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in honor of the good place being renewed for a second season, time to jot down some stuff that’s been kickin’ around in my head for a while! (watch this show y’all it’s so good)
The Eleanor - Yoongi
died in an unfortunate Christmas tree accident...in June
worked retail, stole more than the shoplifters tbh
once skipped work which forced a 9-months-pregnant coworker to cover for him because he wanted to go to an amusement park opening
technically never breaks up with people, just tells them he’s moving to Turkey so...peace
adopted a cat once because he saw how much a little kid wanted said cat, but that kid glared at him earlier so fuck him
doesn’t tip - the worst offense tbh
definitely DOES NOT belong in The Good Place
The Michael - Hoseok
a new architect yay!
orchestrated the design of this Good Place neighborhood all by himself
kind of a nervous person but he just wants everything to be perfect and everyone to be happy
is particularly proud of the kitty cafes all over the place because humans seem to love kittens
has been waiting for the opportunity to set up a neighborhood like this for 684 years
The Chidi - Namjoon
died after a bookshelf fell on him
worked as a professor of ethics
chronically indecisive and prone to breaking things
literally saved a bus full puppies that was on fire once so that pretty well qualifies him for The Good Place
600% certain there may be some kind of flaw in the system for Yoongi to be his soulmate but...he’s keeping mum about it
The Tahani - Jimin
died when an ice sculpture at a charity event broke off and the jagged ice piece stabbed him in the heart
worked as an event coordinator
donated more money than anyone else ever in the history of everything (don’t factcheck that please)
best friends with Beyonce
was thisclose to helping with a universal cure for all diseases
is very, VERY perplexed by Yoongi’s presence in The Good Place
The Jianyu - Jungkook
he’s not a monk okay let’s just...let’s just get that outta the way now
died from too much redbull while insisting that no one could possibly die from too much redbull
technically didn’t work but he says he was a professional amateur DJ
literally never booked any gigs
tries to impress his soulmate Jimin but is honestly terrible at it
The Janet - Taehyung
a computer
has all the answers but only if you ask him very nicely
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lololololol ot3 ftw im totally fine with taejinkook that would be an experience especially if kook/Jin ever tell tae and he's just like "??? O.O" wide eyed amazement every day forever plus he starts fucking kookie more and kooks like??? Like yes food but "I aM NOT PREPARED FOR THIS" oh boi what have I unintentionally helped in spawning cara
Honestly I just assume Tae would ask Jin to “do the thing” constantly. And Jin tells him no. Over and over. Until eventually he just gets tired and does the thing - which is literally just popping popcorn with his breath. But it makes Tae SO HAPPY. And Kookie has squishy warm feels over Tae’s joy. And that just makes Jin happy too.
As requested by @toxicmew who is untaggable for whatever reason!
Jin is like 200 which isn’t THAT old for a dragon but still old af
dragons still gotta make money so he works at a coffee shop
Kookie comes in a lot bc being a med student is stressful and what is sleep honestly
they have a pretty good rapport and Kookie maybe kinda has a crush???
idk it’s weird and Kookie has Many Questions because he probably shouldn’t like being called princess but...
anyway that leads to this interaction
Kookie spends like two weeks trying to figure out how exactly to ask Jin out to dinner
spoiler alert it doesn’t work
Kookie has no idea how but he somehow finds himself no longer human
and it’s awkward and terrible and when he tries to eat regular food he just pukes and now he just really wants to bone everything???
he tries to just continue on with his life as normal but um it doesn’t work that well
apparently this new ‘you need sexual intimacy to live’ thing is something of a family curse! fuuuuuun!
and now he knows what he must do
which fucking sucks
because he does not care about sex at all
fuuuuck hiiiiiis liiiiiiiiife
so okay he’s definitely got to find someone to help him out with this
he tries after a lecture and this happens which...man...now what
but Tae tells him they can take a raincheck and go for coffee Friday instead
and oh right he used to drink coffee didn’t he
and oh right Jin’s a dragon so like....maybe he could help?
he doesn’t know why he thinks that but he’s just gonna go with it
Aaaaand time for a read more link!
he doesn’t buy a coffee but he does ask Jin if they can talk
Jin knows immediately what’s happened which just...HOW?
apparently dragons have amazing senses of smell
and additionally apparently every mythological being has a distinct smell
(at which point Jungkook tries for a bit to smell himself which is a bit embarrassing so let’s move on)
so Jin tells him to just go for it with lecture guy Taehyung since he seems mostly willing
Kookie finds himself just blurting out “Why can’t I just do it with you?”
