Through A Broken Mirror

I'm going to die. When I do, I want to be remembered as someone who did her best to be a decent human-being. I am not always good, I have my own demons that sometimes suffocate me - a darkness that is constantly chasing me. But I try, always, to be decent. To be fair. To be compassionate. I'm going to die. Afterwards, if you speak of me, if you remember me at all, I hope you do so gently...

We must be a little kinder to each other. People wake up every morning and fight battles we know nothing about. We must do better in terms of how we treat people. We must find it in our own tortured hearts to be gentle with other people, to be compassionate, to show just a little tenderness...

Very few of us Black people who attained some level of success - whether it's obtaining a university qualification, landing a good job or running a successful business - can ever claim to have done so through our efforts alone. Personally I know no self-made Black success story. Our individual successes are the direct result of collective investment in us. Some of us are beneficiaries of the kindness of strangers. I am who I am today because in 2012, a woman I had never met, Kota Nomfanelo, paid my registration fee at Rhodes University, thereby opening doors of learning for me, which changed mine and my family's lives significantly. Throughout the journey of my life, I've managed to rise only because I've stood on the shoulders of giants - men and women who carried me when my limping feet could walk no more. Someday I will write about them, because the story of my life is inadequate without their being acknowledged. The point I'm making is that we have a moral obligation to do our best, in our small corners, to make the road a little less bumpy for others. When you get blessed, you must not only improve your standard of living, you must also improve your standard of giving...

One of the most important lessons that you must learn very early on in life is that some people are better loved from a distance. You can love someone and want the best for them, but sometimes it's necessary to realise that just because you love someone, or just because you have forgiven them for hurting you, doesn't mean you must have them in your life. Some people must be loved...but from a distance.

Entlek, the reason why you are useless parents who can't help your children with homework is because when weather is like this, you immediately think about sex instead of curling up on the couch with a book to read. Every time it gets cold or rainy, you want to chow. You are jealous when it is wet outside - you want to also be wet to compete with the rain. And you wonder why you can't help your children calculate the dot product of orthogonal vectors or analyse why the Socialist experiment failed in Mozambique. Sies, batho ba manyobinyobi! Always thinking about tloff tloff tloff!

She used to say: "Sego, question everything and question everyone - me included. And don't ever keep quiet when you see something wrong, no matter who is doing it. Speak the truth, even if you're terrified. In fact, speak the truth ESPECIALLY when you're terrified".

I have come to truly understand that there is no such thing as a person who doesn't have enough time. We invest our time in that which we deem as important. We prioritise that which matters to us. If you love to read, no matter how busy you are, you will find time in your busy schedule to dedicate to reading - even if all you can spare is an hour or thirty minutes of your day. If how you look or your health matters to you, no matter how many commitments and deadlines you have, you will go to gym - even if it is only for forty-five minutes. If your physical appearance matters to you, you will make time for grooming, whether that will delay you or another person. If things matter to you, you will prioritise them. If you want to be an intellectual you will make time for self-development. You will deprive yourself of certain things in order to prioritise your growth in the ideational space. If you want to be a socialite you will make time for social programmes. You will sacrifice sleep if you have to, money if you must, and whatever else it takes. It is as simple as that. It applies to people too. No matter how busy you are, you make time for people who matter to you. Whether you can only spare 3 minutes in your busy schedule to call or SMS them, you'll make it a priority. If you don't, they aren't worth the sacrifice. But no-one must ever say they don't have enough time. We all have the same 24 hour day, how we use it says a lot about who we are and what we value. It also says a lot about who we will become, what history will say of us, because what we invest our time in today, what we value today, shapes who we become tomorrow.

Sometimes when all the women in you are tired, you need to return to the source and find your strength again...

I don't doubt that when I accomplish certain things in my life, my family members, my friends, and even strangers I've met on these streets of Facebook, are genuinely proud of me. It is affirming in ways I can't explain, and it means a lot to me. But the truth is, it is not the same. It is not the same as when my mother was still around to call me and tell me how much pride she takes in me. As a result, a part of the joy that comes with the achievements is diminished. Yes, I am happy, but the happiness is always incomplete, because something is missing. Something important. It is not the same. And it is this difference that makes all the difference, because it is this difference that serves as a constant reminder that no matter how many things I will accomplish, the one person I want to make most proud, will never be here to see. And though sometimes I may look fine, this pain is unbearable. It is killing me inside.