“Ari”

Everyone who’s been talking to me knows i’ve been working on this comic about wlws and cats for a while and i’m so so happy it’s finally here!!! :D

idea stolen from this post :’3

So let’s say you’re in the same boat I am (this is a running theme, have you noticed?) and you’ve just got, like, SO MUCH STUFF that HAS to get done YESTERDAY or you will DIE (or fail/get fired/mope). Everything needs to be done yesterday, you’re sick, and for whatever reason you are focusing on the least important stuff first. What to do!

Take a deep breath, because this is a boot camp in prioritization.

Make a 3 by 4 grid. Make it pretty big. The line above your top row goes like this: Due YESTERDAY - due TOMORROW - due LATER. Along the side, write: Takes 5 min - Takes 30 min - Takes hours - Takes DAYS.

Divide ALL your tasks into one of these squares, based on how much work you still have to do. A thank you note for a present you received two weeks ago? That takes 5 minutes and was due YESTERDAY. Put it in that square. A five page paper that’s due tomorrow? That takes an hour/hours, place it appropriately. Tomorrow’s speech you just need to rehearse? Half an hour, due TOMORROW. Do the same for ALL of your tasks

Your priority goes like this:

5 minutes due YESTERDAY

5 minutes due TOMORROW

Half-hour due YESTERDAY

Half-hour due TOMORROW

Hours due YESTERDAY

Hours due TOMORROW

5 minutes due LATER

Half-hour due LATER

Hours due LATER

DAYS due YESTERDAY

DAYS due TOMORROW

DAYS due LATER

At this point you just go down the list in each section. If something feels especially urgent, for whatever reason - a certain professor is hounding you, you’re especially worried about that speech, whatever - you can bump that up to the top of the entire list. However, going through the list like this is what I find most efficient.

Some people do like to save the 5 minute tasks for kind of a break between longer-running tasks. If that’s what you want to try, go for it! You’re the one studying here.

So that’s how to prioritize. Now, how to actually do shit? That’s where the 20/10 method comes in. It’s simple: do stuff like a stuff-doing FIEND for 20 minutes, then take a ten minute break and do whatever you want. Repeat ad infinitum. It’s how I’ve gotten through my to do list, concussed and everything.

I’ve seen this before and not reblogged it but mainly because I personally wouldn’t be able to use this system – I’m bad at estimating how long something will take to do, and I’m also extremely bad at working under a time limit pressure even if it isn’t a limit – if it’s just “This is how long it should take to do this.” 

Here are a few free recipes you can sub into the Omnivore One Month Makeover to give you an idea what the food is like in this version of the One Month Makeover (vegan version also available)😊➡️

http://fitness-fits-me.com/post/125731951151/free-recipe-yogurt-parfait

http://fitness-fits-me.com/post/123680771406/free-recipe-greek-wrap-greek-salad-recipe

http://fitness-fits-me.com/post/127980295991/free-hummus-recipe-without-tahini

I do encourage to follow the meal plan portion of the plan, but as long as you eat healthy and generally around the same portions and style of eating, you should still see awesome results ❤️ MAKE SURE you still eat healthy!! 💪🏻

everyday’s a holiday for when u feel like dancing in the kitchen & daydreaming urself into a stupor. kali uchis in my dreams type bops

clear the fog. yeah this one… this one’s just for sitting in the sun all blissful. or for when u meet someone who clears the fog off ur mind i guess. very short atm but will continue to add to it

(don’t) turn around. orpheus and euridice. need i say more

newer waves every day. for naked dancing in the rain to funky synth sounds that seem like they should be from the 80s (franc moody etc)

is it god or is it me? this is what my rat brain came up with after watching fleabag and that other show that shall not be named. some sexy religious imagery brought to u by favs such as swamp lesbian hozier and others

peel u like a fruit. don’t listen to this one in public, you will be peeled like a fruit by mitski

generational trauma. a convo between lorde, billie eilish, kevin abstract and more

I answered a very similar ask here.

This is a huge issue to unpack but to answer your question directly, I think it is a very bad idea to use painful punishment on a sub who struggles with self harm. First, what is the reason for punishment? To establish accountability and enforce boundaries in the dynamic. It has a purpose. If you are a masochist, pain would NOT be a good idea for punishment because inflicted pain is a source of pleasure. Punishment should be something unpleasurable, to be avoided. If you self harm, painful punishment is going to mess with your brain on every level and bring you down. 

There are different types of pain. Let’s look at them.

Everyday pain. This is your sprained ankle, trick elbow, or a broken heart healing from a breakup. You feel this pain due to circumstance and usually it’s something you deal with til it gets better. This is pain you try to heal and comfort because you don’t want to experience it. I talk about this in a story. Everyday pain could also be mental issues like self hatred or depression. This is not pain you want manipulated so it increases.

Sexual/impact pain. Masochists and sadists love this pain. Under a controlled environment, with consent and boundaries, pain is given and received for a purpose. The sub will often go into happy subspace and feel the massive dump of brain chemicals the activity causes. The Dom/sadist will guide the scene toward the intended purpose. There is reason, guidance, and plan for the start, middle, and end of the experience. This pain occurs within a certain time frame and is pleasurable for both parties.

Self-harm pain. This pain happens because there is a part of your life where you feel like you are non-functional, so you do something that releases happy brain chemicals in order to make you feel like you ARE functional. This gets tricky. If self harm pain AND sexual/impact pain give me the happy chemicals, why can’t I trade one for the other? Just have a Dom give it to me instead of me doing it to myself and everything will be fine. It doesn’t work that way. Self-harm is you trying to mask the deep issues of self-hatred and depression with happy brain chemicals the pain produces. You are using it as a way to cope. You need to address the underlying issue so the self-harm is no longer needed. Although this pain has a purpose, it is hiding the real issue of more damaging pain.

