slight hiatus

Dan was very relaxed, to say the least. He was up in Manchester visiting Phil for the weekend, able to forget about all the problems that existed back home. He and Phil were laying on Phil’s couch with Dan’s head resting on Phil’s chest. It was late in the evening and they were pretending to watch a movie. In reality, Dan was slowly dozing off, the sound of Phil’s heartbeat incredibly soothing, while Phil had one hand typing on his phone and the other in Dan’s hair.

Dan sighed, letting his eyes drift close. It was probably a bad idea for him to fall asleep on Phil, but he was too comfortable to care. He felt Phil laugh, noticing Dan drifting off.

“Don’t fall asleep on me,” Phil teased, smiling fondly at him.

“But you’re too cozy,” Dan whined, “and my body’s tired.”

Phil was feeling sleepy himself, the warm weight of Dan on top of him giving him a sense of comfort and safety. He yawned, his muscles loosening and phone slipping out of his hand.

Dan smiled, opening his eyes at the sound of the phone hitting the floor. “Seems like I’m not the only one who’s ready for bed.”

Phil let his own eyes slip shut, his mind slowly drifting off. For teasing Dan for being tired, Phil was falling asleep faster than Dan was. The only thing that kept him from fully drifting off was Dan whining.

“What is it?” Phil murmured.

“You stopped playing with my hair. And you dropped your phone, you goof.”

Phil merely hummed, not too worried about his phone. It had suffered much worse; it had suffered through the Great Kitchen War, it could survive being dropped a foot.

Dan rolled his eyes, reaching down off the couch to pick up Phil’s phone for him. He picked it up and, noticing the screen was still on, decided to look at what Phil had been doing on his phone.

He was expecting something like twitter or dailybooth, things Phil normally was on. At worse, he could have been looking at porn or something kinky (in which case the evening would become much more interesting).

He stared at the phone in complete confusion. Out of all the possibilities, he hadn’t ever considered… this.

On the screen was an art piece, clearly with Phil’s signature. While Phil hadn’t let Dan see a lot of his art, from the few pieces he had seen he could recognize Phil’s signature. He had always thought that Phil was too shy or insecure about his art to show Dan or even that he didn’t make a lot of art in the first place.

Yet here was one of Phil’s art pieces, one that Dan had never seen. Though, Dan was beginning to understand why Phil hadn’t shown it to him.

The art piece was of a cat. Not a regular cat, however. An anthropomorphic, piss yellow cat. Better known as a fursona.

Dan blinked. What in the actual fuck?

“You didn’t tell me that you were a furry.”

Phil was too tired to care about any insecurities he held over his “secret” furry life (or at least, Dan was assuming it was a secret, considering that Phil had never told him about it). Instead, he simply began to pet Dan’s hair, his fingers tangling themselves in the strands.

It almost distracted Dan from the picture on Phil’s phone. Almost.

“Phil,” Dan whined, poking Phil’s cheek to get his attention.

Finally, Phil opened his eyes again. “Hm?”

Dan held up Phil’s phone. “You’re a furry?”

Phil looked at the phone. Once he saw what it was, his eyes widened. Suddenly he was very awake. “Shit. I mean-uh, I didn’t draw that.”

Dan stared at him in disbelief.

“Well I did, but that doesn’t make me a furry.”

Dan scrolled down the website page. There was a section promoting more work from the user. All of them were of the same piss yellow cat.

Phil blushed. “Okay, maybe I am a furry.”

Dan sighed, moving to sit up. Phil got up with him, avoiding any eye contact. He was embarrassed, to say the least. Furries were for weird middle aged gamer men who liked animal porn, at least that’s what Phil had always thought. That wasn’t to say that he was any of those, of course.

“Is that your… fursona? Is that what it’s called?” Dan asked, genuinely curious.

Phil shrugged. “I-uhm- yeah, it is. My fursona, it’s my fursona.” He could feel his cheeks burning with shame. This was awful, Dan was never supposed to find out.

