justnotclining

Josie’s Bar, one random hot evening after work. Karen Page’s collar was completely wet due to insistent sweat dropping from the back of her neck, and not even the tied up strands of hair were enough to diminish the boiling temperature of her body. A cold beer was everything she needed, everything she thought about most part of the day, shifting from a feeble fan back at the office to an even weaker one at the bar, whose blades moved so slowly it was almost impossible to feel the wind.

That said, Karen’s eyes went wide as she slowly moved her face from the table to Matt’s face, giving a silent opportunity for him to withdraw those words, however, his expression continued placid, a smile from the corner of his lips glued to his face.

“You threw up just yesterday, dear”, Matt said.

“Save your pity for the weak!” Karen laughed out loud. “I am sure it was because of the hot weather. Maybe some rotten food, I don’t know… but certainly nothing that can take that cold beer away from my imagination.”

She moved her hands towards her face, and, soon after, Foggy gently put his palm on her back.

“Hey, maybe she will even feel better after that beer”, he said in an attempt to light up the mood. “It’s the hottest summer New York has had in what, fifty years? It surprises me how you are holding up so well, Matt. Most of us, mere humans, are not.”

“I’ll leave you gentlemen right here and take a trip to the bathroom…” Karen shifted her eyes from one man to the other, adding: “Not because anything is wrong, just to get that out of the way”, she left her place and tapped on the desk, “Josie, can you get me a cold, cold beer, please?”

Just as soon as the woman went down the corridor, Matt pushed his body on the counter, grabbing the bartender’s attention and asking:

“Could you please switch to the non-alcoholic version? Thank you.”

Josie’s face almost turned into a question mark of sorts, from frowned eyebrows and a semi-open mouth by the end of her face’s curb, but she did not ask anything about it. She even poured the drink into a big glass and took out the non-alcoholic version from sight; although Matt couldn’t see it, he could hear the thud of a bottle, the tingling of the long neck on another recipient, the pouring of the beer and another thud from the bottle being hid. He smiled once again to show his gratitude, making a small nod with his head, while Foggy came closer and asked:

“I know you are the loving husband, but what’s with all that?”

Matt took a small breath, making sure he couldn’t hear Karen’s steps returning, taking a small sip of his own beer before lowering the tone to say:

“I have a few reasons to think Karen is pregnant.”

The sound of a small child yelling “Uncle Foggy!” and jumping into his arms made Foggy open his mouth in surprise before beaming in excitement and hugging his best friend. He would be an uncle; Matt tapped his back, more than listening to his heart, feeling the jolly, thrilled pulse against his shirt.

“Dude! I don’t know what to say about this” Foggy’s voice sounded loud at the same time he let go of the hug, and Matt did a quick sign for him to lower the tone. “You should tell her that. Like, right now.”

“Oh yes, I am surely going to tell she’s expecting our first child in the middle of a chaotic bar with drunk people all over the place- Foggy, please”, he giggled. “Moreover, I am not sure yet.”

“Oh, sorry, I got carried away”, Foggy answered while he, himself, looked around his shoulders to make sure Karen wasn’t around so he could continue: “But what makes you suspect that she is pregnant?”

“Karen… has been waking up sick in the morning for a few days now, usually going to the bathroom while she thinks I am still asleep. Also, I think she is running late this month, although she did not mention anything yet.”

Matt made a quick pause, filling his lungs with air. Foggy would surely think the next bit of information was weird, so he chose his words carefully:

“I heard something odd today as well.”

“How odd?”

“Like her heart was beating twice.”

Foggy exhaled the air from his cheeks with a long “oh”, putting his arm around Matt’s shoulders.

“Do you think it is…”

“I do not know that yet”, he didn’t allow his friend to finish. “But I will figure it out soon enough.”

Foggy looked again to see Karen not returning yet, which raised his worries, however, he could see Matt was somewhat calm – as much as the situation allowed him to be – and, if he could still sense his wife well by the bathroom, Foggy shouldn’t be concerned at all.

