BOYCHASE

I had an epiphany yesterday listening to a podcast. They were talking about how seeing her best friend looking the same, sounding the same, but there was something new that she couldn’t figure out.

Her friend just had a child and said something so beautiful, “when I looked at her, there was something different…like she had a key to a door that I haven’t been able to open. She had something beautiful tethering her, it was her child.”

I am finding out that I am finding my new tether at the moment. It, to be honest was love, then, hard drugs. Both almost took my life.

I don’t know what is worse. A broken heart or drugs that can be that bandaid in your time of need….

I moved to California 9years and about to go on my 10th. I may explain later on the details (if you’d like to hear)… I have been reflecting so much these last couple weeks and why I still feel so misunderstood. Everyone keeps telling me it because I am from the east coast and this is the west coast.

West coast people (HOT TAKE I KNOW) are just striving to be seen as the best version of them selves, when east coast are just who they are. I started to notice that I felt like I was preforming for others to make them feel comfortable because no one around me wants or thinks to be make me feel like I belong. Very much an exchange, as if a first date, but every time you see them.

I have this fear constantly that if I make one wrong move, I will be removed and all the work I have put in to what I think of friendships, will be lost.

Living on the west coast and dating men that grew up on the west coast, make you feel like ‘say one thing and the other shoe will drop’. I say this with respect and knowing that west coast born and raised people will read this and get defensive….so if you are feeling fueled, you are the issue.

I have met incredible people here but I am noticing that I do like this mentality of, ‘they are so nice but not my vibe’ - then show me with your body language that you are not interested and not to ask me for my number or to hang out….

Whenever I defend myself and I am rotted but only give back the energy that they give me. Dishing me shit only will make me stick your nose in it….then you are confused why I am not feasting, and making you eat what you have served…..

I have a little advice for 94% of people in the Bay Area, go to the east coast and give the same confidence and you will be torn apart and served to another fuck at the nearest bodega.

One of the hardest things that I had to deal with was not being ‘nice enough’ and being a ‘leader’ is a challenge for others.

I value my relationships back home but about 7% here are worth leaving my house because I have to watch paint dry.

I miss the east coast and I will repeat, if you are on the west coast reading this and are angry….that is what I am talking about and hope for people to be more confrontational in a CONSTRUCTIVE WAY.

will be seeing in theaters!!!