:D

annual im sad and feel unworthy of love post. so ill be 33 this year literally in 4 months time and I still haven't been in a relationship or been kissed or fucked. ive been on a date now at least but me and the guy went on 2 dates and then I scared him off . im either too much or not enough for people and im so fucking lonely and I don't know what's wrong with me and why im unlovable.

im in a self sabotaging mood . aka im bored and my brain says of let's make us sad

I think i love heated rivalry so much because Shane and Ilya's love story started much like yours and mine . they were just casual fucks but then ended up falling in love against all odds . naturally of course we just stayed casual fucks and only one of us fell in love . so maybe I like them so much because I wish we had had their ending instead of the one we got . that maybe after all these years it had turned into a need for the other on more than a physical level that our souls had needed the other around. I dont know maybe thats silly. maybe that Shane and Ilya romance isn't in my cards. im starting to think its not.

I almost messaged my ex situationship tonight . I miss him and I want more with him . I know he's way out of my league so I get why he's moved on . I just wish I could've been good enough for him

you popped up in every dream I had last night . they weren't spicy dreams but you were there and it was like I hadn't fucked everything up yet and it was perfect and I just kinda miss the fuck out of you .

I just want to be loved back, just once in my life . is that too much to ask

I just get really sad and lonely when im home by myself for a few days . and I end up crying the whole time.