and pour me out

I'm actually never going to learn how to play a class other than Ranger.

Speech hasn't been working great for me this evening. Earlier at the studio, I tried to tell someone, "No worries" but it just came out, "Worries."

One time at summer camp, I was struggling to come up with a camp name for myself and suddenly felt a time crunch to decide on one. I looked around the room I was in and chose my name based on something I saw in my immediate surroundings-- an incredibly nonbinary move on my part, and I still thought I was cis at that point.

Shout out to when I was a weird little kid who once celebrated Friday the 13th by sprinkling salt on my classmate's shoes.

Texting my therapist from the club

Jesus fucking christ, being autistic is so embarrassing sometimes-- I went to put air in my tires, and I was at a different place than usual, and at the pump the sign was like, "Free Air - No Parking in This Area" and there were some cones on either side of the space about not parking there, and I'm staring at it confused like "how do I use the pump if I can't park here" and I park a space over and the hose is long enough to reach but it's not that convenient and I'm looking at the setup going "do you think this makes sense if you're not autistic," and anyway, they mean don't park and leave your car there, the space is only for when you're using the air pump, but I had done three out of four tires by the time I understood this, so

When king penguins suddenly stretch out their necks... it's unsettling...

So how do I get myself to go numb if I don't drink or use drugs and I've stopped cutting... feels like I'm taking a lot of options off the table...

The class I'm working with started watching Tangled today, breaking my 15+ year commitment to the bit of never having seen Tangled because when it came out, I went to see it in the theater with my mom and friend, only it was sold out when we got there so we saw Black Swan instead.

A few years ago, the therapist I was seeing had me fill out a safety contract, and then acted like it was an actual, binding contract that meant now I couldn't kill myself. It was so stupid that for a moment, I considered killing myself immediately after session, out of spite.

Brains fucking suck, I knew a girl for three weeks nine years ago and I still have nightmares about her death.

Flashback Friday to when we had to make "character collages" in 9th grade English, and they were supposed to be colorful, but our printer only had black ink, so I did it in black and white and said it represented the character's mindset. Teacher liked it enough that she asked to keep it as an example, fucking love English classes.