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Question

@2foradventure

“D” and “S”, Your blogs have been a tremendous help to my wife and I as we navigate through this hotwife journey. Thank you for taking the time to put thought into your responses and exposing some of the very real feelings and issues that arise. My wife “T” would like to know how you handle (if you have ever had to) no shows and fakes. They have really taken the zing out this journey to the point that we’ve discussed quitting it. Any input either one of you have would be greatly appreciated.

Answer

This lifestyle can be difficult and confusing in a lot of different ways – especially for the woman who is completely putting herself out there for all of the possible rejection, danger, etc.  I have learned that being a Hotwife takes a lot of guts…it’s not just something that anyone can jump into without going through a lot of emotions, ups and downs, fear, anxiety, etc.  I think sometimes our partners forget just how difficult it is for us to put ourselves out there in this way, and if we do happen to get rejected, it’s a nasty, hurtful and biting experience even if we don’t want to admit it.  The reward, though, is the excitement, the pleasing of your partner, the positive reactions that you get back from him, and, if you’re lucky, a pleasurable sexual/romantic experience with a lover.  

So, our friends, @2foradventure asked about how we handle “no shows” and “fakes”.  First, I’ve been very lucky to never have a “no show” when it comes to a date.  I have, however, dealt with people on several websites who I fully believe were complete “fakes”.  As this process evolved, I learned a few tricks that may help when you’re dealing with these things, and for me, they all reside in choosing the right forum to find a lover/bull and properly vetting that lover/bull.  

Choosing the Right Forum

So, most of us know about the most common place to find lovers for quick hook-ups, fwb situations, and lifestyle situations, and that’s good old “Adult Friend Finder”.  It’s been around forever, there are a TON of people on the site, and it’s fairly easy, even if you’re in a smallish city (like I am) to have a at least 50 to 60 potential matches on the low end for what you are looking for – assuming you’re looking for a straight-up Hotwife date that doesn’t get into “watching”, “video”, or other more kinky things, because this does narrow the pool for guys.  

AFF is great in a lot of regards; it’s what I use now.  The downside is that you have to weed through a lot of people who don’t really understand the lifestyle, aren’t really sure if they want to jump into something with a “couple” (even if the man isn’t going to be present), etc.  I’m currently using AFF and it has worked well for me for my last two lovers who were both more “long term” (more than 2 months each) and more romantic/less kink.  Again, though…lots of fakes and scammers on this site – the bigger the city you’re in, the more scammers and fakes or “catfish” you’re going to find.  

If you’ve been having trouble with a more traditional website like AFF, I would suggest something more pointed toward the lifestyles in general, and my top picks for that would be Kasidie and SwingLifestyle.  Both of these sites are for people who are already out “looking” for the same thing you are – they aren’t expecting to find the love of their life, they are looking for alternative sexual partners.  They are also relatively “safe” as opposed to something like “Craigslist” (even though they took down their personals area), because these are places that predators will go – they don’t require any membership and they are much too anonymous.  Stay away from sites like “AshleyMadison” (you don’t want to hook-up with a man who is cheating – that’s just ugly and a no-no) and I don’t suggest “Tinder” either because you probably don’t want the world to know what you’re out doing – Tinder doesn’t provide discretion for me at least.  

So…once you’ve found your “forum”, now you can start the “vetting process”.

Vetting Your Lovers/Bulls

This is the most important part of the process.  You need to be VERY up front on your “profile” and in all of your communications about what you are looking for.  You are in a relationship that is “open” to a certain extent and you are looking for a “fwb” or something that is “nsa”, or you are looking for an experienced Bull.  I have found that in looking for a lover who is more romantic and wants to maintain something more regular, it’s easier to avoid going into too much depth about the “Hotwife kink” - I simply say that I am in an open relationship and my partner enjoys that I am able to fulfill my sexual needs.  I don’t get too personal, but I also don’t hide anything - D is able to see it all, I mention him, say how happy I am in my relationship, I’m NOT cheating, etc.  Some people, though, especially on sites that are more focused on the “lifestyle”, will be very up front about the Hotwife kink and how it works for them, as well as what they are looking for in adding someone into their relationship.  

