* 𝓵𝓲𝓵𝔂 / 𝚎𝚟𝚊𝚗𝚜

The Ravenclaw’s hands flew over the table as he brought the stack of parchments closer to him before brushing the crumpled rejected letters to one side of the table. He hoped that it just looked like he was making space for the Head Girl and not hiding something.

Gilderoy laughed at her playful response. A little too much. “Oh, of course, you are! Silly me.” He shook his head as if he wasn’t sure why he asked the question in the first place. “Oh what? These? “ He gestured to the clearly blank parchments and the discarded drafts on the side? “I was just writing… Something.” Quick, what’s something she won’t be suspicious of? Or ask a lot of things about? “Just something for the paper,” he finally replied, hoping that was that. “It’s not an essay.”

He laughed and it was loud and clearly nervous. Lily smiled sheepishly at Gilderoy, raising an eyebrow. Oh, he was definitely hiding something.

She thought for a moment, lips pursed and brows furrowed. “Hold on...” Her entire face lit up with realization. “Oh my God, are you writing love notes to someone? Everyone’s been starting to do that lately. I saw this girl from Hufflepuff getting some advice from her friends on writing one for her crush... It was the sweetest thing ---” Lily beamed, leaning over. “Oh, come on, Gilderoy, tell me if you are - that’s wonderful. I wouldn’t tell a soul. Actually, maybe I can help... My dad’s a writer, y’know.”

Severus opened his mouth to protest, thinking that it was much more important for him to hear her story first, but then his lips closed again and his expression softened. Perhaps she wasn’t aware of the full story? It was a bit personal, anyway, and Remus seemed like the type to die with his secrets. Nonetheless, it didn’t seem like much of a secret to Severus.

He walked over and sat down on the couch, picking up a throw pillow and holding it to his chest as he sat cross-legged. “Don’t you remember when I first joined the Order? Remus was the one who vouched for me, but it took a long time to even get to the point where he would bring me to a meeting so that I could join. I’ve been making that potion for him for over ten years now… It was part of the deal.”

It was a small one, but there was a smile on his tired face. Severus still regarded the man as a friend, despite only seeing him on rare occasions nowadays. “We owl back and forth every week or two. Has he never spoken of me?” He chuckled and shook his head. “I guess I can’t blame him.”

Lily listened, her expression an array of sheepish and slightly anxious thought as Severus recalled the time during which he had joined the Order. She would never forget it - the desperation, the fear and the uncertainty she’d held. The war raging and her old friend, whom she’d discovered to be a Death Eater, deciding he wanted a place among those she loved most when she wasn’t sure just how much she could trust him. But he’d earned it. And the memory of Remus wanting Severus to stay put a small smile on Lily’s face.

“Oh, Sev, I’ve rarely spoken to any of them about anything that isn’t work and family, there’s only so much time we can spend on letters and short visits... and Remus has been so busy with Hope.” Her smile widened. “But thinking about it now, he’s always been adamant on keeping quiet about his potion’s source. I think he wanted you to tell me yourself the day we finally saw each other again - I think he knew we would... I think he knew I’d just be more upset that I wasn’t able to talk to you if I knew.” She was shaking her head, shaking away the frown. She gaze at Severus in awe and affection. “When we were kids, you helping Remus - I never would have imagined it. Thank you. Thank you so much for doing that and for being here for all them when I was so far away...”

At Lily’s amazement, Severus cracked a smile of his own. “I know, I can hardly believe it either. It’s a humble little place, but it’s really more than I could ever ask for.” All the while, there were butterflies in his stomach, but he felt more comfortable with every moment that passed. It was a relief to know that James was off and busy, unable to interrupt them, and he glanced down at himself with a little chuckle as Lily looked him over.

