.Bonpeg

So you drop casual prompts . . . but don't get a straight answer. Now what? You're in limbo. You're no longer even yourself. On the outside you're a picture of amused, confident nonchalance, while on the inside your brain is gnawing itself to shreds, assessing odds, crunching integers. Above all, you want to avoid The Sudden Look of Horror, and the awful, awkward vacuum that envelops the pair of you when it transpires that You Misread The Situation Like An Idiot.

Infuriatingly, you won't get anywhere without risking exposure to that Sudden Look. And nothing's worse than discovering later that you didn't misread the signs, but now something's come up and sorry, but see ya. Years ago, on a night out with a girl I was slowly going crazy for, the sheer weight of mental calculation left me unable to make any sort of move. We shared a cab together, and after it dropped her home, she sent a text message saying: "I wanted you to kiss me." But the moment had gone. A week later she met the love of her life and that was that. It happens to everyone at some stage, obviously. But this was worse because it happened to me.

- Charlie Brooker