...
...
...
...
“I did not mean that.”
but Jin laughs it off and explains that it’s really not going to be anywhere near as satisfying nourishment-wise but they can absolutely bone if Kookie really wants so that he’s like 10% less starving
and it’s way too overwhelming for Kookie to think about so um he’ll have to sleep on it
he sleeps on it
he is definitely down for this
and after his classes are over he does his best to make his dorm look NOT like a hellscape so that Jin doesn’t judge him
in hindsight this was a terrible idea
no no nevermind this is fine
Jin doesn’t seem to mind, though
also he brought pizza??? AMAZING
but pizza can wait because wow it’s really super important right now to get Jin’s pants off
two hours later and Jin is tired and Kookie is not satisfied and everything is really fucking confusing
he maybe cries
(he definitely cries)
and now he feels dumb for it because Jin is trying to coddle him and ugh this is the worst
but it’s okay because once he stops crying he spends time eating pizza and practicing pickup lines on Jin
so the next time he sees Taehyung he’s slightly more prepared to flirt
and is it weird that he suggest’s going to Jin’s job for this coffee date?
whatever don’t judge him
it’s slightly comforting to have Jin keeping an eye on them
and this Taehyung is kind of...weird
but like a good weird and not ‘you would be locked away fifty years ago’ weird
(but then that thought makes Kookie feel bad because fifty years ago they’d lock women up for daring to want to have a job outside the house, y’know? god he’s really gotta stop these kinds of thoughts)
they’ve been talking for 40 minutes and he can’t stop staring at Taehyung’s lips and finds himself inviting Taehyung over and that’s twice in a week, who the fuck is he
legit does not matter at this point because Taehyung’s pants are on the floor and his tongue is in Kookie’s mouth and everything about the universe suddenly makes sense
and Jin’s right, this is much more satisfying than fucking a dragon
Kookie kind of doesn’t want let Taehyung go but well he can’t really explain to Taehyung that he’s a damn incubus and he’d like nothing more than to continue defiling his bed for another few hours
and he’s fine for like two weeks
he goes to his classes, he flirts with Taehyung, he fools around with Jin
but then he starts to feel all hungry again
like a deep hunger and Jin isn’t fixing it
Jin explains for the seventieth time that duh this is gonna happen and the best thing he should do is maybe get himself a steady human fuck like, say, Taehyung
and now Kookie’s stressed again because he doesn’t want to lose Jin but will Taehyung be okay with that??? DUN DUN DUNNNNN
So I think right about now all of us could use a hug or two or ten. And thanks to a post on Rin’s blog, I’m now thinking a lot about hugging each bangtan member.
Namjoon
so strong??? so squishy???? like hugging a bunch of rolls of Charmin
and not one of those quick impersonal hugs, either
Nams hugs like you’re his best friend in the universe
he is a chin-rester, prepare your head/shoulder for it
the type to squeeze around the waist and not shoulders
his hugs will last 5ever if you let him
Jin
one of those people that does that thing where they rock while hugging
very tight and impossible to wiggle out of
lasts at least ten seconds but generally longer
probably makes some kind of joke in the middle of hugging
ends hugs with a hair mussing
Yoongi
not really very lengthy hugs
but like ridiculously tight so that makes up for it
Yoongi’s the type to try and not squish his face too close to you
and it kind of feels more like a side-hug
but then he just leaves an arm around your shoulders and carries on conversation that way so that’s fun
Hoseok
don’t hug him it’s too much you’ll probably die of happiness after
the type to rub your back or scratch it playfully
very likely to have his hands travel south
very VERY likely to grab an ass if you don’t stop him
will probably kiss your cheek/jaw/ear after
Jimin
the softest oh good lord
voted most likely to squish his cheeks against yours
more of an upper back squeezer??
