#tracyjournal

Dear Summer,

this is the 23'summer adventure. I don't know if everyone will agree this summer "I turned pretty" because I haven't felt it yet. but, I feel about the summer love triangle story like the song called "August" by Taylor Swift. I asked myself, am I going to be Betty or August? not yet, but I have more fun with my best friends, especially the boys who are always by my side. the boy who always knows my weakness. that boy knows how to make me laugh at his stupid acts. We sang loudly in the middle of the night and watched a lot of movies in the middle of the night, I bet he liked Pringles cause I always bought Pringles for us, but he never realized that I was in love with him, like madly in love. but I don't wanna ruined my friendship with him, I love him so much he is like a brother to me, but sometimes the way I love him is different than before. or still the same? Will he ever realize my feelings? I don't want him to know about how I felt for him. I love him and no one can understand how much I love him, because no one can love him the way I love him. he was so beautiful, like the moon at night that it was pleasant to look at. On August 3rd, we both sang a song which is "Last Night on Earth" by green day, a song that I still repeat since last year and now it's my favorite song because we sing together. when the lyrics say "My beating heart belongs to you" I feel it, I think I felt it since we were in elementary school but it's different now I feel harder on him, I never noticed it in years. I just realized for this summer, should I call it a summer love story? or a true love story? I still don't know, I just hope he can't find out what I feel for him.

The harmonious sound of the melodic plucking of the guitar strings that you pick makes my heart go with the rhythm. Ah, this feeling comes again, I still consider you my first love. I don't want to admit it to the whole world, I just always say "Oh we're just friends", isn't it? Our relationship is like the love my father gave me. You care so much about me. It's strange, to be honest, your face looks normal, but when our eyes meet, my heart beats very fast, like the sound of a beat when you play your favorite musical instrument, namely the drums. Once again I want to say this is a strange feeling, I've felt this way many times, I'm always confused about myself, which figure do I want? I like someone who I hate, but on the one hand, I like someone who always makes my heart beat when I throw a punch. It's like a blood cell nerve that flows faster, ah I feel like I want to ask the doctor if this is a normal reaction. or am I suffering from a disease that can make me fall asleep quickly with feelings.

Attention, I'm an only child, every single child must say "I don't lack attention" I would say the opposite, but that doesn't mean my parents don't give me attention, but it's just that it's still lacking in my life. He seems sensitive to me who can always feel a butterfly around dangerously when I get attention from him. Please, make me realize that this is just a feeling as a friend, I want us to stay together forever, but on the one hand, I realize we can't be together. I and have a relationship that people know we are "friends", but can I ask for more from you?

walking past a memory and obstacle that once existed, everything just passed by, it didn't even feel like we were already at the end of the year. everyone thought happiness came to happen to the lady every time she saw the lady laughing freely in front of people. the internet, social media and fakes are exposed from that beautiful smile. Does everyone think she's two-faced? Does everyone think she is a cool person full of happiness?

everyone closes their eyes and covers their mouths. most people are deaf and blind and don't know what's going on. I don't know, what were they thinking? Are they trying not to care, or do they not know what's going on?

I walk in the memories and darkness that I've been through with you. I remember very well, this place is not a place full of darkness and bushes cover the existing thoughts. does darkness force me to forget you?