Theatre Headcanon Requests!

"Connor said all of his hope was pinned on you," the voice spat. "You're a stuck up bitch; I hope you feel what Connor felt."

"Have fun with your miserable life, bye." You mumbled, hanging up.

Honestly, you were expecting any phone call or text to be some form of harassment at this point, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt you.

It all happened so fast.

Everything was going so well for your family. Evan had given your family your brother back, started a successfully inspirational project in his honor, helped all of you grieve, and most recently become your perfect boyfriend. You couldn't ask for more, if you were telling the truth. It was like this was how things were meant to be. But all good things come to an end, right?

You came home from school one day. It had been odd; maybe it was your imagination, but it seemed like people were ignoring you all day. Some flashing nasty looks at you, even. Tired out from paranoid thoughts running through your mind for 8 hours, you flopped down onto your bed and groaned. After staring at the ceiling for a few minutes, you felt your phone ping.

New message from Evan <3: Are you okay?

Furrowing your brows in confusion, you unlocked your phone and typed back a quick, "yeah why?"

New message from Evan <3: Are you sure?.. If you don't want to talk about it I won't make you but I want you to know I am here for you..

To Evan <3: Huh? Evan, what are u talking about?

New message from Evan <3: You don't know?...

To Evan <3: What? Did something happen? Call me please

Moments later, you saw Evan's contact pop up on your phone as it rang. You picked up immediately.

"Ev?"

He was silent.

"Evan, what's going on? Is everything okay?" You asked nervously.

"(Y/n).. I think, um.. You need to check your social media, (y/n)." He muttered, clearly distraught.

He was too quiet for you to be comfortable. You felt your stomach churn. Pulling up your Instagram first, you saw 9 different new tagged photos of you along with 19 comments. What? That couldn't be right. Pressing on the tagged photos first, you noticed screenshots of what appeared to be a letter. Out of nervous curiosity, you pressed on one to read it. Mumbling it out to yourself, you read the first sentence.

"Dear Evan Hansen,  turns out today wasn't an amazing day after all."

Your blood ran cold. You knew these words. This was the letter Connor had in his back pocket when he took his life. How did people get this? You flipped back to your notifications page and began reading through the new comments.

Fuck the murphy's.

Connor deserved better than you heartless god-awful people. I hope you burn.

Connor wrote his suicide note to evan hansen cause he knew his family didn't give a shit.

(Y/n)'s parents, by the way, are insanely rich. maybe they should have spent their money on helping their son.

You're a disgusting excuse for a sister.

You closed out of the app quickly, not able to look at anything else.

You were too engulfed in your own confusion and panic to hear Evan calling to you through the phone. He hung up without you realizing. Feeling as if the world was crashing down around you, you felt hot tears begin to fall and leaned over your bed, breathing faster. Before you could even fully process what was going on, Evan burst through your door.

He ran to you, taking you in his arms and pushing hair away from your face. "(Y/n)? God, I- I'm so sorry. Listen to me, okay? Please listen to me." He begged. Your breathing stayed fast and tears remain in your eyes, but you looked up at Evan.

"How did people get this?" You asked. You thought you saw something inside of him crumple, but you didn't point it out. When he didn't say anything, you abruptly stood up. "We have to show my parents."

"O-okay." Evan stuttered. You took his hand and lead him to the kitchen table, calling out for your parents. They joined you both, and you explained your social media and they checked theirs as well. Unsurprisingly, their Facebook notifications were flooding with the same brutal remarks. So here you were, your family gathered around the table yelling and arguing over a computer, while Evan stood nervously by the wall. You'd hung up your phone and went back to screaming with your family.

Your dad grabbed your cell, shutting it off. "You don't take more calls from blocked numbers, do you understand me?" He ordered. You didn't answer.

"Maybe right now the best thing to do is to wait and see if this blows over." Larry advised.

Cynthia laughed bitterly. "That's always your solution isn't it; just do nothing?"

"Is that what i said?"

"Wait and see. Right, Larry?"

"Can you guys just stop?!" You chimed, begging.

"I had to beg you," Cynthia started, "every step of the way."

"Okay, hold on."

Evan spoke up just quiet enough where nobody noticed him. "I'm sure the comments will stop-"

"I had to plead with you for therapy. For rehab." Cynthia continued.

She and Larry started yelling over top of each other to a point where their words were blended together.

Cynthia raised her voice. "All you cared about was picking apart everything that I did!"

"What I cared about was picking out a program, and sticking to it." Larry objected.

"No, you wanted to punish him!" You announced.

"Listen to your daughter, Larry!""

"You treated him like a criminal!" You accused.

"Are you listening?"

"You think you were any better? You let him do whatever he wanted." You shot back at your mom.

Cynthia ignored that and went back to firing at Larry. "When he threatened to kill himself the first time, do you remember what you said?"

"Oh, for christ's sake!"

"He just. Wants. Attention?!"

"I'm not gonna sit here and-"

Cynthia interrupted him. "He was getting better! Ask Evan. Tell him, Evan."

Evan spoke softly. "Oh, I shouldn't-"

"Evan was in denial!"

They began screaming over each other once again, hardly stopping for breathes.

"Read the note, Larry! Read what he said. God knows the world is reading it."

"Actually-" Evan chimed.

"I did the best I could."

"I wish everything was different." Cynthia quoted.

"That's not-" Evan was interrupted again.

"I tried to help him." Larry boomed.

Cynthia went on. "He wanted to get better. He was TRYING to be better!"

"I don't know what to tell you!"

"He was trying!"

"And he was failing!"

"WE failed him!"

"No you didn't, you didn't fail him!" Evan yelled for the first time.

"Look at what he wrote!" Cynthia challenged.

"HE DIDN'T WRITE IT!" Evan screamed. He stared at the ground, taking a sharp breathe in before he yelled again. "I wrote it!"

He three of you gaped at him for what felt like forever before Cynthia spoke up. "You didn't write Connor's suicide note, Evan." She said in a weary tone.

"It wasn't a s-ugh. It was an assignment, um, from my therapist. Write a letter to yourself; a pep talk. Dear Evan Hansen, today's gonna be a good day and here's why. I was supposed to bring it to my appointment, but Connor took it from me. And I guess that he must have had it with him, um, when they found him." He spilled, speaking quickly.