also a back rubber
probably forgets to let go because yay hugs yay attention
Taehyung
the clingiest
this is the hug that doesn’t end
like seriously once it’s over he’s still going to hang on to your waist
Tae likes leaning in to things so he’s just gonna rest his head against your shoulder
will probably secretly pinch you and then deny it
will also probably bite the crook of your neck
Jungkook
kind of awkward like where does he put his hands???
eventually just settles on holding on to his own hands to avoid possibly crossing a line
at some point he’s gonna try and pick you up
would probably hug 5ever but that’s weird right so um just a few seconds
but he stays close post-hug just in case hug part 2 happens
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Previously in this mess... There was a date! And then Namjoon ruined it! And now Hoseok’s still hanging out in his house in the morning even after watching him transform! What is this nonsense?!
Namjoon has no idea what to say
so much silence, all of the staring, wtf is he supposed to do
aaaaand it’s just awkward so Hoseok just jumps into talking
firstly he’s not scared - well he’s sort of scared but mostly intrigued
secondly he tried running but then Namjoon-the-wolf slammed into his car and scared him so bad he ran back in the house for some semblance of safety
and so he just slept at Namjoon’s while Nams did....whatever wolves do
“What do wolves do? Speak slowly, I want to take notes.”
Nams is SO CONFUSED
honestly Hoseok just has a ton of questions because that writer brain never turns off
and he definitely had some ideas about werewolf romance
NOW HE CAN HAVE FIRSTHAND KNOWLEDGE
Nams just kind of... walks off to shower, he’ll process all that later
once he’s clean, once the house is sorta cleaner or at least less bloody, Namjoon offers to treat Hoseok to brunch
the two of them have enough food on the table for at least six of them and Namjoon does not let any of it go to waste
first note Hoseok takes, werewolves eat A LOT after a transformation
it’s so gross but also fascinating??
Nams is almost kind of relieved that now there’s a person who knows this thing he’s kept secret for five years and that person isn’t running away
why isn’t he running away tho...
when Nams asks, Hoseok just kinda shrugs
“You could’ve eaten me and you didn’t so that’s gotta count for something, right?”
DOES it count for something? shit now Nams doesn’t even know
Anyway time to go under a cut because loooool shut up Cara.
Nams is so exhausted and out of it honestly that he answers pretty much all of Hoseok’s questions
yes it hurts
no he doesn’t remember what happens in wolf form
it happened five years ago and no he doesn’t know who attacked him
yes he can transform at will but he’s literally never done it beyond the one time he tried just to see because it HURTS
also wtf don’t ask about werewolf dick dude what the fuck
Hoseok offers to drive on the way back to Namjoon’s bc Nams looks like he might collapse any second
and really the second he gets to his bed he really does collapse
it’s a solid 13 hours later when he opens his eyes again
and his bed has a Hoseok in it and he’s like so super lost
because it’s Hoseok in glasses typing pretty steadily on a laptop
Hoseok in glasses concentrating on whatever the hell he’s working on is ridiculously hot???
Namjoon’s life has seriously taken a turn what is even happening
when he sits up Hoseok nearly has a heart attack which is hilarious but also Nams feels a little bad
Hoseok was not kidding, he is actually writing werewolf shit now
“Why are you still here?” “I was worried you’d die and I’d feel guilty about it and the cops would probably suspect me and I can’t have that on my conscience.”
Hoseok made dinner like wow this guy just made himself at home
it’s almost kind of...nice?
so Nams reheats some food and hangs out in bed eating while Hoseok writes some more and he’s barely done with his food before Hoseok is on his lap???
and now kissing him????