Dan gently cupped Phil’s cheek, noticing the older man’s distress. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s not that weird.”

Phil leaned into Dan’s touch. “It is, though.”

“Maybe a little, but that’s only because I don’t understand it.”

Phil didn’t say anything in response, so Dan kissed his forehead in comfort, then looked at Phil’s fursona again.

“I think it’s kind of cute,,” he commented, smiling softly, “I like it, even if it is piss yellow.”

That managed to get a reaction out of Phil. “It is not piss yellow,” he whined, though he smiled.

“Phil, please, that is 100% piss yellow.”

Phil giggled, finally looking up. “You’re just blind.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Whatever, it’s still a good design.”

Phil’s cheeks turned pink and he looked down again, this time to hide his smile. “Thanks.”

“So you choose a cat for your fursona?”

Phil nodded, looking back up. Dan was wandering into dangerous territory by beginning to ask about Phil’s fursona. Phil could talk for hours about it. He was slightly obsessed. Nothing to be concerned about.

“I can see it, you’re definitely a cat.” He began to play with Phil’s hair, letting his hands get lost in the mane that was Phil’s hair. Despite it being thick, it was soft. “You love having your hair played with and pet.” He dug his fingers gently onto Phil’s scalp, massaging it.

Phil’s eyes fluttered shut, sighing contently at the feeling. He could feel a fuzzy feeling stirring in his chest from the affection coming from Dan. He moved so that he was nuzzling Dan’s neck, making Dan giggle.

“You’re so cuddly and love my attention,” Dan teased, though he wasn’t complaining. Phil gave the best and warmest cuddles Dan had ever experienced.

Phil hummed, his arms wrapping around Dan’s waist. “Keep going.”

Dan thought for a moment; he hadn’t gotten that far along. “Um, well… you’re really cute? Cuter than a kitten?”

Phil laughed. “You ran out of ideas didn’t you?”

Dan didn’t answer, instead choosing to plant soft kisses on Phil’s hair. They stayed like that for a while, enjoying each other’s warmth.

Eventually, Dan broke the silence. “How did you first get into the furry shit then? Like, when did you design your fursona and everything?”

“It was a long time ago,” Phil began, “Maybe around middle school or high school? When the internet really began to take off. I saw pics of anthropomorphic animals and thought that they were pretty cool. I kind of started designing my own fursona towards the end of high school, when I started getting into art a lot more.”

Dan nodded, listening intently.

“I choose a cat because, well, I always thought they were cute and funny, but I never got to have one because of my allergies. Yellow was my favorite color at the time, and it kind of stuck after that.”

“So you’ve had the same fursona since high school?”

Phil shook his head. “No, I’ve done tons of redesigns. I think there was one design where I made it pink instead of yellow, though I’m pretty sure I was drunk at the time. That one was scrapped pretty quickly.”

Dan smiled, then yawned. The drowsiness from earlier was slowly returning. “I’m glad; pink would have been ugly.”

Phil laughed. “Yeah, it would have been. But I like the design I have now, and I’ve had it for about two years now. I-uh- I even have a fursuit.”

“A fursuit?”

Phil felt a bit embarrassed, but he couldn’t escape this. Dan hadn’t made fun of him so far; he should be fine. “It’s like, dressing up as my fursona? Wearing a suit that makes you look like an animal. I don’t really know how to describe it.”

Dan shrugged. “It’s okay, you can just show it to me.” He yawned again, sleep calling his name.

Phil noticed Dan yawning and smiled softly. He brushed Dan’s fringe out of his face, admiring the softness of Dan’s sleepy eyes. “I will, love. But you’re exhausted and it’s getting to be early morning. I think we should sleep first.”

Dan nodded in agreement. As much as he’d like to hear Phil explain more about his fursona to Dan, sleep was calling like a siren to a sailor and he couldn’t ignore it. “Let’s go to your bed, it’ll be comfier there.”