Make sure your profile states what you want – if you’re looking for an experienced “Bull”, then say that up front, and if you’re looking for a more “regular gentleman” then say that up front.  Don’t be afraid to put out there your likes and dislikes – if you don’t like a man who leads with a bunch of dirty talk, say that, if you like the dirty talk, say that. It’s all about being open and forthcoming.  D also has access to any profile that I set up on any website, so he can see the messages, we can discuss the potential men, give each other our feelings, etc., and this has worked well for us.  

Once you start making contact with men, again, you need to start asking the tough questions – what are they looking for, what are they expecting, are they serious about meeting up, what is their “situation”, what are their tastes, etc.?  This helps let them know that you are serious and also helps you figure out how serious they are.  From that point, if there is chemistry, I make sure that I request a “face photo” and “full body photo” of the person I’m talking to, and I send several of me.  I want what I look like to be out there to them, and I want them to be out there for me.  This also implies a certain amount of seriousness in the process.  I don’t have the most confidence in the world, even though I’ve never had trouble finding dates and D says I’m gorgeous, so I really want to make sure that the men I’m meeting have a photo of me that is very representative.  I’d rather find out before meeting that they aren’t attracted to me than after. 

If things are still going well after full and clear face photos and body photos have been exchanged, it’s time to talk about meeting up.  I usually move things over to a chat app like “Kik” at this point, and get into some more talking about what we are both looking for.  When it comes time,  I always suggest a “get to know you” date without any strings attached – something simple like drinks is a good way to start.  You can meet your potential in person, see if there’s chemistry, but there aren’t any expectations on either side of anything happening that night, so it’s much less “scary” – men get scared too, you know…this can be an intimidating lifestyle for them.  If the first date goes well, it’s usually pretty obvious if there’s going to be another one.  I have had one “first date” where the man ended up sort of ghosting me, and I have had a couple where I wasn’t interested after meeting.  

If You Get Stood Up or Rejected – Partners Listen Up, This is For You Too

This is always the hardest part…the rejection.  I haven’t had a lot of it myself, but I know how hard it can be when it happens.  The couple times that it did happen, there was a period where I didn’t feel like doing anything at all, I was sad and my confidence was a bit broken, and D didn’t really know how to handle it either.  Remember, though, that you have all the power in this situation.  There are “other fish in the sea” so to speak, even if you don’t feel like it at the time.  If you get outright stood up or ghosted after a first meeting or series of messages, then you just have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and realize that it wasn’t you it was them. Some sites, like Kasidie or SwingLifestyle allow members to be “rated” so you can tell if they have “successfully” met up with other people and how things went - this is sometimes helpful.  

Also, on the other side of the coin, don’t run from your feelings if you get rejected, take a little time before jumping right back in, because it does hurt.  This is where our partners need to help us out…they need to realize how HARD this is and how much being rejected or ghosted or even treated badly takes out of us as women.  One harsh comment from a man, one rejection, one thing that makes us feel crappy about ourselves and we can feel like we need to just end everything.  If it happens, our partners need to give us a little time rather than pushing us right back into the next one, and they need to ramp up the love, attention, romance, and confidence boosting sex, lust, electricity, etc., to show us that we, in fact, are desirable.  

If I get rejected or ghosted and D acts like it’s no big deal or sort of withdraws from me, I feel 1000 times worse than if he tells me what an idiot the guy was and then says, “hey, you know, we needed a little break to just be together anyway” and then ramps up the romance and lust for a little bit.  It sets me right back into the correct frame of mind, and before long I’m willing to get back out there and try again.

These things can weigh on us as Hotwives, though, and they shouldn’t be ignored or downplayed.  Like I said above, this is one of the hardest things to do – to put ourselves out there for situations that could turn out to involve rejection, ill feelings, ill treatment, etc.  

In the end, remember to choose your forum wisely, vet your lovers/bulls carefully (don’t jump right in), and, PARTNERS, the care that you give your Hotwife really makes a difference, whether she’s doing something at the moment or not.  Also, ladies, BE SAFE…the world is getting scarier, and no fantasy is worth being too “risky”, so always be careful, always make sure that your partner knows where you are, we suggest a phone tracker so that if anything bad were to happen you have that added layer of security, always meet in a public place for the “get to know you” date, control your environment (I prefer my house or a hotel, not going home with a guy unless I know him REALLY well), and keep everything open and honest with your partner.  

