#trama

Both of you were born on the same day inside the palace. The difference is that you were born in your mother's small chamber. She was just one of the servants to a concubine, a lowly status. The consort was kind enough to send a doctor to help her give birth to you, while the consort went to witness the empress's birth.

She gave birth to a healthy prince. on the other hand, your mother died from labour, and you were born unhealthily; you could barely even breathe within a few hours.

But luckily, your mother's mistress, the consort Xin Qi she served, decided to adopt you. For a reason, out of pure pity, that her favorite maid who had served her since she entered that palace, her truly trusted friend, somehow caught the attention of that emperor at one of the meetings, and one thing led to another...

The first time you both met was when you were 6 years old at the palace garden, you were feeding the fish in the pond when he accidently ran into you, causing you to fall into the pond.

You struggle to breathe while the water feels like it's trying to drag you down, and this sense causes the boy to panic and scream for help.

Luckily, one of the servants is brave enough to jump into the pond to save you. You were immediately sent back to your chamber to rest while the doctors were on their way.

But some odd reasons the boy decided to stay by your side, watching as your maid carried you, rushing back to your chamber.He couldn't describe the gut feeling for the first time he felt worry??I mean, he shouldn't really be since it's just a random girl in the garden who knows who she belongs to, even if she were one of the concubines' daughters, he wouldn't have any consequences. I mean, after all, he was quite literally spoiled rotten; he didn't even have to dress himself or feed himself as all his servants would be there any moment he needed.

Before his birth, the emperor even said to himself if his dear empress gave birth to a prince, an heir, it would be the next king. That's what you heard from your maid; she even warned you if you met him, you must greet him and agree on anything he proposes, you mustn't protest to him, and blah blah blah, what a brat you think to yourself.

Back to reality, you felt the thick blanket on top of your body while he held your hand from the side. You side-eye him, giving him a confused and weird look.

"You push me-you blind-"

Before you could finish, you were shut by a hand across your mouth.

"Watch your mouth (y/n), his majesty is the crown prince. Forgive him, my majesty, she's just not used to a stranger being here hehe...."she then laughed awkwardly.

But he suddenly grabs your hand and apologizes

"I'm sorry i didn't mean to gege sorry gege muchen can take care of you-"

Yeah, the first interaction wasn't the best. You expected him to be more of a brat and rude but nope for some reason, he was...kind to you I mean he would sneak good treats and foods for you, would play with you, tell you what he learns and even teach you some, unlike the consort who only taught you how to become a proper and likeable lady.

But it's still weird for you that he would only treat you nicely, and it was obvious like he loved petting your head which you of course slap his hand away or hugged. People who walked by, especially those who witnessed that would stare and gossip afterward.

But he can't help it the first time he met he thinks it was the look of love he thinks that you were definitely the one which he confess to you once but you told him that your both to young to even understand the meaning but he just keep believing himself that yep she's the one to my heart and just blind by love.

But back then you didn't take him seriously, I mean come on, you guys were parents to a bunch of rabbits in the palace garden. You do enjoy spending time with him, you couldn't help but feel warm around him as if he's the sun to your moon.

Both of you decide to plant an apricot tree in the palace garden near the pond where you both first met and all , as a cute reminder not only that you can't wait for it to fully gown so that when it blossom you both could enjoy the view under the tree.

But of course, the gossips within the court spread the rumors soon to the whole palace, and the empress found out about it. She then restricted Muchen from seeing you, claiming that you will give no benefit for the palace not only that you're just one of the lowly maid kids that the emperor decide to play with your just a bad influence and distractions for him by telling his servents to keep an eye on him if he was caught hanging out with you. you'll be the one who receives a physical punishment, and he just has to write a whole book of poem.

Does it seem unfair, yes, but the empress doesn't care. She'll never dare to hurt her son; she baby him too much. she also bans you from going out of your chamber for a month. When you heard the new,s you were aboutly horrified.

Now both of you were in a bad situation . he doesn't wish for you to get hurt, especially because of him no never, he would never he rather let the actions be taken upon on him than you. You're just a like a glass lotus so gorgeous and fragile can be broken with one touch or a rude comment.

He did try to send you letters by tying it up on his pet parrot but soon it was found out and you were punished to be beaten by a wooden stick for 20 times.

You swear your limbs were almost broken at the end of it and you had to take a few months just so it could heal back to normal. When muchen heard about this, is was horrified and begged his servants to send you more doctors and others, etcetera that could help you heal faster and in a painless way.

With that in hand, he never dares to interfere with you anymore he fear that he could bring danger and harm to you, which is true.So those how the years went by...