The two sleepily moved to Phil’s room, Dan practically collapsing on Phil’s bed. Phil giggled, watching as he curled up into a ball, waiting for Phil to cuddle him.

Phil laid down behind him, pulling Dan close like a teddy bear. He closed his eyes, breathing in the scent of Dan. There was nothing that put him to sleep faster than cuddling Dan, a scientific fact that he had proven many, many times.

Within seconds, Phil was fast asleep, Dan soon following after him.

Dan woke up before Phil far too early in the morning. Not wanting to get up, he turned until he was facing Phil and nuzzled his chest, getting comfortable. Phil shifted only a little, his arms adjusting their grip before Phil let out a sigh and was once again lost to the world. Dan closed his eyes, focused on his heartbeat, and let himself be carried back off to sleep.

They ended up sleeping until the afternoon, both tired from staying up too late. Few words were exchanged when they woke up, mainly because Phil hadn’t had coffee yet. It was a slight addiction that he probably should consider cutting back on, but sleep deprivation is a killer and coffee is the only saving cure.

They ended up making some breakfast of pancakes and eggs, though the pancakes didn’t turn out as good as American ones tasted. Despite the off taste, Phil still ended up eating way too many.

The two ended up back in Phil’s lounge (where they discovered that they had left the dvd player on). Dan was back to laying on top of Phil, his body not quite ready to face the day yet. With full tummies, they were both content to drift off into a hazy food coma.

Phil was doodling aimlessly with his finger on Dan’s back, content to lay in silence and embrace the morning.

He thought back to their conversation last night, and how Dan wasn’t freaked out at all by Phil’s furry side. Phil couldn’t help but smile, remembering how understanding Dan had been despite knowing nothing about furries other than what social media told him.

Phil looked down at Dan, curled up on his chest, hair curling slightly from sleep. If he hadn’t thought Dan was a keeper before he definitely was now.

“Dan,” Phil whispered, smiling widely.

Dan groaned, lifting his head. His eyes were sleepy and dark bags had settled beneath them and he couldn’t look more perfect. Phil softly pulled Dan’s lips to his own, feeling Dan hum with lazy delight.

They ended up making out slowly, both too sleepy to really get into things. Phil let himself get distracted by the touch of Dan’s mouth against his. They both still had a bit of morning breath, however Phil was willing to suffer a little for Dan.

They parted with flushed cheeks and red lips, Dan hovering slightly over Phil.

“Good morning to you too,” Dan laughed breathlessly. If his hair had been slightly curly before, it was now a complete mess from Phil running his hands through it while they made out.

“More like good afternoon. We stayed up really late.”

Dan shrugged. “We were talking about stuff, or more specifically, your secret furry life.” He smirked. “Speaking of which, I believe there is something you want to show me.”

Phil sighed dramatically. “I guess, if you really want to see it…”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Shut up.” He stood up, stretching his arms over his head to wake his muscles up. “So, where’s it at?”

“Stay here, I’ll go grab it.” Phil stood up and walked back towards his room. He opened his closet to reveal a pile of faux fur lying on the ground, a giant cat head resting on top of it. He figured he’d start with the head first, mainly because it got super sweaty real fast inside his fursuit. Not to mention how long it’d take to get on.

He picks up the head and puts it on, adjusting it so he can see out of it properly. Then he heads back to where Dan’s at, eager to show him.

When Dan saw Phil, his jaw dropped.

“Yeah so, uh, this is the head to it,” Phil stammered. “I didn’t want to wear the rest of the suit, just cause it’s a hassle to put on, and, uhm, yea…”

Dan walked over, looking at the head even closer. It was so well designed and put together. Dan was very impressed.

“I love it, holy fuck. How long did it take to put it together?”

Phil blushed underneath the suit. “A couple of months, but it was worth it.”

