silvermist

In the transition period between 19 to 20, there are two different types of people. one, finding their identity and starting many things that they explored during their transition period, while the other may only gain wisdom and they could even lose himself.

What about me? Of course, I am the second option. A girl who has been used to learning to be independent since she was little because her parents were busy, even though many people say that only children are good, but not for me. Since I was little, I had to carry out a lonely daily life at home, because my parents were very busy, they didn't even have time for me. I was always entrusted to my grandmother, I even always asked God in my prayers, is it true that humans cannot live alone? So why am I often haunted by loneliness, making me have to face things alone? Socializing with lots of people is a fun thing and I have liked socializing since I was little, but since I graduated from high school, I haven't been able to feel a spark in socializing, I get tired very quickly and am awkward towards those around me.

Now I'm 19 years old, I've learned a lot of things, but I've also lost a lot of things. I was so cheerful, I loved to eat without thinking about anything, now I have to think about everything. starting from socializing, I have to measure my portion of cheerfulness and humility, I have to think about my weight and expenses when I want to eat. It's so hard to live as an adult, I want to go back to the era when I was just worried about missing episodes of Ben10 on Cartoon Network, I miss that, and now I'm just worried about what will happen tomorrow.

Dear Summer,

this is the 23'summer adventure. I don't know if everyone will agree this summer "I turned pretty" because I haven't felt it yet. but, I feel about the summer love triangle story like the song called "August" by Taylor Swift. I asked myself, am I going to be Betty or August? not yet, but I have more fun with my best friends, especially the boys who are always by my side. the boy who always knows my weakness. that boy knows how to make me laugh at his stupid acts. We sang loudly in the middle of the night and watched a lot of movies in the middle of the night, I bet he liked Pringles cause I always bought Pringles for us, but he never realized that I was in love with him, like madly in love. but I don't wanna ruined my friendship with him, I love him so much he is like a brother to me, but sometimes the way I love him is different than before. or still the same? Will he ever realize my feelings? I don't want him to know about how I felt for him. I love him and no one can understand how much I love him, because no one can love him the way I love him. he was so beautiful, like the moon at night that it was pleasant to look at. On August 3rd, we both sang a song which is "Last Night on Earth" by green day, a song that I still repeat since last year and now it's my favorite song because we sing together. when the lyrics say "My beating heart belongs to you" I feel it, I think I felt it since we were in elementary school but it's different now I feel harder on him, I never noticed it in years. I just realized for this summer, should I call it a summer love story? or a true love story? I still don't know, I just hope he can't find out what I feel for him.

The harmonious sound of the melodic plucking of the guitar strings that you pick makes my heart go with the rhythm. Ah, this feeling comes again, I still consider you my first love. I don't want to admit it to the whole world, I just always say "Oh we're just friends", isn't it? Our relationship is like the love my father gave me. You care so much about me. It's strange, to be honest, your face looks normal, but when our eyes meet, my heart beats very fast, like the sound of a beat when you play your favorite musical instrument, namely the drums. Once again I want to say this is a strange feeling, I've felt this way many times, I'm always confused about myself, which figure do I want? I like someone who I hate, but on the one hand, I like someone who always makes my heart beat when I throw a punch. It's like a blood cell nerve that flows faster, ah I feel like I want to ask the doctor if this is a normal reaction. or am I suffering from a disease that can make me fall asleep quickly with feelings.

Attention, I'm an only child, every single child must say "I don't lack attention" I would say the opposite, but that doesn't mean my parents don't give me attention, but it's just that it's still lacking in my life. He seems sensitive to me who can always feel a butterfly around dangerously when I get attention from him. Please, make me realize that this is just a feeling as a friend, I want us to stay together forever, but on the one hand, I realize we can't be together. I and have a relationship that people know we are "friends", but can I ask for more from you?

Evening at 11.29 PM. I read while enjoying the coffee I made, a warm sip accompanied me to read everything that was written by everyone. I sat quietly, trying to understand what they wanted to say... actually what they said was very easy to understand, but for me, I wanted to understand more deeply what the letters they wrote meant.

If you ask if I got the answer? of course yes. Sincerity, the answer is sincerity. Every detailed word that is written is not like an original scribble made when bored, but this is written from the heart. Feelings, to be hard to leave, feelings to inevitably accept all circumstances, feelings to want success. I'm honestly very touched... my mouth can't move, but tears fall like flowing water. I can't express my words to them, I'm grateful. I'm so grateful, I ask myself, do I deserve them? they say I bring color to their lives. I don't know, I still doubt that, I always feel my life is too white and gray, I don't have any color tools to color their lives. I am still in denial about the word "life coloring" in the letter.

walking past a memory and obstacle that once existed, everything just passed by, it didn't even feel like we were already at the end of the year. everyone thought happiness came to happen to the lady every time she saw the lady laughing freely in front of people. the internet, social media and fakes are exposed from that beautiful smile. Does everyone think she's two-faced? Does everyone think she is a cool person full of happiness?

everyone closes their eyes and covers their mouths. most people are deaf and blind and don't know what's going on. I don't know, what were they thinking? Are they trying not to care, or do they not know what's going on?

I walk in the memories and darkness that I've been through with you. I remember very well, this place is not a place full of darkness and bushes cover the existing thoughts. does darkness force me to forget you?