if you read my mind all you hear is synths

The Velvet Series Masterpost

A random episode of Lez Ball

And a random Lesbian News Roundup

so I made a gofundme, because things have been difficult the past 5 months and they are about to be more difficult if I don’t get a new work permit. details included below:

(The fundraiser picture is an image of me doing a home sleep test) My name is Kamelliah, I am a 27 year old immigrant working full-time. Last year was very difficult for me, I was hospitalized twice and left with medical bills I can’t pay. Later on I started to struggle with fatigue, there have been days where I would wake up in the morning and feel so fatigued to the point of tears, I didn’t know how I would survive the commute to my job let alone an entire work day. I have tried my best to advocate for myself and access healthcare. Medical providers have undermined my struggles, assured me I was fine when I couldn’t make food or take a shower on some days, let alone do my groceries or pick up my medication. I have been waiting for months to hear about test results and getting denied by insurance for more testing that would provide a better idea or a diagnosis, therefore getting any kind of treatment keeps getting further and further delayed and my quality of life continues to plummet.

Due to this, I have exhausted my funds on better accessibility for myself, because the transportation system has denied me proper accommodations due to the lack of a diagnosis. There have been days where I felt so weak I had to rely on a cane, and on others I couldn’t go to work or needed to go home early due to my fatigue, significantly reducing my paychecks and almost risking my full-time status. Despite all of that I have tried my best to work as hard as I can at my job to continue supporting myself.

I didn't wanna have to do this and I'm not even sure it will work but hey, here goes nothing!

I moved outta my abusive home february last year and moved in with my girlfriend into a small apartment. We're both college students. With the COVID19 pandemic she lost her internship and has been unemployed eversince. I still have an internship but have lost my other part-time job that was at a school cause all schools are closed... I can't get a job cause would need my diploma but I can't get a diploma cause I can't finish college because of the pandemic... so basically we suvive on my 800 reais internship and some art commissions my girlfriend sometimes makes. And some help from my parents. The pandemic only gets worse in Brazil and prices of food only get more and more expensive and our president is an asshat and it's been shown that we're the worst country in terms of dealing with covid19. Unemployment rates are skyrocketing. Things aren't getting any better.

Please help us buy food by donating to my PayPal: [email protected]

Even 1 dolar helps, since converted to brazilian reais it's half of what we need to buy us a packet of beans for the month!

I’m proceeding with legal action to prove abuse and neglect, so that legal guardianship can be granted to other family members. Because these proceedings may take months, I’m also filing an emergency ex parte order to gain temporary custody while the case ensues. I’m raising funds to rent an apartment in the city where my niece lives, so I can provide her with safe housing and keep her daily life as stable as possible during the proceedings.

So here’s what’s happening, one of the reasons I’ve been so upset lately. My mom needs someone to look after her for 2 weeks in March. Normally this wouldn’t be an issue because she lives with her son anyway. But, her son decided this would the perfect time to go overseas. No one else can look after her but me. But, I work all day. You all know this because I complain about how my job abuses me and my labor everyday.

Her son does not give a single shit about this. No one else can do it. My mom is old and sick, she can’t be by herself for long periods of time. So, I’m gonna have to cut my hours so I can take care of my mom. But I cannot afford this. I can barely afford things now and I’m already working as many hours as my work will allow on top of freelance writing.

So, that’s why I had the idea to do this. I’ve posted the first four chapters of Leonhart on patreon. The first chapter is free to read for everyone, but if you sign up for patreon you can read the other chapters right away. Meanwhile, free readers will have to wait until the third weekend of March, the date I originally planned to release.

I’ve worked day and night for the last 3 days to get these chapters edited and ready for you to read. It wasn’t ideal, but I felt like I had no other options.

If you like the first chapter, but you cant commit to a monthly thing or you’re totally okay waiting the next chapter, my kofi link is on my patreon page.

Kindergarten

It was the first day of school and I only cried twice. Not bad for a crybaby like me. I was terrified out of my mind, but it got better. The teacher sat me behind her. It was alphabetical order by last name. And for the first time in my life I was happy to have this name. She turned around smiled. “I like your shirt,” she said. That was it, the beginning. I can’t remember the shirt. But, I remember that smile.