"What are you talking about?" You asked, not processing a word.

Evan broke down, beginning to cry. "We weren't friends."

"Evan.. Evan, no. No, no, no!" Cynthia cried.

"I never meant to make such a mess of things. I never.." He choked. "I never thought it'd end up going so, um, so far." Evan continued, putting his head in his hands.

"There were emails. You showed us the emails!" Cynthia reminded him, refusing to believe what was happening.

Evan ignored her. "So, I- I'm just... Here, trying to find something... Something to say."

"But you knew about the orchard. He took you the orchard." Larry chimed in.

"That's where you broke your arm." Cynthia added.

Evan took his hands off of his face and wrapped them around himself. "I broke my arm in the park by myself."

"No, no, no! that day at the orchard, you and Connor at the orchard!" Cynthia continued to object.

"There's nothing I can say. I'm-god, there are..." he hiccuped, "there are no words."

Cynthia sat down, unable to stand anymore and began sobbing, reality setting in. Her son never even had a friend. He really was alone.

After sitting quiet, you finally spoke up. "But you told me that you.. that you would talk about me, and that you would.. how could you do this?" You questioned.

"I never had this kind of thing before." You noticed Evan had begun sweating. "Nobody's ever-no, um... I've never had that perfect girl in my life who saw past my flaws, and chose to see the good side of me. I've never had a dad who stuck it out; mine left when I was-when I was 8. You all know that. My mom was never there just b-because that's who she was supposed to be, she's..." He cried into his hands again. "She's never around."

Cynthia ran out, not being able to stomach the situation unfolding before her. Shortly after, Larry followed and it was just the two of you.

"That is not a... a worthy explanation. There is absolutely none, I know that." Evan explained, his cries echoing through the air. "Nothing could p-possibly make sense of all these.... these things that I've done."

It was this moment that everything hit you. Evan, the one person in the world that you thought you could trust... The person you told everything to, and who told everything to you, or so you thought... He had lied to you about everything. The entire basis of your relationship was a lie. Everything was a lie. Connor never cared. He never had friends. He never wanted to reach out to you or fix anything. He never cared about the orchard, or you, or your family or anything. None of this was real.

It felt as if you had been standing knee-deep in the ocean, and everything was still. Everything was still, and everything was calm; but before you could so much as turn around, a tidal wave crashed down over your head and kicked your feet out from underneath you, knocking the breath right out of your lungs.

You had never felt this blindsided or betrayed in your entire life.

As you took your own hands into your hands just as Evan had done, you cried. "I don't... I don't understand." You said. Anger began to slip into your voice. "What made you think this was okay, Evan?" You broke.

"I never-"

You interrupted him. "What made you think you could just come into my life and give me false hope about everything I've ever known, and then just take it all away in a heartbeat? You made me let you in, only for me to figure out all of this was a lie! I can't believe you! Was any of this true, Evan? Do you even love me?" You demanded.

He looked you straight in the eyes, his face contorting in pain as body-racking sobs took over him.  "This wasn't- I didn't... Oh, god." He doubled over, clutching himself. "Imsorryimsorryimsorry." He sputtered, slowly letting himself fall to his knees. He began crying so hard that he could hardly catch a breath. He tried to speak, but it ended up coming out more like mumbles and groans, as if he was choking over every word. He trembled, putting his hands on the ground to keep himself from completely falling over.

You knew exactly what this was. You had been with Evan long enough to know what his panic attacks looked like when they were forming, and he was obviously headed into one. Despite how desperately shattered you were feeling, you knew you couldn't just leave him to fight this himself. You ignored the twinge in your heart and the aching you could feel in your chest, and headed over to Evan.

You would deal with your confusion and broken heart later.

You sat down on your knees directly in front of him, pulling him into your chest as tight as you could and beginning to softly rub his back with your right hand. As you had discovered, calming physical touch could normally bring Evan down when he got this worked up.

He let out a wail, sobbing "I'm sorry" into your shoulder over and over again. You felt your own eyes continue to pour, but you ignored it. Hearing him let out long, body-raking cries into your t-shirt and just physically feeling his body quaking, you squeezed your eyes shut, trying your best not to begin completely sobbing again yourself.

You stared at the floor to keep yourself grounded.

45 minutes later, you found yourself still clutching him in your arms and softly running your right hand through his hair as you felt him slowly breathe in and out. The both of you were silent; you knew if either of you spoke it would mean it was truly the end.

So as you sat, feeling so small in the eerily quiet house that seemed to engulf you, your eyes remained trained on the floor and your mind remained blank. You didn't want to think. Thinking meant that you had to come to terms with this immense feeling of desolation, and in the meantime you wanted to push that as far out of your head as you possibly could. But you knew you couldn't stay like this.

"Evan..." You took a breathe in and paused for a second, but spoke once more. "I think you should go.

"I know."

"I think you should go, and you shouldn't come back. Please."

"(Y/n).."

"Please." You repeated.

Evan gulped, but then he stood up. He didn't say anything. Maybe it was because he knew there was nothing left to say, or maybe he just couldn't think of anything.

Regardless, he stood up and he walked to your doorway. He walked through, and he didn't look back.

You sat on the floor, staring at where he had been moments before. You didn't know how you felt. Part of you felt empty, but another part of you felt all of the broken pieces of you shattering all at once. You pushed that part out. Either way, Evan was gone. And so was everything you had come to know.

It's funny how everything can change in a moment.

Their relationship was a complicated one. They were all close friends, sure, but lately, something had seemed…off. Jared always wanted to tag along whenever Evan and (Y/N) went somewhere, and vice versa. Jared had been getting a lot more, well, touchy, coming up behind Evan and (Y/N) and wrapping his arms around their waist in hugs. (Y/N) would kiss each of the boys on the cheek before leaving, leaving them both with red faces. Evan would shyly take (Y/N) or Jared’s hand in his as they walked together down the hallway. Their friendship was starting to approach the border of intimacy that separated purely platonic from romantic.