And then he was suddenly wrapped up in her arms, and he couldn’t help but go stiff as a board. He was still the boy who grew up in the ghetto on Spinner’s End - the one who flinched at the slightest touch, and jumped at any sudden sound - and though the years were slowly mending the cracks in all of his broken places, he would always be Severus Snape. For a few seconds, he allowed her to hold him as he patted her on the back, but he was quick to pull away and stand up. “It’s been too long… Let’s go upstairs.” He grabbed the order he’d just prepared and called out to the boy who was now arranging a few misaligned bottles, “Sebastian, watch the shop for me. Please, only get me if it’s urgent.”

Once Sebastian had nodded in agreement, Severus led Lily back up the staircase that he’d come down only minutes earlier, the wood creaking beneath each of their steps until they reached the landing, where he unlocked the door and pushed it open in one motion. The apartment was bright, sunlight streaming through several wide windows opposite the entrance, illuminating his sparsely-decorated living room. In fact, the entire flat seemed to have little more than the absolute necessities, save for several shelves that were filled to the brim with books. There was not a photo in sight and what he did have was kept impeccably neat, though not exactly clean - it was easy to tell where Severus spent most of his time, as the unused seats and kitchen table were covered in a thin layer of dust.

He made sure to close the door behind Lily, and then crossed the room to open a window. With a snap of his fingers, the potion in his hands turned into a tiny scroll, and a large raven perched itself on the sill in an instant. As he tied it to the bird’s leg, the looked over his shoulder at his old friend. “I don’t have guests over much, but… Have a seat by the fireplace, that chair is the most comfortable.” Severus let the bird fly away and crossed his arms, holding himself and leaning on the wall as he looked into those green eyes he thought he’d never see again. “Talk to me. I-I want to know what your life has been like all these years.”

He smiled. And it was like light through a dark room because Lily had not seen him smile in years. Even during the war, she could not recall a moment when he’d truly smiled at her. They’d been little kids the last time she saw him genuinely happy and it made her eyes start to well up a little more with tears. And she was proud. She was, unexplainably and unfathomably, proud. Severus had picked himself up the rubble and destruction that war had made them all and created something beautiful for his life. It was a store of his very own, one filled with the things that he loved, a look that suited him and the sort of happy relaxation that she’d always hoped to see from him.

He froze a bit at the hug, but that was to be expected. She couldn’t help but smile, knowing that a big part of the little boy that she’d known and loved was still there. He was truly Severus Snape, just a version of himself that she was overjoyed to see. Pulling away from the embrace, Lily them caught a glimpse of the rest of his desk beside them. “Of course,” she’d said happily, but also a little absently in the midst of her curiousity. The papers and the prepared solutions he’d made were in sight. On one of the bottles was written a very familiar name that made her eyes widen a bit. But he’d taken it from view right before she could gather herself up to ask about. She wondered to herself as she joined him upstairs.

But there would be time to ask, wouldn’t there be? Lily found herself once more distracted as she looked around and took in her new surroundings. Severus had his own home now - a modest flat but far brighter than she would have expected and the overflowing shelves of books made her smile. She looked around with wide eyes, the smile still stuck on her face. She’d hoped to find photos or pictures but some things in life always stayed the same, it seemed. A bird flew in and Lily watched her friend turn the potion into a letter, furrowing her brows curiously as it flew off again. 

Although he had the patience to tolerate the child now, Severus was sure she would drive him crazy after a few minutes at her age, and was glad to see that Lily sent them off. Maybe another time he’d get to meet the children properly, though only if he could excuse himself to rip out of a bit of his hair when they pestered him too much. 

Once they were gone, Severus took a moment to compose himself, breathing deeply to slow his heartrate and ease his anxiety. He nodded to his old friend, the smile on his face genuine, yet tinged with sorrow. “I’m okay. It took a while to get back on my feet… To gain back everyone’s trust…” His lip curled as he cringed at the memories, forced to prove his worth again and again all because of the faded mark on his arm - a scar that would haunt him forever.

Shaking the thought, he continued, “… But eventually things started turning around. I passed my potions mastery exam, and then opened this shop. I’ve had it for… Almost four years now.”