-          S

We are a new blog wanting to bring together Brisbane Couples. At the moment we just want to make this a meeting and sharing point. We will be sharing any Brisbane Couples so let us know where you are and we will follow your blog.

Let’s make our city the hottest out there!

This includes:

Nudes

Masturbation videos

Erotic audio

Stories about what you’d do to me

Apparent progress on newTumbl hasn’t been very exciting these last few days… unless you’re a hardcore programming nerd. It’s been virtually all back-end work. We’ll spare you the details. You may, however notice that the site is looking more refined, which is a direct reflection of how we’ve reorganized the structure and function of the web site.

There are a few new features worth mentioning though. Most notably, you can type formatted text in your posts. And you can delete your posts too (finally). Searching has been vastly improved to match your search preferences. It’s also ready to accept more search options for filtering, which we expect to show up on the site tomorrow. We’ve color coded links for content that is outside your comfort zone, so you can see when you’re about to go somewhere you might not want to. And we’ve disabled links altogether if you told us that’s the way you like it.

For more details on what went on behind the scenes, check out our features page that tells you exactly what’s going on with site development.

The fantasy of having a “Hotwife” is growing, in fact, research shows it is growing at a higher rate than a good majority of the other lifestyle alternatives, including the old staple of “swinging” and the modern “open relationship”.  Why is it that a fantasy that revolves around only one part of a relationship – the woman – going out and finding pleasure from another man more intriguing to an increasing number of men than going out and “getting some” for himself?  

Basic psychology tells us that men are highly competitive creatures.  They have a drive to compete with other males of the species for the best mate – this isn’t so much different than what happens in the animal kingdom.  Most men have an innate drive to compete with other men when it comes to the “best mate” or the “most attractive woman”.  With this being said, one of the reservations of most women who find out about their husband or partner’s Hotwife fantasy is that he is somehow “weaker” than the rest because he wants to give up his position as your only partner.  Is this really true, though?  Could the truth lie somewhere within today’s man’s loss of natural competition in everyday life, and a desire to maintain a level of competition after marriage or “monogamy”?  Is this weakness, or rather the ultimate confidence?  

Cuckholding aside, because this aspect of the fantasy requires a bit more in terms of a “woman led” relationship, and a bit more from the man in terms of a desire for mental sadomasochism, a good majority of men enjoy the idea that they have been able to “capture” the best mate and even when she’s out having amazing physical and emotional experiences with men who may have qualities that actually supersede their own – a better body, a larger cock, youth, more prowess in bed – their woman actually WANTS to come back to them at the end of the night.  While most Hotwife-Husbands do get some level of turn-on from the jealousy and the possibility that their Hotwife may actually be enjoying their dates more than they enjoy being “at home”, the overwhelming desire is the competition and the “win” in terms of having a wife who chooses them again and again even after being allowed to go out and have other men.  

As Hotwives, we may be the focus of the fantasy, but there is that deeper and more psychological desire of a man who, even after committing to one woman, is able to compete with other males sexually.  This is why the desire for “reclaiming” a Hotwife after a date is so strong – it’s actually been scientifically proven that men who are able to reclaim a partner after she has been with someone else have an increase in testosterone levels, which means stronger desire, more powerful erections, longer lasting erections, and an overall stronger sex drive.  So, what does this mean for us as Hotwives?

He Enjoys the Jealousy, Go with It

As women we’ve learned that inducing some jealousy can actually be a good thing when it comes to dating – before we’ve found our “person”.  We use our female prowess to keep the men who we are seeing guessing…why?  Because they seem more interested in us when it seems as though we may not be 100% there.  So, if this works in the dating world, why wouldn’t it work once we’re married? In contrast, women typically don’t respond as well, or in the same way to jealousy – we tend to worry, question, and sometimes shut down if we feel that he might be “just not that into us”.  Naturally, because of our own feelings on the matter, we tend to avoid making our men jealous once we’ve committed to them, because we, ourselves don’t want to feel as though we’re in constant competition with other, more attractive, sexier, younger, etc., women.  Why would we do something to the man that we love that we, ourselves, would hate?

