Stuff And Things

Ice and Stone Aren't Forever

Yearn

Bleeding Heart

Static

Chords

Children of Luca

Dream

Cobblestone

Eyebugs

Irish Goodbye

Exposure

Rust

God-Complex

Rolling Stone

Wasted

Social Realism

Indio

Mind of a Mouse

Branch

Eden

Maze

Haunted

Connection

Jester

Him

Anniversary

Regrets

Untitled/Creatures such as We

Changes

Tru man

Blowhard

Untitled/Amputate

Untitled/Maroon Massacre

Beacon

Cain

It

Control

Loser

Looper

Ard

Echoes

Blue/White

Lost

Forgettable

Flipside

Lenore

Humble Glowpad

Weightless

“Friends?”

Winternight

I Just Wanna “Fly”!

Silver chords

Space Walk

Snowed in

Rose

Reflection

Murmurs

Wistfulness

Humanity

Merc

Cheap Sunglasses

Dromad

Damned

Aloof

Family Tree

Orchard

Drunkard

Andante

Eggshells

After

Guide

Divine Highway

Late nights wide awake shying from the glow

Wishing I was somewhere else, or somehow not alone

Facades distract me well sun up to sun down

But they all disappear when inner voices murmur loud

A warm touch or familiar rustle in the bedsheets next to me

I hope would put an end to melancholic soliloquy

Instead I'm left to cope the only way I know how

A wretched vice may feel so nice but only here and now

I know what lies ahead

More nights full of dread

Cycling on

From dusk till dawn

Dreaming till I'm dead

Goodnight o, weary stranger

Playing an intoxicating tune

Let a layman's ear listen near

Drifting into soft nothing

Only to awaken in a foreign land

Separated from this space and time

Nostalgia weighing heavy on his throat

Persecuting the being of today

Crack against the other ceiling

Shunted into razor image

Dull the blade with every shade

Hayfields and mayflowers

Dancing atop grey towers

Stretch the horizon populated warm lights

Reflected off glades and blades gleaming day and night

Thin layered ivy sprouting from the cracks

Drooping from the windowsill defiant striking back

Rusted steel giant echoes mold of white or black

Dirtied hair with faint blue eyes

Looking up at cloudy skies

Our gazes lock but for a moment

Ships now passing, I don't lament

I call for you to join me today

Why should we part when we could stay

Shoulder to shoulder you walk beside me

Sit with me below the sycamore tree

I know your pain, I've felt it too

But share with me your unsung blues

Play a game to pass the time

I'll prove to you I'm only benign

We all need another to lean on

To keep us from feeling like a mere peon

Connect with me, my dearest friend

From your anxious withdrawal I will defend

With hugs and cheer, tears in our eyes

Until tomorrow, I leave you with Goodbye

...your meaning...

I've been redefining what happiness means to me lately, but I still don't think I've found it.

I used to have someone who made me so happy, but I squandered it.

I don't know where to find happiness anymore, not that I ever did.

I think my problem is I keep outsourcing my happiness to other people, even as simple as being around them, that if I can just make them stay with me, I'll be happy.

It's a bold strategy, doesn't work out so well.

The nights are the worst, or any time alone for that matter.

I think the alternative is to find a sense of contentment and peace or happiness within myself, but it seems unreachable right now.

It's hard to be happy when you hate yourself, the things you did.

My heartbeat, it beats for you

But there's nothing that I can do

Ran away, found another man

Left me stuck here without a plan

Running cycles in my own mind

Now you won't even give me the time

Memories flash back to sunny days

Back when I last spoke your name

Or more like you couldn't hear it

A blackened stain upon my spirit

I was never a perfect man

Struggling to be decent at that

Now surrounded by broken stones

Forged by sins I have yet to atone

Can God above throw me a bone

Let me know when I've found my way home

Until then I will let it linger

Like the blood dripping through my fingers

May these thoughts be put to rest

Serene blue visage

I'm lost inside this image

Of my loved ones all undying

But instead of horrifying

A tear comes to my eye

Backlit against the sky

Connections come to thaw

I open my cracked maw

And sing praises up above

As I give a little shove

To wake my fated few

Still covered in the dew

Never forget this moment

For you I don't lament

As you rise up now before me

Let's keep up our funny story

Laughing all the way

Every day we'll play

I will never understand

Why I released your hands

When even frozen in the land

Our friendship is that band

Unbreaking in the slightest

For you I hug the tightest

You bring me warmth on winter nights

Help me overcome my frights

And to that I say I love you

Rubber tracing over barren ground

Take me to the ocean sound

Where lush brush overtake the land

Lead me to the soft white sands

That I might meet faces anew

Yet still connected, I do not bid old friends adieu

Divine proclamation:

