Bratina

SUBMITTED by hannah-elizabeth-j

I’ve seen a few posts/requests on here about the effects of emotional abuse and the affect that it has on each Myers Briggs type so, as someone who works with a lot of domestic abuse victims I thought that I’d give my two cents worth. I wanted them to be quite detailed to give people a fair amount of information so this will be the general format; a general description of what it will look like, how this differs from similar types (ie. the ENFJ compared to the INFJ and ESFJ) and a character in fiction who acts similar to this (may not be for the same reason and I might not get one for each type but I’ll try).

ESFP

There will be some variation depending on when the abuse took place in their life but there are somethings that will remain the same.

Now I know that on tumblr this type seems to be hard to come by but….

From my observations, an ESFP while in an abusive situation can essentially be broken down into three stages and fortunately, there is a fiction example that I know for each stage.

First let’s start off with stage one or what I call the ‘Early on Daenerys days’ (as I said in the ISFJ post never read the books so this is from the TV show). Think back to the first episodes of Game of Thrones what Daenerys was in the control of her brother. She was extremely timid, rarely speaking up for herself and when she did, there wasn’t much behind it. Well, that is essentially what an ESFP will look like when either they have only been in an abusive relationship for a few months (long enough for the person to be screwing with their heads but not long enough for marriage, kids, life, etc) or for the first chunk of their lives as a child if they are being abused by a parent.

The length of this stage will be totally dependent on the situation they are in but for those who haven’t watched Game of Thrones this is what it will look like; not an ESFP. Or at least not any ESFP image that is online descriptions. Since ESFP’s are naturally so engaged with the world and at that time the world is the very nightmare that they want to escape from, they will tend to go against their own nature and focus greatly on their Ni. Unlike most other types, the grip comes into play when they are in an abusive situation instead of after they have left it. For a while, while their Fi is screaming in their head, “no this is wrong I don’t want this!” the abuser is saying that those thought are crazy and they should feel guilty for having them. So, they go along with it.

Like everyone, they spend a time appeasing their abuser because that is what they are being made to think is the right thing to do. They get their moral system screwed with, hard. Even if you have Fi, trust me these people can still twist your entire worldview, it’s just what happens.

Now at some point, something will trigger a change in the ESFP. It could be anything really, but the point is they will end up seeing that what is happening is wrong. This is when we really start to see the ESFP come into themselves in the next ‘stage.’

This is what I have dubbed the ‘Sirius Black era.’ Sirius actually grew up in an incredibly abusive household so if you really want to examine an abused ESFP, he’s a good choice. In his later teenage years Sirius rebelled, hard. The bold nature of Se mixed with the outrage of Fi is really seen here. Picture a lot of sneaking out, partying, some are brave enough to cheat on their partner if they are the abusive ones.They will do anything just to show the abuser they don’t own them, they speak up, call them out on it, do anything to annoy them and sometimes leave. Now, if they can leave at this stage, that is great but the sad truth is that not everyone can and since the ESFP has just done everything they can to push the abuser, things will often get a lot worse for them.

Here comes the last ‘stage,’ have you watched The Tudors? Those last few episodes with Anne Boleyn when she really started to lose it that Natalie Dormer played to perfection? Because that is what you can expect. If they were unable to leave after the rebelling stage then expect to see something truly tragic, the loss of hope inwardly while outwardly they are a mix of Se recklessness and unhealthy Ni detachment from everything. Eating disorders are often common. I honestly find this really hard to explain so if you haven’t watched the show I’ll just link some scenes that best demonstrate what I mean.

( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Ng7dU5faIg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXTtoP4OJyk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9BdTLBREV8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJ0_OCn0RK4 )

After they have left the abusive situation, it tends to go one of two ways, it depends on when they left. If they left during the rebellious stage, then even though they are no longer in the abusive situation, they often go into the third stage anyway. But if they went through the third stage while still in the abusive situation, what you tend to see is some intense disperse. Screaming, crying, throwing things, through to work through their emotions while at the same time not being able to express them effetely, not just because of the nature of Fi but also the havoc imposed on them and their emotional development at the hands of their abuser. They seem to completely fall apart in a very dramatic way while being unable to speak about it.

Until one day, quite suddenly to the people around them, they stop. They pick themselves up and, although often quite numb for a few months after, they piece themselves back together. They built themselves up into the person that they both want to be and are.

Now down the road of course there will be some things that are harder or flare up issues for them. They tend to identify very strongly with the people who went through what they have and often go into a full time job or volunteer position in something that will help victims of abuse like them. 

ESFP vs ESTP

Look carefully at them while in the recovery stage, an ESTP will reach out to try and talk to people more, an ESFP won’t

Look at how they were in the abusive situation in the early stages, an ESTP will be more detached and ESFP will appear to be feeling it all and killing themselves to try and detach/not feel it

An ESTP is more likely to avoid forming their life to help people from this issue. Now this  is not to say that the ESTP firstly wouldn’t help anyone they happened to meet who was going through it, they 100% would, and they would care about the issue of domestic abuse, they just tend to be less focused on forming major parts of their life from that experience

ESFP vs ISFP

ISFP’s rebel far less, if at all when in abusive situations. Compare Sirius to Harry in Harry Potter. Both spoke up for themselves at a point but while Sirius ran off to James and frequently and in any way possible annoyed his parents (like shoving it down their throats that he was Gryffindor, putting posters up of muggle things in his room, ect.), Harry just didn’t take their shit, but rarely went out of his way to annoy them and never went off to go and live with Ron (we know Dumbledore would not have let him but Harry didn’t always know this and he still didn’t)

Oddly enough since its higher for them, ISFP’s don’t get as lost in Ni as do ESFP’s (this is due to the grip)

Te grip all over the place for ISFP’s