~~

Both of you have grown into adults now and he was now the newly ascending emperor to his father's throne after his death. Many concubines were buried with him to serve him in the next life which will always be your worst nightmare and horrible fact you know about them.But at least you won't of them, right??

Let's see. Since he's now the emperor, he gets to have access around the palace , and without a doubt, he came to find you on the same day of the coronation.

When he went near your chamber, he heard giggles. That's odd she rarely giggles unless it's from me hmmm, maybe she just grew up now and changed he pushed open the door.

The first thing his eyes landed on was a man.

A MAN in your chamber? Who is he? What is he doing with you in your CHAMBER???

But he couldn't help but glare at you as well, you gown so much now even gorgeous than before so lively, but why? Did that guy make you feel that way??

With his presence in your chamber, both you and your secret lover bow and greet him."Greeting, my lord, what brings you here...?" you ask

"Who's that with you, (y/n)?"

"I'm Jun Jian, one of the soldiers, my lord."

Muchen just hums back, replying before pulling you into his arms, and tells Jun Jian to go. while he spends the afternoon, claiming he just wanted to catch up you believe in him I mean come on, before he was emperor, he already had 4 wives, what's stopping him from having you. You just thought he actually wanted to catch and that he cares about you

of course, there he went and left shutting the door behind him. Not going to lie, you didn't dare to meet his Muchen eyes, was it from shame, fear? You can't figure it out right.Or was it because he caught you in the act with your lover?

Both of you weren't official but you hoped it was if only he wasn't so busy with his duty, but that's what makes you feel attractive by him. He's so hardworking and dedicated, you can't help but fall for that. he would occasionally give you presents, it may not be gold, fine silk ,and other luxury, but you knew he tried he try spending time with you if he wasn't in the battlefield.

But Muchen took advantage of Jun Jian's being a soldier and set him at the front of the battle. From then on, when you heard that from Jun Jia, you were concerned. The fact that the rate of his dying was not risky enough to make you pray every day that he would survive, but now that he is at the front, the rate has skyrocketed. But now you can't do much but pray for the best.

~~

After a few months , there were news that happened within the day

one that could shock you , like meeting a death penalty

and one that could make you feel grateful for god and everything you belive and put faith in.

The good news is that Jun Jian was promoted to become a general of the military .

The bad news is Muchen force you to marry him. it wasn't even an arranged marriage is just one of his nucai who came to your chamber randomly at night and told you the news, this Sunday, you'll have your wedding with the emperor. You were dumbfounded and speechless, you stood there silently for a full minute staring at the nucai .

You wanted to hit him and let your frustration out . but you can't he's just delivery the message not only that you were nobody in the palace your status leave could possible be worst then him , is just the fact you had a personal maid that the pervious consort Xin Qi , your adopted mother have gift for you a week before the emperor die and she was buried along side with him

You hated that rule ever since you heard about it , It's ridiculous how the emperor could decide whether his wives should be buried with him and decide that death would be the same day as his. Even if you love one of the wives, would you choose them to suffer to not continue their lives without yo,u and if they refuse to obey the order,r and drink the poison, they will be tied up and be buried alive. With consort xin qi death adding on to it , this makes your hatred burn even more.

Yes, it's your turn. You enjoy your life in the palace filled with luxury if you are favored by the emperor, but what about the other? He doesn't care; they still have the same sentence. unless he did wrote their name in the emperor's well, then they'll become a nun for the emperor for their whole life after on.

In that week you barely got enough sleep, stressing out about everything you even had a nightmare about it.even seem some of your hair had turn white while staring into the mirror, eyes so dark like inside a well during midnight so dark and quiet could even hear the sound of a needle dropping.

On the day of the wedding, you were dressed in heavy golds and many layers of robes . The pins that were on your hair make you think you even tilt a little to the side, your whole body may follow the direction with it. Last, you were then covered by a red veil that cover your face, while at least this could hide your frowning expression from him for the day.

Then the worst part has arrived, the night. people left both of you at your now new better/spaces chamber. Let's just say that he has been waiting for it , and held you close tightly, leaving bruises like an animal in heat at its mating session. He threw your clothes across the room and one by one took of your pins, letting your hair fall off slowly.

He then ripped of your dudou and tied your hands above your head so that you wouldn't fight him. That night, you weren't screaming for pleasure but from pain and for help, help that could help you escape from this burning he'll experiment . If only Jun Jian were here to protect you...

