bravery;

Yeah, that is special. It really was beautiful. I mean, the sunset alone was stunning, and not just ‘cause I was stoned by then.

I’m so excited for everyone to see what we shot. You know, I always told my wife we’d have to go somewhere tropical to renew our vows? Agh, anyways. I had a great time with the boys. It was still work, but the time I had off with them to just explore Hawaii and have fun was so cool. And Knox definitely got sugar-wasted with RJ on all of those treats you guys had at your little reception. My kids are obsessed with you all. Jett told me you looked so pretty in your wedding dress. It was so fucking cute.

Hey, okay, okay. Mrs. Okalani has a beautiful ring to it. Congrats again. 

Do you want to tell us all a little about the elopement? I mean, I personally don’t want to relive it. I haven’t been that stoned in a long ass time, but ya’ll are worth it. 

Hey, man, no one made you smoke all that weed. You did that to yourself. 

It’s all goo–heyyy! There she is! What’s up, my Issy Girl? 

-

“--Uncle Eli, since narwhals are real, do you think unicorns could be real too?”

Nah, you’re as beautiful as always, Bryce. Alright let’s talk…relationship first, obviously. How’s this past year been with Ryder and the kiddos? Maybe more about what it was like visiting Hawaii with the entire family sorta thing. Just fill me in and I’ll stop ya when I need to.

-

“We can get a ring! I mean, not a real one now, but at home, a real one!” Ryder said, relieved, smiling into another kiss with Bryce, “You know Marty’s retiring soon and when he does the lifeguarding stuff is mine to own. Bigger pay! We can afford that one ring you’ve liked forever.” He rested his forehead against Bryce’s and inhaled deeply. It just felt right. Sometimes, he still got the kids left and right shoes mixed up and he’d try and try with all of his might to slide Shiloh’s foot into a wrong shoe. Then, when Ryder would finally figure that out and slip it on easily to the correct foot he knew because it felt right. Those little, foolish wrong shoe moments felt very much like this moment. Silly. Rushed. A little dumb. But above everything - right. 

“There’s tourists boutiques everywhere we look, Bry. We can find you a dress! And me a better dress shirt. And the girls…we gotta get them dresses and RJ, well, he can match with me. Then there’s flowers and an arch-thingy. What are those things called that people get married under anyways? I used to see ‘em all the time at the hotel when I worked there. I wonder if Keo still works there and could let us borrow one…”

Ryder had been seeing a therapist ever since the twins were born. Before that, he was doing AA meetings to stay sober, but he wanted more than that. So, he began therapy, and some days it really sucked. He’d come in puffy-eyed and exhausted and would be too tired to talk. Other days, he’d feel lighter than ever and play with the kids all night so Bryce could relax. He talked with his therapist about what age he felt at certain times. If he was in a rut or got yelled at at work or was in a situation that was uncomfortable his therapist asked him to think “what age do I feel now and what do I need?” Ryder thought about that in that very moment with Bryce. He felt giddy. He felt excited. He felt like running down the beach and jumping in the air. Like when he was a little boy and his mom finally took him to get a new surfboard after months of promising. It was really happening, and he was spiraling upward in the healthiest, happiest way he could ever do so.

“I think they’re just called arches, babe,” Bryce giggled. When she saw Ryder, she saw her children. She saw her life. She saw her love. She saw years of pain and years of turmoil. But she also saw years of triumph and years of healing. They fought like hell for their relationship, for their children, for the life they had created. Bryce had been thinking of writing some sort of memoir, but how to write a book, she didn’t know. She did think her story was an important one to tell, but she didn’t feel like the TLC show was necessarily a good place to show and tell her whole story.... but anyway, Bryce and Ryder’s relationship took work. She wasn’t a sixteen year old anymore. She wasn’t just jumping on the trampoline after school with a boy who was new in town, who she met as he was shirtless on the kitchen counter. To her, a wedding, a marriage... that meant forever. And what if Ryder couldn’t do forever? What if he relapsed? What if he cheated again? What if SHE cheated? Would SHE even be able to do forever? That’s why weddings were scary to her. Weddings were public proclamation of commitment, and what if they couldn’t commit? 

Bryce threw the hesitation out the window. They were in one of the most beautiful places in the world, and what a story she’d be able to tell the kids when they got older and forgot that they were even there. And how wonderful would it be if they could remember?! The twins were definitely not going to remember, and Jack was likely to forget, but Issy was at the age that she might remember. It might be a core memory from when she was a child. And how beautiful a sight! So Bryce nodded, over and over. She cupped her hands over her mouth and tears welled in her blue eyes. Happy tears, of course. “Okay. Okay!” She shrieked with excitement. She threw her hands up and then around his neck and she pulled him in for a kiss. “Should... should we tell someone? Like... Nora or Gage or someone who can help us set all of this up?”

