( ง'̀,🐽,'́)ง

that's not how this works. that's not how this works at all.

a child who is persistently alone & does not want to be alone does not learn that they on occasion have time to themselves during which they can do whatever they want, they learn that occasionally they will have time to themselves throughout which they will do nothing except exactly what they do not want to do - something that is synonymous with that duration of time. if they were being made to do some or other unpleasant thing, like hold their hand on a hot stove, that would not be synonymous with the duration of time, it would be something occupying that duration of time. when they are made ito be alone, the fact that they are alive & conscious is felt as a profound lack rather than the fundamental opportunity atop which all other opportunities are built, & the passage of time becomes something to be endured because it continually implies their continued existence & awareness. life for them then becomes organized not around exploration nor seeking enjoyment or fulfillment, but around strategies for continually enduring the fact that they exist

oh what's the point

warm sunshine. good food. smell of old book pages. cicadas shake outside my window. branches rustle. the sun and clouds relax above me. the blanket is soft against my skin. i keep forgetting this is all just here, whenever i want to remember it. i can feel any time i want.

i bet it feels good as fuck to start swaying on your feet after overtaxing your magic reserves

*roommate comes home tired and covered in blood* *next day the girl she was with draws fetish art of a warrior clad in black iron wading through the battlefield turning her life and the lives of all of her friends and companions into a stretch of purposeless reeking carrion*

haha i do this

when the unseen realm makes itself known..