blue razz

MUSE: Rosalind of Dirty Candy, as inspired by JATP

RULES & ABOUT: Here

SIDEBLOG OF: @kindofvertigo​​

bold always applies.  italics sometimes applies.

✹ SUMMER ✹ —  cold drinks after a long day, hiking in the woods just outside the city, swimming in a lake, spontaneous picnics, the warmth of the sun making you drowsy, the buzz of insects flying by, blooming wildflowers, the scent of bark and leaves, snapping twigs in half, a blade of grass between your teeth, light sunburn on the tip of your nose, barking dogs, rosy cheeks, children laughing in the distance, sunflowers reaching for the sun, fresh ice tea, resting your head on someone’s lap, warm yellow, the sound of waves crashing.

☁ AUTUMN ☁ —  cool breezes that feel just right, piles of leaves, rust red, oversized sweaters, knitted blankets, pumpkin spice, the scent of freshly baked goods, open windows letting the fresh air in, cold cheeks and hands, rain boots, carving pumpkins, soft scarves, a comforting embrace from an old friend, the scent right before a storm, wild mushrooms, ripening berries, a cup of hot tea, purring cats, blueberry muffins, braided hair, wearing your partner’s shirts, an alarm pulling you from slumber, burning candles.

❅ WINTER ❅ —  the crackling of a fireplace, hot chocolate with marshmallows, the smell of fresh cookies, fuzzy socks, beanies pulled over your ears, a strong pot of coffee, dark clouds gathering on the horizon, the sound of wind shaking the house, melting ice, snowflakes in your hair, melancholy afternoons, curling up with a book while the world stands still, cough drops on the nightstand, excitedly giving gifts, long coats with deep pockets, pale blues, flour on the tip of your nose, warm soup, stubble turning into a beard, the scent of leather.

❀ SPRING ❀ —  the smell after it rains, waking to the sound of birds singing, the crack of thunder, soft pinks, energy drinks or protein shakes, the scent of fabric softener, tidying up, the sweet taste of fresh fruit, competitive spark in eyes, sand beneath your feet, sweat on your brow, catching your breath after running, light green, frosted cupcakes, electricity in the air, forbidden kisses, the sharp hunger after a work out, daring romances, high ponytails, unexpected storms, picking flowers, running barefoot in the grass, iced coffee.

tagged by: @pahtterson

               HE PAUSED, AND, sitting on the bed, looked over at her. “Sure,” he said. “My mom, a lot, and my dad, too. But mostly my Oma? Or even Bobby before he grew up and forgot about us. Having the guys is more than I could ever ask for, but yeah, there are people I wish I could talk to, but either they’re gone or…” he smiled. “Or I am.”

Reggie could see that the question was more about her than it was about him. Something in the way her shoulders tilted and the way the question had come from some sort of side-door into the conversation. 

                                              “Who are you missing?”

          Ro pulled her legs to her chest and watched her toes wiggle in her socks. She then rested her head on her knees and turned to look at Reggie as he spoke. “ . . . You’re not gone gone, though.” She said, partly because the idea didn’t sit well with her, and partly to stall before she tried to answer his question.

          It wasn’t like she wasn’t thinking about the person she wished she could talk to, and it wasn’t like she didn’t expect the conversation to lead there eventually. She just felt like hearing Reggie out first, to build a safety net of solidarity before totally opening up about it.

        “  more  like  getting  a  better  view  .  “  she  admits  ,  gaze  unflinching  from  the  small  gathering  of  boys  &  girls  by  the  keg  .  she  never  got  the  appeal  of  chugging  alcohol  upside  down  .  she  imagines  it’s  not  particularly  fun  to  do  it  upright  either  .  the  buzz  might  be  worth  it  ,  but  she  wouldn’t  know  .  she  hates  beer  .  it’s  the  only  alcoholic  drink  she  ever  took  a  sip  of  &  she’d  made  up  her  mind  about  it  pretty  quickly  .  her  young  life  isn’t  plagued  by  problems  big  enough  to  justify  her  putting  up  with  that  taste  &  chasing  a  buzz  .  maybe  dealing  with  having  a  dead  mom  &  seeing  ghosts  in  a  healthy  way  is  unheard  of  &  not  as  cool  ,  but  she’s  perfectly  content  sitting  on  the  snack  table  ,  downing  sour  cream  &  onion  chips  &  marveling  at  how  far  some  of  her  colleagues  will  go  to  be  in  the  center  of  attention  .  it  must  feel  somewhat  badass  to  be  surrounded  by  people  whose  only  purpose  for  the  next  few  minutes  is  to  encourage  you  to  drink  as  much  from  that  keg  as  possible  .  “  he  looks  like  he’s  gonna  puke  .  he’s  gonna  puke  —–  oh  my  god  .  “  hand  reaches  for  ro’s  out  of  instinct  ,  gripping  it  as  she  laughs  &  looks  away  .  “  that  poor  ,  poor  plant  .  “  