~~

After a few months, you had been promoted to empress, but you were still unhappy, and you found out you were pregnant. how? Why even question when Muchen came into your chamber every night since the marriage started. In the morning, you start puking hard lying there feeling dizzy while your maid tries helping you out, patting your forehead with a cloth and patting your back, about to pass out. When the doctors came to examine your hand, they told you you were pregnant.

Around that time, Jun Jian came back from the military and found out you were now married to the new emperor MuChen, bro went mad and crashed out trash your previous chamber, which is still filled with your stuff. The news that you're pregnant was spread around the palaces, which makes him even more despise you, it's like adding fuel to the fire. He thought you both were serious. Why would you do that to him, knowing that it could hurt him? Maybe it's he's fault for taking it too long and not taking action to make you his, was it his fault?

When you hear jun jian had came back from war you wanted to visit him, not caring it will have other rumors nor other shits. When you came to his counter and found him lying in his bed in the afternoon, you called out to him

"Jun Jian, your back oh how I miss you-"

"(y/n)?I thought you abandoned me, I thought you hated me."

"What!I would never, dear, you knew it."

"Then why? Why did you go and marry him, not me? Was it my fault??"

You tried explaining it to him, but before you could start off, he broke out crying, your heart sank and you went over to try to comfort him. You feel bad that you couldn't defend your love for him, you hated that you had to rely on him, and you feel useless. But now he needed you, but you couldn't do much but comfort him.

Out of the blue, he slammed his lips against your lips. You allow him, you even kiss him back. Both of you knew it was wrong, but it feels right.

Until he ruined it again, Mu Chen came in. You think it's one of your maids who told him where you're heading to, accompanied by the arrival of Jun Jian back here.

But Jun Jian placed you behind him and took out his sword, wanting to kill him for ruining his love for both of you as for justice.MuChen just looked at you both and laughed before calling his other guards to drag him down.

He struggles during the process and slashes some guards during it. The science horrifies you , you don't know if you should help him or stop him what if later one of the gruads accidently kills him, who knows you just sit there on the cold wooden floor witnessing the science in front of you.

After a while, Jun Jian had probably killed 4 guards but was unfortely held down onto the floor and, Muchen told them to put him in jail and strip him from his title as a general. he then came over you even walking above the dead body, just to walk right in front of you.

"Why do you hate me, (y/n) . I tried everything to capture your heart, but you just won't give me a chance? Tell me what he has that I don't, hm?i know I missed out on many years, but that doesn't mean we still can't be together. Still remember the tree that we both planted, we both promised each other right, lotus?"

You don't know what to say, did you do both of them dirty ??? Was it your fault, but but he-then? You were frightened and confused, and he could read it through your expression like reading a book. he then shook his head and chuckled, "Has a cat got your tongue, dear? Don't worry, I told servants to take great care of it. Let us walk there, dear."

You both took a silent walk to the palace garden, it has changed lots since you last came. After the previous ban, you were both from seeing each other, you rarely came to the palace garden, afraid you'll meet him there. Other servants would also enjoy their time there so they're probably snitching without a doubt, just so the empress could notice them,or just to see you both suffer.

The style and pattern of the design have changed, but it's still full of flowers and life, it brings you a little warmth into your heart .he's heart warms up seeing you finally relax a little and not as tense as before.

You both then arrive under the tree, the apricot had blossoms .The flower petals fall down along with the wind while you gently caress the tree trunk, in denial that the time has passed that much. He hugs you from behind, wrapping his hand around your waist.

"Your the only thing i wanted ever since I met you (y/n) , I just hope that you could give me a chance and take my love I gave you seriously ."

"I- but I'm already in love with someone muchen"you finally confess

"But we're married (y/n), there isn't an opinion for you other than give in to my love or don't I just wanted you to understand. But since you finally confess, good girl."

"I no I'm already taken by him, my heart can only be with him."

"Fine then, since you wanted to act like a brat, alright. But you'll still be going to be mine and have my child I may not have your heart but I have you, your soul, and-"

You slap him hard on the face, breathing rapidly. There was a long 5 seconds of silence before he chuckled like always.

"Oh (y/n), you're just so naive, aren't you "he chuckled again and touching your belly before saying, "I can't wait for your belly to swell dear, that's why everyone will know who you belong to.I don't even care if it's a princess or prince, it's made from us. from the seeds I planted inside of you."

When he said the last sentence, it gave you chills and goosebumps. It was like he was always giving you the creeps.You were still curious what would happen to Jun Jian, but didn't ask since you knew he would be in a bad mood again.

~~

After a few days during dinner you got the courage to ask him "what did you do to General Jun Jian?"

"Curious? Let's go and see then."

