Breakup Lessons

Never run for a train, bus, car or woman. When one leaves, a new one will arrive. Open your mind to look for the next one.

Life is a continual process of letting go. To know that you could lose everything and still be okay is an incomparable, joyful feeling.

Sometimes you can't control or win all the big battles. Remember to win the small battles during your day. Get the coffee you really like, eat that meal that always makes you happy, grab that extra dessert you have been craving, go retail therapy, etc. All these small things in the day that most people overlook can really add up and help push you forward.

Give yourself time. I think I'm still trying to understand this one. But time should reveal things about the relationship that you couldn't see yet. I'll update once they are clear.

Every relationship and breakup has lessons to be learned. Don't allow yourself to not grow after such a big chapter in your life. Reflect on your own flaws and not just your ex's, trust me you have some. Do what you can to learn and better yourself for the next one. Learn from your mistakes. It will pay off. 

Being in a serious relationship usually ties you down to one spot for a long time. Its hard to find the time to travel and when you do, its usually some sort of vacation. Not that going on vacation is bad, but travel and see the world. Don't just be lazy and sleep at a resort. Go experience the world and see what it has to offer. This will be a regret that never happened once you are married and have kids. 

Hang out with friends. Reconnect with people who you haven't talked to in a while. They are there. Go find them.

If your board is big enough. Also write down goals you set for yourself during this time. It can be as simple as go to the gym or call up friends. Try to accomplish some things that you fell through the wayside. Time should be on your side now, use it.

This sounds really hippie but get a dry erase board and write down all the things you are blessed to have in your life. Many people forget to count your blessings. Place that board somewhere you will see everyday. When you get sad, stare at it. Its a self fulfilling prophecy. The more you stare at it, the more you will believe.

Can't argue with science. Go hit the gym and run. Exercise releases endorphins in your brain. Endorphins = happiness. Simple math and science.

Do the things that make you happy. In all of my dramatic happenings this past year, I lost track of all the things that made me happy. Depression usually comes with brooding and loss of excitement in normal life. Its hard but start doing things that made you happy before all the drama. 

Honestly, cliches never make any depressed person feel better. Everyone has heard it one time in their life before. Has it ever helped you? I dont know if this is good advice but I just wanted to express that cliches suck! I think some people will echo my sentiment.

I know everyone always says their breakup is the hardest, especially when they are still dealing with a fresh separation. I'm sure there are plenty of harsher breakups that have occurred in the history of couples but here is mine. I had been dating my girlfriend for over 6 years. We met each other in college after both having dated a good number of people before to kind of know what we are looking for in a mate. This relationship had gone through many ups and downs and through all the madness, we had found a good place where both of us could be overall happy. The last 2 years was dealing with long distance. Luckily we did not have to deal with any time difference but it still required a flight to see each other. Not only that, I had to support a law school student. Anyone who knows anyone in law school knows that the first year means everything. They always joke that every law school student can pick 2 of the 3 choices: School, Sleep, Relationship. One always gets left behind. Luckily we made it through a grueling 2 years. It wasn't until I was planning to move to her location that she realized that I was not the  "one". I had originally put off buying a house in my current location so that I could buy one the moment I moved to her. I had been fired by my current job because they found out that I was looking elsewhere for work. And I had gotten a DUI a few months before all of this happened. Needless to say, this was the worst year of my life. A few weeks before I was trying to finalize my plans to move up, she let me know after a fight that she was having doubts if I was the "one". I begged and pleaded to no avail. She left on a plane to finish her last year of law school and I was left devastated. It completely blindsided me. It was only a few weeks ago that she was telling all of our mutual friends that we were doing very well and she was going to marry me. I had the next 6 years of our lives planned out. I was going to move. Then look for a house to buy. Shortly after I would be looking for a ring to propose right after she graduates and we would get married 1-2 years after. My life plans have been completely blown up now. Being devastated I looked to my loved ones for support. Many offered many different forms of advice. Some were good, some were horribly bad. But for the ones that really stuck with me. I wanted to write down so that I could use as motivation and therapy when I have my moments of weakness. I know I'll have many more. Here are a few. Hopefully these help more than just myself.