 Suddenly, there was a jumpscare, a disgusting face jumping in front of the camera. Jared let out a yelp, and (Y/N) hissed and tried to back up, instead pushing herself against Evan. Evan felt his face flush as he bit his lip, trying to keep the sound that threatened to bubble out of his throat down. (Y/N) had been squirming in his lap for most of the movie, and every once in a while she did it in a certain way that just, it just did things to him that he wasn’t ready for. He gulped, trying to keep down the pervasive thoughts telling him he was a creep for getting a boner for his best friend. She would probably turn around and see and then she’d never want to hang out again, and then he’d be alone forever and die like that lady in the apartment who wasn’t found for like three months—

 “Evan? Evan, sweetheart, you’re shaking,” (Y/N) said, turning her head to look at him.

 “She’s right. You okay?” Jared piped up, looking at him with concern. Evan swallowed, mouth opening and closing as he tried to find words.

 “I-I-I, um, no, I’m fine—aah!” he squeaked as (Y/N) turned around on his lap to face him head on.

 “Seriously, what’s wrong?” she asked. Evan just bit his lip again, averting his eyes to look anywhere but her face. He heard Jared snort with laughter and he looked away, face and tips of his ears burning.

 “Jared, what?”

 “Pffft, just—“

 “What? Why are you—oh.”

 When Evan dared to glance at (Y/N)’s face, she was bright red, staring straight at the tent in his pants.

 Evan let out a shaky sigh. “I-I’m sorry, just, it um, it just kinda happened?” It was more of a question than a statement. He covered his eyes with his hands. “Just-just stop staring, god!”

 He heard soft whispering and peaked out from behind his fingers to see (Y/N) and Jared in heated whispering, Jared with a stupid grin on his face, nodding along. Before Evan could work up the courage to ask what was going on, Jared was pausing the movie and (Y/N) was sliding down between Evan’s legs, hands trailing down his chest and thighs.

 “V-(Y/N)?!” Evan choked out. She just smiled.

 “We’re gonna try something, if that’s okay with you,” she murmured, looking up through thick lashes. Evan swallowed thickly.

 “We?”

 “You didn’t think I was gonna just sit this one out, did you?” he heard Jared laugh from where he had appeared to his right, a hand reassuringly on his shoulder. Evan let out a shaky laugh that turned into a shaky moan when (Y/N) palmed him gently though his jeans.

 “Wow. Okay. That was,” (Y/N) gulped, “that was hot.”

 “I agree,” Jared murmured, shrugging off his flannel. “Evan, can I kiss you?” he asked. Evan’s eyes were wide, and he nodded vigorously. Jared’s hands tentatively cupped his face, and he kissed him, a little too eagerly. It was obvious that they were both inexperienced—Jared’s teeth clacked against Evan’s sharply, and their noses bumped together, but it was…sweet. Just as Evan was getting comfortable, he felt another hand on his shoulder. He (reluctantly) broke away from Jared, turning to see (Y/N) had climbed back onto his lap.

 “Hey, I know I’m the ho in this relationship, but that doesn’t mean I should get left out of the cute shit,” she pouted, and Jared laughed, pecking her on the forehead. He trailed kisses down her temple, to her cheeks, and then softly on her mouth. She giggled, face flushing a light pink. Evan watched them, a warm fuzzy feeling in his chest. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but…it wasn’t jealousy. Especially when (Y/N) turned and caught his eye, breaking away from Jared and wrapping her arms around his neck, pressing her sweet lips to his.

 No, Evan decided, as he melted into (Y/N)’s kiss and saw out of the corner of his eye Jared begin to leave wet kisses on her neck. This wasn’t jealousy. It was warmth. Inclusion. Acceptance.

 Love.

 And the funny thing was, he felt completely at ease as he settled his hands on (Y/N)’s hips, letting himself relax. (Y/N) bit down softly on his lower lip, and smiled against him when she heard the moan from the back of his throat. Jared fiddled with her shirt hem, and she broke away from Evan to let him slip her t-shirt off, nervously unclipping her bra.

 Both boys looked at her in awe, because, let’s face it, this was the first time either of them had seen real-life boobs. (Y/N) flushed bright red.

 “Jesus, guys, don’t stare! You’re making me self-conscious,” she mumbled, holding her arms above her stomach in the habit of hiding her stomach rolls.

 Evan blinked. “Y-You’re, um, uh—“ He could barely form words; he was starting to get a little overwhelmed.

 (Y/N)’s eyes widened in concern, and she made a move to reach for her shirt. “I’m, I’m so sorry Evan. This must be really overwhelming and fast and god this was a stupid idea—“ She was breathing heavily now, but Jared caught her arm gently.

 “Hey, hey, slow down. It’s okay. You’re okay,” Jared soothed her. Evan nodded, trying to run his hands through her hair comfortingly. She liked when he did that normally; it calmed her down.

 “We don’t, um, we don’t have to do anything, if you don’t want to,” Evan said. Then, he had an idea. He quickly stripped off his blue striped polo, too focused on (Y/N) to feel self-conscious about it. “See? N-Now you’re not alone. Yaaay.” He gave a sweet, sort of scared smile, and (Y/N) felt her heart melt. She giggled, feeling much better knowing that her Evan didn’t change, even in situations like this.

 Jared let out an exasperated sigh. “Fiiine, if you guys insist. Brace yourself for the chub.” (Y/N) let out a snort as Jared pulled his graphic tee over his head, placing a kiss on his collarbone.

 So now they all sat on Evan’s couch, shirtless and awkward.

 (Y/N) coughed. “Um, Evan, could we maybe go to your room? Maybe it’s just me but this feels a little…exposed. Like if your mom came home this would be the first thing she’d see.” Jared made a face.

 “She’s right,” he replied. Evan nodded.

 “Um, okay. I guess we can just, uh. Go. Then.” He said, scratching the back of his neck. Before he could stand up, though, Jared shot up and grabbed (Y/N) by the waist and tried to pick her up.

 “Put me down!” she screeched, laughing as Jared was too short to actually lift her.

 “Never!” Jared cackled. “You wanna help me out here, Ev?” he asked, shooting a look in his direction. Evan nodded quickly, running over to grab (Y/N)’s legs so she was totally in the air. She gasped for air in between laughs. Evan hadn’t ever noticed it before, but her thighs were super soft and squishy. Instantly images of her thighs—on top of him, over his shoulders,  around his head—flooded his mind, and he nearly choked. It did not help the situation in his pants.

