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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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@bricksoup

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there are things I lose in the circling marshes of hope things I forgot in a cold home I can touch them they ask me they cry, they beg like so many orphaned ducklings from the bottom of a pond they ask me why did you walk away? did you find what you wanted? is our screaming home again will you stay? I don't know I didn't I never left.
Hey, may I ask you a question? Do you honestly believe that every child should be vaccinated despite the many contaminates including mercury and artificial chemical compounds with unknown side effects that they are being found to be contained in them. It's a valid concern that some parents have. Another question I have is how is it logical that a person who has been vaccinated can catch virus from an unvaccinated person? Isn't it more logical to assume that vaccinations aren't quite as effective
You can ask it but I’m from a generation that got our vaccinations and never caught any of the diseases above or got mercury poisoning. So isn’t it more logical to assume it’s safer to vaccinate children instead of putting people with lowered immune systems at risk because you saw something on Dateline?
From what I understand, if enough people are not vaccinated, herd immunity disappears. So yes, it would likely start with the unvaccinated, including people who can’t have vaccines for other health reasons. But this also allows the bacteria to mutate and form new versions of the disease that the vaccines aren’t effective against. Then you run the risk of the vaccinated getting the disease and the cycle will repeat. Herd immunity is super fucking important.
pvivax can you weigh in on this?
Why, soyeahso yes I can!
First, unless there is a medical reason a child should not be vaccinated (such as an allergy to a compound in the vaccine), yes I think every child should be vaccinated!
Mutation of the pathogen can and has occurred, that is not the main reason for the vaccinated becoming sick.
So WHY do the vaccinated get sick?
An EXCELLENT question with a variety of answers.
Some vaccines wear off with time. That is why you are supposed to get your tetanus (and pertussis aka whooping cough!) shot every 10 years or so. Think of it as a shirt, some shirts wear out quickly and have to be replaced over and over. Then there is that one shirt that you’ve had since like middle school and 14 years later it’s still going strong.
Different vaccine formulation have different effectiveness. In the mid 1990s the USA switched from using whole cell pertussis vaccine to aceullar pertussis vaccines over concerns about safety. Though the safety improvements are pretty much negligible from what I’ve seen.Those who had the whole cell vaccine are less likely to develop pertussis then those who had the acellular vaccine.
Vaccines are designed to do different things. Some vaccines work so that should the person be infected the disease is milder/survivable (Those with the aceullar pertussis vaccine for example may still get sick but their illness won’t be nearly as bad as if they were unvaccinated) or protect the child long enough to be strong enough to survive it
The Bacille de Calmette et Guérin (BCG) vaccine is a very good example of this. BCG vaccine is given to children to prevent tuberculosis. The BCG vaccine is really ineffective in adults and its effectiveness in children can be a crapshoot. HOWEVER it is very good at preventing miliary TB. And this gives children a chance to survive so that they may fight off the infection. (I’m not going to go into the pathogenesis of TB though it’s really interesting! Umm to me…)
But the BIGGEST reason is
It’s a numbers game.
What the fuck does that even mean pvivax?
It means you have to take into account
The effectiveness of a vaccine, none of them 100%
How many people around you are vaccinated? If everyone is vaccinated and you are one of the people where the vaccine didn’t ‘take’ your chances of getting sick are really low. Contrariwise if a LOT of people aren’t vaccinated then your chances increase.
An imperfect analogy: think of it as being shot at. Someone shoots at you once and your bulletproof vest doesn’t work, you have a pretty good chance that the bullet will miss you and you’re good. But if you are shot at over and over and over, pretty soon there is good chance that you’re gonna get hit.
Now for an example!
Herd immunity (the percentage of people that are vaccinated in order to for the disease to not spread and protect the vulnerable) is 98%.
The MMR is about 97% effective, right? Let’s begin!
You have a school in Mississippi of 2000. Mississippi has very strict vaccination laws. Only medical exemptions are allowed. Therefore of the 2000 students, 1994 are vaccinated, a rate of 99.7%.
All of these students are equally exposed. If you are exposed to measles you have about 90% chance of getting measles. It is VERY infectious.
Rounded down, since you can’t have a fraction of a person: 5 of the unvaccinated children will get measles.
54 of the vaccinated children will be sick.
OMG VACCINES SUCK THE FUCK SCIENCE!
Wait, wait, wait a moment!
Look at the numbers again! 5 of the 6 unvaccinated children developed measles, that’s a 83%.
54 of 1994 children developed measles, that’s 2.7%
But when you look at that, what do more people see? The fact that 91% of measles cases were in the vaccinated, not that 1940 children were spared measles while only 1 non vaccinated person was spared infection.
Same scenario in Colorado where the MMR vaccination rate is 81.7%
366 vulnerable children
1634 covered.
All exposed and 329 of unvaccinated children will be sick (90% infection rate) and 45 of the covered children will be sick, again a 2.7% infection rate. In this case however, only 12% of the sick children were vaccinated.
The more unvaccinated people walking around, the more reservoirs there are for disease and for the disease to linger and expose more people. If very few people are unvaccinated, the disease dies out quickly, there is nowhere for it to go. The more people that are unvaccinated, the more places there are for the disease to go, exposing more people to the virus.
Footnotes: 54 came from. Multiplying 1994 by .97 (the effectiveness of the MMR). 1-(1994*.97)=60. 60*.90(likelihood of getting measles once exposed)=54.
45 came from: 1634 by .997 (the effectiveness of the MMR). 1634-(1634*.97)=49 49*.90(likelihood of getting measles once exposed)=44.118 (round to 45)
Been gone so long. What have I been doing with all this sad? Oh, I know. Word vomiting on Facebook. Eat a bag of multi ethnic gummy dongs, Suckerberg.
Through the land there are rivers
a modest stream spreads apart, pushes around interrupted bridges
and puts them quietly to bed under silt and water beetles