1st Grade

She wasn’t in my class. I saw her on the playground. We didn’t talk. Well… I didn’t talk. She would say hi sometimes. I fell off the monkey bars. The other kids laughed. I sat in a puddle of my own blood until a teacher could take me to the nurse’s office. Once alone, I started to cry. Not because of the pain. Because I made a fool of myself in front of her. I went home that day and wrote in my diary, I wanna hold her hand. I was 6 years old. I had no concept of love, no idea what a lesbian even was. I just wanted to hold her hand.

2nd Grade

It was show and tell. I wanted to show, but I had no one to tell. I sat there clutching my Star Wars toy, waiting for her and her group to perform. She smiled at me on your way up. I don’t remember what song they sang. I do remember how much fun she was having, though. I was glad she had fun. I wish I could have talked to her during recess to tell her I liked her song. But for some reason, under second grade law, we couldn’t even play together. I wasn’t cool enough. She was too cool. I just accepted that. I was happy enough with those small moments.

3rd Grade

I thought I’d find a quiet place to practice my kicks. I was so clumsy. I couldn’t find my balance. She walked by with her friend. Her friend hated me. I didn’t know why. She made fun of me, made me feel so silly for even trying. They left. I stayed. Doubt and hatred were brewing in my tiny head. I don’t know how long I stayed there, but she walked by again. Alone. “I like your karate.” It wasn’t karate. I didn’t correct her. I was just happy to see her smile again. But… Why could she only talk to me when she’s alone? Seemed like she couldn’t find her balance either.

4th Grade

I was invited to a party. So was she. My mom agreed to take me. She had more friends at this party than I did. I sat contently by myself. Watching everyone else play was fine with me. It was time to hit the piñata. I just watched. She came to me once all the other kids ran off. “You didn’t get any candy,” she said. I smiled and shook my head no. She dug into her pile and hand gave me a handful of Hershey’s Kisses. She ran off before I could say thank you. She gave me my first kisses.

5th Grade

The graduation ceremony just ended. She looked like she walked right out of a Disney movie. All the kids were fawning over her. But I stayed back. What would I even say? I showed up wearing a white shirt, jeans, and black Timberlands. I had no business being anywhere near her. I wanted so much to tell her she looked great. I wanted to tell her I would miss her. We weren’t close. She wouldn’t miss me. I sat by myself waiting for my family to pick me up. She found me and wrapped me up in a hug. “I’m gonna miss you!” She said in my ear. I froze. With her in my arms. I froze. I wanted to say I would miss her, too. I said nothing. She let me go. She walked away with her dad. She looked back and waved goodbye. All I could do was mirror her smile.

11th Grade

I just joined Facebook. I had no intention of ever using this account. I wasn’t popular at school, why would I be online? While I was trying to navigate this jungle of a site I saw a familiar name. Oh. It was her. I wondered if she would recognize me. Six years was a long time to a 16-year-old. I added her with no intention of ever talking to her. But she had other ideas. She remembered me. We talked for days. After a sudden surge of courage overcame me, I told her. “I had a crush on you in elementary school.” She laughed. I found myself missing her smile. She told me that day she was bisexual. I wasn’t ready to say the words, “I’m a lesbian.” We lost each other in that virtual jungle.

2nd Year of College

I ran into one of my old classmates from elementary school. She looked exactly the same. She had trouble recognizing me, but she remembered me. She invited me to a little get together. She found a bunch of people from our old class. I agreed. What harm it could do. We all met up. It was the same deal. I quietly watched while everyone socialized. Just like the old days. This particular classmate got a phone call. She answers it. It was her. She asked about me, “Tell her I’m sorry I couldn’t be there!” I was too.

Last Year

It’s 2 am and I’m awake. I had a dream about her. Staring at the ceiling and she’s on my mind. It’s been so long. Why now? My idiot self thought to look her up on Instagram. There she is. She just graduated university. She’s engaged to a man. He looks… Like a human male. I’m happy for her. But I’m sad for me. What was I expecting? Too much apparently. She was happy. That’s all that mattered. Staring at the ceiling again. She was my first love. But she won’t be my last.

180904 Yeri instagram update

red velvet making seulgi laugh cry

bonus:

why don’t TRAs tackle this issue, instead of whining on the internet about the Evil Terfs (who instead are fighting for the abolition of prostitution- a thing that would greatly benefit lots of trans women)?