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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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something cool about queering your idea of sex is that you can walk out of a heavy make out session feeling like you had the rawest sex of your life. you can be sitting close at a bar kissing them and maybe you’ve found a way to sit so your knee is discreetly between their thighs and feeling the pleasure it gives them and then feeling them give that pleasure to you. you can be looking each other in the eye and you can feel them inside you from that alone. like you want to tear their clothes off and are hungry for the feeling of their skin and their closeness but even just this feels like heaven, feels connected to them in the deep place where pleasure comes from.
“When I was a dominatrix, I once rubbed balloons all over a man for seventy-five dollars. He would’ve called it sex. I would’ve called it work. It was mutually consensual, and I think we were both correct in our assessment.
If your sex is balloons, if it is blowing raspberries on your lover’s belly, if it happens fully clothed ir in furry costumes, if it happens in a group or alone — give it the same gravity, the same reverence or irreverence as all the tiresome scenes of heterosexual penetration we all grew up reading. … There is no marginal erotic unless you sideline it.”
Tldr; consent doesnt have to be freely given, considered, informed, specific, reversable, enthusiastic, etc,,, but if it isnt more than one of those things then theres a good chance something is wrong
There are a lot of frameworks for consent that claim consent has to meet certain criteria to be valid and none of them quite sit right with me because there are situations in which those criteria can be unmet that don't violate consent
So id like to proper a framework where these criteria are viewed as scales, the higher the total the less risk there is that someone looks back and says "actually i wish i hadn't done that" and the lower the total the more likely it is that you should rethink the thing you're about to participate in. Critically there's no minimum total for consent to be 'valid' firstly because ever scenario is unique, secondly because these numbers aren't empiricle youre just estimating them, and thirdly because im not suggesting you actually do this every time im just positing things to consider. I'm calling this Consent Security
A. How intense is the thing you're agreeing to (10 is the least intense 1 is the most (i know thats a littte counter intuitive but it has to be this way to affect the totals in the right way)). This will be subjective, but broadly you'd expect having someone hump your boot to be not very intense where as having a limb cut off is really intense, this is inversely related to how 'secure' the consent should be
B. How impared are you in this moment (10 is the least impared and 1 is the most). Are you; Drunk? High? Sleepy? Hungry? Emotional? Experiencing symptoms™? What is your baseline level of 'imparement'? As someone who hallucinates i dont think i can ever be considered to have a 10 in this catogory, if you have something similar or maybe brain fog or chronic fatigue or some other type of mental disability maybe your baseline is less than 10 too?
C. How much do you trust the other participants (1 is the least trust 10 is the most). How long have you known them or how well regarded are they or how much does someone you trust trust them in turn and so on. The more you trust the other participents the less important all the other catogories are
D. How freely given is your conscent (1-10 least to most). Almost everyone has some type of power they could leverage against almost everyone else, and more than likely one of you has the 'most' 'power'. Does one of the other participants have some control over your housing or income or some type of social power over you? Have they just asked a bunch of times in a row and its easier to say yes than to keep saying no? Is there some other type of preasure to say yes? If any of those are yes are they likely to actually use that power? None of this means everyone else cant meaningfully consent it just means this number will probably not be 1 or 10.
E. How well informed are you about the situation (1-10 least-most). On the far ends of the extremes someone might say "do you want to do a globophilia scene with me?" and you probably dont know thats a baloon fetish, or maybe youre a suergon whos being asked to do some light scalple play. But probably the amount of informed you are is going to be somewhere in the middle
F. How specific is the thing youre consenting to (1-10 least-most). That is to say how detailed is the plan for the intended activities. There's almost certainly going to some level of ambiguity, you probably don't have a minute by minute plan (i.e. ten minutes of making out, seven minutes of you giving me head, then ill get out the knife and make a bilatteral cut on your stomach thats 3mm deep, and so on), but maybe the conversation with your dominant goes "what are we doing today" "dw about it, its a suprise" "ok, yay <3"
G. How reversable is the thing youre consenting to (1-10 least-most). This could be about negotiating a situation where you don't have the option of backing out half way through, but this could also be about permanent alterations like scars, or things with short term consequences like icy-hot cream, or even just shubari takes time to get you out of once you've said you're done
H. How enthusiastic are you about the situation (1-10 least-most). 1 can be thought of as hard limits, things you absolutely do not want to do. 2-3 can be thought of as your soft limits, things that you don't want to do but also aren't off the table in the right situations. 3-4 might be things that make you nervous or anxious or just aren't really feeling like. 5 might be things youre entierly neutral about. 10 is probably your favourite ever things. These numbers are by no means set in stone, at any given moment something as simple as giving head might be anywhere from a 3 to a 10 depending on your mood
All of this will give you a total of 8-80 where 70+ means youre golden and less than 20 is maybe a problem. But really the total doesn't matter hugely because each category should be weighted differently (trust being the most important imo), because the further from 5.5 any category is the more seriously that number should be taken with 1s and 10s being especially important, and because all of these numbers can change within the space of a second
Finally this is a first draft of this concept so constructive criticism is encouraged