THINGS HAVE TAKEN A TURN
but according to Hoseok he deserves a kiss for enduring all this gross-ass shit and potentially being eaten
which....yeah okay fair
Nams doesn’t relax very often but...he tries to relax with Hoseok
and it helps that Hoseok is a ridiculously good kisser
although there’s some residual werewolf shit in him and he almost gets a little too aggressive
which apparently works for Hoseok and that is just....yes good great
and now Nams’ head goes to dangerous places
for once he’s almost kinda looking forward to this whole transformation thing next month if Hoseok’s gonna stick around
So. Namseok are all chatty cathy with one another. Nams has accidentally agreed to a date. He’s probably definitely going to turn into a wolf that night. Fuck his life.
bc he’s clever (and also kind of slow to react sometimes) Namjoon texts Hoseok that he forgot about a family thing that night so maybe they can meet up earlier?? or a few days later???? (please god say later)
Hoseok has a thing that weekend soooo he opts to meet up w Namjoon for an early dinner
and now Namjoon is Stressed(TM)
so he spends his evening mentally shifting stuff around to figure out how exactly, down to the minute, he’ll be able to pull this off
as long as he’s home by, at latest, 5pm, he’ll be okay
probably
but then there was that one time--
no it’s definitely fine
CUE DATE DAY
wait is it a date? crap Namjoon doesn’t know if this is a date or not and now he’s starting to sweat this is not a good look it’s fucking November like--
but then all those thoughts just turn immediately to nothing because there is Hoseok in some black skinny jeans and a massive heather grey sweater and some silver creepers and Namjoon just immediately wants to hug him??? he looks so soft????
but also he kinda sorta wants to bone him but he tells himself that that’s just this whole overly-hormonal wolf shifty thing
and now Hoseok’s smiling and oh god everything is too much at once and Namjoon really really shoulda just said let’s try this next week
the sweating is worse
Hoseok has definitely noticed
how does one summon an ancient deity to swallow them whole, asking for a friend
Aaaand another fun cut because rambling!
but Hoseok’s nice and doesn’t tease him too much??
Namjoon says he just sweats easily and that’s accepted, surprisingly
conversation flows nicely and Namjoon is enthralled listening to Hoseok explaining his writing process and all these ideas he has
they both really enjoy music and they get to talk about that for a while
they both like this one drama that’s honestly kinda the worst
Hoseok’s got an eye for art and that intrigues Namjoon like whoa
meanwhile Namjoon is also Quietly Dying because his insides and his bones are doing that fun shifty thing that happens during the mandatory turning and he fucking forgot to take some pain pills
so now he’s sweating from nerves AND pain
which yeah okay Hoseok is definitely concerned because apparently Namjoon looks like he might vomit and/or pass out
he offers to drive Hoseok to the emergency room which DEAR GOD NO
Namjoon’s outburst startles Hoseok and Namjoon feels bad and he just...relents to letting Hoseok drive him home
but then Hoseok won’t leave
“I can’t in good conscience just go back to my apartment. What if you die in the middle of the night?!”
fuck. his. life.
Hoseok whips up some chicken and ginger soup that he swears will cure anything that’s wrong with Namjoon
it’s like 5:40 by this point and Namjoon shoulda been in his cage 40 minutes ago and he’s got about half an hour before he absolutely HAS to be put away or else Hoseok is probably going to die
but Hoseok is trying to tuck him in on the sofa??? why are there so many pillows oh my god and everything is an inferno and Namjoon is genuinely going to claw his skin off any second
he tries to get up to go to the “bathroom” and thus sneak off to lock himself away and...idk leave Hoseok a note...but he only makes it halfway own the hall
and then it starts
fortunately he had the foresight some years ago to just soundproof the whole fucking house and not just his cage room
unfortunately that does not stop Jung Hoseok from being fucking terrified
even more unfortunately Namjoon isn’t sure he locked the front door which...is not good and this whole thing was a terrible idea and now he’s gonna have to leave Busan because in the morning he’ll definitely be a murderer
he tries to tell Hoseok to run but that’s sorta hard when his vocal chords are basically ripping
it’s all very gross
very gross and very bloody and Hoseok looks SO scared and he isn’t moving and Namjoon really, really needs him to leave
there’s always this moment right before everything is just completely wolfy for him where his brain gets really calm and still and in this moment, he sees Hoseok finally start to run and he prays that Hoseok makes it
when he wakes up in the morning there’s blood everywhere
fortunately he doesn’t see any body parts but the bits of flesh, he can’t be 100% certain they’re just his
usually he showers immediately after but this time he just needs to make sure there isn’t a body in his house
but then there’s a body in his house
the body’s alive though which is nnnnnnnnnot what he expected
Hoseok smiles at him from a stool at the kitchen island, holding on to a mug of what Namjoon assumes is coffee, based on the smell
“Is this going to happen during every date?” - Jung Hoseok, clearly NOT scared anymore
your werewolf au was sosososo cute omg i need more
Oh! Oh! My first ask on the sideblog!