Bryce’s mind was moving a mile a minute. She needed to ask Alice to go dress shopping with her, to agree to be her maid of honor. She knew she needed Kylie to join her too. They had promised each other nearly ten years prior that they would be at each others’ sides when it was time for either one of them to get married. She needed to find outfits for Issy and Shiloh and Ila... and lordy, the girls all needed hair cuts, but that would probably have to wait. And she needed to ask Eli to walk her down the aisle, to give her away... and if he wouldn’t do that... what would happen? What if Eli didn’t approve? Bryce knew Eli’s thoughts about Ryder, and it bothered her a lot. Eli and Ryder were the two most important men in her life, and she didn’t want them to be at odds. Then Bryce stopped... 

“Imagine how many kids we’d have if we lived here full-time,” Ryder teased, “You’d give the 19 Kids and Counting lady a run for her money.”

Bryce giggled, then spoke of marriage. She didn’t bring it up a lot, and Ryder liked that about her. Though he’d been sober for a good amount of time now - he felt like a wedding ring and marriage license really solidified he, Bryce and the kids as a family. He felt like a family already, obviously, because they were one, but if he were to go off the deep end again - he couldn’t run away. He wasn’t saying he would. These were hypotheticals. But running away and relapsing - it felt like it was easier without the title of husband. If he messed up again, he’d have less pressure. Granted, he wouldn’t have any less little souls relying on him, with or without being called husband - he was still dad. But being married sounded official and it scared Ryder. It scared the living Hell out of him. Bryce knew that, and she was cautious. She was almost too quiet about the topic of marriage most days which is why Ryder knew that she must’ve really been thinking about it lately if she finally brought it up. Which is why Ryder took one long look at the ocean he grew up staring at - crying as a young boy and wishing for a family, for a way off of the island, for a new start, for true love, for a life that was anything but like his own parents - and finally spoke up.

“Why don’t we get married now? I mean, while we’re here?” Ryder asked, a wave of excitement rushing over him as he finally turned to face Bryce, “The kids aren’t getting any younger. Practically the entire family is here. Everyone owns at least one thing that’s dressy. We can do it on the beach. I can have my cousins - Bizzy and Pali help set up catering and decorations.” His cheeks hurt from smiling, and he was sure he was just giddy, because he’d taken his meds that morning for his mania, “It’s like you said, baby…we’re not wedding type of people, right? So…no expectations. We’ll just go for it. Stand at an alter, say Nau ko`u aloha and be husband and wife. Throw a party for us, for our love and our family. Just do the damn thing.” 

Bryce turned to look at Ryder. She couldn’t tell if he was kidding or not. Most of the time, when he was but was trying to be serious, he would hold steady eye contact or move his eyes too much. But this time, it was neither. It was serious. He was serious. And Bryce was confused. She didn’t mean she wanted to get married right here, right now. She didn’t even really know if she wanted a wedding. She couldn’t plan a wedding in the matter of days.... but... what if she could? How cool would it be to go on vacation as a Colbert and return as an Okalani? She always daydreamed about changing her name. Bryce Okalani was what she called herself in her head. She had already beared four of this man’s children, and she didn’t plan on letting him out of her grips now. She wasn’t about to coparent four kids with Ryder. They were endgame. They were forever. She didn’t mind not being his wife, but... the thought of it made her giddy. 

Whenever Ryder stepped off the plane and into the airport on Hawaii, he felt a strange feeling. He was home, but he wasn’t. It was peaceful, but it also reminded him so much of the traumas that had shaped him. As a young teenager, pre-Brooksville, he worked at one of the most popular hotels on the island as a busser and he’d spend every weekend in a hotel room (or pool, or hot tub, or even bushes) with some young, hot tourist girl fooling around. Now, he had Ila in one of his arms, three different bags in the other, and a backpack on his shoulders. Times were different, and Ryder could admit that they were so much better that he ever imagined they’d be. As they got to their rental house, Ryder smiled. Nora and The Fosters producers really knew how to make them feel good. He made a mental note to buy Gage a drink later. Ryder wanted to go surfing almost immediately, but held off as he watched Issy scurry out by herself to explore. He wanted her to be free and brave and figured he’d wait until after they were settled to put on their wet suits. As he exhaled, Ryder felt arms around his waist, and instantly planted a kiss on the top of Bryce’s head. “I love you too, babe,” He answered, the words still feeling so fresh in his mouth even after all of these years, “I’m down. Let’s do it, but maybe not it-it unless you wanna get knocked up again,” He kidded, playfully grabbing her butt, “You know this ocean air makes you extra fertile ‘er something.”