You are having everyday pain already with your emotional/mental issues. You are HURTING! You are trying to cope with that by adding a different pain called self-harm. Now you want to add pain inflicted by a Dom so you don’t need to self-harm, thus removing the stigma from yourself. You are trying to cover one pain with another and you are lost in the maze. Through all of this, you feel even worse that you do it and are searching for a way out.

The answer here is not a Dom or even BDSM. Although BDSM can be therapeutic, it should NOT be used as therapy. You are in a mental maze that could cause you to make long-term harmful decisions. An uninformed sadist could do real damage here, intentional or not, because the only answer that makes sense to you is pain. It has been there for you all the time. It’s your friend. You want more of it, no matter how it’s given. This can be so, so dangerous!

What an absolutely beautiful question. Thank you for sending it in. 

First, let’s address the “needy” part. Today it’s very cool to shame people for being needy and the definition can vary from person to person. I think there are two ways to approach it.

Healthy needy. Humans are social animals. We are biologically wired to need physical touch, communication, and facial expressions to navigate our relationships and build connection. This is how we create a functioning society. We use our bodies to connect. We talk, look, touch, and feel the world around us. Personally, we need clear communication, respect, boundaries (social and intimate), kindness, affection, compassion, honesty, and morals to build good relationships. Never allow someone to accuse you of being “needy” when you want any of those things. It’s ok to ask your partner to speak in a lower tone of voice so you don’t get scared. It’s ok to text “I really miss your arms around me, can’t wait to see you.” It’s ok to stop a sexual encounter because any or all of the participants feel uncomfortable. A healthy needy person wants to connect with someone on a deeper level and respect the feelings that both of them have.

Unhealthy needy. This comes from fear and insecurity. I also believe it is one of the main triggers for domestic violence. Here, someone is mistrustful/angry/shamed inside and projects this to their relationship, trying to fix everything the wrong way. They get controlling. “Give me your phone. Where were you? I texted and you didn’t text back right away. Where did you get that jacket? You weren’t wearing it when you left the house.” They stalk, sulk, and create terror. It starts slow but builds up. Conversely, this needy can also show up as extreme anxiety and the inability to trust in the reality of a good relationship. After a time the mistrust erodes the good. This person is an empty well of need. No matter what you do, it is not good enough.

So, we want our need to create connection, not separation. Healthy need allows the self to be vulnerable and reach out for that connection in meaningful ways.

Daily routine. A couple is going to have some sort of routine with work, kids, school, hobbies, etc. Your day should be built so the relationship is noticed and supported within the routine. This means you become teammates and try to relieve the stress of life. Do you work opposite shifts? Come home at 2 and she comes home at 5? Have agreements on division of labor. Pull your weight. You might take care of all house stuff and she is the car person. Think about what would make her/your life easier. You might get up early and clean the snow off her car while she takes a shower. You can take the kids to the park while she studies for the exam. Ask her “what can I do to help you” then listen to the answer. Notice her achievements. Praise her for things that have nothing to do with her body. 

Affection. All women crave touch from a partner they love and trust. Incorporate touch into every aspect of your life. Walk together and hold her hand. Skin on skin in bed. Touch her arm during conversation. Hold her face when you kiss her. Brush her hair. Massage her feet/hands/neck. Arm around her waist and tuck her hand into your elbow. Wrap her up in a towel out of the shower. Snuggles on the couch. These touches are the stars that make up the galaxy of deeper sexual touch. 

Words. Some guys are not big talkers, I get that. You can talk in voice or writing. I’ve even heard of guys who have a tough time saying “I love you” coming up with a code that means that, e.g. three hand squeezes means “I love you.” Any way you do it, she wants to hear you. “I was thinking about you this morning. That shirt looked sexy on you. I heard you talking to my Dad, I know he is difficult but you were so kind to him. You are my best friend. I love kissing you. Can’t wait for our weekend together. I got hard just thinking about those beautiful eyes looking at me. I need to feel your hands on me.” If it makes you feel good to think it, it will make her feel good to hear it.

Responsibility. Women these days are busy. We have families, careers, are caregivers for elderly parents, have school schedules, hobbies, and fitness routines. The best thing you can do is not mess up the good she is trying to do in her life. Take care of your shit. Don’t spend $3000 at the strip club when she is scraping pennies together for a new car. Don’t burn the house down trying to be an unlicensed electrician. Don’t sign the kids up for classes without a conversation about who is going to transport them for it. Don’t drink and drive. Be a good person. Find ways to elevate your character and it will automatically add to her life.

Notice. She has a body. mind, goals, dreams and ideas. You might not know all of these very well. Notice what she reveals and ask questions to learn more. You don’t need to control or give advice unless she wants it. Just support. Again, ask “how can I help you with this” and listen. She has a life attached to you and parts that are hers alone. Even if she doesn’t need help, celebrate her uniqueness and efforts. Value who she is as a person, not just her relationship to you.

Rituals. This is the bread and butter for D/s. Check-ins, greetings, honorifics, rules. In general, think of ways you can build a structure with her. Is there a Friday night movie? Do you spend lunch break together once a week? Do you write a love note and leave it on her steering wheel? Always get her an orange when you go to Walmart? The smallest thing done on a consistent basis means the world to her.