KittyPirate:3

I avoid writing these days

“I want to make a mess. I want to break rules, break hearts, break plates and glasses. I want to scream into the void until my lungs ache and rip my heart out of my chest. I crave chaos so I can convince myself that what I actually want is not you.”

“Trying to be your friend and act like everything is okay and that I’m happy for you is going to be what ends up killing me in the end.”

“There was a time I found your name impossible to say; every time I’d hear it my heart would skip a beat, and I’d hurry to hide what I feared came across my face. I’d sing songs of denial, write poetry about how pointless love was. All so you wouldn’t notice the nights and days I spent praying for the courage to speak your name.”

“I have made you my obsession. I grasp at thunderclouds, I grasp your nighttime conversation as I would reach for tender vibrant shoulders.”

“do you drink because you’re just having fun or do you drink because after awhile when you look down at the bottle you realize you can’t remember my touch my lips my voice my heart six shots later your heart becomes just as dark as your whiskey and I am just a sunken ship in the ocean of your memories”

With a knife in your hand, stranded between relapse and recovery…

I love people who are nothing like the ordinary. The ones who were riding their bikes and skinny dipping and collecting pebbles while everyone else was where everyone else was. People who are raw and chaotic. They won’t know what to say in a conversation but they’ll tell you the physical properties of all nearby planets or play you an instrument or read you their favourite poem. They’ll show you versions of themselves in minute details and roll up their sleeves so you can see their scars. When they speak, they unknowingly say things that awaken an echo in you. When you look at them in the eye you can tell that they’ve been through more than most, but they’re wild and unapologetic, and they will look you in the eye. When you tell them your secret, they’ll treat it like a flower and put it behind their ear. I love people like that, and how could I not? They carry the kind of magic I’ve never seen before; they’ll untie their hair, shake it loose and make you fall in love with them. They’re so beautiful it’s impossible to believe the whole world isn’t pulled toward them the way you are, but because it isn’t so, it makes those people that much more special.

I think people go crazy when they spend too much time alone because they find the parts of themselves they didn’t want to know existed