Flash Stevens

     “me ? i’m a mess, i don’t have anything or anyone or even any kind of idea of what i am doing or why.”

“ Want me to leave so you can say bad words?”

“ Stand absolutely still.”

“ What if it tracks by scent?”

“ Why can’t you be one of those nice moms who just say “Yes Dear" “  

“ Well it’s a little too late for that now.”

“ If you try to make everyone follow your plan, you’re really no better than a gym teacher.”

“ It’s the crazy backwards universe again.”

“ If a game doesn’t have rules, it’s not a game is it?”

“ I can’t work under these conditions! I’ll be in my trailer!”

“ Err… that’s my closet.”

“ It isn’t going to bite you.”

“ That works out nicely, because I don’t plan to bite it.”

“ Maybe you can use it to find your way BACK TO REALITY!”

“ Don’t you think you’re being a tad paranoid?”

“ I think your cooking may have military applications.”

“ I’m just a fat, ugly, loser.”

“You’re not fat”

“ Huh,you have pretty good posture for someone without a backbone.”

“ Interesting. And how did you obtain your data?”

“ Geeks… Geeks? Those geeks are my friends!”

“ It’s like an upside down universe.”

“ Where up is down and boy bands play instruments.”

“ If that counts as dancing then it counts as singing when I burp.”

“ Ooh, that is serious.”

“ Maybe you’re confusing us with your imaginary friends.”

“ That’s so healthy, its un-American…”

“ On our planet we call that a golf course.”

“ SHE’S WAVING AT ME? Isn’t there a law against that?”

“ They’re coming to get me! Mutant clowns from the Hollow Earth! They’re real! It’s the clown-pocalypse! Aaah!”

“ Me? JEALOUS? I haven’t got a jealous bone in my body!”

“ Do you have any jealous internal organs?”

“ Excuse me while I spend the rest of my life in the attic.”

“ Ugh, I think my stomach just resigned in disgust.”

“ I like pointy things…”

“ It’s not so much biting I’m worried about as bone-shattering impact.”

“ He said he won’t come out until the city’s been cleared of its un-holy clown infestation.”

“ Once. This guy swallowed his dentures and when the doctors gave him an x-ray, his lungs were smiling back at him.”

“ Hello, could you at least knock before you enter my mind?”

“ If you need an idea, use your imagination.”

“ Could you give me a map to that sentence?”

“ How long have we been here?”

“ Somewhere between an hour… and a hundred thousand years.”

“ Don’t you want to broaden your minds?”

“ Yea I already have trouble finding hats that fit.”

“ You look like a roll-on deodorant.”

“ You know, a kite flies on a string, not a stick.”

“ I could see your lips moving, but all I heard was “blah, blah-blah”.

“  Cliffs plus wheels equals BAD!”

“ which one of these shirts projects a mysterious, vulnerable, dangerous, lost puppy quality?”

“ Come here. Let me feel your forehead”

“ Oh great. Looks like I sat on a leprechaun.”

“ You’re going to be combing pudding out of your hair!”

“GRAPE SODA, NOW”