 “Oh my god…I hate you guys,” she giggled as they carried her into Evan’s room, peppering Jared’s face with kisses. Evan set her legs down gently as if afraid she would break. Jared sort of just plopped the rest of her down, and she let out a yelp.

 “You’re a dick.”

 “Sorry!” Jared laughed, obviously not remorseful at all. “…let me see if I can make it up to you.” He wiggled his eyebrows, and (Y/N) laughed.

 “Jared Kleinman, attempting to be suave. And I thought I’d seen everything,” she remarked, getting a chuckle from Evan.

 “…hey, um, I don’t want to interrupt, I’m sorry, but,” Evan took a breath, composing himself, “what, exactly, are we doing?”

 The three exchanged blank stares. (Y/N) was the first one to speak up.

 “Maybe, um, I’d feel better if neither of you, like, tried to, y’know,” she struggled, trying to pick words that didn’t sound awkward in her mouth. “I don’t want any dick inside of me!” she finally spat out. “I’m just not ready for that kind of thing. Sorry.”

 “You don’t have to apologize, we’re not gonna do anything without each other’s consent, right?” Jared stated. The other two nodded.

 Another awkward silence.

 Surprisingly, it was Evan who spoke up.

 “Um, would it be okay if I, uh,” Evan paused, looking for the right words, “g-got you off with, um, with my mouth, maybe?” The thought of her thighs filled his head again, especially when she rubbed them together at the thought of his proposition.

 “You…want to eat me out?” she asked, trying to make sure she hadn’t just imagined what he had said.

 “…yes,” he mumbled. Jared smirked.

 “What did you say? I don’t think she heard you,” he said, tone more commanding than usual. Evan felt his throat tighten, not in the way it did when he started to panic, but in a good way.

 “Yes, I want to eat her out, god, please,” Evan practically moaned. Jared swallowed hard, feeling that go straight to his dick. He hadn’t expected Evan to outright beg.

 “Oh. Um. Yeah, if you want,” she stammered, now extremely turned on. She scooted backwards to lean up against the headboard, and Evan, god bless this man, actually stood up and rearranged the pillows behind her so she was more comfortable.

 She laughed. “I changed my mind, just take me right here,” she said, and Evan’s jaw dropped.

 “B-But you said--!”

 “Oh my god, it was a joke it was a joke!” she giggled at Evan’s bright red face. He was such a cutie. She felt the bed dip beside her, Jared joining her side. He kissed her slowly, humming when she felt her nails scrape lightly down his chest. Her breath hitched when Evan attached himself to her neck, kissing and nibbling here and there. He bit down on a spot near her collarbone, relishing in the little gasp she made.

 Evan kissed down her stomach, tentatively cupping her breasts in his hands. He was unsure what to do, until Jared took his hands.

 “Here, touch her like this,” he said, moving his hands on top of Evan’s to brush his fingers over her nipple lightly. She shivered, letting out a small whine. Jared smiled as Evan started rolling one of them with his thumb and forefinger, and (Y/N) had to bite her thumb to keep a loud moan from escaping. It wasn’t even that the touching felt that good; it was the sight of her boys loving her, kissing her, touching her. She was starting to feel pleasantly overwhelmed.

 (Y/N) decided the pace needed to speed up; this was all nice, but if they kept going at this rate, Heidi would be back before anything substantial could go down. She quickly started unbuttoning Jared’s cargo shorts, sliding them down his thighs with no more protest than a snarky, “Someone’s a little eager, huh?” from Jared.

 “Quit smarting off or I won’t let you cum,” (Y/N) said dangerously, and Jared promptly shut up. She smiled triumphantly, tracing the outline of his dick in his boxers and listening to the growl that left his mouth. She felt a tapping on her thigh and looked down, met with the gorgeous sight of Evan between her legs.

 “Can I do this?” he asked, looking at her like she hung the universe. She nodded quickly, and he hooked his thumbs in her jean shorts and pulled them down. She used her left hand to slide underneath Jared’s boxers, confidently taking him into her hand and loving the loud moan he tried and failed to stifle; she used her right hand to thread through Evan’s short, dirty blonde hair, not necessarily pulling, just feeling.

 Evan pressed a sweet kiss to her through her underwear, smiling with satisfaction when he felt her shudder. With shaking hands he pulled down her underwear, revealing a place no one had ever seen except her. He felt overwhelmed again, swallowing thickly.

 Above him, (Y/N) burned bright red. “Evan! Don’t stare, it’s just a vagina,” she spluttered, trying not to think about how close he was, she could feel his warm breath and god—

 “Yeah, but it’s—mph!—it’s your vagina,” Jared huffed out, interrupted as her hand began to move on him. Evan nodded in agreement, then finally placed his hands on top of her thighs, holding them in place. He was surprisingly strong; afternoons spent scaling trees will do that, she supposed. He kissed up the inside of her thighs, stopping to leave a small mark.

 (Y/N) went slow, not wanting to let Jared unravel in her hands until she wanted him to. He was already panting from her movements—rubbing slowly, up and down, twisting at the head and rubbing her thumb over his slit. God, he was in heaven; if she could make him feel this good with just a few minutes of light touching, his mind was blown at what else she could possibly do with him—to him. He leaned over and started kissing her again, a hand in her hair behind her ear to keep her steady.

 Jared felt her moan into his mouth when Evan made first contact—a long stripe with his tongue. Evan hooked his arms around (Y/N)’s thighs pulling her closer and setting her thighs around his head. Curiously, he did it again, realizing that she moaned louder when he licked near the top. He was always an explorer at heart; how was this any different? He placed a kiss there, finding a little nub and sucking on it.

 “Oh god, that’s—god, Evan, that’s just perfect, just like that,” she gasped, grip on Jared growing tighter. The wanton sounds from both of them made Evan’s hand trail down to his pants, unzipping and letting the constricting clothing fall to the floor and palming himself through his boxers.

