kisses aren’t enough, i want to bite through you

God bless pregabs.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please don't hate me. I know I fucked up. I'm sorry.

My legislature wants me dead and I have a tracheostomy scar now, as if this shit life couldn't have become any more traumatizing.

My family is not NC with me, but I've felt them gradually push me away over the past few years. I mean, relatives who i used to talk to daily I now talk to only when necessary. I haven't seen family I used to be extremely close with in two years now. I promise with everything in me, I cannot figure out what I did to deserve this beyond be a general dissapointment (dropping ouf of college, being unemployed for nearly a year, repeatedly having mental health crises, etc.), and even then, dissapointing my family has never been grounds for exclusion before. I love them so much. I love my family so much. I've always looked up to them and been proud of them and appreciated them. Why am I no longer invited to family functions, or kept in the loop about things? Why didn't they visit me in the hospital when I *almost fucking died*? Am I really no more than a burden and mistake to them?