Breathe Easy

I’m not sure when my art hardened..

I climbed the ladder

like the rest of us

rising to the top

but the air grew paper thin

I stood between

ambition / altitude

and my words choked

Perhaps poetry

is not to blame

never was a girl

with a wicked mind, but

everything looks better,

when the sun

but it should be

summers

drain me

i favor the fall

when everything

gives in

violent colors fade

as the leaves turn

and the midnight heat

breaks at the sight of dawn

that’s when i met you

it was october

we were costumed

in a hook

for a new story

we pledged our season

and it’s been relentless

no one ever chooses

the middle

we crave

control

or complete surrender

hands gripping the wheel

or

head first through the nearest exit

are we really

that stubborn

or just

for eachother

but who made us

to indulge in you

without being

gun to my head //

i never stopped loving you

not in ways

love is praised for

ours is the kind

they worship

in burned texts

and torn pages

made from

taboo touches

and stolen time

you found me in the shadows

and loved me for staying there

i sink into salt water

and pray it will

wash me me clean

i scream at the stars

for answers

and they fire back at me

shining over our ruin

why tie our souls together

if we were made

stealing time from the world

just to be together

that’s why

you feel like a thrill

and a secret

I get

only a few minutes

to taste forever

and it is never enough

but maybe

you never wanted me

Our thoughts are spells

Casting on our souls

Speak gently of yourself

when I say I’m like water…

I mean you will ache for me

a thirst you cannot quench

I will flow through your mind

wild and restless

I can wash you

of everything heavy

or pull you under

until you surrender

My tides come without warning

My calm

the most beautiful thing

you will ever see

and when you sink

to the bottom of my ocean

you will sit on the throne

I don’t know you

I don’t know why you did what you did to me

Or if even you knew what you were doing to me

I don’t know you at all.

But what you did

It nearly killed me

With your body that looks like sex

Your want what you can’t have

And my husband wanted you.

He wanted you. He couldn’t keep you

Off his mind.

A place where I used to be.

I don’t have what you have and it almost killed me

But I wonder what is it…that you don’t have?

Why are you so utterly alone?

What put you in this place?

You’re beautiful, I should know

No one has seen you more than I have.

With the home I made for you in my head

I see you all day, all night

I know you’re beautiful.

Elaine…

I don’t know why you did this to us

but…

Forgiveness is an option here.

You can change, you can do better.

You left without a word, and I get it

Owning your mistakes; it’s easier to run.

So I get it.

Run like you have something worth chasing.

Run after the life you want

And if you think of me when you do

But as it seems,