Random Thoughts

Rattled glass and swollen shelters are jealous of my chaos

A flurry of life to drive constant insanity

Life is defined by the tides of the soul

Rage crashing though joy

Peace swirling with restlessness

This is the secret recipe of life

Creating a tornado to sail across the stars in your mind

Not once has Spring disappointed

With each passing rain cloud and sun beam,

I feel seen

A warm day kissed by a sweet, brisk wind

Rushed away by April showers and hungry hurricanes

I am the ever changing Spring

Will I ever reach the center?

I feel seen, but where is the eye?

That calm paradise

Let me breathe

Salt and soot mix in my lungs

And once again, I am sent spiraling

Will I ever land on my feet?

The storm may settle, but my thunder rages on

Lighting straight down my throat

Earthquakes in my spine

Eruptions of magma from a soft heart

Turning to a shy flower,

From the sweet, brisk winds kissing the sun on my skin

Your funeral plays in my mind

Relentless resentment resisting remembrance

A life played out,

Creating a dark fairytale.

The fae you birthed into existence

Fighting the habits you wrote into our adolescence.

Fae feigning fascads of functionality

Lies fed to us, then from us to another

Another trying to save us

From your dark fairytale.

Your funeral plays out in my mind

My eyes stay dry

Your spirit died with my youth

Tradition of tragedy

Should I ever repent?

When the leaves were shaken,

I chose the barren dirt to take root

Rooting over roots like a twisted web

Webbing fate through the dark past and dim future

Fated again and again to take root in this barren dirt

Every version of me loves every version of you

Most of my life I have dreaded having to go home everyday. However, I know that if I live with you, coming home will be the highlight of my day, every day, for the rest of my days. I love you.

I want to run my fingers through your hair and gaze endlessly into your eyes. I want to talk to you about the state of the world, about worlds far out, about hopes, dreams, nightmares and lost thoughts. I want to talk to you about nothing at all. Laughing until the sun sets over silly things. I want to share with you the joys of life and the sorrows of night. I want to feel your lips grace mine with a kiss so deep I might drown. Because drowning in you is peace. It's pure. It's passion. A passion I cannot recreate even in my most perfect dreams. I want to lie on your chest as our heart beats sync and we sing sweet lullabies as we fall asleep. I want to know what it's like to wake you up with breakfast and a kiss. I want to wake up to your eyes fixed on me with love and adoration. And I know that there will be arguments, but I wish to settle them with understanding and care. Because I have loved you for years and wish to love for the future to come.

To the boy I love once again:

Sniffing lost words for a drop of divinity 

My church is not saying you'll suffer for a love so kind

"God is love, but your love is wrong"

My church is not accepting misery with lips drawn tight

I will fight to save the day, because "his will" is to live 

Not survive. Live. 

My church is passion pouring from the mouth of a singer

Lyrics so full, straight to my soul

My church is a gallery seeping with paint & intent

Countless meaning for endless eyes

My church is the spring running clear with with fish and frogs 

Birds singing lullabys in a warm, forgiving sun

My church is where the spirit of life drips into reality 

A waterfall of bliss waiting to be drank 

And my mind is dehydrated 

My heart, a desert 

Break my heart like my voice breaks at night

Everyday bleeds for another moment of insanity

Trying to smile, one foot in front of another

But my body was left behind

And I have lost track of my mind

Somewhere in the fog