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algor mortis
Somebody sees my baseball cap sticking out of the brush a few meters off the trail. She stops and they listen. They hear me clear my throat. He takes my left hand and walks me away from the narrow margin between mountainside and abyss. I feel a quiet puff of air from beyond the ledge, and it sounds patient.
She has unpacked water and some whole grain rolls and they put a blanket around my shoulders. I thank them and they walk away, down the mountain. I finish eating and follow my tether back to the cliff. It is wound as tightly as it ever was. Tomorrow the same thing will happen. I have fed an entire generation of hikers lies about hope. They grow fat.
I don’t want to die
TL;DR - unintentional weight loss from medication, clinicians freak the fuck out, am finally at the point of caving and saying "fuck it, let's just go all in". I could just about die. I finished eating a turkey sandwich just now and it was like eating a brick of taffy. Recently, for the first time in my life, I wanted desperately to gain weight. And I've hovered on the high end of underweight for a while - but I'm ethnically East Asian and 5'3". If I were at an optimal weight for health from a doctor's perspective, according to the standard BMI scale, I would be overweight for my frame. My mother ended up prediabetic at 5'2 and 130 lbs. So here I am. I transition to Vyvanse from Ritalin and it works beautifully. For the first time in my life, I can get things done at a reasonable rate. Treatment-refractory depression eases up a bit because it turns out that being useless makes you depressed. Then the weight starts falling off. For a few weeks I am slugging down Ensure, and when that becomes too expensive I get protein powder to add to a generic supplement mix and make it with whole goddamn milk (all in addition to regular meals and snacks).
I'm trying, they're weighing, we're all in it together, right? This is my treatment team (for PTSD - I thought I was safely in recovery from AN for several years), and we're on the same page as far as my goals and how we plan to try and reach them. Next med check I weigh in a speck under 90 and they lose their shit. "You could die." "Your heart might not be working properly." "You need to be monitored in a hospital." "We have to stop these meds immediately." "I'm not comfortable managing your care because I'm not an eating disorder expert." Clusterfuck of miscommunication lands me in a primary care office with a doctor who SPECIALIZES in treating AN. I'm here for a medical clearance, but she's under the impression that it's to authorize outpatient treatment of AN, not continuation of stimulant medication. She calls me a liar and informs me that she will be urging my psychiatrist to have me hospitalized. Month later - I've dodged that particular bus and my weight has stopped dropping but is unfortunately maintaining in the "danger zone". On the same scale that let my mom end up well on her way to diabetes because her doctor was telling her she had a healthy BMI. Meds are cut off. I'm still on an SSRI and a battery of anti-anxiety medications (no benzos, though) and a couple others for night terrors that are heavily sedating during the day, but my appetite hasn't improved. I can't get anything done. I've been suicidal for three weeks. I was buying a handgun last week and changed my mind right before running my card. And this week, my therapist uploaded an EDE-6 to my online chart. I'm fully symptomatic in virtually every area - BUT IF AND ONLY IF you swap the words around so it's about being obsessed with gaining weight instead of losing it. And I feel it turning backwards lately. I am finding my sunken eyes and jutting bones less of a curse and more of a solace. So I may quite well end up where they thought I was going, after all.
Sorry for the wall of text. There is virtually nobody else I can say this to. Thanks if you've read this far.
So much more delicate and subtle than most colorful Gerbera varieties. <3
This year's poppies. Danish flag and an unmarked Italian mix from a seed swap.
Exulansis
n. the tendency to give up trying to talk about an experience because people are unable to relate to it—whether through envy or pity or simple foreignness—which allows it to drift away from the rest of your life story, until the memory itself feels out of place, almost mythical, wandering restlessly in the fog, no longer even looking for a place to land. From The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows #wheredideveryonego

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When I am dead
There will finally be one incontrovertible fact about my health and my future that someone can't bully me into changing my mind about
Elisa
let me visit, I need to recharge Darling! You’re all wet!
i want to die
I feel like unless I am dead or happy I have no right to say anything Just because you stop struggling once in awhile doesn’t mean it’s consensual
I have found this applies to many things
I think I remember trying to put a spoon counter on my blog
when really what I need is a “times I’ve resorted to calling crisis lines because I have hundreds of ‘friends’ and literally nobody to talk to” counter.
Therapy is dangerous.
And it has to be. You can almost die and shit.
I want my damn casserole. I’d rather do chemo.

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I just read a paper from the discipline of conversation analysis. It dovetails nicely with what I wrote in Talking Past Each Other, and I'm going to go through some of the findings (I can't redistribute the paper itself), and talk about some conclusions. Long story short: in conversation, "no" is disfavored, and people try…
kyle
Why do we smile and even giggle when we're afraid? Are we trying to work things out? Or are we trying to convince everyone, even our attacker, that nothing's wrong? Here's what science has to say about "fear grinning."
filed under it’s not my fault