Dan reached out, hesitating, silently asking permission to touch it. Phil nodded in approval. Dan began to feel the fur on the suit, almost petting it like it was an actual cat. Phil giggled, leaning into the touch. Dan was gentle with the suit, terrified that he’d ruin months of hard work.

“This is, wow.” Dan finally removed his hand. “You’re right, it did pay off.”

Phil’s heart felt fuzzy with joy. “Thank you, that means a lot.”

Dan stepped back, taking one last look at it. “You know, as much as I love looking at it, I love your face better.”

Phil rolled his eyes. “Is that your way of saying take it off?”

Dan shrugged. “I can’t kiss you with it on so…”

Phil didn’t have to be told twice. The head was quickly removed, placed carefully on the sofa, then Dan was pulling Phil in for a long, hard kiss. Once they parted, he rested his forehead against Phil’s, taking Phil’s hands in his own.

“Thank you,” Phil whispered breathlessly.

“What for?”

“For not thinking I’m weird or creepy or whatever.”

Dan smiled. “Of course.”

They stood there for a while, Dan playing with Phil’s hands and Phil enjoying the calm silence. They had their awkward silences, sure, but those had become with time, replaced instead with a quiet that made Phil feel at home.

“Hey Phil?” Dan broke the silence.

“Hm?” Phil wasn’t quite ready to leave the moment, wanting to stay still and enjoy Dan’s presence a little longer.

Dan hesitated, then finally said, “Do you think we could design me a fursona?”

Phil looked up, a bit surprised. “Really?”

Dan grinned sheepishly. “Yeah, it looks like a lot of fun.”

Phil was way too excited about this, but he didn’t care. His boyfriend wanted a fursona and he was going to get the best motherfluffing fursona.

Phil took Dan back up to his room and grabbed his sketchbook, opening to an empty page to jot down ideas. He sat down at his desk, Dan standing beside him.

“First things first,” Phil said eagerly, pen in hand and ready to fully convert Dan to the furry lifestyle, “what animal do you want your fursona to be?”

Dan shrugged. He hadn’t put that much thought in it, only thinking about how fun it would be and how happy Phil had looked when he mentioned it. “What do you think?”

Phil looked Dan over. While Dan could choose whatever animal he wanted and not need it to match his personality, Phil knew him well enough that that wouldn’t be enough for him. There had to be some reasoning behind it.

“A dog?”

Dan shook his head. “Everyone picks a dog, and there’s too many breeds to choose from. Same with cats, no offense.”

“How about a bat? Or a duck? Hamster? Bunny? Rat?”

Dan glared at him.

“Your true form.”

Dan punched him. “Shut up.”

Phil thought about it some more. What was a creature that was caring, fearful at times, affectionate, and devoted like Dan?

“How about a bear?” Phil suggested.

Dan hummed. “Maybe? Explain why.”

Phil bit his lip, thinking about it. “Well, you’re affectionate and clingy like a teddy bear. You care so much about others and would even risk your own safety for them. Even so, you’re independent and like your space.”

Phil looked up at Dan, who had turned a bright red. “I-oh. Th-thank you.”

Phil smiled softly. “So a bear then?”

Dan nodded, still taken aback by what Phil had said about him.

Phil began to sketch, making multiple different designs. He worked quickly and quietly, mostly wanting to get the concept of it down first, not too concerned about details.

In the end, he had five designs to present to Dan. He had gone for a brown bear for Dan, seeing how they were most common and how Dan’s hair matched their fur. Two of the designs were lacked clothes and focused more on markings, the rest being clothed in hoodies of Dan’s that Phil loved. A few even had Dan’s trademark fringe.

Dan looked it over, eyes shining with excitement and a small smile on his face. He mumbled a bit to himself, something he always did when thinking hard.

“I think I like this design.” Dan pointed to the one in his black hoodie with his fringe. It didn’t have any markings. “It’s simple and well, me. I don’t think the extra markings would be very me.”