By now, Severus had begun leaning forward with his elbows on the counter, chin in his hands as he spoke. He suddenly sat up straight again and gestured to the shop. “I know you’re busy, but if you can spare a few minutes, I can show you around and we can catch up? My apartment is upstairs… I think - I think it might be better to talk in private.” He fidgeted in his seat and then shrugged. “Or, you could come back another time.”

Lily could see the struggle her old friend had been through just from the look on his face. It hurt her to think that, all that time, she had not been there. She had forgiven everything he’d done so many years ago now - hoped to see him to tell him one day that he was a good man. He’d always been a good man and he’d made the right choice in the end. She loved Severus for that, she missed him for it. But she’d missed so many people and she’d done it for the safety of her children. For her children, Lily Potter do absolutely anything in the world and she didn’t regret it. But she couldn’t help but mourn the loss of so many years. So many years missed getting to know Severus Snape as the man who’d grown and worked hard and built a life for himself.

She would have been there to cheer on his successes and share in his pain and tears. Now she could only look at Severus in awe and wonder as she considered all he’d done and all she’d missed of his life... and how much he’d missed of her’s. But she was there now. “It’s... your shop?” Lily murmured in wonder, glancing around for a moment before meeting his eyes again. A smile grew on her face again.

Lily shook her head quickly, walking around the counter to meet him. Calm in the idea that Harry was mature and responsible, even at his age. He would have found James by now and brought Mia to him or they would have come back to her immediately. And so long as James was taking care of them and heeded Harry’s words about her meeting them later, it would be fine. She needed this. James had known they’d come across old friends in town after so long and she was grateful this old friend was one she found on her own. “James- James has the kids by now. The Quidditch shop is just across, no doubt they’d want to spend all day there...” Lily rambled with a sheepish smile on her face. She looked him up and down, stunned at how much he’d changed now that she could see his entire self. “Oh, Sev...” 

Believe it or not, it was incredibly difficult to focus on writing precise dosage information while he was being interrogated by a curious little red-haired girl - especially when it would be much more amusing to doll out snarky responses than continue the dull work. He compromised, the corner of his thin lips pulling up into a half-smile as he cast his eyes down at the girl for a moment. “This potion is already finished,” Severus told her, tying the tag to the neck of the bottle with a small piece of twine. “It is very, very dangerous. I’m sure your brilliant mother would know how dangerous, if she used to be so good at -”

As the woman cut off both him and her daughter, he let out a small breath of laughter and swiveled around in his seat to face away from her. “It’s alright,” he said as he pulled out a paper bag, plainly labeling it Remus Lupin before putting the bottle inside and setting it on the shelf behind him, where a dozen other finished orders were waiting. His spidery fingers worked just as diligently as they did years ago, but with more confidence now. No longer was he twitchy and stiff - instead, he moved with a bit of grace, shoulders as relaxed as the pitch black robes that draped over his slender frame, still unable to shake his thin figure but noticeably healthier than after the war had ravaged his body and soul.

Satisfied with his work, he finally turned toward the girl again, saying, “You never know, you might have a Potions Master in the making on your hands.” And as his eyes raised, following the sound of the mother’s voice, he could have sworn his heart stopped beating for a moment. Was this a dream? A nightmare? Had he overdosed on his anti-anxiety medication and finally left this cruel world?

Whatever it was, Severus’ heart started beating again with a fury, threatening to jump right out of his chest. His hands immediately went jittery, and he placed them on the countertop gingerly to keep them still as his dark eyes went wide in their sunken sockets. “Lily -,” he started, but his voice broke and he was forced to try again, mouth dry. “I-Is that really you? All these years… You’re alright? And your children…?”