 (Y/N) let out a garbled sound, fingers in Evan’s hair tightening. “E-Evan, come on, just a little bit more, you’re doing so well,” she breathed, feeling Evan moan against her, sending vibrations up through her body. Jared bit down harshly on the junction of her shoulder and neck, drawing a cry of pleasure from her. God, this was just perfect—an Evan-(Y/N)-Jared sandwich. The thought was so absurd she almost laughed, but instead moaned again when Evan began sucking on her clit.

 “Okay, ooookay, Ev, ah, Ev, sweetheart, if you keep tha-aaah-t up, I-I’m not gonna last—!” Evan cut her off with a particularly hard suck. She could feel him smiling against her. She liked this cocky side of Evan—hopefully, she could see more of him in the future.

 Jared breathed hotly on her neck. “(Y/N),” he muttered, tone dark but surprisingly steady, “If you don’t speed up, I’m going to fucking die.”

 She laughed and sped up, spreading his precum over his cock, making it slide much easier and extracting much louder noises from him. She suddenly twisted her wrist, twisting around the head. She felt Jared tense up beside her, an incredible moan coming from his mouth as he pressed his lips to hers, letting her keep stroking him through his orgasm. He panted hard, trying to catch his breath; however, (Y/N)’s insisting hand wouldn’t let him do that.

 “S-Stop,” he choked out, and her hand flew back, afraid she had hurt him. “I’m—I’m fine,” he breathed out, slumping against the pillows. “Just a little overstimulated.” (Y/N) nodded, letting him snuggle up to her side and focusing all her attention on the boy between her legs.

 Evan had slowed down, watching Jared cum. (Y/N) lightly tugged on his hair, and he turned his attention back to her. She nearly came right there when he looked up at her through his dark eyelashes.

 “Am I doing good?” he asked before pressing a kiss to her clit. She sucked in a breath.

 “Yes, yes, you’re doing so good, so good for me,” she babbled. She felt Evan let out a moan, then noticed how he was touching himself. Her eyes opened wide. “Evan, are you…really getting off on this?”

 He looked up immediately. “I-Is that bad?” he asked. (Y/N) shook her head vigorously, instead gently tugging Evan’s hair to being him back to her core.

 “T-Try putting a finger inside me, okay?” (Y/N) asked, needing something to set her off the edge. “I-I promise you won’t hurt me, please.” Evan complied, running a finger down her dripping core and inserting it. She let out a loud hum.

 “Okay, now try to do this,” she said, crooking her finger in a ‘come here’ motion. Evan’s eyes lit up, and he tried it, drawing a gorgeous moan from the girl above him. He started going faster, licking and sucking, fingering her as fast (but also as gently, he didn’t want to hurt her) as he could. (Y/N) didn’t try to control her voice anymore, babbling everything that came to mind.

 “Evan, oh god, Evan you’re being so good for me, who knew you—ah!—were so good at this?” she whimpered. Evan kept going, moaning as he twisted his wrist and letting his teeth scrape very gently over her clit. She shuddered and her thighs tightened around his head. “Oh god, Evan! Evan I’m—I’m gonna--!”

 Shudders rippled through her body as if a wave crashed over her. Her fingers pulled on Evan’s hair, thighs wrapped around his head, and his hand dug into her thighs as he came as well. Evan kept licking through her orgasm, humming pleasantly.

 When her breathing returned to normal, she relaxed against the wall. She and Jared exchanged glances, and she gave him a tired high five. (Y/N) patted the spot on the bed next to her, and Evan joined them, cuddling up to her even though all three of them were pretty damn sweaty and gross after that.

 Evan licked his lips and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Th-that was—“

 “Incredible?” Jared gasped. “Yeah.”

 “I was gonna say super hot and probably the best orgasm I’ve ever had,” (Y/N) mumbled tiredly. Jared looked at her, partially offended and partially mischievous.

 “I bet I could get you to cum faster than Evan,” he stated, making Evan nearly choke on his own saliva.

 “Eh, I dunno about that,” (Y/N) hummed, still blissed-out. “Evan really seemed to enjoy it.” She winked at him, and Evan’s already red face turned even darker, if that were possible.

 “I-I—I just really like her thighs, okay?” Evan grumbled, making the other two laugh. (Y/N) pulled him in and kissed him, making a face.

 “You taste like me,” she said.

 “What? Really?” Jared asked. “I thought that was only something they put in fanfictions.” He quickly leaned over and kissed Evan.

 “…I call dibs on eating her out next time.”

 “Jared!”

 At the end of the day, after cleaning up and taking showers (separately, of course), the three cuddled back up on the couch, snuggled in a mountain of blankets. (Y/N) was laying across Jared and Evan’s laps, and Evan was playing with her hair while Jared traced little shapes on her stomach.

 “So…what does this make us?” (Y/N) spoke up. Jared and Evan exchanged glances.

 “I think we should date.” Jared said.

 “What, like, you and me?” (Y/N) asked. Evan shook his head.

“N-No, like…like we’re all dating each other. Like I’m dating you, but also Jared, and Jared’s dating you too?” he said quickly. Jared laughed.

 “Yeah. Like that,” he said fondly. (Y/N) took Jared’s hand in her left and Evan’s in her right.

 “I love that idea,” she said, sitting up to peck them both on the lips before lying back down.

Jeremy shook the thought out of his head as he pulled hisblue backpack with Rich’s “BOYF” still written on the back onto his shoulders.He glanced at his actual clock. “Shit!”he murmured, quickly pulling his converse on and rushing down the stairs. Hisdad sat on the couch, eyes red and puffy, trying not to stare at the blank spoton the wall.

“Um…Dad, I’m going to Michael’s,” Jeremy said, not surewhether he should be concerned. His father gave a muffled sound in reply, andJeremy just…sorta slinked out of the room and out the front door. He startedoff down the street—Michael lived a short fifteen minute walk away. His phonebuzzed in his pocket 

Player 1:

dude where tf u at

Jeremy rolled his eyes and replied.

Player 2:

You make me cringesometimes. I’m on my way. 

A moment later:

Player 1:

u kno u luv mejere-bear >;3c

Player 2:

You wish >:P

Jeremy shut his phone off and grabbed the keychain off of hisbackpack, using it to unlock Michael’s front door. It had been a gift for hisfourteenth birthday, when Jeremy had practically lived at the Mell’s whiletrying to avoid his parents’ constant fighting.

