Unwritten

The road into my life is much too wide. I need to narrow it a little bit.

I realised today that, for the first time in more than a decade, I don’t have a safe place to vent anymore. 

Back in 2004 when I joined my first online forum, it was so easy to stay anonymous. Real life and my online hobby remained two separate things, each with its own set of rules. For the longest time I managed to keep each life stuffed safely into a little compartment, but then over the years the lines blurred, complicating both lives.

This was a difficult day. Not for the first time, people completely baffled me and this on my day off. I found the choices and attitudes of so many of my friends completely bewildering. Understanding why people behave the way they do has been a challenge for most of my life; I can never seem to wrap my head around the intricacies of everyday human behaviour. Perhaps that is why I originally wanted to study psychology, though that probably would have probably led to a frustrating career. If I can’t even understand the motivations of those close to me, how would I have been able to untangle the compulsions of strangers?

So now I ask you:

If someone hurts you, REALLY hurts you in your happiest hour by questioning the very choices that make your heart sing... would it be sensible to just allow that person back into your life? I understand that we all need to be able to forgive those that wrong us, but is it wise to just leave the gate wide open? Surely that can only lead to more heartache.

Yet this is exactly what a friend of mine decided to do. Someone had hurt her many months ago, not only questioning her choice of future spouse but also ending their friendship over something trivial. I don’t think I was as supportive/excited/naive as I could have been when I heard the joyous news of the heartfelt apology. Not after all of the damage that had been done. It’s difficult to imagine that someone could just sweep all of that aside and try again, but I suppose that is how you live a life of no regrets. Just forget everything that has passed and move on, even if it means getting your heart trampled on by the same person six months down the line. 

Then again, you’re probably supposed to forgive that as well...