⋆.𐙚 ̊.

it was late at night by the time both of you had gotten back, tumbling through the door as you struggled to take off your jackets and shoes, tossing them to the floor lazily.

“are you sure you’re fine with me staying?”

“of course..” he turned towards you briefly, rolling his eyes, not out of annoyance, but more so in an attempt to assure you.

he led you to his bedroom, a nervousness in his voice as he held the door open for you. all the sudden, his room didn’t feel clean enough to him. he eyed the shelves and the floor, noticing small things that should’ve been put away, but were left forgotten in the frenzy of getting ready for the party. all this time, he had secretly been hoping you’d agree to his idea of staying over, so he had shoved all his trinkets previously scattered all around into the drawers.

“sorry, it’s a little messy here,” he muttered, scratching at the back of his head.

“not at all, really,” you replied, gently rubbing his arm with your hand, a gesture that typically wouldn’t have meant anything to either of you, but now, fueled by the lingering, post-party feeling, left you both a little flustered.

“anyway—” he continued, making his way to the small, built-in wardrobe in the wall to his right. he pulled the moving doors sideways, opening it to a modest collection of clothes, hung up on racks neatly, with two sets of shelves above filled with labeled boxes. below the hanging clothes rested a bright-colored, polyester material of some sort, rolled up and wrapped with a thick band. he reached for it, unraveling it to be a sleeping bag.

you swallowed nervously, immediately assuming it was for you.

he looked over at you, and seeing your expression, immediately began stumbling over his words, “oh— no, no, this is for me..”

“what do you mean?”

he stepped aside his bed, spreading out the sleeping bag on the carpet beneath your feet.

“i’m sleeping on the floor, and you can have the bed,” he explained, quickly adding that he washed the sheets prior. you chuckled, assuring him in that half-nervous, half-flustered voice that it would be fine if he hadn’t, even though it would’ve probably made you feel the type of way you’ve been trying to hide — from him, and from yourself. the mere thought of laying in the bed he sleeps in made you flush a light pink, but for the sheets to be ones he’s twisted in just the night before? to sleep surrounded in his scent would probably prove to be far more difficult for you to ignore, to play off as a neutral thing.

when it was his turn using the bathroom, you sat down on his bed carefully, looking around the room. it was almost 3 in the morning as you struggled to keep your eyes open, a rare thing for you whilst sleeping over at someone else’s house. you took it as a good sign, one that meant he felt safe. you ran your hands through your hair, crossing your legs and looking down at your pajamas, feeling a little self-conscious with how you looked.

i could’ve worn something cuter, you thought. what am i thinking? he’s just my friend. he doesn’t care what i’m wearing.

when he finally came out of the bathroom, hair freshly fluffy from the shower, towel wrapped around his hips, you had already hid yourself beneath the covers, only your head poking out. you turned so you wouldn’t see him, but once he came up to the wardrobe to change his shirt, you had accidentally caught a glance of his bare, muscular back. your head immediately turned as you shifted in the bed. in turn, he glanced your way and smiled to himself before making his way to the sleeping bag.

“are you sure you want to sleep on the floor?” you muttered as he turned off the dim, warm night lamp.

“you’re the guest, you deserve a bed,” he said, sliding into the sleeping bag with a crinkly sound.

“and you don’t?”

he hummed a no.

some time passed — you didn’t know how long, or whether you had slept at all, but you could feel his wakefulness, somehow. letting go of a breath, you risked it, parting your lips to speak:

“are you asleep?”

“no,” he responded almost immediately, his voice clear as though he hadn’t slept. you paused for a moment before mustering up the courage to suggest what you were about to.

“are you sure you don’t want to come here?”

the silence was loud for that moment, but then, you heard plastic rustling and saw a faint shadow of a man standing above you.

“i might take you up on that,” he said, tugging at the corner of the sheets and gently positioning himself in the warmth of the bed. you moved as far as you could to the other edge of the bed, which, although a double, wasn’t as spacious once he had entered it. “are you uncomfortable?”

you turned around to face him, your eyes meeting his.

“oh, no, no, not at all,” you hesitated, suddenly aware of the closeness, not even a forearm’s length between your faces.

“just tell me,” he said, almost whispering. you nodded, shifting back to your side. after a moment, he sat up in the bed, causing you to look his way again, awoken by the sudden movement.

“it’s so damn hot,” he mumbled, tugging his shirt off and throwing it to the ground before falling back into his pillow. your stomach stirred with a sense of nervousness as you watched his chest heave up and down as he breathed.

we’re just friends, you thought to yourself.

then, when he turned around, his face smushed gently against the pillow, hair sprawled out on the fabric, one hand resting gently on the space beside you, your cheeks burned up. it took a moment for you to finally fall asleep, especially facing him, but seeing as his eyes closed, and his breath had slowed down, you found it safe to do the same.

you slept well, though not for long, dreaming of something you couldn’t remember when your eyes opened in the morning. the sunlight peeked through the curtain, gently caressing the both of you and illuminating the space around your bodies. when you entered a state of consciousness, you immediately felt an unfamiliar warmth, a caress of skin against yours. to your surprise, he held you tight, arms wrapped around you, your back pressed against his chest, his face buried in your neck.

once he had awoken, feeling your movements in his sleep, it took a second before he had realized his position, and shifted his head away, whilst still holding you gently. you turned around in his arms to face him, his sleepy eyes observing you as you looked up at him.

