Clari✨️

And I'm not trying to close my eyes to Ivan's dark side, he is prone to doing dubious things (all of them, by the way. Conditions in which they grew up is a separate topic for discussion). Buuuut…

Ivan fell in love with Till for his freedom (well, first of all, for the fact that he communicated with him xD, but for that as well). Don't you think it's strange if Ivan tried to suppress what Till always symbolized for Ivan himself?

You who shines, I stand next to you

We know from Vivivos that Ivan considered himself unworthy of love and gave up the fight for happiness. From the lines of Nowhere we can guess the source of this belief: faced with the extremely harsh life in the slums, Ivan's defense mechanism was to deny the possibility of any of his dreams for something good, because it was easier to forget about it when it once again turned out to be in vain. Sending to Anakt, being different from his peers, the incident with the meteorites - all this only reinforced Ivan's complex.

Although on the other hand, apparently he was really worried that Till, being a rather willful stubborn person, would provoke the Segeins and tried to reason with him to be more reasonable, but Till, of course, didn't give a shit about it. But there is a big difference between worrying about Till killing himself and wanting to tie him to a radiator.

Ivan really did a lot of strange things and invaded Till's personal space again and again. Officially, his desire was to take up as much space in Till's head as possible, he wanted Till to remember him. And Ivan did it as best he could, convinced that it was the only way. At the same time, I think that by the time he graduated from Anakt, Ivan already guessed that he had a very real chance to get closer to Till (and he did, but never realized it…).

I see Ivan as a rather unhappy, depressed and detached person, who at the same time treats his sufferings quite simply, considering it "superficial" and accepting everything as it is, considering this course of things to be right. In general, I think Ivan could be greedy, possessive and demanding, but the problem is that too much has to happen for him to show himself as such.

In the "normal" conditions of their existence, Ivan is too convinced that possessing Till is a priori impossible for him, since no one will ever love him, especially Till. Therefore, he most likely did not even allow fantasies about it, in his world it simply does not exist. He was not even (canonically confirmed) jealous of Till for Mizi. It was natural for him, no matter who Till would love, because in Ivan's world there is no chance that he himself will be loved for who he is.

Ivan did many questionable things, but he never crossed the line with Till. If he had no boundaries, he could have forced Till to kiss him long before he graduated from Anakt. But Ivan did not do that.

it doesn't go both ways