I’ve actually crossed an arc where I no longer want to be understood by someone. I realized it stemmed from a lot of other things. Like one for example is being accepted and that came from being told to be watered down my whole life and the ripple effects of that
You start explaining yourself before anyone even asks. You overthink how you’re perceived. You apologize for your excitement, your opinions, your ambition, your emotions. You become hyperaware of taking up too much space
You begin believing that love and acceptance are something you have to earn by becoming easier to digest
You crave the intimacy of being understood because, for so long, understanding felt like permission to exist as you are
Until one day you realize that freedom isn’t finding someone who finally “gets” you. It’s giving yourself permission to stop shrinking, even if they never do
For a long time, I thought being understood was one of the highest forms of love. But I've realized my attachment to it came from somewhere else. If someone finally understood me, it felt like proof that I was acceptable as I was. But that's a heavy thing to ask another person to carry. Now I don't need someone to perfectly understand me in order to feel close to them. They don't have to see every layer of me, interpret every thought correctly, or validate every part of my experience. I've realized that peace doesn't come from finally finding the person who understands you. It comes from no longer needing your existence translated to feel worthy of being loved
Being accepted even in the places where I'm misunderstood matters more
pixelskylines
gummygunk
amandla
