im not writing or crying im dancing in a park im going through the worst heartbreak of my life im building a bookcase im feeling so many things at the same time im angry im going to work and wheeling dead people around the crematory im not writing im trying to read books and somehow i end up only reading non-fiction its summer its warm for the first time in ages and i dress myself in long skirts and longer pants and i forget to wash my hair it gets oily i wear it in a loose pony tail i do not open e-mails i do not write to anyone i do not talk to anyone i stare at glittering city lights i say goodbye i write down a goodbye is always easier when its cruel and someone asks me how do you get out of bed in the morning and i stare at her and i give her the same answer i gave the person who broke my heart (and then i broke his) i tell her: i don't think i have a choice. i do not ask her if she thinks i have a choice. i wake up and i put on a podcast and i make my breakfast and watch a tv-show i've seen a thousand times already and then i start my day and maybe its lonely (maybe i miss him, and i want us to have breakfast again together) and maybe im not sure if i can ever let anyone touch me again, and maybe everything hurts and i feel like an open nerve, and i still do not think i have a choice but to wake up. life is short my colleague tells me about the vacation she booked with some of her friends and its a cliche and still, ever since i started working here i feel less bad spending money on my friends and on experiences, life is short and id rather spend my numbered days crying in supermarkets or while cooking dinner for a friend than alone in my bed.
blakekathryn
ellievsbear
jbbartram-illu
germansingergirl
kaledo-art
kianamaiart
andulkaphoto
