Comment from my annual appraisal re: what change should I bring to enhance my practice
I AM PERFECT!!…….

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@bnusrat
Comment from my annual appraisal re: what change should I bring to enhance my practice
I AM PERFECT!!…….

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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سوچنے دو اک ذرا سوچنے دو یہ بھرا شہر جو اب وادئ ویراں بھی نہیں اس میں کس وقت کہاں آگ لگی تھی پہلے اس کے صف بستہ دریچوں میں سے کس میں اول زہ ہوئی سرخ شعاعوں کی کماں کس جگہ جوت جگی تھی پہلے سوچنے دو
let me think for a while…
Where in that once-teeming city,
forsaken even by loneliness now,
was that fire first lit that burned it down to ruins?
From which of its blacked-out rows of windows
flew the first arrows, tipped with blood?
In which home was the first candle lit?
Let me think…
Faiz Ahmed Faiz Tr. Agha Shahid Ali
Ye mohabbat ka bandhan bhi kitna ajeeb hota hai Mil jaye tou baatain lambi… Bichar jaye tou raatain lambi…
Wah this was 2016. A year I remember every bit of and wanted to forget every moment of.
Is it character building. Who knows.
Im learning how to make spaces be habitable- making them my own.
A sense of abundance- not in terms of wealth but in that of completeness.

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A silver chain,
Scar on the nape of my neck,
A faint photograph,
I would like to think I think more of beginnings
and less of endings.
Let me be a delusional fool who thinks you still write about me.
tumblr is like the place to ugly cry with words because I’m too cool to show emotions with long captions for my insta audience now.
Missing some very specific smells/feelings/things
That of early Eid morning in Larkana. Firewood. and smoke.
the rush to wake up early in order to use that one bathroom with hot water while a flock of younger cousins try to beat you to it
The sight of a very small, hunched over woman (grandmother) talking to herself about arrangements of breakfast, chai and meat distribution.
The spot where one of my uncles is perched on a stool with a handheld mirror dipping his shaving brush in a bucket of water and lathering his face with soap, getting ready for Eid namaz
The feeling of joy that I will get to sleep in as my brother gets ready to go to the mosque but also slight envy that he’ll get a head start on the eidi collection
Knowing that my grandfather will always secretly hand me five hundred rupee note bumping up my sum total in eidi
The scorching summer heat as the day went by and Wazeer ki dukaan which had snacks that now I’m convinced had opium in it
times were good.
Colonisers colonising colonies.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Despite maximum drug and ventilatory support, his blood pressures and oxygen saturation were showing minimal change, peripheries cyanosed. My nursing staff interjects ‘let this one go, we have others to work on, we’ve done everything we possibly can’- it’s not his fault, the staff to patient ration was now 2 nurses for 20 ICU patients.
Two hours in the shift a seemingly healthy patient suddenly starts dropping saturation, he is young, early 40s, so most likely a full code patient, we have to do every measure possible to save him, the anesthesia team has been given a call. He’s been put on ventilatory support
Dr, MR927, that patient you used to ask about has expired... how? He had a cardiac arrest
‘Is your breathing any better today?” “Dr, yeh Urdu nahin bolti, sirf Pushto” (Dr she doesn’t speak Urdu, only Pushto). Speaking is the only connection in this place. A respirator that covers half my face, and layers of protective gear which make me all look nothing short of an outer space being, I try to comfort her by holding her hand and speaking a few words of whatever little Pushto I knew. (Singa ye, ama jee) How are you, ama? She held my hand and started crying and saying things in Pushto that I was unable to understand. I would make sure to spend a part of my day with her, holding her hand, comforting her in silence. She passed away three days after that. Around strangers who did not understand her mother tongue.
MR 84, MR650, MR900... The list goes on, I know them all by names, their faces seared in my brain, young, with children, newly married, just graduated. All of them having had to die in a hospital ward, alone. The burden of that was something I took home everyday.
‘Dr. this is the third Covid casualty in my house, please tell me I won’t have to look for a space in a graveyard for the third time, we don’t have men in the family to do the last rites, all of our family is in Iran, what do we even do?’ 38 year old woman who’s husband has been on the ventilator for a week showing no signs of improvement.
‘Dr. 908 has been put off the ventilator and he’s being given a trial of breathing on his own’ I couldn't believe my ears, this patient had been on the ventilator for 15 days and at 56 years of age, it was nothing short of a miracle. Tears stung my eyes. Exhausted and emotional, finally a glimmer of hope.
the woods are lovely, dark and deep,
but i have promises to keep,
and miles to go before i sleep,
and miles to go before i sleep.
“When we finally know we are dying, and all other sentient beings are dying with us, we start to have a burning, almost heartbreaking sense of the fragility and preciousness of each moment and each being, and from this can grow a deep, clear, limitless compassion for all beings.”
— Sogyal Rinpoche
آئے کچھ ابر کچھ شراب آئے
اسکے بعد آئے جو عذاب آئے
کر رہا تھا غم جہاں کا حسا ب
آج تم یاد بے حساب آئے
اس طرح اپنی خاموشی گونجی
گویا ہر سمت سے جواب آئے
بام مینا سے ماہتاب اترے
دست ساقی میں آفتاب آئے
Why am I getting so many anonymous questions/comments. Are you a bot? Reveal thyself.
I must’ve done something right to have her in my life.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Words....
I really don’t have much of those.
What does one answer to what’s wrong when there isn’t a single thing in the cosmos that’s going right.
Still, don’t ask me what’s wrong.
All my friends are moving away, they’ve become beautiful butterflies, out of their cocoons and ready to take on new roles in their respective lives. I haven’t really formed life long friendships with people prior to college, and even then I never planned on doing such a thing except these people stuck around so vehemently that it was impossible to be a total train wreck in their presence. And for that I’m eternally thankful.