eat shit and die ricky

actually insane to me how different my mental health was when i had a job i hated vs now with a job i love and look forward to every day . i forgot i have interests and hobbies until now

I mourn so much for the boyhood that I missed out on. I think about who I might be if I were a cis male. If I could've played baseball like I've always wanted to before chronic illness progressed. I feel so sad when people around me talk about sports. I want so badly to have experienced boyhood and mourn so bad for the experiences I would have had if I was cis. If I were more comfortable with myself, I could have done so many things I wanted to do before I got too sick to do them. For the friendships I could have made. For all the things I wish I had. It hurts so bad.

Me and coworker 10yrs older than me were joking about him having "dad lore" and he stopped and said "Wait....Do you see me as a father figure?" and I have never been clocked so ruthlessly in my life