Phil starred the design and made note to expand on it later. He set the paper full of the designs on the desk and stood up.

“It’s no finished design, but it’s a start,” Phil remarked, proud of his work. “Who knows, maybe one day you’ll make your own fursuit for it.”

Dan laughed, dimples popping out. “Please. I have the artistic ability of a math teacher having a midlife crisis.”

Phil rolled his eyes, but didn’t argue. While he was one to advocate to others that practice makes perfect, he had seen some of Dan’s artwork and well. He wasn’t wrong.

“I’ll have to help you out a lot then, I suppose?”

“Yeah, you will. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’d love for you to help, to make yourself a part of it. ”

Phil smiled and pressed a kiss to Dan’s nose. “And I’d love to be apart of it.”

Dan stared at Phil with fond eyes, blinding affection filling up his heart. “I love you, Phil.”

“Love you too, Dan.”

And when Dan visited again weeks later to begin moving into his university dorm, Phil had a drawing for him. It was their two fursonas cuddling, with “You’re my Bear” written above it.

Perhaps Phil’s greatest enemy was his sweet tooth. It drove him to steal candy and eat all the sweets in one sitting, even if it made his stomach upset. Dan had learned to hide whatever goodies he brought home unless he wanted Phil to eat them all. His family always made sure to tease him whenever he visited and ate all their sweets. Sometimes, however, his sweet tooth got out of hand and he ended up paying for it.

Phil was sat at a couch in the corner, watching youtubers converse in front of him. Dan was off somewhere talking to some people Phil didn’t know, leaving Phil to handle socializing alone.

He had been handling it well enough until he saw the food. It was loaded with all sorts of desserts and sweets that he had to try each one of them. The treats ranged from rich chocolates to filling cheesecake bites. He had filled his plate full of desserts, earning amused eyerolls from those who knew him, then sat at the corner couch to eat them.

Phil had to admit that he did grab too many sweets, so he didn’t expect himself to eat them all. The problem was, Phil was alone. Dan had left him to talk to some more popular, outgoing people. So Phil, alone with his sweets, had taken to eating to fill the hole where Dan was supposed to be.

Phil leaned against his hand, his stomach upset from both the overindulgence of sweets and how full he was. His jeans felt too tight, adding to the discomfort. He needed to lay down in his and Dan’s hotel room, however he had no idea where Dan was at and didn’t want to leave without him.

He pulled out his phone again to see if Dan had responded yet. He had texted Dan that he wasn’t feeling well ten minutes ago, but still hadn’t gotten a response. Phil sighed, wincing as his stomach turned once more. The crowded room wasn’t helping with his situation. Even though he wasn’t in the crowd, he could feel his skin itching and sweating from the amount of people around.

Phil stared at a pattern in the ground, counting his breaths to keep calm. He wished he had stayed with Dan and listened to him talk to others no matter how awkward he felt. He wouldn’t have been stuck alone in some corner, looking like an idiot, feeling sick to his stomach from eating too many sweets.

Another five minutes passed and Phil finally couldn’t stand it anymore. He needed to leave. He would just have to find Dan and try to subtly convince him to leave. Taking a deep breath, he stood up and walked into the crowd.

He forced his expression to stay positive and friendly, not wanting people to bother him. He dodged any possibilities of prolonged conversation, simply explaining that he was trying to find Dan. Some gave helpful advice as to where he was at, while others simply nodded. In the end, however, he couldn’t find Dan and his stomach felt significantly worse from the movement.

Giving up, Phil left the convention hall. He felt sweaty and nauseous. Thankfully, the hotel was next door, meaning Phil wouldn’t have to sit through a car ride that’d make him more nauseous.

Once he arrived at the hotel room, he collapsed on the bed and curled up. He groaned against the pillow, regretful of his impulsive eating habits. Phil pulled out his phone and sent a text to Dan, hoping he would come up and care for him. Phil doubted it; Dan had barely noticed his disappearance and never read his first message.