“And why don’t you talk to Karen?”

“I don’t want to scare her right now. We should just… Take our time, I think. If she really is pregnant, it will be something new for us both, but mainly for her. So waiting for the right time is the best thing to do.”

Soon, the previously empty place became crowded since night was covering the sky, and they both knew the conversation needed to end.

“Promise me you’ll help me take care of her?” Matt whispered, loud enough so his friend and co-worker would be able to hear.

Foggy put his own beer over the counter and held him, pressing his fingertips on his back muscles in a fraternal way.

“You two… Maybe three” he laughed “are part of my family. Of course I will take care of her.”

Meanwhile, Karen held the bathroom sink like dear life, trying her best not to vomit and having Matt knock on the door to ask if she was alright. Filling her palms with water, she threw it on her face, the burning feeling of nausea going up and down her stomach, stopping by her throat as a knot tying her air passage to the extent she needed to catch her breath a few times.

She could not be sick. Not when things were doing so well.

~.~

“Step away from the window, honey, please.”

Murdock-Page residence, probably a couple days later, a lazy Sunday morning in which Matt was getting ready to go to Mass. Karen’s breath quickly became way too fast before she took a few steps away, her hand, holding the window, being the last one to let go. Not only was she particularly light-headed that day, it also was Sunday and everybody decided to cook home meals to spend a little more time with their family – and, if the smell of shrimp and dubious pasta was affecting Matt’s sensitive nose, he could only imagine how it would affect Karen’s.

“You were dizzy this morning, right?”

His confirmation words filled in the void, but to no answer. Karen gently placed her hands on his chest, shaky fingers biding his tie with a deep sigh. That place, that apartment, held so many memories of themselves, from the day they’ve met to their own married life, connecting to the moment Karen decided to finally tell her husband the whole truth about her past; the addiction, the family problems, all things he listened comprehensively at the same time he caressed her hair.

Amidst the thoughts rushing through her head, Matt attempted to speak once again:

“Look, I just want to help…”

“I am not sick, alright?”, Karen answered sharply. “I am completely fine; it’s probably the damn weather. But thank you” she added to seem a little less stupid.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?”, he questioned in a gentle manner.

“Oh, no, please don’t miss Mass because of me.”

“You know I would rather be with you in a heartbeat.”

Matt took a step closer and hugged his lovely wife, trying to make sense of the sound. An insistent pulse like a heart, as if her heart had gotten bigger, beating twice, once normal and a small, almost imperceptible follow up to the first. The excessive noise from the city did not help him… at all.

“I know, but I don’t want you to miss something you like just for me. Okay?” Karen held his face and kissed his lips softly at the same time her thumb caressed his cheek tenderly. Matt gently brushed his mouth with hers, the warmness emanating from her skin touching him like a hug on a cold day.

“I don’t want to leave you…” said Matt in a cottony voice, making Karen laugh. “If you feel sick, promise you will call me?”

Karen internally wanted to yell, afraid of what could be leaving her like that. Afraid of making Matt worry even more. She breathed to be able to respond without letting him know about her fears:

“I am fine. Now go, you’ll be late.”

“Don’t you want to come with me?”

“No, thanks. Love you!” she shouted while he took his own coat from the coat rack and opened his cane.

“Love you too, however” Matt made a quick pause “when you go to hell, Karen Murdock Page, I won’t be able to help you, even being the devil.”

He shut the door behind him while laughing and she took a few minutes on both feet, walking through the apartment, before laying on the sofa and letting all the dizziness she had been hiding swallow her body.

Was there something wrong with her?

~.~

“Please, don’t lift that box, it’s too heavy!”