“you know, friends don’t do these things,” he muttered, voice hoarse with the sound of just having woken up.

“what do you mean?”

he smiled, letting go of his left hand to rub his eyes as he stretched his body. “well, they don’t cuddle in their sleep.”

you gulped.

“sorry, i..”

“no, no—” he cut you off, moving closer and wrapping his arm around your waist. “i don’t mind, unless..” he let go suddenly.

“i don’t mind either.”

he closed his eyes, his lips curling into a gentle grin as he pulled you close to him once more, caressing your hair with his hand.

“you know,” he whispered against your ear. “i was waiting for another moment to tell you this, but i think now’s the time.”

“hm?”

“i think it’s pretty obvious at this point how i feel about you,” he mumbled, taking a deep breath. “and i don’t even care to hide it anymore..”

your eyes widened, a gesture only you could see, as you buried your head in his chest. a second passed before you mustered a response.

“well,” you said, voice vibrating against his skin. “i feel that way too.”

his fingers dragged across your skin, softly drumming against your spine. you didn’t see it, but you could feel him smiling again.

your heavy eyelids slowly batted open as you made out the space in front of you to be his room. as you slowly woke, you felt the tender brushing of his lips against the bare skin of your back, gently uncovered by your nightgown.

kiss after kiss, he slowly made his way around your neck and shoulders, pressing his body against yours, letting out a soft mutter as he placed the last kiss. you turned around, twisting in the sheets that smelled of him, to face him sitting up on his side of the bed, leaned back, weakly propping himself up with his arms. his chest shone with moisture, hair tousled with small, sweat-soaked waves, covering parts of his forehead and creeping down his neck.

as he turned to look at you, hesitantly, you instinctively asked if he was okay. his chest rose and fell rapidly as he struggled to catch his breath. by the worried look on his face, your mind had already gone to the worst of places. but he slowly shook his head and moved closer to embrace you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his head on your shoulder.

“you don’t look fine,” you mumbled, gently tracing his back with your fingertips.

when he finally let go of you and mustered up the courage to look you in the eye, he said, “i had an awful dream.”

naturally, you were curious, and went on to ask about it. surely it couldn’t have been that bad, right?

“it was about you,” he began slowly, letting his head hang, breaking his gaze away from yours as though he couldn’t bring himself to say it to you. “i thought i lost you… and it felt so real.”

“but it isn’t.”

you assured him it was okay, running your hands softly through his hair, smoothing out the parts tangled up by sweat. the longer you caressed his head, the more he leaned into you, letting his arms wrap around your waist, his body pressing against yours.

for a moment, you could’ve sworn you heard him gasp for a breath as his body shuddered, almost like he didn’t have it in him anymore to stop himself from crying. but you didn’t make anything of it, and just continued playing with his hair.

“i love you,” he mumbled through his sleepiness.

“i love you more.”

since you’ve been able to remember, you’ve felt things intensely. when you were happy, it felt as though you were at the top of the world, nothing or no one could bring you down. you were carried by love. it was what you believed in. when you had that special someone in the back of your mind, living in it rent-free, you felt safe. you had someone to come back to at any point during the day, someone to think about when you woke up and right before you closed your eyes and drifted off into a deep sleep, hoping that even in your dreams, he'd star the main role.

starry-eyed, heart skipping a beat or two, your body couldn’t hide its excitement when you thought about him. you remembered all his favorites, making a mental note every time he mentioned anything he liked. it was hard not to. the way his eyes lit up, the way his lips curled into a gorgeous, wide smile. his happiness was yours. his favorite songs? you knew all the lyrics. favorite movie? you watched it at least three times.

you took the time to get to know him. you noticed the small things, like the way he spoke, or how he gestured with his hands when describing a topic he was passionate about. whatever that subject was, it flooded your internet searches as you grasped for new ways to have more in common with him. you studied his writing to you — what words he’d abbreviate, and which he didn’t. did he draw attention to his grammar? did he repeat himself?

you hung onto every little conversation, every little look he threw your way. those interactions energized you, they made your heart pound a little harder. without him, jokes wouldn’t be as funny, and the sun wouldn’t shine nearly as bright.

then all of a sudden, you two fell into each other’s arms, embracing each other’s bodies and exchanging a long, passionate kiss, right as the clock struck midnight. it happened so fast that you barely got to process that you were kissing your best friend, who you would’ve never admitted you have a thing for.

there was nothing more in this world that you wanted than to get your fairytale ending, for your knight in shining armor to come and sweep you away. you wanted that slow, passionate love, the kind where actions speak louder than words.

you were also painfully loyal, so much so that when you had a crush, he would become your entire world. you wouldn’t give attention to anyone else, even if that meant getting your heart broken, over and over.

so when you saw him for the first time, you just knew he was going to mean something special to you. it was like your brain chemistry was altered – he was all you could think of. your mind simply never rested. 

you were determined to get the guy. it was like you didn’t see a future where you two wouldn’t end up together. he was your drug, any interaction with him was like a rush and you couldn’t get enough. every time you saw him your heart skipped a beat, every conversation you two had made you overthink his intentions – did he mean that compliment in a friendly way? or maybe there was something more? either way, you loved the guessing game.