You hesitated for a moment before getting up and following him. Then reaches the underground jail cells, and when he stops at one of the cells. When you turn your head and see the sense in front of you, you should rather cry, puke, or pass out.

Jun Jian was tied agaisn't a wooden bed in the middle of the cell with one of his legs cut off. There was a pool of dried blood on the wooden bed as well as on the floor. The muscle and bone were cut, and you can even see every detail of it. lord heavens, how is he still alive or was it not you can't really tell if he had closed his eyes and probably fainted from excessive blood loss.

You were bombarded by many emotions that you went crazy and cried and banged the metal bars screaming for him to wake up, you can't he can't just die like that- no please, please be awake you scream out while crying out despite your throat is hurting.

He finally slowly lifted his eyes you scream harder"Jun Jian love, please, i love you- i'm sorry-"

Mu Chen then opened the door to the cell, you flew inside immediately before he could and hugged the upper body of Jun Jian, crying and repeating the word "I'm sorry"

"I love you so much, you don't deserve any of this because of me I'm so sorry, love."

Little did you know, Mu Chen was grabbing a hammer.

Before Jun Jian could even speak out, he was then bash by the hammer, the sense will forever be stuck with you and you know daam well of it. Mu Chen continues to bash his skull open harder each time

You scream at him to stop trying to push and pull him away from Jun Jian's body, but he pushes you away but accidently making you fall, hitting your head on the wall. Before you know it, your stomach was in bad pain and then you fainted.

When you woke up, you didn't have the energy to move or speak; you just stared at the ceiling and blinked at it, but your maid somehow noticed you were awake and told you that you had fainted for two days already.

You just turned your head and told her to go, she was humbled but nodded before she stood up, she told you also had lost your baby mistress, I'm sorry . You scream at him to go out again, when she left you cried out again, blaming yourself for everything if it weren't for you, Jun Jian would still be happily alive with his life , if it weren't for you Mu Chen wouldn't have gone that insane.

Why? Just because you're alive or was it because you met Mu Chen, why did he like me, why did I do to make him so- why just why you did nothing wrong, you try living your life like a normal girl and as a servant did you do something wrong??

You cry all day and night, refusing to go out of your chamber even if the emperor himself muchen your husband, came in trying to force you out of the chamber or feed you food and water, but you stop him from continuing to forcing you by threatening to kill yourself.

With that ability on hand, you realized how stupid you are, you could have just ended it all, why continue living like this, gaining and losing everything? After all, dying is better than continuing to live this burning hell.

You took the advantage of the winter session, during night with heavy snow stroam you sneak out of the chamber and palace and just ran using every last of your energy fore crashing into the heavenly thich snow that's over half your body your're not even sure where you'll at but it looks like heaven with everything white surrounding you.

When Muchen found out you went missing, he sent out half of the palace guards and soldiers to find you, and he will honor anyone that can find you alive; that person will then be promoted to a noble person and will have a wife and a bunch of coins.

But one of the guards found you near the forest frozen to death, when Emperor Muchen heard the news, he shut himself and drown himself in work, rarely visited other concubines/his other wife's chamber only yours, sleeping in your bed and sniffing your old cloth like a creep but he's can't help it.

He even threw you the most luxurious funeral there could been and force the people in the palace to cry about you and about your death as well as forcing everyone to wear black for a month. He also forbade the other concubines to wear your dresses or pins or any jewelry or gold that you own.

In his mind, he's trying to love you, but you refuse because of that stupid jun jian so he gets rid of him so that you can focus on him only but he never thought you would kill yourself rather than being with him, was he that bad to be with...? He questioned himself for many years, if the concubines dare to protest when they make out and he calls your name instead of theirs. They would be sentenced to death, he really can't get you off his mind, even at his deathbed, he still remembers you as clear as day.

He even had a statue of you in his personal chamber garden, which was made of obsidian and pearl.He spoke to you every night. Whispered secrets into your lifeless palm. He told you about the wars he no longer cared to win. About the generals he executed for daring to mention your name. He would even gift you things like a gold necklace to wear around your statue, talking to you saying how much he misses you, He would sometimes even kiss the statue when no ones is there to bother his moment with you. He once kissed it for hours until he passed out drunk at its feet.

He stopped eating for a while. Started carving your poems into his skin. He couldn’t tell dream from memory anymore.

In his will, he wrote that he wished for your coffin to be dug out and be put beside him, and no other concubines would be buried with him. Because he knew that you hated that rule the most since you made in clear to him bad then, and he only wanted you, no one else, only you to serve him or him to serve you . he doesn't care, he just needed you, only you can make him feel alive again.