BIingus Bullshit

Ray Bradbury wrote a short story in 1950 set on august 4th 2026 called There Will Come Soft Rains… today is your only day to read it on the day it was set

little girl in the checkout line was freaking the FUCK out reaching for a shelf and screaming "GIMMEEEE GIMMEEEEE" at the top of her lungs and the mom kept saying "no 🫩" and I look at the shelf expecting there to be candy or something and it was full of batteries

hi. i’m the guy who all that blood belongs to. yeah in all the pictures of anime girls and cool ocs holding knives. it’s mine. i don’t donate it or anything. they just kill me again and again. because someone’s gotta but that’s not the part people really wanna see. it’s okay though. it’s a living

this is the fifth fucking geode ive crakced open whys its all meat

my liege those are crab rangoons

not many people know this but when talking about your multiple pronoun-using friend you build up a combo meter for every subsequent unique pronoun you use

guy on a work call just accidentally said “have a nice freak-end” instead of weekend and now i desperately want that to be the new meme. have a nice freakend everybody

Come, you simply must meet my associates! This woman right here is a delightful pervert of sorts, and this fellow here, he’s some kind of a fucking idiot.

they're throwing tomatoes at me but my insatiable appetite coupled with my quick reflexes and wet throat i just keep swallowing them whole #ineffective