For men, though, and especially those with Hotwife fantasies, jealousy is a big component and tool for us to keep our men hot and bothered.  Sometimes just the mere mention of being flirted with by that cute guy at our favorite restaurant, or our interest in the sexy personal trainer at the gym is enough to send our men into a sexual frenzy.  It doesn’t take a lot to feed the fantasy.  It’s not ALL about dates and recounting how well we got worked over in the bedroom (and how much we loved it), though that is the ultimate turn on for our men, it’s also about the little things – the mention of our interest in someone else, the sexy messages that we send to potential lovers or Bulls, the “tease” of how much we loved what our last Bull did for us and how much we’re looking forward to doing it again.  Remember, this ignites the “competition” element of things, which is natural for men.

The More You Enjoy it, the More He Enjoys it

You may be thinking, “But I’m doing it for him, I’m not doing it for myself” (a common theme by A LOT of Hotwives), but in reality, our men WANT us to enjoy our encounters. They want to hear about what this “other guy” did for or to is that sent us over the edge, and yes, they want to hear what we liked better about the “other guy”.  I know it seems crazy, because we don’t want to imagine our men, even if we did allow them to be with other women, thinking that their “others” were better, sexier, hotter or had something that we don’t.  That’s because we don’t have that “competition drive” like our men do.

Let’s face it, despite what our men tell us – “It’s all about your pleasure” or “I don’t get anything out of it unless you’re enjoying it, because I love you so much” – this isn’t some ultimate “unselfish” thing our men are doing for us.  These things come out of their mouths, but what they are really saying is “I want to know that you came three times while he was fucking you, and you STILL want to come home to me”.  It’s their kink, and we have to understand it.  

So, if you’ve actually taken the step into the world of Hotwifing, you’re going to have to learn how to properly tease your man into believing that, just maybe, your Bull was better than him in some ways.  Whenever you think “But I’m only doing it for him”, follow that us with “I’m doing it for him and he WANTS to know that I absolutely enjoyed it”.  Find some aspect of your encounter that was mind-blowing, and recount, in great detail exactly what it was that sent you over the edge.  This may require a little bit of embellishment, and that’s OKAY…trust me…embellishment is your friend in this situation.  Tell your man about your Bull’s amazing cock, how good if felt, how good he tasted, how fantastic he was at oral sex, etc.  These are the things that will ramp up that competition streak in your man and make him want to reclaim you with increased vigor and desire.  

The More You Want Someone Else, The More Your Man Wants You

Again, you’re playing on the competition and the teasing aspect of things here…  The more that you act as if you WANT to be a Hotwife, the more that your husband or partner is going to WANT you.  His desire for you is going to skyrocket, his sexual desire for you is going to make it so that he’s ready to chew his own leg off to get you back in bed.  I have experienced this firsthand many times…if I am completely honest about an “encounter” and admit to “D” that my Bull was lacking in some way, or I didn’t quite “get there”, he isn’t nearly as turned on as when I tell him about how amazing things were.  I don’t like or believe in lying, but I do advocate for being selective and stretching the truth…maybe your lover wasn’t the best at giving oral sex, but maybe he was an amazing kisser, so a good answer would be “he was amazing with his mouth” and leave the rest up for interpretation.  

We’re women.  We are strong and capable and we are smart.  And the truth is, this is a GAME we are playing for and with our husbands/partners, so we need to get our heads into the game. Furthermore, this is an intellectual game, and we need to use our intellects to get to where we want to be.  Where do we want to be?  We want to have a husband/partner who is absolutely drooling over us, believes we are the ultimate sexual goddess, and in is jealous enough to realize that in order to “compete” they will need to step up their own game in order to “keep” us satisfied – be that with amazing sex, extra romance, other rewards, or all of the above.  

Happy Hotwifing!

So now that Tumblr has officially announced they’re no longer supporting blogs that feature adult content, many of us have one month to move out.

Let’s strike up a dialogue regarding Plan B & discuss alternative options. We’d love to hear from other content creators & couples blogs like ourselves as well as the thousands of awesome adult content consumers such as you who like & share your hearts out💕

http://mewe.com/i/hotwifeshome-again

If anyone is migrating to MeWe from tumblr can you please reblog this with your MeWe username so we can find each other there ?

