Homelander bombarding Hughie with thousands of voice messages, having a meltdown because his boy is not picking up. Meanwhile, Hughie just innocently fell asleep on the couch or something not aware of the shitstorm heâs inadvertently caused.
"Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system. This number is not available. At the tone, please record your message."
[05:19 pm] Are you fucking serious?
[05:20 pm] Very funny. Hughie, why arenât you answering my calls? Is this some kind of joke? Pick up your phone.
[05:21 pm] Hughie. Babe. What the fuck is this? Why are you ignoring me?
[05:22 pm] Where the hell are you? Why arenât you picking up? Youâre kind of pissing me off. You have to know you canât just fucking go offline on me like this. Itâs incredibly rude. Am I going to have to punish you later?
[05:34 pm] Iâm trying my damnedest to be patient, but youâre really testing me here, sweetheart. Pick up your phone. Now.
[05:36 pm] You donât seem to understand how this works. When I call you pick up. You donât make me chase after you like some limp-dick schmo. Did you forget who I am?
[05:40 pm] Weâre really doing this, huh? So what, you donât want to be with me anymore, is that it? And instead of having the common decency to face me like a man you just ghost me. Of course. Jesus fuck, that's classic you, isn't it? Son of a bitchâ [audio cuts off]
[05:42 pm] Iâll rip out your spine and laser your dick off andthrowyourbodyintoâ [audio cuts off]
[05:45 pm] Hey. Itâs me again. Hughie, I know what I said wasnât...nice. I know, I know. Yikes! I'm just going to start over. Iâm sorry. Look justâjust pick up, alright? I miss you.
[05:47 pm] FUCK YOU! You miserable insect! I always knew you didnât take us seriously, you two-faced shithead. I hate you, truthfully you were nothing to me, you know that? Just another nobody to get off with, you never meant a thing to me! You werenât even a good lay, I could have gotten better dick-sucking from Deep for half the trouble!
[05:51 pm] Ugly sobbing noisesÂ
[05:55 pm] Hughie, you know I love you, right? It's ok babe, I forgive you! I'm not angry, I promise. Just come over, we can have dinner and talk. It doesnât have to end like this. Iâve calmed down now, alright? It's fine. We're good. Honest.
[05:57 pm] Are you having an affair? Is that what this is? So who the fuck is she then? Are you with Starbitch? Bet she's laughing at me while you're fingerblasting her, she must be getting off to this. But let me make this perfectly clear, you donât fucking cheat on me. Iâm The. Fucking. Homelander. Does your tiny brain even comprehend that? I am the most superior being on this earth. You should be honouredâ [audio cuts off]
[06:00 pm] Iâm sorry, Hughie. I may have overreacted a smidge. I'll admit that I jumped to conclusions. Yeah, fine. You win this round. Happy? Now pick up the phone.
[06:04 pm] distorted sounds of inhumane screaming, furniture getting smashed, walls collapsing, palms are sweaty knees weak, arms are heavy, there's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti
[06:06 pm] S-sir is everything ok? We heardâ GET THE FUCK OUT ASHLEY, IâM BUSY! sounds of glass shattering Bunch of braindead fucks.
[06:07 pm] You better be dead, Hughie, because nothing excuses this kind of bullshit behaviour. Not from you, you hear me? I donât give a fuck anymore, in fact I never did! Truth hurts, doesnât it? I admit you were amusing, good for a laugh or two, but it's gotten boring. I need more and you're clearly not delivering.
[06:08 pm] I know I said you playing hard to get is a turn on, but this is ridiculousâŚ
[06:09 pm] Hey asshole, I deleted all of your nudes. You can keep mine because I genuinely feel sorry for you, seeing as it's the best you'll ever get. I should charge you a pretty penny every time you jerk your sad little cock to me.
[06:10 pm] Ok you got me. I didnât actually delete them, but Iâm going to if you donât PICK UP YOUR MOTHERFUCKING PHONE! HUGIE!
[06:19 pm] Fuck why do I keepâ Iâm sorry babe, you know how I get. You know I didnât really mean any of it, right? I just forgot myself for a second, you know me. Thatâs what I love about you though, you understand me like no one. I need you Hughie, it's true. Please answer me.
[06:21 pm] What is it this time, huh? Did I hurt your fee-fee's, you big fucking baby? Did I make you cry? Aw boo fucking hoo! Why donât you grow a pair already! Iâve given you everything and this is the thanks I get?! Iâm a fucking catch! I was voted Sexiest Supe Alive for seven consecutive years! I'm the best thing that's ever happened to you, Campbell! Youâre lucky to breathe the same air as me!
[06:24 pm] Is this because I accidentally sprained your wrist that one time? Youâre still mad about that? I offered you head and you said no! Thatâs on you for not accepting my apology, it wasnât even my fault so quit your moping, it's not fucking cute. Always such a goddamn drama queen. Jesus Christ, get over it, Hughie. Fuck's sake.
[06:27 pm] You said you loved me, you lying whore! I believed you! You know how much I fucking hate liars! YOU'RE GOING TO REGRET THIS CAMPBELL. I'M COMING FOR YOU!
[06:40 pm] Hughie, Iâm here. Open the fucking door. Iâm not going to break it down because you bitched me out like a little pussy the last time. Câmon, Iâm being nice here, itâs more than you deserve.Â
[06:41 pm] Hughie enough. Iâm not going to repeat myself.
[06:42 pm] ALRIGHT THAT'S FUCKING IT. YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE, CAMPBELL!
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