“Michael! I’m here!” Jeremy shouted into the empty house. Heheard a muffled “Down here!” from the basement, and Jeremy raced downstairs. 

“Hey dude, what’s up?” Michael said, spinning around in hisdesk chair. Faint bass beats echoed from his computer speakers.

“Not much. Think we can crack Level 8 today?” Jeremy asked,plopping down in one of Michael’s beanbag chairs and placing his backpack besidehim. Michael sat down next to him quickly.

“Those zombies won’t know what hit ‘em!” Michael exclaimed,smiling as he gave Jeremy a high-five.

As they proceeded through Apocalypse of the Damned, Level 8:The Haunted Record Store, Jeremy kept glancing around Michael’s room. Theever-present ticking of Jeremy’s clock on the wall hadn’t gone unnoticed; hewas starting to get nervous about it. It kind of disappointing, knowing thathis favorite person in the world could never even possibly be his soulmate—after all, his clock was still ticking.But Michael’s…? In their twelve years of being best friends, Michael had neveronce talked about his soulmate clock. Jeremy had never even seen it.

Suddenly, the sound of Jeremy’s character dying broke himout of his thoughts. Michael let out a groan. “Ugh, Jeremy! You’ve gotta quitspacing out on me like that, or we’ll never get through this level,” Michaelsaid, pouting at him. Normally, Jeremy would have laughed, hit him lightly onthe shoulder, and gone back to playing his game, but Michael’s face,illuminated in the soft blue glow of the game’s pause menu, was absolutelygorgeous. His dark eyes were gleaming, and he was worrying his bottom lip withhis teeth, something he only did when he was nervous.

Jeremy felt his face get hot. Not right now, gay thoughts. “I-I, um, yeah. Yeah, sorry.”

“Jer, are you okay?” Michael asked, a concerned look on hisface as he sat down his controller and scooted closer. Jeremy gulped.

“Michael, have you ever thought…about your soulmate?”

Jeremy looked into Michael’s eyes, not expecting him toclench his jaw and look at the space beside Jeremy’s head, almost like he was holdinghimself back.

“No. Never.”

“Not even once?” 

“Look, Jer,” Michael said, looking him straight in the eyesagain. “I don’t need a soulmate to be happy. I have my music, I have my weed,and, well, I have you.” He said, the corners of his mouth twitching up in asmile. “What else do I need?”

Jeremy felt his face flush, and his chest bubble up with—something,he didn’t know what. He just knew that it was a warm, fluttery feeling. Andthen, he did something incredibly stupid. He leaned across the beanbags and grabbedMichael’s face in his hands.

And then, he kissed him 

It was rushed and sloppy, a spur-of-the-moment move thatleft Michael stunned. Jeremy pulled away slowly, not realizing his eyes hadfluttered shut until he had to open them again. When he did, he saw Michaelstaring back at him, eyes wide with disbelief. He immediately started reeling.

“Shit, I’m so sorry, I-I didn’t—I mean, I did mean to, it’s just—“

Michael cut him off, grabbing Jeremy’s face this time andpressing their lips together. They winced as their teeth clacked together (Jeremywas just glad Michael had gotten his braces off before this), but it felt toogood to stop, too…right. Jeremy didn’t have the words to describe the feeling;all he knew as he climbed into Michael’s lap was that he wanted more of it.

Michael’s soft hands were on his hips now, holding him steadyas Jeremy straddled his thighs, his own hands looped around Michael’s neck.Michael pulled away this time, gasping for air.

“J-Jeremy,” he gasped as Jeremy pressed wet kisses on hischeek, his jaw, the space behind his ear. Jeremy just hummed in response,making a shiver run through the boy.

He wanted to see him, feelhim do that again.

Hours later, hair ruffled and clothes rumpled from makingout, the two laid in Michael’s bed. Michael traced patterns on Jeremy’s barechest—his shirt had come off veryquickly as soon as Michael realized how easily Jeremy’s pale skin bruised—as Jeremyhummed contentedly, his arms around Michael and his head on his shoulder.

“Jeremy,” Michael murmured into his ear. The boy in questionraised his eyebrows in response, and felt Michael take a large, shaky breath. “Youasked about my soulmate, right?”

“Mhm?” Jeremy replied.

“…I broke it.”

“You what?” Jeremysaid, sitting up slightly. He’d never heard of someone breaking their clock on purpose; it sometimes happened byaccident, but never on purpose.

“I did. I broke it. Smashed it against the floor until thenumbers stopped.” Michael said. Jeremy’s mouth stayed open, a little “o” shape.

“Why the hell would you do that?” Jeremy asked, taking Michael’s hand softly and running histhumb over his knuckles. Michael gently lifted his chin up so they made eyecontact.

“Because that was the day that I realized that I wasn’tgoing to be in love with some manic pixie dream girl that the universe pickedout for me,” Michael said. “I was in love with you.”

Jeremy’s breath hitched. He wrapped his arms around Michael’smiddle, snuggling into him again, murmuring an “I love you” against his chestand feeling it convulse with gentle laughter as Michael kissed the top of hishead.

Half an hour later you found yourself sitting with your family around a dining room table in a home that belonged to two parents, a daughter, and a son. Cynthia & Larry, Zoe, and Connor Murphy to be specific. The introductions were slightly awkward, but the family seemed nice enough. There was a little bit of tension between Connor and everybody else for a reason you didn’t know, but other than that things were going fine.

“So (Y/N),” Cynthia speaks up, “what are your interests? What do you like to do in your free time?”

“Well, I like theatre, yoga, knitting and sewing, reading.. Just boring stuff like that, nothing special.” You answer, feeling a little sheepish. You notice Connor perk up, but don’t mention anything. Mainly because he’s a genuinely intimidating person, but hey.

“Oh! You like knitting? Connor here loves to knit!” Cynthia exclaims, gesturing to her son. “Of course he won’t let us see what he makes, but he’s always having to go out and buy supplies.”

Connor face palms. Really hard. “Fucking hell.” He mutters, getting up and trying to retreat to his room.

“Connor honey, sit down. We have company.” Cynthia orders. He does as he’s told but sports a very irked expression.