Phil felt a pang of loneliness, tossing his phone in front of him. He knew he was holding Dan back from pursuing his different interests and friends. Dan had so much potential, yet he stayed with Phil, who was always smiling and making pointless videos. Dan was the one who was relatable and funny. Phil wasn’t good enough for anything. He was childish and annoying, eating too many sweets and wanting Dan to comfort him even though it was his fault.

His stomach turned once more and he felt a gag in his throat. Phil got up, relocating to the bathroom in fear of the worst. He leaned against the sink, cradling his stomach. Phil wished he hadn’t chosen to wear his skinny jeans (though, there wasn’t anything else he could have worn) as it pressed uncomfortably against his too full stomach. He whimpered. He wanted Dan to be with him so badly, to scold him but still coddle him until he was better. But he didn’t want Dan to sacrifice his evening of fun for him.

Phil didn’t know how long he sat there, waiting to throw up. Yet the nausea managed to settle, so he stood up and headed back to bed. He changed into his pajamas, releasing some of the pressure on his stomach. Phil checked his phone, hoping for a message. He felt his heart drop when he saw none. He curled up once more, burying his face in the pillow and wrapping his arms around his bloated stomach.

He was brought out of his misery by the sound of someone opening the door.

“Phil?”

Dan walked in, spotting Phil on the bed. His face was full of concern and he quickly rushed over. Phil rolled onto his back, looking at Dan properly.

“What’s wrong?” Dan asked, pushing Phil’s fringe back for him.

Phil leaned into the touch, finding relief in Dan’s presence. He groaned. “I ate too much.”

“Was it the sweets?”

Phil nodded. It wasn’t his first time in this situation.

“You need to be careful about how many sweets you eat, Phil,” Dan scolded. He moved his hand so it laid on top of Phil’s stomach and began to rub circles over it. “Does that help?”

Phil nodded, eyes fluttering shut at the soft sensations. “I’m sorry.”

Dan frowned. “Why are you sorry?”

“You deserve to be having fun, not stuck up here with me cause I couldn’t control myself.” He felt a lump form in his throat; of course he would start crying.

Dan cooed, using his other hand to cup Phil’s cheek. “Hey, it’s ok. I’d much rather be with you than anyone else.”

Phil opened his eyes, looking up at Dan. “But you shouldn’t have to care for me because I ate too many sweets.”

Dan smiled softly. “In all honesty, I think it’s endearing that you ate too many sweets. Only someone as sweet and adorable as you could do that.”

Phil flushed pink, butterflies dancing in his chest. “Ew gross, you’re being sappy.”

Dan laughed at Phil’s embarrassment, quickly leaning down and pecking his nose. Phil scrunched up his nose in response, somehow looking even more adorable.

Phil pouted as Dan pulled away, taking his hands with him. “I want cuddles,” Phil demanded. He felt his stomach cramp, making him pout. “And belly rubs.”

“Alright, needy,” Dan smiled, “let me change it my pajamas first.”

Phil watched him leave the room, a hand coming up to his tummy. It grumbled unhappily, making Phil frown and rub it slightly. His stomach felt better from Dan’s rubbing, but it was still quite upset.

Dan came back in the room, dressed in pajamas. He grabbed his laptop and settled on bed with it, Phil immediately clinging onto him. Dan giggled, pulling Phil in so that he was sitting on Dan’s lap, the laptop balanced on his knees.

“Pick whatever movie you’d like,” Dan said, wrapping his arms so that his hands rested on Phil’s stomach. He rubbed circles with his thumbs, making Phil melt under his touch.

“Thank you,” Phil whispered. He clicked on a movie and let it play, fully relaxing into Dan’s embrace.

Dan smiled, leaning his head against Phil’s. “Anytime.”