“Potion’s master?” Mia immediately widened large, brown eyes. She beamed at him clearly more fascinated and inspired then ever before. “Mummy you know this man?” Mia asked eagerly. She looked at the stranger and smiled wide. “Hello! I’m Euphemia Amelia Potter but everyone calls me Mia and my big brother,” she continued, rambling very quickly, “-over there is Harry James Potter but I call him Honky Joke Potty sometimes when he’s being dumb and-” “Hey!” Harry complained, frowning as he made his way over. Lily let out a shaky inhale and rubbed at Mia’s arm as she looked down at her daughter. The little girl cut herself off upon noting her mother’s expression. “Sweetheart, go with your brother now, okay?” Lily looked to Harry, who gaze between his mother and the stranger behind the counter with suspicion after having judged the emotional look on his mum’s face for himself. “Harry... take your sister to where you saw your dad. Tell him I’ll meet you all soon.” 

Still looking a bit suspicious, Harry hesitated. Then, upon a pointed look from Lily, finally tore his gaze away and took his sister’s hand to steer her away. “--- Why is everyone acting so weird?” Mia muttered as she walked off with Harry. “I wanna stay-” Harry continued walking them out the door. “But dad was going in the Quidditch store, so... could be cool.” Mia perked up with interest. “Ooooo, okay.”

Lily, all the while, had looked back at Severus and gulped nervously before a slow smile started to settle on her expression. She simply nodded quietly as her children walked away. “Yes,” she murmured quietly. “It’s me.” Her voice cracked. She could see the emotion in Severus’ eyes, and it only made her worse. “I’m okay, the kids, James, everyone... we had to hide for a bit after...” Lily trailed off. He would have known what happened - everyone did. The door shut and Lily stared at Severus, her eyes stinging and a lump growing in her throat. Then again, she also couldn’t bring herself talk about that Halloween night. Especially not when her heart already felt fit to burst when the memories of her and Severus’ last moments settled. She recalled finding out about his initiation into the Death Eaters, watching him come into the Order, trying to make amends with him but finding it too difficult in the state of war. Going into hiding without the proper goodbye that she would have wanted between them...

“You’re- you’re okay too? You have...” Lily let out a shaky breath of a laugh. Happy, despite everything. “You work at a potion’s shop?”

“If you have it corporeal, then you’re ahead of me at least,” he told her. He had managed a non-corporeal Patronus after not too long of trying. The upside, he supposed, to having such moments of misery in his past was that the happy memories felt so much more powerful, just as feelings of friendship and support were so strong against a childhood of loneliness, insecurity and guilt-tripping from somebody who was supposed to love him no matter what. If he weren’t so worried about seeing what form his Patronus took, of what it might reveal of his soul both to himself and to others, he might have been successful in it turning corporeal by now, because the decision of his friends to become animagi for him was so potent a memory of joy.

“That’s why this works so well,” he said, abruptly. Now was not the time to discuss his mental block, even if she did agree to help him get past it so he was trying to move the conversation along by focusing on her worry of being behind. “Everybody has their own skills and strengths. There shouldn’t be some arbitrary level to aim for, such as a particular grade in a NEWT subject or a quantifiable number of defensive spells. We will always do best by working together and each having a different contribution. Nobody can know everything by themselves.”

There was a little bit of surprise in her eyes at the idea that she had one up on the patronus charm with Remus. “Well, you’ll definitely get to it,” she said with confidence. And now she was far happier that they had created an opportunity to train together and learn from one another. She could help him in some ways. And Lily knew she had a lot to learn from Remus when it came to Defense Against the Dark Arts, and even Transfiguration.

“You’re right,” Lily said with a nod. “And that’s the way we’ll do it.” It relaxed her to know that there was something else that she could get Remus to think about that wasn’t all his worries. Though they were certainly far from eradicated, she had done the best she could to make it clear he didn’t have to go through it alone in any sense. And that to make it clear that there was more to focus on. “Speaking of spells and learning... I gotta ask McGonagall about what I’m doing wrong with the damned Inanimatus Conjurus spell.” She collected the folders and papers that she hadn’t given to Remus for copying. Feeling a hell of a lot lighter after speaking to Remus, she smiled. “How ‘bout we meet tomorrow sometime?”