The rest of dinner after that was awkward, the tension that hung in the room earlier even heavier now. Everyone tried to ignore the fact that Connor seemed uncomfortable and angry. Still, the sets of parents continued to make civil conversations while both you and the Murphy teens chewed in silence. By the time everyone finished their meals, your mom said it was probably time for you all to head home. Thanking the Murphy’s for dinner and saying individual goodbyes, you and your parents were out the door.

Well, that could have gone worse.

* You woke the next morning to the dreaded beeping of your alarm, rolling over to shut it off before you went crazy. Realizing what today was, you took a deep breathe and groaned.

“This is it. Let’s make it count, me.” You say to yourself, jumping out of bed and getting ready as fast as possible since you had to be at school early to get your schedule. The car ride to school went faster than you wished it would have, and before you knew it you were climbing out to go inside.

You made your way to the front office, went through all the necessary introductions, you had a teacher run you through where your classes were and took your printed schedule. Heading to your 1st period English 4 class, you clutched your coffee tighter and trudged through the hallways.

When you walked through the door, you glanced around the room to see what seats were taken and which weren’t. Your eyes landed on a familiar face; Connor Murphy. Your new neighbor Connor Murphy, to be exact.  You smiled lightly, taking comfort in knowing there was someone you were at least a little bit familiar with in your class. You walked towards his seat and sat down beside him, analyzing his face as he looked up at you. His expression was blank.

“You?”

“Uh.. Yeah. Me.”

Connor rolled his eyes, but spoke again. “Didn’t know you were going to this school, (Y/N).” He said, definitely uninterested.

“This was the only public school in my district, so here I am.”

“By the way you present yourself I’d assume you belong in private, but okay.”

“What does that mean?” You questioned, confused.

He let out a small laugh to himself and answered, “You just seem like a goody-two shoes, prissy type of girl. To clarify, the type of people I don’t hang around with.”

You scoffed. “I am not a priss! Do you know how judgmental it is to make that assumption about someone because of one totally silent dinner and one outfit? Because that’s kind of a dick move, Connor. Plus, I’m new and literally don’t know anybody else so if you could do me the miraculous favor of just letting me sit next to you, that’d be fantastic. Cut me some slack.” You said with full sincerity. It was a small comment Connor made, but you were picked on at your old school and you weren’t standing for anything this time around.

You noticed his face fall a little bit, but he still bit back with “Whatever you say, princess.”

“Great.” You muttered, sarcasm dripping from your voice. Before Connor could react, the teacher waltzed in holding a hot pocket.

“Hello class,” he began with a sing-song voice, “I’m Mr. Reyes. I’m your teacher for English 4. I’ll allow you to sit wherever you want, just as long as you don’t disrupt my class. Now! Let’s go over the curriculum.” Mr Reyes practically sang his introduction.

To your surprise, Connor leaned over to whisper to you. “I have a feeling I’m going to need a lot of distractions from this guy.” He placed a note on your desk, and you read the writing.

Connor(me): 973-409-3313

You gave him a quizzical look, but pulled out your cell phone and quickly added his number to your contacts. Sending a new message, you simply typed ‘sup’. Connor smiled, pulling out his phone too and immediately logging into it to message you back.

Connor M Who brings a hot pocket to school? Lol

You laughed softly to yourself and wrote back.

(Y/N) Mr. Reyes apparently. What classes do u have?

Connor M Why? Wanna see if we have any more together?

(Y/N) You wish. Whatev, idc. So Connor. Knitting, huh? Your mom said u like it B)

Connor M Fuck off it’s therapeutic

(Y/N) Rude. So u actually do it?

Connor M Yeah. Problem?

(Y/N) Nah, I love knitting. I make lots of hats, scarves, socks, and I made a sweater once. It’s pink

Connor M Cool. Never tried hats b4. Or any of that other stuff.

(Y/N) Huh? So what do u make?

The bell rang.

Time had gone on so fast that you didn’t realize an entire period has passed. You locked your phone and packed up your stuff. Connor did the same.

“See ya, Murphy.” You called, standing up and turning to leave the class.

“Yeah, see ya.” Connor looked up at you, watching you leave. His eyes seemed kinder than when you first walked in.

* You somehow made it halfway through the day okay and found your way to the lunchroom, which was an accomplishment. Major accomplishment. Now your main challenge was actually finding people to sit with. You could either stay inside in the lunchroom or head out to the courtyard outside. You decided on the latter, thinking if you were going to be alone you might as well do it in a less crowded place with nice weather. The sun’s out today.

You carried your blue lunch box and pulled out your phone so you could pretend to be texting while walking to the courtyard. It was less embarrassing to be alone that way if you look like you’re busy anyways. Typing random letters into your notes, you collided with someone. Directly slamming your face into their chest, collided. Talk about humiliating.

You looked up, already beginning to spew out frantic apologies when you saw who it was.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry I didn’t- Oh. Connor.”

“Pfft. Look where you’re going, much?” He asked, looking down on you.

“Hello to you too. Sorry, I was just trying to find somewhere to sit.” You told him half-heartedly.

“On your phone?” He raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think your phone will tell you where to go.”

“You don’t have to be rude about it.” You throw out. You look at the ground, avoiding Connor’s gaze. “Can I sit with you? I don’t really have anywhere else to go.”

He didn’t answer for a second, which worried you. You lifted your head to see him, and he looked slightly confused, but he nodded his head. “Follow me.”

You walked with Connor to a small picnic table under a tree where he had a soda and a sack lunch splayed out. You sat down and unpacked your things, and you both ate. There wasn’t much conversation, but it wasn’t total silence. It wasn’t bad.

The rest of the day passed you by oh-so-slowly. You were beyond relieved when you finally got to go home. Your mom came to pick you up since you didn’t have the energy to drive. She made the average 'how was school’ small talk until you got home, but after that she let you be and you went up to your room, flinging yourself onto the bed. Ugh.

Your phone buzzed and for the second time that day, you saw a brand new message from Connor Murphy.

Connor M How was ur first day? Our school sucks

(Y/N) I mean? It was okay I guess. Didn’t make any friends but I made it through ok.

Connor M Wrong. U made me

(Y/N) Yeah?

Connor M Yeah.