          In places where there were a lot of people -- like at school or at a party -- it wasn’t often that you could find Ro on her own, away from the other Dirty Candy members. This was because, in such a public and highly social atmosphere, the other girls served as a form of protection. Being surrounded by her friends made her feel comfortable. If she didn’t want to talk to anyone besides them, she didn’t have to. She didn’t have to worry about any creeps or jerks getting near her either. And it wasn’t like anyone knew how to have a good time better than her girls anyway. A seat next to Dirty Candy was the best seat in the house.

          And yet, there Ro was, wandering over to the snacks, realizing frantically that she’d lost track of her friends, and trying her best to navigate the sea of teenagers until she spotted a friendly face. She breathed a sigh of relief before posing her question to Julie, trying to not come off as anxious as she was.

          Ro gave Julie a look when she responded. Like, how are you so cool? Ro had been on her own, and she’d been trying to find a place to hide. Julie had been on her own, and she’d found herself dinner and a show. Before Ro could put her bewilderment with Julie’s confidence into words, Julie began her exciting commentary. Ro’s attention shifted to poor, dumb boy who was staggering over to the even more unfortunate fern.

          Her expression twisted into worry, but she couldn’t help the laughter from spilling past her lips. She paused when Julie grabbed her hand -- her attention entirely absorbed by the gesture for the second it took Julie’s fingers to wrap around her palm. But more laughter comforted her nerves when Julie spoke up and expressed more sympathy for the plant than the kid.

         there  was  a  time  in  her  life  when  gravitating  towards  people  was  easy  .  before  the  worst  year  of  her  life  happened  ,  she  was  always  friendly  towards  carrie’s  group  of  friends  ;  they  weren’t  quite  her  friends  ,  but  she  cared  enough  to  offer  more  than  polite  smiles  &  small  talk  whenever  they’d  run  into  each  other  .  sharing  thoughts  &  laughs  used  to  be  easy  —–  shutting  herself  off  completely  made  her  lose  that  .  carrie  noticed  &  walked  away  .  what  possible  reason  would  the  others  have  had  to  stay  ?  they  were  part  of  carrie’s  world  .  they  owed  her  nothing  .

          it’s  only  recently  that  she’s  started  opening  up  again  .  she  owes  most  of  that  to  flynn  &  months  of  therapy  —–  so  she’s  trying  .  trying  to  be  less  skeptical  &  rediscover  her  trusting  nature  .  trying  to  get  herself  to  forget  how  quickly  a  friend  could  turn  their  back  on  her  when  things  got  hard  .  she  has  to  remind  herself  that  this  is  high  school  .  people  take  sides  .  people  go  where  the  scorned  popular  kids  go  .  &  people  don’t  stay  when  all  you  do  is  build  walls  around  you  .  unless  you’re  flynn  —  &  then  you  try  taking  the  walls  down  brick  by  brick  &  don’t  give  up  until  it’s  done  .  

          she’s  doing  better  .  &  it’s  because  she’s  doing  better  that  she’s  not  rushing  to  pick  a  partner  who  doesn’t  remind  her  of  carrie  in  the  least  bit  .  she  stands  still  &  takes  in  the  compliment  with  a  smile  &  a  small  chuckle  , not  long  before  she  turns  her  attention  to  her  classmates  rushing  out  the  door .  “  i  guess we’re  stuck  with  each  other  .  “  nothing  in  her  tone  says  she’s  anything  less  than  intrigued  about  it  .  “  we  should  figure  out  a  game  plan  —–  your  place  or  mine  ?  “

          Ro could see the effort Julie put into her smile, and it caused gratitude to mix in with the guilt in her chest. Julie’s tiny laugh was enough for Ro’s own smile to turn into a toothy grin. She was doing the right thing; that laugh told her so. They were moving in the right direction, and it didn’t really matter what they were moving towards, so long as they were moving away from the superficial coldness that stood between them moments ago.