And

Remember a few months ago when it felt like every single website in existence updated their privacy policy? That was because of GDPR, the General Data Protection Regulation from the EU.

Another part of GDPR? Right of access / right to data portability. 

What this means is that if you ask for it, companies are to give you access to your data so that you could theoretically move it to another service. Many companies have done this by allowing you to export your data and download it. Even if a company doesn’t provide an automated way, you should still be able to contact them and they should provide your data - it doesn’t have to be automatically generated and downloadable.

Tumblr does provide an automated way to export your blog. This should be done individually for each sideblog as well, if you want. (These are instructions for the website - not the app.)

Go to your blog settings page, ie https://www.tumblr.com/settings/blog/<your-blog-name>.

Look for the Export section (currently at the bottom)

Click the “Export <your-blog-name>” button.

Depending on the size of your blog, it may take a while to generate the export. It will say that it’s processing, and you can reload the page and come back later to check if it’s done.

When your export is processed and ready, the Export section will have a button to download.

Once you’ve downloaded the file, extract it to a folder on your computer. It will contain:

A media folder with images, gifs, videos, and audio files.

A messages xml file. Your messages are in here, even if it doesn’t look “human readable” and is gibberish to you, I promise. There are tools that will “beautify” xml to make it more readable.

I started on Tumblr soon after it was created with a vanilla blog. Since then, hardly a day has gone by that Tumblr wasn’t a part of my life. I have made excellent friends on Tumblr over the years. In fact, MOST of my friends came from relationships I made via Tumblr. The precious, bubbly cupcake that is in my bed? Tumblr. So you can imagine how painful Tumblr’s announcement has been for me.

I love seeing the marginalized communities that are shunned elsewhere on Planet Earth have a safe place to exist and be themselves. It always made me smile when I see a Tumblr blogger ease out of their shells, steadfastly into the world.

Well, that shit is no more.

As some of you may have noticed I started a community effort to rescue these communities. I want everyone involved because it will be our garden, our club, our safe space to be ourselves.

And the new site (name to be withheld until we have something to show) is not just for kinksters, I want vanillas too; artists, witches, horror writers, brewmeisters, budtenders, book sluts, fandoms of all types, beat poets, wilderness photographers, Burners, vampire hunters, Dungeons and Dragons players, and rocket scientists. Hell, I want people who just want to blog about cats and cabins in the woods.

What we won’t tolerate are bullies, minors, Nazis (and their fucked up allies), abusers or trolls. They can fuck right off to a cesspool of their choice.

I am putting up the cash to get this started PLUS I am making this a community effort, that is why I am being so transparent about the process with our Discord planning group. Yes, it is chaos. We have taken on an INSANE project to get done in less than 2 weeks. Well, 9 days now.

This isn’t my first rodeo. I am actively trying to keep my anonymity as long as I can, but I know it will soon be spugged out in due order soon. You will then see what I have done in the past and learn about a very vanilla project that has been near and dear to my heart. You have probably heard of it and maybe even participated!

The beta site will not be perfect. It will be good but not perfect. Hell, we have been suffering with “far from perfect” with Tumblr now for years. It is my hope that our community can put up with our rough edges for a little while.

Where we are tonight is pretty good. We have selected a host, got our software loaded, installed the Linux packages required and are now getting those packages to play nice with one another. We had it working for a bit until a small issue with the registration page required some elbow work.

I am working on the branding and marketing with a bunch of really smart pervs in our Discord group. I am really proud of all of our volunteers and want to thank them all. 

If you want to volunteer or simply eat popcorn and watch the porn riots, please use this invite link: https://discord.gg/jVempgb

Remember, Discord is just the site we are using for planning, not the actual site we are moving to.

Many of you have asked about the Library For Kinksters, it will be archived and placed on the now site.

We plan to allow you to import your Tumblr blog over to our new site but Tumblr may have other ideas. Other services have been using Tumblr’s API for exporting and now Tumblr now seems to be shutting down that API functionality.

That is all for now. Keep your heads held high and remember you are ALL FUCKING AMAZING PEOPLE!

- Dominant Life

P.S. Please reblog the shit out of this. Santa may drop a slutty elf off at your house for Christmas!

Reblog this now

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