Nelson, Murdock & Page, a weekday afternoon. Matt had left to make a few errands out in town, and both Karen and Foggy were alone. Karen tried to move a box full of papers but, as soon as Foggy saw her, he immediately said she should stay put, which led her to glare at him ready to announce, once again, that she was fine, yet being stopped by the dizziness and sudden sleepiness making her eyes hazy just after moving her head.

“Are you alright?”, Foggy held her arms.

“Yes, yes I… Maybe not”, she grasped, feeling her stomach roll once again. Did she even eat before leaving for work?

“Karen, can you tell me what is going on?”, she held onto the wall, listening to Foggy’s worried voice. “Both Matt and myself are really worried about you, you know…”

“Did Matt tell you why he thinks I am sick?”

Karen’s eyes looked like daggers, however, in the depth of her voice, there was a weak cry for help. Something that made her terrified. Foggy stuttered a few words before she asked again:

“Did he?”

“Ye- I mean, no” he replied, “Matt didn’t tell me anything.”

Foggy was willing to tell her about the thoughts on pregnancy that Matt had; on the other hand, although he did not have the same abilities his dearest friend had, it was possible to notice that something was different about her. Something she was reluctant to talk about. They probably had not talked to each other about that yet, or Matt would certainly tell them to celebrate together.

“He just asked me to keep an eye on you”, Foggy continued.

A shiver ran down Karen’s spine as she became more likely aware of the roots from where these new symptoms emerged. Her drug abuse. And she made Matt worryabout her, even Foggy, with her strange behavior and constant symptoms of some unknown sickness. Her vision became blurred and she said, in a whisper:

“Can I go home for today?”

“You absolutely should”, Foggy held her arm and helped her to stand up. “The office is an extension of your house, you know that, right?”

He had a compassionate smile alongside the words, which made Karen’s heart a little bit lighter as she grabbed her things to go home. The next few minutes were a complete blur of people coming and going, the flow, craziness of tourists, angry citizens and everything shiny and bright that made the place feel like home. Her new home was so different from the peaceful place she came from, about four hours away from probably the busiest place in the world.

And it honestly felt nice.

~.~

When Karen looked at her pulses, she sometimes still could see it.

The stings on her skin from drug abuse.

A far-off remark of the past, gone after blinking once or twice, just like a nightmare. She sometimes grabbed Matt’s hand and squeezed it in a way to forget about it more quickly, keeping an uneasy mind on the present. On the family she had now.

She also faintly remembered the feeling of being high. Of being on the edge of life and death at the same time, a thin line between pleasure and demise which she had crossed way too many times, taking a loved person with her the last time she did it, making her sure she shouldn’t, wouldn’t, do it again. She couldn’t risk Matt’s life or safety.

The click on the front door came as soon as Karen looked at herself in the mirror; bags under her eyes and an even paler tone to the sand-white skin highlighted under the dim light of the bathroom reflected that something was odd. Something she needed to resolve about soon. She took a deep breath while silently leaving to the main room, listening to Matt’s voice calling out to her:

“Babe?”

He dropped his cane – which was absurdly rare for Matt to do when he wasn’t being the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen, running around to save other people – and ran towards her, throwing his arms around her shoulders and sighing in relief.

“Hey, hey” he called out. “Is everything okay? Foggy said you needed to leave.”

“Yeah, but… Matt, we need to talk.”

Her voice echoed through the apartment’s walls, and Matt frowned his brow above the familiar red glasses, a silent way to say that yes, they should talk about whatever was wrong about her. Karen took a deep breath before saying, slowly:

“I have a few reasons to think I’m sick”, she closed her eyes and opened them twice. “I’ve been feeling down for a few days now, and…”

Suddenly, her husband took a step ahead. He suddenly, and regrettably – because he loved hearing her in any situation – shut off the whole world so he could feel her. His fingertips slowly found their way to Karen’s stomach, a tangible shiver making its way through his hand while Matt gently went down and touched right under her belly button. In his ears, there was only a heartbeat. Her heartbeat. An anxious

Ba-thump, ba-thump, ba-thump.

