#missingmymother

Mixed feelings... happy to be a blessed mom, my children are more than I could dream, my best reason to live! Sad missing the best mom ever! Second Mother’s Day missing her... in my heart, I don’t want to celebrate tomorrow, it’s too hard to feel that I’m not giving reason to make my mom proud of me 😭

I don't doubt that when I accomplish certain things in my life, my family members, my friends, and even strangers I've met on these streets of Facebook, are genuinely proud of me. It is affirming in ways I can't explain, and it means a lot to me. But the truth is, it is not the same. It is not the same as when my mother was still around to call me and tell me how much pride she takes in me. As a result, a part of the joy that comes with the achievements is diminished. Yes, I am happy, but the happiness is always incomplete, because something is missing. Something important. It is not the same. And it is this difference that makes all the difference, because it is this difference that serves as a constant reminder that no matter how many things I will accomplish, the one person I want to make most proud, will never be here to see. And though sometimes I may look fine, this pain is unbearable. It is killing me inside.

Missing my Mama today. Went to look through some photos and these four were in the front of an album. She was a loving, and dedicated mother and a strong, opinionated woman. I know the choices I made were seldom those she would have but I hope, in the end, she was proud, and knew that the way she raised me was what gave me the strength and courage to walk a different path. #mothersday #mother #missingmymother

     Pasensya na ma, kung hindi ako nakapunta ngayong undas sa puntod mo sa pampanga, ayoko nang mag-explain pa, basta alam mo na naman na siguro ang dahilan, diba nga ikaw na yung dumalaw sa’ming magkapatid kagabi pa lang, pero bakit naman masyadong common yung ginamit mong aparisyon, bakit sa anyo pa nang Paru-paro? pwede namang sa anyo na lang ng Alitaptap eh o kaya sa anyo ng isang magandang bakla hahahaha char. Pero lalo akong kinilabutan sa’yo nung sa tapat pa nang higaan ng kapatid ko ikaw dumapo, kaya napatunayan nga namin na ikaw talaga ‘yon, pero ‘wag ka nang mag-tampo nang bongga ha, dahil hindi man kami naka-punta ngayon d’yan sa pampanga, pinag-tirik ka naman namin ng kandila, O hayan ha, tatlo pa ‘yan, para “I LOVE YOU”.     Pero sobrang miss na kasi kita mommy eh, sa kabila ng lahat ng galit, sama ng loob, tampo na nararamdaman ko ngayon sa halos lahat ng bagay, mga panahon na madalas na pakiramdam ko na wala akong kakampi, sobrang miss ko na lahat ng tagos puso mong mga litanya, na pumupunit sa matigas kong konsensya. Ma, bigyan mo pa ko ng pasensya, dahil alam mo, konti na lang, parang ayoko na.      Sorry ma. Pero sana dalawin mo na ko, kahit sa panaginip. Nakakatampo na sa dalawang taon mong wala na sa piling namin, hanggang ngayon hindi ka pa rin nag-papakita sa’kin.      I MISS YOU MA, Kailangan ko nang isang nanay.   © 11/02/2016 | Missing the most important woman that I lost.

#missingmymother

Being a grown-up is tough, especially without a mom or dad to hold your hand. Or to just be there for whatever.