I give no resignation

Friendship defined by a steady integrity

Through thick and thin, joyous or melancholy

So though recent events rush by whirlwind

Don't begin to doubt that we may ever speak again

I am here with you and always

Shining with my unique hue of rays

If ever I am to disappoint

It is your duty to then anoint

Me or another of transgressions past

Do what you need to make your happiness last

Is the face of the receiver yet they struggle to give

Knowing they should play both parts

But one always seems to be left in the dark

Craving the touch yet it comes to them cold

Uncaring, these hands retreat with a pull

Posted up fetal in dim spotlight, alone

Daydreaming of which parts should be blown

Give in to temptation or a darker urge tonight

Too much a coward to turn off the lights

Pacing the path leftward and on

Until he drops dead when he'll finally be gone

Why must I write the same drivel every day

I know I won't make any progress this way

Chalk it up to "a creature of habit"

Rather complain and run like I'm rabid

Than clean up the stain before I am caught

At least it's familiar

Who am I but a being that clings to familiarity

Perpetuate the rat-race

The longing

Pretend the pit is deeper than it is

Swallow their pity

Feed on it

And when I've taken them for all they have

Solemnly turn to look for another

I don't mean to bite

I just want someone here with me

Someone to lean on

To be comfortable leaning on

The wish leaves in a sigh

Disappearing under empty skies

I may forever be alone

If I never learn to atone

But how could I love myself

When I so readily discard myself

The pain comes in the not knowing

And I'm too scared for showing

The rot at my core feels too ugly to disrobe

Instead I hide away in my frontal lobe

Ever looking, ever watchful

Secret feelings, lurking shameful

I haven't been nice to myself lately

So I'll be an ass somewhere else

Far away you could never hate me

Mud in the air

Mud everywhere

In shady overcast skies

Salty brine trapped inside

Sprinkled throughout a normal day

Going unnoticed a lingering malaise

Bane of mine, twisting and covorting

Stonewalling pharmaceuticals I've been puffing and snorting

Spitting of spittle and sputum and phlegm

When will my body be my own again

Banish the retching and heaving I plead

Before in my lungs I begin to bleed

Leave me be so I may find peace

The prayer leaves my lips but pneumonia won't cease

My left side is weak with each breath I take in

Tickling the sore, my throat is flaking

A mold has taken root, black fuzz all along the flesh walls

Trypophobic dysmorphia distorting phone calls

I can't reach the line, operator just give me the time

It must be too early to be taken away

Spirals curl twisting in the wind

Blowing around my head vision's running red

Static in my mind I'm just so confused all the time

Pop the pearly bubbles till they leak a sacred dew

And to think I thought I'd grow old with you

Time erodes away pantomiming wayward sway

Rocking in the waves I'm not feeling very brave

But thank God I'm not a sour sort of worry wart

Putting myself down so those around me also drown

For the time being I think I'll stick around

Without making a big fuss I'll keep to myself

Keep my shadows in a lockbox hidden on the shelf

Until a lonely day steals my sun away

And I'm left with nothing else to play

But memories of old filled with prophecies foretold

Staring into creeping abyss until I feel a hand so cold

Wrapping around a beaten delicate thing

Held aloft by a fraying piece of string

Scraping thumping flesh I heave like it's nothing but jest

Tears threaten to flood my eyes

But it's then that I realize

I've been here before

Kneeling on the floor

Heart heavy as a brick

Stuck feeling so sick

To think I had finally cleaned this stain

Only to find myself entranced again

By familiar ruts in my mind

Lazily floated so sublime

I'm a creature of habit after all