Ba-thump.

And then, he listened.

The small heartbeat following hers was, indeed, another heartbeat.

She was pregnant. His wife was pregnant.

“Darling”, his tears came along a smile, interrupting her speech about how she was afraid of being sick, and scared with the possibility of him being sick as well. “There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“What do you- Are you crying?”

For a few seconds, Matt could not say anything, because a knot on his throat stopped him from doing so; all the emotion, the happiness of finally noticing her pregnancy before she even knew about it. His face was completely wet as he gently cupped her cheeks with both hands.

“Karen, you are pregnant.”

Pregnant. This single word, which came out as a whisper, crossed her heart in a way she never thought about. It suddenly hit her; the nausea, her running late, overwhelming tiredness. She opened her mouth in surprise while Matt touched his forehead with hers, a giggle turning to a laugh and to a beam just after.

“But, but that’s… I’m not sick?” Karen tried to say while tears fell from her eyes “How do you know?”

“I can hear him, darling, I can hear the baby’s heart”, he caressed her face, an emotional tone from the overwhelming feelings giving his voice a nasal touch “it’s so small, just a little thud. I’ve been trying to hear it since last week… We need to take a few exams, just to be sure, but…” More tears streamed from his eyes, amidst a radiant smile “Oh, I love you so much!”

Karen shook her head slowly, the tip of her nose shadowing a smile while she organized her own thoughts. Past, present and future became one in her blurry mind, however, she only focused on Matt’s lips for a little while, on the happiness he felt shown by his never tiring smile, and the piece of life growing in her womb. They were even more of a family now. Her husband passed his arms around her waist and spun her around the living room, much to Karen’s fright:

“Matt- Matt, be careful, I…” it felt weird to scold inside his own place, especially since his glee was contagious, so she just let the feelings show until taking the courage to grab his face and say: “I love you too, my little devil.”

She dived in and kissed his lips slowly, feeling a hint of salt from the tears which made her smirk at the same time their mouths touched. Karen’s hand gently caressed the back of Matt’s head, while his fingers, once again, touched her belly. There was an abnormal warmness on her skin, perceived even over the fabric of the dress, as the heartbeats became even clearer to his ears, the soft thump between his wife excited heartbeat. Matt could not wait to feel Karen’s belly growing, to feel the warmth of their child when they were born, to hug them and hear them laugh. His wife’s kiss embraced all those feelings at the same time, her sweet lips who tasted sweet like dreams coming true.

They had a lot to talk about – about going out as Daredevil during her pregnancy, where they would put the baby’s crib inside the apartment (should they even move?) – but words, at that moment, were not necessary. Not when you had love and affection so touchable around them. Those led on to a few moments of completely silence, broken by Karen sometime later:

“So you did tell Foggy about the pregnancy”, she said with a laugh.

“Yeah, last week on Josie’s. Also, I asked for her to switch to a non-alcoholic beverage.”

Karen’s eyes went wide.

“You little…”, she jokingly punched Matt, who said an “ouch” in a pitiful tenor.

“But I was right about the pregnancy. Which means we need to let Foggy know, now that’s for sure.”

“Yes”, Karen smiled. “We should all go out and celebrate!”

A sudden realization came to her, leading to Karen slap her own forehead in disbelief.

“What’s wrong?”, Matt asked while getting her a coat next to the door.

“Now that I’m officially pregnant, you are going to make a giant list of ‘don’ts’ for me to follow, aren’t you?”

A heartfelt laugh echoed through the walls as Matt, holding a cardigan for Karen on one arm, used his opposite hand to caress her forearm and slip his thumb through her palm so they could intertwine their fingers.

“Honey, you don’t date the one and only Daredevil just for show. The list of don’ts will be a lot bigger than the list of chores you are allowed to do. I will probably ask Foggy to come once a day to help me out, before and after the baby is born…”