Bruh.

Suguru: is there any particular reason why you’re groping me in public?

Satoru: I take my job very seriously, Sir.

Suguru: and this is part of your job, how exactly.

Satoru: I must protect all of the client’s ASS-ets and en-TIDDIES.

Therapist: This is a safe space. Go ahead and share your thoughts.

Itadori: Gojo Sensei and Geto-san were screwing like rabbits on Nanamin’s desk.

Gojo:

Geto:

Therapist:

Nanami:

Satoru: Yes.

Suguru: From the truck that just hit Nanami-Kun?

Satosugu prompt:

Satoru is a hockey player and Suguru is a cheerleader on the football team. Suguru comes to watch one of his boyfriend’s games, when the kiss cam points to him and another guy that’s been making moves on him all night (could be an OC from the football team??). Suguru panics and freezes but then hears a loud commotion. Turns out, Satoru stops mid skate to slam into the glass and tell the other guy to “get the Fuck off his boyfriend”.

SOMEONE PLEASE WRITE THIS AND TAG ME

Shoko: Sup. Where’s your boyfriend?

Satoru: Suguru went to get us drinks.

Shoko: Oh my gosh, I think someone’s hitting on him!

Suguru, scoffs: Well, good for you.

Suguru: Stop it. You’re ruining my reputation.

Satoru: Then get off of my lap.

Satoru, scoffs: And everyone says I’m the unreasonable one in our relationship.

Suguru, slamming open Satoru’s door at 2 am: I need your help glitterbombing Gakuganji’s wardrobe because he’s a bitch.

Suguru: Wrong. I’m a demon, and you’re in Hell. Welcome.

Satoru:

Suguru: The surgery killed you by the way.

Satoru:

Suguru: You’re dead.

Shoko: Like what, dying?

Geto, a recovering serial killer: Killing.

Getou: For?

Shoko, holding up Gojo’s notepad: you doodled your wedding invitation on here.

Gojo: no, you got it all wrong.

Gojo: that’s our joint tombstone.