Austin

​this worked last night lets go for round two

*gets down on one knee* wehaw are meant to behaw, partner

me, sobbing profusely and nodding: y,,,yeehaw,,

is that a fucking game boy cartridge case?

this is a legit lifehack because keeping a condom in your wallet is bad news. the friction from it being in your pocket or jostled around wears down the latex and can cause it to tear. if you keep one on you in a gameboy cart case that won’t be an issue because no one will have sex with you

mum says it’s my turn with the carbon

i just woke up from a dream where i was being interrogated by a bunch of people asking me if “furbies are kosher” firstly…. im not jewish. secondly……..what the fuck

please stop sending me asks pertaining to the kosher status of furbies. i really do not know. this was just a manifestation of my subconscious. im assuming that they are not kosher because furbies aren’t even food. but who knows! ask a rabbi, if you must. 

Jew here! Furbies are actually worse than unkosher–they are not permissible as food, even for gentiles. This is because the Torah teaches that it is forbidden for any human to eat the meat of an animal that is still alive, and the Furby cannot die.

hi this is the most ominous description of a furby i have ever heard

honeymoon is an interesting term because an actual moon made of honey would imply space bees which is pretty horrifying

Again, not a shitty car mod

It’s only a murder of crows if there’s probable caws.

i thought everything was kinda calm but turns out i’m just ignoring every single one of my problems