i cannot control how fast my interests change

as i said before, they've got something going on, even from their first (minor) interactions after the fire in clear sky's forest, grey runs to the shore to yowl for his brother...and river is the first to join in, even past his dislike for clear sky. we see from river's perspective that he's worried about grey wing and his asthma after the blaze their relationship really comes out after the great battle, where river does his best to ease grey's grief (taking excerpts from both dotc and riverstar's home)

when river ripple first picks up grey wing's scent heading toward fourtrees, he feels like he *needs* to go to him

grey is literally his destiny i am not making this up

they kitty kiss. THEY CAT KISS. OUGHGHHHHHH IM SO NORMAL ! and grey wing *wants* river to come be with the rest of the mountain cats on the moor even after river declines, grey wing goes on to ask if he'll see him again at the next meeting

then, we skip ahead to the second time river finds grey wing at the grave, panicking because he believes grey to be hurt

river ripple cares about grey wing so much for a cat who makes it VERY clear that he doesn't really enjoy the company of the colony from the mountains bro literally SPEEDS DOWN THE HOLLOW TO GET TO HIM. IT'S. UGH I LOVE THEM this is when river offers grey wing a place in the island camp and. words cannot describe how much exploding i was doing while reading this oh my god

"he has to want this, too." OKAYYYYYYY. OKAY. I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE sorry. sorry he's so desperate for his love to be okay again. during these chapters, we're given an insight of grey's time living by the river istg they argue like a married couple i love them

and then, possibly one of my FAVORITE lines from the blazing star:

"you don't need to prove yourself to me." it is an affirmation, it is a confession, it is everything grey needed to hear. he doesn't have to keep pretending to be strong, to be "useful" around river. river sees him for how he is, understands that grey is more than his faults and his illness and his doubts !!!!! he takes him for who he is and expects nothing more. river is doing the bare minimum by being kind to him but like. in a world where your brother is 3 bad days away from murdering you in cold blood and there's a guy trying to take over your entire place of living (twice) and everybody's cold and hungry and mean, it can be a lot more impactful and then THEY KISS. AGAIN. GOD THESE FRUITASTIC CATS

"he'd become a good friend" YEAH. HE'S YOUR HUSBAND, FOOL and then. slate's there...which, again, not to hate the women of warriors cause they get enough flack but slate and grey wing's relationship feels very rushed (like 1-2 pages from 2 chapters rushed. they have two interactions and grey is smitten) and it's a little odd that he's so enamored by sunningrocks cause he *lived by the river* for a good while but i digress grey's our bisexual king and we love that for him and then we move into the aftermath of moth flight's vision, and the discovery of the moonstone. ohhhhh boy. let me tell you. when clear sky and thunder come to deliver the news of grey wing's passing, this is what runs through river's head:

HE'S EXPECTING TO FEEL THAT TUG THAT CALLS HIM TO GREY. THEY'RE. CONNECTED ON SOME KIND OF SPIRITUAL LEVEL AND IF THAT'S NOT SOULMATE BEHAVIOR IDK WHAT IS ! and after. ohhhhh man not only is grey one of the nine cats to grant river his lives--

--but ALSO appears for the first time after river drowns trying to save drizzle

nagging his boy because he just lost a life. stars know grey wing was rolling his eyes so hard /j

while it's true that their interactions are few and far between, their dynamic and their relationship is literally everything to me they are so sweet to each other and that is the absolute truth ! they had time to fall in love ON SCREEN, spanning multiple books and did so in a meaningful way i'd like to imagine grey wing fell after being invited to the island, that he realized just how much he loved river as he was leaving and that it only grew stronger in the time they were apart and they connect so easily because they're both striving for the same goal: peace. river understands grey wing because pacifism has been all he's ever known. he emphasizes with grey, understands how hard it is in a world where nobody is willing to listen to you. they find that peace in each other, and it's unlike any kind of calm they've felt before. they love each other like how a moth loves its guiding light, how a current loves its banks, how the sun kisses inch of the world given to it, how hawks breathe in the open sky. they are unconditional in their adoration, even after one has passed young and the other is busied with duties they never asked for. they see each other in the lands that connect them, see silver fur in the eddies of the river, and golden eyes in the sunset that paints the moor warm again. i think they're kind of neat they devistate me. they jostle me around and make me weep so hard into my hands rghghghgh erins i'm tired of crumbs. give me my gay and my lesbian and my diamoric cats NOW ! i've actually been working on an overhaul of dotc and it includes more their love for each other (AND DOESN'T KILL OFF GREY YET BECAUSE I FELT LIKE HIS DEATH WAS TOO SOON PPUNCHING THE AIR)