You sent back a smiley face and clicked your phone off, looking out your window only to notice Connor’s room was directly across from yours. Hm.

* The next day went just as your first did. Your second went the same way. And the third. The school days went okay and other than Connor, you didn’t talk to anyone. You two texted back and forth during English and ate lunch together. You talked more than you did yesterday. When you got home, Connor would text you and sometimes you’d talk from between your windows. Slowly, you two stared hanging out more outside of school.

That’s how life went for awhile.

A couple months into the school year, you found yourself hanging out in Connor’s room at 4pm on a Wednesday. You were lying on his bed while he sat in his window sill. You were explaining in detail your favorite musical, all the tiny details included.

Connor laughed. “Jesus, (Y/N). I had no idea you were so into this shit. I knew you liked theatre but I didn’t know it was this intense!”

“Shut up, I bet you have interest in something embarrassing too. Everybody has their guilty pleasures!” You defended yourself.

Connor smiled at you, but denied it. “Yeah well, I guess I’m not everybody because I do not. No Connor Murphy guilty pleasures here.” He scratched his head.

“You’re lying. You scratch your head when you lie. Don’t think I haven’t picked up on that habit, Connor.” You pointed out. In response, Connor told you to 'fuck off’ but you persisted.

“I’m serious, what is it?!” You demanded. “I won’t shut up about it until you tell me.”

“God, I know you won’t.” He paused. “If I tell you, you have to promise you won’t tell a SINGLE person. No joke, if you do I’ll kick your ass.”

“Nah, you love me too much. You would never.” You tease. “Plus, I think we’re close enough by now. I always tell you about mine, and we trust each other enough right?”

“Something like that.” He looked at you. “Whatever, just let me get something.” He stood up and dug around in his closet for awhile until he pulled out a plastic bag full of something you couldn’t quite see yet. Regretting his choice as soon as it was done, he dumped it upside down on his bed and revealed little knitted marijuana leaves. With faces.

…

“Connor.”

“Yeah. I know.”

“Connor, these are so adorable! Who knew weed could be cute?!” You exclaimed, picking some up to examine them. “But I have to ask. What do you even do with these?” You questioned.

Connor’s eyes darted to the floor. “I sell them.”

You sent him a questionable look, which you knew he didn’t see but he continued anyways. “For whatever fucking reason people on Etsy eat them up. You can sell anything on there.”

“This is brilliant.”

Connor furrowed his eyebrows. “You don’t think this is weird?”

“No, I totally do. But it’s brilliant.

He rolled his eyes.

"Can I see your Etsy page?” You asked, hopeful.

“Why the fuck do you want to see my Etsy page?” He asked, confused.

“I don’t know, I just wanna see how many you’ve sold and stuff.”

Connor rolled his eyes again, but picked up his computer and logged on. As he opened Safari and logged into Etsy, you made quiet little cheers. Connor silently passed his computer to you so you could see his online shop. Browsing over his tiny creations, you began clicking on reviews.

“Wow, Connor! People really love these things.” You exclaim. “What do you even use the money for?”

Connor chuckled, and stared at you. “What do you think? I use it to pay for weed.”

“What?” You questioned. “Why can’t you just ask your parents for money?”

“You know how much I smoke a week? They would know. Plus, I don’t want to owe them anything. I don’t need anything from them but the bare minimum.” He told you. You mumbled something about it 'kinda making sense’ and continued to scroll through marijuana toy reviews. Reading an interesting bit, you started giggling to yourself.

“Con… You sold these at a craft fair?”

His face went red. Which was probably the weirdest thing you’ve ever seen, second only to knitted marijuana toys. He quickly snatched his laptop out of your hands and slammed it shut as you began laughing even harder.

“Somebody wrote a review and said they got some from you at a craft fair! Oh my god, this is the best thing I’ve ever heard.” You smiled ecstatically.

“No I didn’t. That lady was probably tripping on mushrooms and has no idea what’s she’s talking about.” He denied.

“Connor, don’t even try. I saw. This is AMAZING. I never would have thought you’d even be at a craft fair, let alone selling stuff!” You were practically yelling, you thought it was so amusing.

“Literally shut up, its not that fucking funny.”

“Yes it is! When’s the next craft fair? Will you take me?”

“I hate you so much.”

“Can I help you knit some more?”

“I’m never letting you in my house again.”

“I’ll give them the cutest facial expressions ever!”

“(Y/N), stop. I’m serious.”

“Make me. This is too good to-”

Before you could even process what was happening, his lips were on yours and his hand was cupping the side of your face. Just as quickly as it happened he pulled away, but he kept his face inches from yours. He smirked.

“Wow.” You blurted, your eyes darting back and forth between his own.

He laughed softly, and you were suddenly painfully aware of the fact that his hand was still resting on your cheek. You felt your face flush. Now too flustered to look Connor in the eye, you opted to look down instead. He moved his hand from your cheek to your chin and pulled it up, forcing you oh so gently to look at him which seemed to set your face ablaze.

“You told me to make you, it was the first thing that came to mind.” He explained.

You giggled softly, and then stared at him for a second. Without thinking, you took his face in both of your hands, leaned in and kissed him hard. He kissed back immediately, causing you to whimper softly into his mouth. He took this as an opportunity to slip his tongue in ever so slightly. You, without breaking contact, climbed on top of his lap and continued to kiss the boy. Gradually, one of your hands ended up tangled in his brown hair and he had one hand riding up your thigh. When you both were desperate for air, you pulled back.

You stared at each other. You, at Connor’s messed up hair and newly-planted pink lipstick marks; and Connor, at your swollen lips and red face. You smiled wide, and so did he.

“I should tell you to 'make me’ more often, huh?” You joked.

“Depends. Does this mean we’re dating?” Connor asked you.

You nodded and said, “If you want it to.”

“I do.” He answered.

“Okay, good. So do I.” You told him. “Suddenly I’m really grateful for the embarrassing craft fair secret.”

He shrugged off that comment and pulled you towards him and into his chest. You gladly leaned against him, taking in the smell of cologne and a slight hint of weed. It was nice. He kissed the top of your head and you smiled.

How cliche it was to fall for the boy next door. But you weren’t complaining.

-Mod Rae