          “Guess so.” Ro said with a scrunch of her nose and a pout that couldn’t have been more phony. Talking to Julie was already starting to feel more comfortable. Ro had gone into the interaction with an idea of what she was supposed to say, and had been more or less reading off a mental script written specifically for navigating what she initially assumed to be an extremely delicate social situation -- and it was delicate. Making it even this far had been a slow and careful process, but she was finally starting to feel like maybe she could go a little off book.

          Except for when Julie asked about where to go, and a brief warning of a thought passed through Ro’s mind. Some of the Dirty Candy moms were supposed to be gathering at Ro’s house that afternoon, and Ro couldn’t begin to imagine the embarrassment both her and Julie would experience if they overheard even the slightest whisper of the moms’ favorite topic of conversation -- how cute Ray Molina looked at the last PTA meeting.

said: “if life were to suddenly get fair, i doubt it would happen in high school..”

          Ro had been anxiously awaiting the day that Luke would surprise her and say something useful.

          He’d just made it clear that today wouldn’t be it.

          “Thanks for the words of wisdom, Banquo.” She looked up at him with a scowl from where she’d just leaned against her locker and sank into a seat on the floor. Her phone was clutched in her hand, screen locked until she could bear to look at it again -- Scathing reviews on Dirty Candy’s latest performance video.

said: “ i’m a big fan of your name ”

          A compliment from Reggie was not a rare thing. Not to say any of them were ever insincere -- they just never caught Ro off guard like that one had before. Most of the time Ro could just brush them off with an eye roll or a smart remark, each a gesture of encrypted gratitude that Reggie had known well enough by now to decode. But this time, as the sun glinted off the gold monogram necklace that probably inspired his statement, Ro turned to look at him in wonder.

          She smiled and rolled the chain of her necklace delicately between her thumb and index finger. “Thanks, uh -- I guess it’s not like, that obvious, but it’s my name because of this super dorky thing my parents did. They named me and Cily -- Celia -- after two characters in this play that they were turning into a movie together -- it’s a whole, like . . . thing.” She laughed with a mixture of nerves and fondness, not realizing how infrequently she told that story. Not that she’d just told him anything so much as she vaguely hinted at the events that occured.

said: “ i just wanna know if you think they have belly buttons ”

          Ro was determined to enjoy her time at the aquarium despite her unfortunate assigned-partner situation. She swore, there were at least a dozen Smiths at LFHS. Not to mention Stevensons, Sullivans, and Schwartzes -- but somehow none of them had ended up in Mrs. Demir’s fourth period biology class. Which was why when Mrs. D called out the names of the alphabetically assigned pairs that would be working together to write up a report on their field trip findings, Rosalind Ryan was inevitably followed by resident dreamboat, Nick Thompson. Which, if she was being honest, wasn’t the worst thing in the world. She may have rather been paired up with an inanimate plank of wood, but she at least would have picked Nick T over that one creepy kid who’d once asked her just how dirty her candy was. Barf.

          She was hoping to get their work done as soon as possible so she could spend the remainder of her time on her own, taking pictures of herself next to the blue marine life to send to the girls and recording videos of the baby penguins to send to Cily. But collecting all the info they needed for their report was taking much longer than expected, because Nick T was extremely skilled at getting the two of them off track.

said: "You're, like.... one of my favorite people now. Weird, huh?"

          When Ro found out that one of her favorite indie theaters downtown was hosting a ‘Movies That Rock’ Week, she knew it was too on the nose to not invite Reggie. It was a series of film screenings throughout the week that were all movies made in the 2000s, centered around music. That night they were showing Almost Famous, the next night they were showing School of Rock, etc. And the best part? It was a BYOB event -- b as in blanket -- set up on the beach and free to anyone who wandered by.

          The credits were nearly done rolling. Ro was folding up her throw and neatly tucking it into her tote. She didn’t know what would come out of the brief comfortable silence of the moment, but she knew Reggie would be the one to break it.