No okay but anyway. More will come soon! I kinda stopped there just because 1) I like the drama of it all tbh and 2) it as getting kinda lengthy??? So. If I don’t post more today then definitely tomorrow! Thank yoooou!
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OK I swear Nams isn’t my actual bias but um. Apparently I think about him a lot??? Anyway just go with me on this okay?
Kim Namjoon is 28 and has a nice career and a nice flat and a nice life in general
Kim Namjoon is also a werewolf
this one time five years ago on one of his late-night walks he was attacked and that kinda sucked
he’s mostly resigned to his life now although it took about three years to get to that point
can transform at will but the full moon transformations are unavoidable and it is The Worst(TM)
his life is kinda lonely now since he’s pushed basically everyone away for their own safety
he may or may not have told his family he’s moved to the us...
...he’s actually in Busan which...is about as foreign for him but anyway
it’s a week before the next full moon and Nams is browsing at a bookstore for something to read in his cage while he waits to transform
he’s so used to being in his own world that he doesn’t notice someone has been talking to him
except when he looks up and sees this ridiculously handsome dude staring at him with a grin which startles him enough that he drops his books
this dude is Jung Hoseok and he was trying to ask Namjoon about Murakami but then thought maybe Namjoon was deaf and felt awkward
which ha joke’s on Hoseok, that attack did fuck up Namjoon’s hearing in one ear, which just leads Namjoon to making a joke about Hoseok being half right
it’s a terrible joke
Hoseok feels terrible
Namjoon feels terrible for making it
and now it’s awkward
More under the cut!
so Hoseok walks away and comes back to start over
Namjoon is amused but he can’t really let himself find people attractive because that leads to getting close and THAT leads to eating someone
probably
he’s not actually gotten that far but he’s pretty sure
so after chatting about new release novels for a while Hoseok suggests they visit the coffee shop attached to the bookstore so they can sit down instead of standing in the way
Namjoon literally popwerwalks away
like he just stole some books he got so nervous
bro why calm down it’s just coffee
(he circles back around to pay after a few hours when he thinks Hoseok’s gone, it’s okay, the shop owner knows him)
fast forward to the next month when he’s picking up more books and Hoseok is there AGAIN???
he asked the shop owner when Namjoon usually comes in
Namjoon now has a sworn enemy in this shop owner
but it’d be too weird to bounce again and Namjoon just sucks it up and sits w Hoseok for coffee
actually he just gets a raspberry mango smoothie, too much caffeine leading up to his transformation just leads to a really awkward time as a wolf, he’s still gotta figure out how to research that one
he learns Hoseok’s a writer which is the coolest??? thing????? ever??????
but then he learns a lot of Hoseok’s work is smutty and...now he has thoughts
send help they’re really dirty thoughts
actually send holy water and/or a washcloth
Hoseok smells like vanilla and coffee beans and it’s driving him insane
that plus the pervy thoughts are just...he’s having a lot of issues now
but he’s gotta keep that shit in check because man what if he wolfs out in the middle of this bookstore coffee shop?
he’s so checked out of this conversation oh my god what is Hoseok even saying at this point?
he looks like he wants a response so Namjoon just says, “Sure”
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