BY THE WAY. i have a playlist about them smiley and i just want to say they're always very sleeping at last coded but ESPECIALLY light from atlas: i

and also i was an island by john-allison weiss !!!

ok can i blab for a moment firstly: I AM LIVING. FUCKING THRRRRIVING FOR HIS FRIENDSHIP WITH NIGHT. they care about each other so much. night likes to keep him safe and his dreamy nature in check and river likes to expand her horizons and show her that there will always be more to life. they're best friends. they're near complete foils of each other. they're grieving. they're happy. they saved each other's lives and have full faith and trust in their positions. ohhhhhhh im unwell AND THE CHERRY ON TOP IS THAT THEY'RE JUST PLATONIC. ERINS YOU'RE FINALLY FEEDING US THANK THE STARS words cannot describe the primal fear i felt when night talked about her dead mate and kits and river was like: ough like flutter and i...... i nearly screamed i would not have made it if we had ANOTHER straight deputy/leader relationship :tears:

secondly on the topic of relationships: gray wing <3333 we didn't see a LOT more of gray wing but HE'S THERE. AND IT'S JUST AS GAY AS I REMEMBERED. for context ever since i first read dotc way back in 2017, i was the biggest grayripple fan. if they have 1 fan, i'm him. if they have 0 fans, then i'm dead. THEY HAD SOMETHING GOING IN THE MAIN SERIES!!! im not out of my mind i swear like. bro you saved him from a fire and then you took him to your island so he could learn to move on past his grief and wanted him to STAY WITH YOU? AND WHEN YOU DIED FOR THE FIRST TIME *HE WAS THERE?* AND NOT YOUR LIKE...CRUSH FROM THE PARK?? idk man...that's fruity. that's real fruity. they're so cute to me i love them with my whole heart and soul and i WILL talk about them more (in a separate post cause this is getting really long)

~ Sunshine Ending (Sunflower)

after the horrifying events of the previous ending (in which the ketsukane estate burns down with the two inside of it), kanako wakes up once more the very moment she died in that house.

isn't this becoming too much...? how long can she go on like this? the one time she tried to use force to make clover stay, it ended in disaster. she didn't want this.

that is, of course, until ceroba finally steps in. she finds her daughter like this and realizes that something is definitely going on. she puts away her lab coat, casting her research aside for the moment. some things are more important; she can't believe she let herself forget that. kanako needs her.

so, they start going outside and into town together. starlo and his crew are delighted to see ceroba out and about for once... she'd really become more of a hermit these past few years.

for once, kanako isn't alone. so when she spots a particular bluebird accompanying a human in Oasis Valley, she thinks that this could actually be her chance. things are different, now...

and things do play out differently. or, maybe more familiarly...? starlo sees a trusty sharpshooter deputy in clover and takes them in for training. ceroba is able to start off on the right foot with clover as well, being able to see them more as a person than an opportunity for research.

but maybe most importantly, kanako gets the chance to grow close to clover more naturally, as true friends. there's no rush or desperate force like before; for once, it seems like clover actually wants to stay.

with all of them together, kanako realizes why.

ah... i think i understand now. having one friend is good, but that's not really what you wanted, was it?

you... wanted a family, right? support, and company... more than just me alone.

it feels like there should be a sting there -- kanako not being "enough" to get clover to stay -- but strangely, it really doesn't hurt. seeing clover happy, having fun, making friends...

after last time, this feels like all she could have ever asked for.

the two become like siblings. (where have I heard this before?) they get into Shenanigans and all that fun stuff. the ketsukane estate is admittedly far nicer than the breaking house starlo and co. stay in, so clover begins to share kanako's room. every night is like a sleepover...!

they have fun, lots of fun together. ceroba hushes them, urging them to sleep in the early hours of the morning after they stayed up so late talking and giggling. kanako never has to eat another meal alone. clover is surprisingly good at mew mew love blaster. every day is so fun and exciting. this is what she had dreamed of for so long now -- the things she wanted all those previous times. she really just needed a little help to make it actually happen.

she's so happy. everything is perfect. she's satisfied, finally.

so...

so then, why...

why, after so long,

does she wake up again in an empty bedroom, back where she started?

my @beatleskinkmeme secret santa gift for @eveepe !!!

these are the first 3 of 7 pieces in this series, the rest can be found on AO3 <- 18+ interaction only please!