my children are POC, what other opinion do people expect me to have of trump?

The tweet below got deleted before I could respond. No doubt she thought she'd cut her losses, delete the tweet and just cut ties.

They'll be no rebuilding those.

I'm now blocked on every social media platform from the looks of it.

She was the person I stayed with in Spartanburg when I spent 2 wks in the USA in 2012 when I went over to meet the American Idiot.

This happened about an hr ago on twitter and I am SO CONFUSED.

Y'All that follow me there have seen me tweet about how much of a cunt I think he is for about 5yrs now.

But my gaming family are getting me through. Honestly couldn't have found better friends just by playing Elder Scrolls & joining the guild I found.

I have more moments right now than I would like of feeling like utter garbage. Like I've been abandoned by my mother & half my family either couldn't give a fuck about how I am or are sick of me being sad. Sick of my illnesses. Sick of me complaining about being sick.

Y'All, I am so sick of being sick they don't even know.

Anyway. I do have friends. Some of you are my friends. Even though we don't interact a lot, & I've mostly ditched FB except to passively aggressively post at my Brexit Tory voting step father. Yeah, all those posts are for him specifically. But I know you'd have my back and you always show me you're listening somehow someway when I need it.

Anyway. Last F1 race tomorrow and I wanted to be in bed to sleep so I don't miss anything on Sunday. It's already nearly 3.30am. At least I was in bed by 3am I guess and not 5am 🥺😅

Thanks for reading and listening to my shit all the time.

Also, S (my 13yr old) is nonbinary and is not enjoying their hyper feminised name. They want a gender neutral name but are not finding anything that's screaming OH THAT'S MY NAME.. Ace & Francis are on their shortlist. Any GN names you think might be worth considering or names you love that are GN, let me know! I said I'd ask my tinternet fam for suggestions.

They spoke to my mum about having a GN name to which my mum said 'well OK, but you'll always be Sofia to us' which made them sad. Mum asked what was up. They told her, 'well that was quite transphobic of you'

As if I don't feel shut out of my so-called fucking family enough.

5months ago Sofia came out to me as Bi and non binary.

Really they were just testing the sexuality waters with me and family acceptance. They are fully openly gay now. To say I am proud of their bravery is an understatement. (pls educate yourselves on the current lgbtqia+ issues in the UK and the current transgender 'debate' happening specifically within British 'feminism', within Scottish politics & more narrowly the SNP & the independence campaign)

You also may or may not know that around Sept time Sofia went to live this academic year with my mother. They are attending school in Norfolk. They have good friends & are very good/besties with 2 gay teen cis boys. Sofia is 14 in April '21.

Last week, Sofia and both boys were shut in a park near her school and had rocks thrown at them for being gay.

I only found out 2 days ago bc I was texting Sofia about swearing all over social media about transgender bullying and harassment. Which prompt her to tell me.

I have calmed down a little now. Below is a sample of how they are dealing with this. They describe feeling anxious a lot and we are looking to start her in therapy soon. Well, that's what I hope my mother is doing. Sofia said they'd spoken to my mother about doing this. I still have not heard from her since she told me she'd put money in the bank for Bella's birthday.

My current rage knows no bounds so I'll have to stop here bc I am triggering myself.

Below you'll also find an example of the business Sofia is trying to create. They don't stop making these bracelets. And earrings. They're so creative.

She is coding her own website. At 13. Coding. Her. Own. Website.

Anyone remember when Josh and Randy helped me during my first year of comp Sci in 2013? Yeah, she's more advanced than I was. Took me weeks to figure out coding a small form. Sofia has feedback forms and a scrolly menu all by themselves.

But I just want you to all know that I am freaking the FUCK OUT because Gail Simone just followed me on twitter.

I have my first phone call with my Psych tomorrow in about 6months. I was in crisis 2/3 wks ago. Real crisis. I relapsed with self harm. I was real deep in suicidal ideation (that's all it'll ever be, ideation. Pls don't worry. My kids have lost 1 parent already, they do not need to lose another. I would live in all kinds of pain to remain here for them no matter what it takes). But mum doesn't know any of this because she can't even be bothered to ask a simple, are you OK? So fuck her.

But I'm feeling better now than I have done for weeks. Maybe months. I have my moments. I trip up. I accidentally read triggering tweets. (nearly snapped my brothers head off on twitter for sharing an article by a known fucking transphobe. Sofia is non binary so their rhetoric impacts Sofia's life too. Look up the LGB Alliance if you've not heard their shit).

I'll have to cut myself short here it's nearly 5am and I have my call at 10am 🤣🥺

Anyway. Love you peeps for your continued support through hearts and replies. It keeps me going always. You make me feel heard when the person I wanted it off the most abandoned me 🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️

Politics this weekend. Online SNP conference. Glad to see our parties known transphobes aren't speaking.

Fuck Wings of Scotland.

Fuck the Common Weal Group.

All assholes.

About Bella's birthday.

I gave her Bella's new/first bank details. And left it at that.

She responded with... Something.. I've forgotten and can't be arsed to go check for this post.

I read it.

Streaming eso on Twitch.

Lol

In trying to think of music to introduce my 13 year old Sofia to, I rediscovered H.I.M today. Listening to them now in bed.

If you've any suggestion of alt rock for them, give them to me.

They've got Nirvana on their playlist and I can't remember the rest they told me.

Alt rock but nothing sad, they listened to 1 H.I.M song and tapped out of that one 😅 They're doing a great job at recognising what shit makes their pain worse and just cuts it out. H.I.M is great to torture yourself with if you're in emotional pain and want to wallow in it.

I stupidly put myself up for running a guild event on Saturday in ESO. I wasn't asked, just decided I needed to do a sky shard grind and thought I may as well take a group with me and announced it in discord.

Gonna try and sleep now.